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[methylatedspirit]

I feel bad for the children that had to endure the horrible transfer speeds of that camera. That software is a nightmare, trying to make boring stuff "fun".

[Eric Blank]

Ive gone and caught a damn cold now and everything hurts and i dont want to go to work in the morning.

[Yoink]

As someone who drank energy drinks quite a bit, I'd recommend quitting. You feel consistently better.

Then again, it is nice and bubbly.

Mama didn't raise a quitter.
Also, that's a slippery slope. If I started quitting things that were bad for me I'd soon have nothing left. 😅

In somewhat related news: I've been lying in bed most of the day and the line between my hangover and depression is pretty blurry. I feel like some retail therapy might be on the cards. Or a trip to the liquor store, at least...

[Kagus]

Got an email from my dad, where he makes an argument for doing something he wants to do and feels will help me. The email is sectioned into titled chapters, including the preamble.


The reason that this is a noteworthy topic is because I have a somewhat strained relationship with my parents; what with their worshiping the ground I tread upon and my avoiding them because of their contributions to my deteriorated mental state. I lived an extremely listless, codependent, sedentary lifestyle when I was growing up with them, and ever since I moved away and tried to get help for my illness I've been trying to do things as independently as possible. After all, I had over 20 years of catching up to do on the whole "learn how to do things on your own" front.

So I've rejected offers of them buying me a house to live in, or of them buying a house for themselves that I could live in, or them making all the necessary arrangements and payments to move me down onto a boat in the Mediterranean or some shit, or them just throwing money at me so I never have to think about anything. I've brought up arguments about not wanting to feel beholden to them or in any way controlled by their influence, or even the chance of my being able to imagine that strings might be attached to anything. They've retorted by saying that I would of course maintain full agency over any and all affairs, that they would respect my wishes at every turn, and there would be no obligations hidden or unhidden.

But for all the talk of respecting my wishes; every time I ask them to stop trying to push help onto me, it normally lasts a few months before they're at it again. Such is the case now, after we had a good ol' talk all of us together with my psychiatrist, wherein I put my foot down and said just fucking stop.


And now I've got this formal, formatted email with the exact same topic. It's "beneficial for them" to move funds around in a way that they end up in my control or advantage. It's "nothing they can make use of personally". It comes "free of insinuations".

It comes with a finishing statement of "If I don't get a specific response before April, I'll just assume consent and move the funds anyways".



I realize how amazingly stupid it sounds to refuse free money/house/Italy, but I'm terrified of going back to who I used to be. I'm terrified that if I let them handle things, I'll slip back into my old ways of just letting them brush everything away. I've come so god damned far from who I used to be, and it has been one immense cockblender of a painful journey, and it scares me to my very core to think that I might lose all of it and just fade away back into being a shell of a living being.

Like, I recognize that I'm already kind of a fuckup parasite what with living on social benefits, and that from an objective standpoint it's not exactly worse having my parents pay for me than having the government foot the bill... But it's really, really hard for me to look at things that way.


...and I keep getting disappointed every time I push back and think "Maybe this time they'll understand", and then it just flies back in my face shortly after. That's the real problem. Even if I could get comfortable with the idea of accepting something big from them, saying "Yes" now feels like giving up and admitting defeat. But I'm also conflicted about saying "No" or outlining (again) the problems I just listed here, because of how dumb it is to turn down free support.

[JoshuaFH]

Is there, eh, legal recourse to get them to stop giving you money?? Never thought I'd have to write that out.

[Kagus]

I kinda doubt it. And reading through the email a bit more carefully, the main argument seems to be "We're not gonna live forever, so sooner or later you're getting everything anyways. Or we can do it bits and pieces at a time, to avoid taxes".

Which, y'know, really softens the whole affair.

[JoshuaFH]

I understand the sentiment tho Kagus. You want to fully break off and be your own person.

My own sad: I'm having a harder and harder time falling asleep. I really don't want to get a dependency on sleeping meds, it's hard to turn them down however when I need at least a little shuteye for work. I'm a third shifter, all sleep is in the daytime, which makes the situation several times harder and less healthy.

Goodnight everyone.

[Kagus]

My shrink's got me on a combination of beta blockers and an antipsychotic (quetiapine), rather than straight up sleeping pills (which are all kinds of fuck).

The BBs are for general stress/anxiety levels, as well as keeping the body from flipping into overgear come sleepytime. The antipsychotics have actually been fucking amazing though... Y'know all those chaotic thoughts bouncing around in your head when you're trying to get some rest? Background worries, hypothetical projections of the near future, self-defeating nattering, all that jazz? I take a small dose of quetiapine, and it just turns the volume down on all those thoughts.

You're supposed to take it 30-60 minutes before going to bed, and I remember the first time I took it in the evening I was just fiddling about and basically waiting around before heading to bed, when I realized something... I wasn't thinking about anything. Just, nothing. I could realize and consider that I wasn't thinking about anything, but there wasn't any static noise of thoughts packed bumper-to-bumper. It was an incredible feeling.


Beta blockers you need to be weaned off of so your system doesn't get a shock, but neither they nor the quetiapine are habit-forming or destructive the same way sleeping pills are. It's not going to work for heavier-duty sleep disorders, of course, but it was the extra little kick I needed to unwind and center myself for some rest. I'm very happy my shrink was willing to think a bit outside the box on that, and I'm also very happy that I was willing to trust her and take fucking antipsychotics as a sleep aid...

[IcyTea31]

Here's a compromise: open a new savings account (or investment, if you're feeling adventurous) and tell them to funnel the money there. Promise to yourself to not withdraw from that account until you feel ready and independent enough, or a rainy day happens and you really, really need the safety net.

[Kagus]

Ah, slight problem there... Norway has wealth taxes. So if I have another account in my name with a lot of money in it, it's gonna get counted against the rest of my assets and my tax rate will get shifted accordingly.

The plan my dad outlined was to put it in an American account and then just neglect to tell the Norwegian government about it. Because that's fine.

[scriver]

Just move to Sweden

No wealth taxes or inheritance taxes.

[hector13]

I’m thinking perhaps you need to accept they’re not going to stop offering you aid, ‘cause you are their child after all.

You’ve outlined why you don’t want the help, and that is a commendable thing that you know it will be bad for you in the long-run, and will nullify all the work you’ve done to be your own person.

It’s a pain in the hole they don’t stop, but at least if you say no you get some respite?

De: Sleeping problems: sleep hygiene is important, especially for “abnormal” sleeping times. Other than trying to get up at the same time every day - which I have found is a bit more important than going to bed at the same time every day /anecdotal is best evidence - also try to get into a routine for going to bed every day.

Also, a good set of blackout curtains and some earplugs will make things a heck of a lot easier for daytime sleeping.

[Kagus]

Also also, don't do anything in the bed that isn't related to sleeping. Your brain can be trained to make associations; and if it's trained to associate laying in bed with surfing the net on your computer or mobile, that's exactly what it's gonna configure itself towards doing when you lay down in bed.

That's one of the big sleep hygiene rules I was taught, and that I have never followed. Much to my detriment, I'm sure.

[Doomblade187]

Oi, @Kagus.

Look into some kind of legal trust that you can't access. Don't know how Norway does it, but in America they're a good way to avoid taxes.

[ChairmanPoo]

Also also, don't do anything in the bed that isn't related to sleeping.

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