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[Reelya]

Sorry Kagus, but you're not to blame there.

I've been there and that seems exactly like the dynamic of an emotionally-abusive / passive-aggressive girlfriend or boyfriend.

They'll use some repeated petty jab at you then if you call them out on the behavior they'll play the victim. When you call them out on their own behavior, keep an eye out for retorts about your mother or statements such as "that's why your mother never loved you" which was a favorite line of my ex-girlfriend who was emotionally abusive in similar ways. (BTW my mother is perfectly lovely and that girlfriend never met my family. It's my dad I had conflicts with). The details might be different, but these sorts of things are red flags.

[TD1]

I'd been sort of eyeing up a good looking girl in class (sexist? Maybe. Often what happens? Certainly.)

Ummmmm. I don't think anyone in their right minds would call that sexist, as long as you aren't making the good looking person in question uncomfortable. (Heck, even if you were I doubt "sexist" would be the right word for it.) Womenfolk have been known to closely observe attractive members of their gender of preference, too, y'know.

Oh, you'd be surprised. I go to university; it's a hotbed for... well, 'SJWs' probably fits. There's something called the "male gaze" which is particularly relevant to the current discussion. Anyway, the particular world view of students is what I am surrounded by, so I often (unintentionally) make qualifying remarks which are generally not needed outside the lecture hall.

Ahhh drat. This is obviously minor but still niggling at me. I'd been sort of eyeing up a good looking girl in class (sexist? Maybe. Often what happens? Certainly.) Anyway, she sat beside me today and it turns out she's very likeable and had the rare quality of making me feel relaxed.

Darnation.

Once again, woe is you.  How difficult your life must be.  I shall weep and pray for your guidance from this awful place.

Well, I did say it was minor.

The real problem is that, like the last time this happened, I'll eventually start double guessing myself ad nauseum and get awkward. Ah well. C'est la vie. And societal navigation does add spice to a day. Strangely, that was my third friendly/amusing conversation with an interesting girl that day. Something of a record.

[MrRoboto75]

So is the "friend" portion of "Girlfriend" optional?

The "Girl" part certainly is

[Reelya]

Oh, you'd be surprised. I go to university; it's a hotbed for... well, 'SJWs' probably fits. There's something called the "male gaze" which is particularly relevant to the current discussion. Anyway, the particular world view of students is what I am surrounded by, so I often (unintentionally) make qualifying remarks which are generally not needed outside the lecture hall.

Reducing the concept of the 'male gaze' to men actually just looking at things, therefore looking is sexist is both ridiculous and reduces the entire concept to inanity. If the gaze itself is sexist then it doesn't explain why the 'female gaze' isn't just as problematic. For example the types of men shown on every romance novel ever create unrealistic body expectations for men, and there are height-related biases in dating, and a height-based income gap that dwarfs the gender-pay-gap.

[TD1]

The general idea of the 'male gaze' is that it creates an image of women that men can enjoy looking at. It's not just men "looking at things," it's men looking at women in an appreciative manner. Which is what I was doing. This reduces women to an aesthetic component manipulated by the male mind.

Personally I think enjoying looking at a woman's figure is fine, though. So long as you're not caught doing it. Others would say that it reduces the woman to a pleasure-image, not a person. Makes her a sexual object.

[Reelya]

Good looking people make much more money. It's kinda silly to worry that people are looking at them.

But like I stated, it's equally true that men who women find attractive are plastered all over the media. Think Calvin Klein billboards. The same as you have female superstars who are ridiculously hot in ways normal women cannot usually match you have shit like Vin Diesel being adored by a horde of dumb teen girls. He's not up there because of his amazing acting ability.

[TD1]

I believe there is a much-less-discussed "female gaze" which was only thought of as the "male gaze's" inevitable companion.

[Reelya]

Yup, it's not the concept which is flawed, it's when one side of a concept is the only side that's discussed, it's bias by omission.

For example it would be easy to make statements about how men are big consumers and that they buy many products to make them feel good about who they are, and call out that as shallow and the products as inane. But that would be grossly sexist since you'd be calling out on one gender for a behavior which both genders demonstrably indulge in.

[Yoink]

Oh, you'd be surprised. I go to university; it's a hotbed for... well, 'SJWs' probably fits. There's something called the "male gaze" which is particularly relevant to the current discussion. Anyway, the particular world view of students is what I am surrounded by, so I often (unintentionally) make qualifying remarks which are generally not needed outside the lecture hall.

...Are you the sort of person who craves rapport with and acceptance from your peers, even when they are clearly your inferiors intellectually?
Otherwise I see no reason you couldn't simply tell them where to stick such an absurd idea if it comes up in conversation, especially in the context of giving you a hard time for having functional eyesight.

[TD1]

I don't crave a rapport, per se, but not bringing it up does lead to a more peaceful existence.

[Hanslanda]

Looking at people is now non-PC.

[Kagus]

Looking at people is now non-PC.

The only PC thing to do is just mash the A button to make dialogue go faster.

[JoshuaFH]

*Passes by people who are playing a boardgame version of Fallout*

"HEY! That's non-PC!"

[dragdeler]

-snip-

[Kagus]

Had a somewhat related incident a couple days ago when I was taking the train back home. I noticed out of the corner of my male peripheral vision that this one gal was repeatedly glancing at me while she was getting ready for her stop. Any movement from me would cause her to quickly avert her eyes and look at something else until I turned my head back to inspect the seat in front of me.

Finally, just as she was about to leave the train, I managed to catch her gaze. On a whim, I winked at her. She hurriedly looked away and exited the train before bringing her phone up and mashing away at it furiously.

I'm still not sure if she was looking at me because she thought I was attractive or because she thought I looked like a washed-up hobo. I'm not sure if "This cute guy on the train winked at me today" or "This creepy weirdo on the train winked at me today" is funnier. All in all I regret the action terribly, and am glad I did it.