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[spümpkin]

Hum. Feeling kinda lonely atm. I mean, I just hung out with a friend, but it's a rainy sunday afternoon, and I have successfully distanced myself from most of my good online friends, which has left me with not many people to talk to. And I've been seeing posts on Tumblr from one of my good online friends, who I recently upset, so I know she's seen my apology, she just hasn't forgiven me, which is fine. It just kinda feels... Lonely.

[TheBiggerFish]

Read a news article about 11 states filing a law suit against Obamas mandate, forcing public schools to allow transgender people to go to whatever bathroom they identify with. Kinda makes me disappointed, that some people just have such horrible opinions of transgender people.

Wait, what the carp?!

Excuse me while I pray for our nation's future.  Because bigotry will ruin it.

Also,*hugs everybody, apologizes for missing almost fifty posts :u*

[Orange Wizard]

FREEDOM

[Teneb]

MURRICA! SHOW US YOUR M16!

[Yoink]

Jesus Donald H. Trump Christ, the DJ is playing Bohemian Rhapsody.

[Xantalos]

The mood swings being infatuated with someone can cause can be mildly alarming sometimes. I just spent most of today in a depressive funk, just saw one text from my friend I'd missed on account of not having my phone on me and now I'm feeling positively peppy and upbeat.

It's 2:30 am right now. I'm somewhat disgruntled that stuff outside of my control can influence my emotions to such an extent.

[chaotic skies]

Can't sleep, won't sleep, fuckers! I'm tempted to go make some really black coffee and drink that instead of sleeping...but then my dad would ask me why I'm up before the sun on a Sunday.

[itisnotlogical]

My congestion and coughing is back up, there was no Let's Drown Out video this weekend, and my take-home calculus final is due tomorrow even though I've done less than half of it so far.

[hops]

Apathy isn't fun. It just... doesn't feel like anything at all. I want to care about things, dammit. I don't want to be a 2edge kid.

I want more fucks. :c

[TheBiggerFish]

*pats Cinder*

[Orange Wizard]

I want more fucks.

Don't we all

[TheBiggerFish]

I want more fucks.

Don't we all

:3c

[itisnotlogical]

Hey! You're sick, haven't showered, barely slept and have a ton of shit to do, right? Guess what, you're going out to eat with people you have nothing in common with! And we're not telling you until it's too late to back out so you'd look like a dick for refusing!

[Shook]

Opf, providing way too short forewarning is also a dick move of epic proportions. Maybe you could pull the "yo i'd love to but sorry i'm busy that day" card? I mean, you haven't had time to clear up space in your schedule. :v

also rambling time

Spoiler: technically more angry than sad (click to show/hide)

Also apparently mom has gotten the weird idea that i give up easily, and it pisses me off to no goddamn end. Had it just been mentioned once or twice on a side note, it wouldn't be a problem, but she keeps finding extremely obscure situations in which she can say "WELL IF IT HAD BEEN YOU THEN YOU'D HAVE GIVEN UP AND WE'D HAVE GOTTEN NOWHERE". Good grief, i've learned to tune out most of her inane rantings, but this is just stupid. A genuinely loving mother she may be (she really is, at least as long as she's not using her "teach by being fucking annoying about it" strategy which she has admitted to using), but she's also one of the most stubborn hags on this planet, and will NOT accept that she's wrong about anything unless actual physical evidence is placed squarely in front of her. It's possible that she knows she's not entirely right about this, given that i actually said "i don't know how you got that sick idea into your little head because it's wrong" without setting her otherwise extremely short temper off, which is saying something. The fact that her mentioning it sets me off so badly should probably also speak volumes; this is one spot where she has drilled too much, and i'd really rather that she'd shut her goddamn gob about it, because i don't want to end up saying (or doing) something in anger that i'd regret.

Of course, i'd be lying if i said that i've never given up, but the fact of the matter is that i've inherited a lot of her stubbornness. I will get angry and frustrated if i repeatedly fail, but then i take a break, cool down and have another go. A lot of the things i've made and learned digitally wouldn't have happened if i weren't a stubborn shit about it. Drawing? Wouldn't be past stick figures. Coding? Wouldn't have made it past the first few Cortex Command mods. Dwarf Fortress? Would have run away screaming. Toribash? Would also have run away screaming. Dark Souls? Wouldn't even have TRIED. Angry Laser Space? Would be naught but a barebones concept, if even that. Many of the things that could be perceived as me giving up are more likely to have been because i didn't care for them in the end, not out of a lack of ability. (though of course there are things that are too hard for me, but i just don't even attempt those for the most part)

The fun part? Mom also dropped out of at least one study. She also had the whole "i don't know what i want to do" problem, and today there's even more options, so she has absolutely no right to be on that high horse (this being besides the fact that i also have to lug around a great big fucking boulder of anxiety). So tell me, out of curiosity: If, perchance, you found yourself studying something for free (as in no tuition), and you could change to a different study for free, and found that the study you're currently at wasn't right for you, what would you do? I know my answer: I'd drop out and try something else. If i had stuck with my first study, i'd have spiralled into depression and suffered much more under the stress, and ended up with a degree for a possible job that i wouldn't care about either while being not happy about graduating, but relieved for it to finally be over. Frankly, that sounds like a shit-tier deal to me.

Basically, there's a distinct difference between giving up easily and knowing when to quit, and an equally distinct one between knowing when to push through and bullheaded idiocy.

I reeeeeeeally needed to get that off my chest. >.>

[O.Wilde]

Decided to quit soda yesterday. Failed today.

Only one tho, so that's better.