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[Yoink]

I am so, ridiculously tired, holy shit. Been tired a lot lately but this is something else.
Today was the most noticeably warm day I think I've experienced in a while, maybe that had something to do with it. Perhaps it was simply that after work burrito+beer making me waaay too full. Closest I've come to an actual food coma. Blehhh.

Burrito was nice, though, of course.

[pisskop]

So Ive been ... reverse courted?  by my bosslady.  erm my boss' boss.  Theirs like 2.5 ranks of seniority in there.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Boss lady seems to have half the girls of the company rooting for her.

She's on on of her quarterly gifted paid week off dingys.  The day before this I stopped by in normal clothes and one gal got so excited and lit up and asked me why I was there and then got sad when I told her I was only there to make a formal apology to otherboss for being an ass about their promotion policy and my own dickery.

Direct coworker lady told me that I better accept companionship now, and fast, before I end up alone, and that there are 'plenty of influential women who just want affection'.

One of the girls I did actually ask out, I believe I mentioned that she was seeing a guy, told me after she broke up with him that 'boss lady is scary, I dont want to offend her.  She is powerful'; to which I take to mean that her personal immediate boss (boss lady's sister) told her to step off?  Which was probably said in a nice and veiled manner.  Boss lady sister is quiet but a real nerd about spontaneity.


Anyway, I feel pressured, and now more conflicted.


Because I really dont know anything about her.  I know more about her from gossip and reading the 2 paragraph bio on her on the website than I do from talking to her directly.  Shes busy; Im an asshole who ignores people and occasionally yells at them in public.  Im little fish with an inflated paycheck from being useful and good at coercion.  but she's quite bloody shy; timid; bad at jokes?  Yea, she's stuck on professional mode all the time, and we've fallen into a rut of being curt and businesslike with each other.

So amoung other things, now Im dealing with the insecurity of being a little fish who is aging and has a fair portion of the management against me for yelling at them or their underlings.  And ignoring the CEO.  I did that when he tried to say more than high to me.

Anyway, Im not liked at work, and Im a bit standoffish when you dont know me; and due to our professional relationship I often find myself transferring work-related anger out to people who can change them; i.e. her tier of management.  So whats her deal with still finding me desirable?  Shes not old -> maybe my age or slightly older.  shes not unattractive, maybe not a standout looker, but has nothing to be ashamed of.  And Im sitting here looking to finish my bachelors and she has a masters, iirc.


:|
I think I end up thinking so much about it because I dont understand.  Im a vain guy -> Look good, young skin, in shape, muscled, and have the best eyes ever and dimples even.  But Im a walking record of 'coulda woulda shoulda' potential.  I know that, and I feel like anyone who is even halfway up to 'my level', as I tend to see it' should also see it.

Doesnt help that some of the management do seem to treat me as a bit of a nephew or son.  Ive got one odd foot into the boy's club and one up my own arse here.

Im relatively unquieted about what to do.  Do I ignore her and move on?  Do I ask her to actually talk with me?  Its phard to catch her alone, and Ive got my own job to do that rarely crosses her path.  Then theres also other gals who have their own interests at heart.  and have seen me naked.  That adds extra fun if one decides to say something.

[Helgoland]

Go have a beer with her, post-work. Just a nice chat, casual, nothing like a date. And if you can get her to open up a little and end up actually enjoying her company, you can make an informed decision.

[JoshuaFH]

Did someone legitimately tell you "better accept companionship now, and fast, before you end up alone"? That's bizarrely rude and just an odd sentiment to be directed at a man.

[Neonivek]

Three things!

I can't shake my depression lately... might be because my medicine needs a bit to kick back in even though I've stopped getting dizzy...

I am way too overly sensitive... I am still reeling from the Bay12er who insulted me on YouTube. >_<

And HOLY GOODNESS am I learning how Screwed South Africa is... and that is really sad. Though the similarities it has with Western politics and issues is depressing and makes me wonder if their issues have more to do with them adopting some of the worst parts of our culture unhindered due to the lack of centuries of social reforms.

[heydude6]

Did someone legitimately tell you "better accept companionship now, and fast, before you end up alone"? That's bizarrely rude and just an odd sentiment to be directed at a man.

Weird gets that a lot unfortunately.

[pisskop]

well it was in context, in that we were talking about relationships in general.

but yes, they did

[Eric Blank]

That is kinda a flattering thing to hear, at least. For fucks sake, I rarely even hear the most basic compliments, let alone anyone expressing interest, even if on behalf of someone else.

Which is why im here, because being lonely and unappreciated sucks. It seems I could literally not show up for work or outright vanish and people would be bitching about having to do things themselves, not disappointed that i wasnt there because theyd miss me or anything.

[Yoink]

Forgot my keys like a scrub.
Now I'll have to get a copy cut from a housemate's key when I get back, then get my old one sent to me. At least we kinda needed a spare key anyway... still, what a doofus.

[Yoink]

This isn't exactly mild, but at the same time it isn't really major enough for the other thread and besides, there are multiple posts in there that I need to respond to but currently lack the time to do so.

My current Sad: anxiety. Oh man, the anxiety.
Stayed out late last night, got up ridiculously early to stumble through the whole airport thing, without coffee (in fact I've only had one cup all day), was delayed by various things during the long homewards slog through the dreary weather and wound up not making it home in time for housemates to let my keyless self in, went to a friend's place instead and played videogames for hours alone instead.

Now am out and about trying to enjoy myself but oh gods, the anxiety won't leave me alone. Also I'm still doing various stupid things due to what I assume is tiredness .Everything sucks right now. My anxiety is at paranoia levels. At least right now I am taking a poop and it is unexpectedly relaxing, in a public pub toilet no less.
Anyway I better wrap this up. I wanna go home but I know I'd be bad at myself if I skipped the bands I've been looking forward to for so long.


Edit: I should add that my anxiety had been significant lessened for quite a long time, recently. Almost non-existent compared to what I was used to... of late it had been sometimes sneaking back up on me, but nowhere near its old severity. Tonight it seemed just about as bad as ever... well, maybe not ever, but still. Worse than it had been in a long time, even before I miraculously cured my anxiety.

[martinuzz]

Just enjoy the bands while revelling in your moment of relaxing defecation.

Tell your friends afterwards that you really felt like shit and it was amazing.

[Hanslanda]

I tried to smoke some weed last night, took one hit and got incredibly anxious and discomfited. Guess that part of my life is over.

[Eric Blank]

Todays work related tragedy; a five gallon bucket of motor oil fell out of someones truck or something and spilled all over the middle of our driveway by the exit to the road. Still in the process of cleaning that up. Im fucking tired.

And a coworker left in an ambulance saying shes having trouble breathing. I hope shes ok

[Dunamisdeos]

I wanted to make mashed potatoes. I was able to make mashed potatoes, but not as many as I wanted because the big pot was already full of spaghetti. So I was not able to make enough mashed potatoes to last more than a meal or two.

Now I have to make mashed potatoes again later in the week.

[scourge728]

A Popsicle stick made me feel bad. The Popsicle sticks for this brand of Popsicles have advice on them, and this one said "Make time to play with a pet" I have two cats who I probably don't play with enough, and it made me feel guilty