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[Dorsidwarf]

Ah, sunrise. The best time of day to stand on the battlements and think about everything good with the world as the light glints off the distant sea.

Hold on a second.



Damn it. Heroes are beating up the gatetroll.
You actually came near to liking that troll.

You can tell it's going to be one of those days.

[Nunzillor]

Sound the alarm!

[Dorsidwarf]

Sound the alarm!

"Alarm"



"Wotchoo want?"

"It's heroes again"

"Bugger."



You're not sure that was productive. But you did raise the alarm and therefore did exactly what you were required to do when attackers show up.

(You hope it wasn't productive, just a little bit.)

[Dustan Hache]

Sit around and wait for orders, I suppose.

[Nunzillor]

Sit around and wait for orders, I suppose.

This.  Also, relax and have a beer, if you got it.  I'm sure everyone else can handle the whole hero problem.

[Dorsidwarf]

Sit around and wait for orders, I suppose.

This.  Also, relax and have a beer, if you got it.  I'm sure everyone else can handle the whole hero problem.

You don't have any beer, you're too irritated to relax, and you're pretty certain everyone else can't handle the hero problem.

Any second now...

Sit around and wait for orders, I suppose.

Here they are.



OFFICIAL ORDERS

Legal by the claim on the throne of Äbar of the almighty Grith Blackfire.

The attacking criminals (see rules and guidelines 31.53A of the Äbar penal code)
should be destroyed without mercy, redemption, arrest, nonlethal takedowns, disarm-
-ament, second chances, disabling, pinning, holding back, letting them win, challenging
to a game of dice then using rigged dice, phoning in sick five seconds before they arr-
-ive at a sentry post, mercy again, smoke breaks, or convenient naps. It is illegal to
turn your helmet around, claim that there are no heroes because you can't see them,
and go for a drink. Again.
                            lots of luv, Grith Blackfire, Lord of the Red Swamps, RIGHTFUL
                                                               AND LAWFUL king of Äbar, dread
                                                               sorceror.


You liked this job much better when King Elceroth the Just was reigning.

[Nunzillor]

Go confront the heroes.  If you get to them, cow them into submission by explaining your king's evil plans.

[Hawk132]

Go confront the heroes.  If you get to them, cow them into submission by explaining your king's evil plans.

+1 to confronting. -1 to explaining plans.

[Cheesecake]

Go confront the heroes.  If you get to them, cow them into submission by explaining your king's evil plans.

+1 to confronting. -1 to explaining plans.

+1

[Dustan Hache]

Confront, and Explain the evil plans, but do it with a "good" spin to it to try and deter them.

[FallacyofUrist]

Trace this onto the battlements floor. Using your own blood. This will summon us to the corporal realm thus that we may destroy your enemies.

(OOO)-(OOO)-(OOO)
--------(OOO)--------
(OOO)-(OOO)-(OGO)
(OOO)-------------(O)

[Nunzillor]

Trace this onto the battlements floor. Using your own blood. This will summon us to the corporal realm thus that we may destroy your enemies.

(OOO)-(OOO)-(OOO)
--------(OOO)--------
(OOO)-(OOO)-(OGO)
(OOO)-------------(O)

Count me out of this.  I like my organs with exactly 0 sword holes.

[IronyOwl]

Set a cunning trap for these dastardly criminals! Like, I dunno, the bucket perched on a door thing but with a rock maybe? Or just a bucket full of water.

[Dorsidwarf]

Set a cunning trap for these dastardly criminals! Like, I dunno, the bucket perched on a door thing but with a rock maybe? Or just a bucket full of water.

The most cunning of traps. It is perfect.

Trace this onto the battlements floor. Using your own blood. This will summon us to the corporal realm thus that we may destroy your enemies.

[snip]

Blood?

Go confront the heroes.  If you get to them, cow them into submission by explaining your king's evil plans.

+1 to confronting. -1 to explaining plans.

+1

Well, they've finished off the troll. You guess that means you can't put this off any longer.



"Heroes."



"Just... get out of here, kids."




"Don't cross the threshold. Don't make me have to put you all down."


"Never, guardian! We travel to defeat the cursed usurper, the blight on our lands!
                     "What he said"
    "It's time he paid for his evil."
      "Step aside, Gatekeeper, or we will be forced to slay thee!

What do you tell them?
What do you do?

[~Neri]

"You do understand I have to arrest you for that citizen you just murdered correct? Yes. Murdered. Did you think he was free experience points? You objectified and murdered someone. Someone with a wife. And three children named Votor, Kali, and Vati. How do you think they'll feel when I have to deliver the news that their pappy was just murdered? Votor's birthday is tomorrow! You murdered his hero and father a day before his seventh birthday. How do you think he'll feel? There was going to be a party. With real cake. But you murdered his pappy. Please. Tell me again who the evil one is? You horrible people."