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Author Topic: The friendly and polite Europe related terrible jokes thread  (Read 1058727 times)

scriver

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #5370 on: April 05, 2017, 07:47:42 am »

... man, if you trust the numbers on immigration/refugees used by politicians on your news and debate shows, your lot must have a hella' better record on that front than they do stateside. Particularly if they're being bandied about by anyone with a degree of animus towards the demographic in question.

Over here stuff doesn't exactly tend to take long before you get into "yeah, I should probably be checking the actual statistics instead of trusting what this asshole is saying about them" territory. Indulged on both sides of the discussion and bystanders as well, but the anti-immigrant folks in particular are somewhat notorious for it.

It's nice if they do have that record, though. TV appearing politicians not dragging data into a dark alleyway and vigorously fornicating it would be an interesting experience.

Considering I only watch the news on super-pro-immigrant SVT (Swedish state television) the only way they would be skewed would be that way.
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Frumple

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #5371 on: April 05, 2017, 08:18:37 am »

Maybe? Inclination isn't certainty, and it's entirely possible for a pro-whatever group to be using numbers that seem to be (or are) counter to their point, due to all sorts of things. You check for a reason, more or less.
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martinuzz

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #5372 on: April 06, 2017, 02:27:17 am »

Our National Coordinator of Counterterrorism and Safety has warned, again and more strongly, in it's new threat assessment report, that IS will not shun using children as suicide attackers in Europe, and that with the crumbling of the Caliphate, more and more indoctrinated children will return to the Netherlands.
The report says there's a minimum of 80 Dutch children living in the Caliphate, but quite likely much more, since women do not stop having children once they go to the Caliphate.
IS is aware that children are checked less at borders, and not as easily percieved a threat, and use this to their advantage.

Children are one of the important pillars of the Caliphate. They are essential to the proliferation of IS' cultural inheritage, and are indoctrinated in all aspects of life, through education, through training camps, and through their parents.
Until they are 6 years old, children go to mixed gender schools. After that, boys and girls are schooled seperately.

In the Caliphate schools, a strict interpretation of islam is taught, the jihadistic salafism. Everything that deviates from that is illegal. Teachers that don't stick to the curriculum risk being executed.

Horrible deeds by IS are legitimated with passages from the Quran. Education is linked to military strategy. Lessons are illustrated with tanks, handgrenades, and combat positions.
The main focus lies with creating a strong us - them feeling. 'Them' are the Crusaders, the unbelievers, and the apostates.

During physical excercise classes, children have to do semi-military excercises, while singing the ba'yah, the oath of loyalty to Caliph Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.

Children are made immune to violence.  Parents are required to read bedtime stories about martyrdom, and encouraged to take their children to see public executions. At age 9, boys are selected to join training camps, where they are taught to handle blades and firearms. They'll be trained to be a combatant, a suicide bomber,  a sniper, or a bombmaker.
The boys are hardened by a strict regime of little food and hard physical excercise. If they fail to do their tasks properly, they will be flogged by their instructor.

Child-Jihadis appear regularily in IS propaganda videos. They show children acting as executioners, killing captives.
In a recent video, dating from january this year, a 4 - 5 year old toddler shoots a 'PKK prisoner', and watches when a slightly older boy decapitates another prisoner.

The report also warns, again, that it's not just Caliphate children that are a threat. As we've seen in Germany, when a German-Iraqi 12 year old who had never been to the Caliphate tried to detonate a bomb at a christmas market.

http://www.volkskrant.nl/binnenland/nctv-kinderen-inzetten-voor-terreur-in-europa-is-zal-er-niet-voor-terugdeinzen~a4483461/

Biggest problem is, that it's very hard to do something about it, unless we get rid of International Child Right treaties. It's just legally impossible to interrogate children, or lock them up for prolonged periods of time, especially if they have not commited any criminal act yet. Getting rid of the internet would also help, stopping the radicalization of children at home through social media.
« Last Edit: April 06, 2017, 02:37:03 am by martinuzz »
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Sheb

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #5373 on: April 06, 2017, 03:34:46 am »

Eurostat got fairly good asylum statistics if y'all are interested. Which is why I was surprised about scriver's claim, since Sweden only rejected ~24 % of asylum claim (although a lot of them were granted subsidiary protection rather than full asylum, and I think the details of that are down to Swedish law and I'm not sure what the difference actually is).
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Europe consists only of small countries, some of which know it and some of which don’t yet.

scriver

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #5374 on: April 06, 2017, 05:21:28 am »

 1, That's only for one quarter, and 2, I trust the numbers used by our government officials over that image. Is it even sourced? If there's an article with a source somewhere I don't know how to go from the image to that.

Apparently that site is a wiki as well. [citation needed]?
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Sheb

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #5375 on: April 06, 2017, 05:37:15 am »

Uh, brain farted sorry, I took the url of an image instead of the one from the page. The Commission produces both quarterly report (usually aout 3 months after the end of the quarter, so we won't have the quarterly report for 1st quarter of 2017 until June) And more general statistics, which include stuff like decision rates and so on. They also maintain a database if you want to do some more digging.
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Quote from: Paul-Henry Spaak
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martinuzz

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #5376 on: April 06, 2017, 04:23:30 pm »

German justice department has opened a criminal investigation into at least 20 imams, accusing them of espionage for the Turkish government, supplying them with information about possible Gülen sympathisants.

It concerns imams that have been brought to Germany by the religious organisation Ditib. Ditib administers and manages about 800 mosques in Germany, and is active in multiple cultural advisory committees.

Last week it already became public that German justice department is also investigating an unknown number of spies from the Turkish intelligence agency MIT.
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Friendly and polite reminder for optimists: Hope is a finite resource

We can ­disagree and still love each other, ­unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist - James Baldwin

http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=73719.msg1830479#msg1830479

Silverthrone

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #5377 on: April 07, 2017, 08:15:13 am »

Kebab-Alert.
A new lorry incident has occured in Stockholm City, Sweden.

A lorry has, apparently, run over several people on the non-traffic road Drottninggatan. It appears to have then attempted to crash into the nearby Åhléns department store, where it stopped. The lorry belongs to the Spendrups brewing company, and was hijacked outside of a restaurant earlier today.

I was tempted to head-line this under 'Kebab-Alert'. We do not know, of course, but at this point, it is not an unreasonable assumption. We shall see.

It is now rather clear that it was not an accident, but a deliberate action. The police has labeled the incident as a suspected terror attack. To speak plainly, if it is not the bloody nappy-heads again, I shall eat my tie.

At the BBC:

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-39531108

Local:

http://www.expressen.se/nyheter/stockholm/lastbil-har-kort-in-i-folkmassa-i-stockholm/

EDIT: Adding further developments.

The internal security police confirms that two three people have been killed. Unconfirmed reports have risen to five. Prime Minister Löfven confirms that one suspect has been apprehended.
The reports of nearby gun-fire has been confirmed.

The centre of the city is under lock-down, and the police are clearing the streets. The underground and the regular train traffic in the city has been halted. The lorry has been searched, and no traces of explosives has been found.

Later edit: There is an unusual amount on unclarity regarding the developing situation; some claim that suspects have been apprehended, some claim not, and even the police seems unsure on the matter (or rather, their press contact staff). I believe that it might be a while before the fog of war lifts. Until then, a summary of what can be ascertained:

1: A lorry, from a brewing company, is hijacked outside of a restaurant, further up the street.
2: It drives down the pedestrian-only street Drottninggatan, killing 3 and injuring 8 (at time of writing).
3: It crashes and come to a stop in the front window of the Åhléns department store.

A picture of the suspect, wanted by the police and at large in connection to the attack.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Personal Reflections:
It was not truly a question of 'if', it was a question of 'where' and 'when'.
« Last Edit: April 07, 2017, 10:31:09 am by Silverthrone »
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Silverthrone

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #5378 on: April 07, 2017, 11:09:39 am »

Thank you kindly, and rest assured, that it is likewise. I, and everyone that I know, is well out of harm's way, but every death at home stings.

It is strange. I can only speak for myself, but I do not feel particularly surprised or distressed. It is... Well, imagine an early summer storm. You know that it is coming. The air is heavy. And when the thunder strikes, it comes with a certain relief. I believe that we all knew that it would happen, eventually. Most people that I know had the same idea. It is still a dreadful, cowardly murder, but it is certainly not a bolt from blue skies. We have been, effectively, at war for many years. This has simply proven it. And I hope, by the grace of God, that things might change now. That it will, at least, break the dead-lock.
I do not live in Stockholm, but I have visited it fairly regularly, and it is a place that I know well. That street in particular. I am relieved that the casualties were not more, but every single one is far too much. This cannot be allowed to stand. The enemy must be made to pay. For this is not how things should be.

I do not know where scriver is based. I do hope that he is safe and sound.

EDIT: as for the picture, he looks the usual type. The 'eyy aboo ali-baba gib sharia or jihad, but no take benefits pl0x' type... I am not sure if he is involved at all, or how he is, but it would certainly not be a surprise.
I might be entirely wrong. It might be an ordinary citizen, one of the al-right types, caught up in the mess. But I am doubtful, and more to the point, jolly tired of walking on egg-shells for the benefit of people who wish to kill me or who do not particularly mind it happen.

DOUBLEDIT: A picture that shows the path of the lorry and surrounding events.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Red square, top: Lorry hijacked.
First arrow, from top: Lorry enters pedestrian street, runs over concrete lion sculpture/barrier.
Second arrow: describes how the lorry went off Queen's Street and took a de-tour.
Third arrow: Lorry crashes into department store.

Top white arrow: Man arrested at Norra Klara Kyrkogata 15:30.
Bottom white arrow: Man arrested by Åhléns 16:30. (The man in the picture that Covenant has linked).

Who the men are, and what their connections to the attack are, is terribly unclear at time of writing.
« Last Edit: April 07, 2017, 11:39:19 am by Silverthrone »
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scriver

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #5379 on: April 07, 2017, 01:00:14 pm »

The two arrests have as far as i can tell been clarified as not being arrests but taken-for-hearings, according to the police.

As for me, I and my closest family is in the south, but I haven't heard from my family in Stockholm yet.
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Silverthrone

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #5380 on: April 07, 2017, 01:10:51 pm »

Happy to hear it, scriver. I have my fingers crossed.

I've also heard reports about shots being fired - is that mentioned on the picture you just posted? I don't speak Swedish, I'm afraid, so I'm finding it hard to dig through the info.

It is not mentioned on the picture, no. It is rather vague an unconfirmed still, the matter of the gun-shots. I suppose the picture will clear regarding them later, but for now, it is all speculation. I will provide what I can dig up that seems substantial.


The reports of gun-shots seems to have been a misunderstanding. Nothing substantial has surfaced regarding those, and the police cannot confirm that any shots or fire exchanges have taken place. It now seems most likely to have been an unsubstantiated rumour. Of course, the picture will likely become clearer as the investigation proper begins.

As for the two men taken in for questioning, I do hope they can squeeze them on some information. It would be intolerably irritating to see this one slip the hook. Mind you, with the paper-thin TomorrowlandTM borders that we have, he could be half-way to Fiji, for all we know.

Update: A man has been arrested. He fits the profile, he was carrying a balaclava and had shattered glass on his clothes. It is unknown what involvement he had. While unconfirmed, some sources claim that he has admitted responsibility. It is still unclear if he was the driver of the lorry, or if that suspect remains at large.

I do hope that it is him. And I do hope he will live to regret being taken alive.

Further update: President Putin sent a rather kind telegram of condolence to the king. I think that it is rather sweet. It is very Putin; traditional, conventional and worthy. Between it and the rest of the harvest, I must say that I am happily surprised. I expected an awful lot more gloating, truth be told.

« Last Edit: April 07, 2017, 04:39:11 pm by Silverthrone »
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smjjames

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #5381 on: April 07, 2017, 10:52:03 pm »

This is apparently a picture of the apprehended suspect. The beard would certainly suggest another radical Islamic terror attack.

My deepest sympathies to you and your countrymen, Silverthrone. We shouldn't have to put up with this. Here's hoping that some day this kind of thing starts becoming less likely to happen, instead of increasingly likely by the day.

If a beard automatically assumed Islamic terror, then Abraham Lincolin would be Islamic terror :P

Just saying that basing it on a beard alone is ridiculous.

Also, remember the Antwerp thing? Turns out the guy WAS drunk. What he was doing with a whole bunch of weapons in his car though, no idea.
« Last Edit: April 07, 2017, 10:55:02 pm by smjjames »
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martinuzz

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #5382 on: April 09, 2017, 06:12:16 am »

It wouldn't be strange. There were similar marches for tolerance and anti-islamophobia after the Paris and Brussels attacks.
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Friendly and polite reminder for optimists: Hope is a finite resource

We can ­disagree and still love each other, ­unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist - James Baldwin

http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=73719.msg1830479#msg1830479

Erkki

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #5383 on: April 09, 2017, 10:08:08 am »

I saw a few things floating around saying there's going to be an anti-Islamophobia march in Stockholm today just a short distance away from the site of the most recent terror attack, but I couldn't find anything when Googling. Is it a load of bollocks, or is it actually a thing? I'm mainly asking our based Bay12 Swedes.

Refugees Welcome and Swedish Red Cross both holding marches/demonstrations of their own. "Because racism and hate crime waves always happen after events like these" said someone.
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TempAcc

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #5384 on: April 09, 2017, 10:29:03 am »

I'm prob late for the discussion, but one friend of mine who was traveling in stockolm during the attack told me apparently the truck had a bomb inside of it. He didn't witness the attack or anything, but he was very surprised when he watched the local news and saw that it had happened, and he didn't really know how to feel about it, being in the city during a terrorist attack, even if its a small one. Its not something many of us are used to dealing with :U
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