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Author Topic: The friendly and polite Europe related terrible jokes thread  (Read 1098621 times)

Dorsidwarf

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #825 on: February 24, 2016, 06:10:06 pm »

Hostage situation at Bella Italia restaurant in London’s Leicester Square
http://bnonews.com/news/index.php/news/id3688

Looks pretty tame. It's one guy with a knife and one hostage, as well as two other people who are apparently really keen to finish dinner on their one night out, and probably some very frightened vats of ravioli. Is this kind of thing uncommon enough in Europe for it to go beyond local news?

By US standards of local, national UK news is local news. We are a smallish country, with lots of polis and a thughood who tend to beat each other up more than random diners.

It might also be noted because its central London and therefore once again the thousands of police with machine guns lurking on street corners didn't stop it.
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ChairmanPoo

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #826 on: February 24, 2016, 06:28:49 pm »

Small? London is massively populated. IIRC its actually one of the most populous cities in Europe.

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smirk

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #827 on: February 24, 2016, 06:37:59 pm »

Hostage situation at Bella Italia restaurant in London’s Leicester Square
http://bnonews.com/news/index.php/news/id3688

Looks pretty tame. It's one guy with a knife and one hostage, as well as two other people who are apparently really keen to finish dinner on their one night out, and probably some very frightened vats of ravioli. Is this kind of thing uncommon enough in Europe for it to go beyond local news?
Correction: One guy who has intimated he is in possession of a knife. Any bets on whether or not it actually is? I'm hoping for salad tongs.
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Loud Whispers

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #828 on: February 24, 2016, 09:46:53 pm »

Ban high capacity assault tongs

redwallzyl

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #829 on: February 24, 2016, 10:05:52 pm »

Ban high capacity assault tongs
maybe a sharpened piece of pasta?
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Loud Whispers

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #830 on: February 24, 2016, 10:29:26 pm »

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/what-is-ttip-and-six-reasons-why-the-answer-should-scare-you-9779688.html
I've just been snooping through the TTIP and the EU's negotiations of it and I'm laffin at the people who say anyone's having a say in how this beast is run. One of the things that struck my eyes and ears though was the speech by the EU trade commissioner:

Quote
Like it or not, many people all across this continent do not feel the political system is meeting their needs.
That goes especially for European politics. Based here in Brussels, with limited  coverage in national media, the European Union is easy to see as remote, even out of touch.
Meetings like this one are so important because they help strengthen the connection between the European Union and the European people.
And that is particularly important when it comes to the Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership or TTIP for short.
Many people have said and written many things about these negotiations. For some people TTIP exemplifies the disconnection of European politics from the people.
I do understand where they are coming from. Brussels can seem far away. Washington DC more so. On top of this, the benefits of trade – lower prices, more choice, more demand for our exports – are spread out among  many people, and so not always obvious. 
But I also understand, and I say this in full respect of those who hold them, that those viewpoints do not see the full picture.
Because what I want to say to you today is that this agreement is in fact a direct response to the needs and hopes of all Europeans.
Why?
Because it's not about giving more profits to big business but about bringing jobs to
communities who need them.
Because it's not about dismantling government protections but about making them more effective.
And because it's not about surrendering sovereignty but about strengthening Europe's position in the world at time of great change. [SURRENDERING INTENSIFIES]
Let's start with jobs.
Let's be clear, what we do in a negotiation is make it easier to do business across borders.
And that does help companies.
But that's not why we do it.
We do it because it helps people by creating jobs.
Germany knows more than most just how many jobs that open trade can bring.
7 million people in your country have a job thanks to your export success. That's more than 15% of people working in the country. And 15% of those jobs depend on  exports to the
United States.
So the question that TTIP puts before is, “Do we want more of those jobs?”
Do we want more jobs in Germany's fabled car industry?

Why TTIP is good for Germany
30 January 2015
Cecilia Malmström, Commissioner for Trade
Brussels - Conference of Länder Ministers for European Affairs
Keep in mind this was in response to a protest of a 150,000 Germans

Quote
The EU has admitted that TTIP will probably cause unemployment as jobs switch to the US, where labour standards and trade union rights are lower. It has even advised EU members to draw on European support funds to compensate for the expected unemployment.
Examples from other similar bi-lateral trade agreements around the world support the case for job losses.  The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) between the US, Canada and Mexico caused the loss of one million US jobs over 12 years, instead of the hundreds of thousands of extra that were promised. (anti-Trump shills btfo)
Zero fucks given she gets paid $120,000 of your money whatever the weather, you silly Germans wanting to protect your sovereignty and privacy, your livelihood and your healthcare, you just don't get the bigger picture :D

Ah well, it's all very saaaaaaaaaaaaaad. As far as I care I suspect we'll all be trapped in the belly of this dying beast till it collapses with us within it because the Commission pays enough lip services to being ebin toleran that no one will be free, no reforms will be passed, and I should convert to Swedism to get a cushy job at Brussels with 6 figs and no oversight. yuropoors for days

Loud Whispers

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #831 on: February 24, 2016, 11:56:54 pm »

Double post because looking through the ever-closer-integration-of-the-ever-closer-state I realize it truly is independence now or independence never. I might give a more detailed seriouspost later, but fucking hell, it's happening so quickly. 1985 a proposal is made to reduce border controls, 1990 a proposal is made to introduce a common visa to make travel function as a single state, 1999 the schengen agreement is incorporated into the Amsterdam treaty, in the current year it is now obligatory by law for any EU member states to destroy their own borders (except for Ireland and the UK, for now). That is why people were unironically proposing to "make a regime change" of Hungary, not because they weren't toleran and progresiv enough, but because they were posing a threat to the ever-closer-state.

And then look at how it was applied. No referendums, politicians in favour promised it was not about surrendering sovereignty but about business or post-colonialism, telling both left and right they should be in favour. Then it's signed through with not a single vote cast by referendum, as we've all learned by now the promise that powers are only taken by referendum from countries has never been true. And ffs Norway, people keep talking about Norway as they pay more despite being a non-member, that is because in spite of their country twice voting to stay out of the EU their government signed them up for the EEA and Schengen Area anyways, making them more integrated into the state than countries officially within despite their people voting against it.

I'm looking into how the common-exchange rates led to the common currency which robbed all national Parliaments (except the UK of course) of their ability to set their own budget and it's the same fucking thing again and again. Fucks sakes, the whole history of this all goes back to 70 years when a military union failed, 60 years ago when a political union failed - and then it was decided 50 years ago that Europe be united into one state via economics.
We've come 6 decades from people believing their leaders were signing a free trade deal to having their budgets decided by the Commission, their currency valuation decided by the Commission, their borders decided by the Commission, their law decided by the Commission, their leaders decided by the Commission, their education decided by the Commission, their public media decided by the Commission, their place in the WTO taken by the Commission, and most alarmingly the eurozone crisis brought a push for a fiscal policy set by the Commission, the EU is pushing for France and the UK to surrender their Security Council seats to the Commission, the EU is already consolidating its own military forces with EUFOR and naval exercises and is pushing for a single foreign policy for all European nation states with their High Representative for Foreign Policy.

This is it, this is the last chance we'll ever get, we're running out of things the Commission can take. Revolutions fail when reactionaries strike, but progressive change (not progresiv) raises the temperature until the frog boils, it's why the slippery slope is covered in lube. I'm not sure if I wanted this knowledge, I wish to return to the blissful ignorance, but I also do not. Now I know the stakes, it's now or I'm sending my CV off to the European Union.

All those countries destroyed by politicians signing their nations away without telling any of their people honestly what they were doing, not even trusting them to make the choice of selling out their country themselves... The promise made that all power surrendered would be done by choice of people, yet there was never a vote cast (or in Ireland's case, they just kept repeating referendums until the Irish voted "correctly.") This is why I stopped believing that the ministers in charge of ensuring Europe was incapable of handling the immigrant crisis (with some even bloody encouraging it) or the ministers who gave directives to cover up enriching crime were actively malevolent, not just incompetent. They speak out one end platitudes of giving them voices whilst giving them none, giving them no choices. And the stress of knowing we're running out of time...

BEWARE BOGO
IT IS NOW OR NEVER

JUNE OR DUNE LET'S FUCKING GET HYPE GET HOPE THURSDAY IS THE DAY EVERYTHING CHANGES PRAISE THOR

Sergarr

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #832 on: February 25, 2016, 02:11:29 am »

I dunno what's so scary about EU, really. Do you expect it to go full Stalin on you and your nations after it takes FULL CONTROL, or what?
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Helgoland

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #833 on: February 25, 2016, 07:12:29 am »

Also, Mely Kiyak, a Turkish columnist for German newspaper Die Zeit, has advocated phone-tapping anyone who has taken part in a Pegida (or other right wing group) protest, as well as prohibiting any sort of demonstrations in front of asylum facilities.

It's funny that so many of these people are trying to convince us that Islamic extremists like ISIS aren't a danger to us, that it's Russia who are the real threat, yet it sounds like they'd love to take a page out of Putin's playbook whenever it suits them.
You do realize that Germany has seen a string of arson attacks on these facilities, right? And you do realize that recently folks gathered in front of such a burning facility and started fucking applauding?

The word Pogromstimmung comes to mind. And if you can't figure out how to translate that properly, think about why we have such a word and English doesn't.
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Grim Portent

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #834 on: February 25, 2016, 07:46:14 am »

Also, Mely Kiyak, a Turkish columnist for German newspaper Die Zeit, has advocated phone-tapping anyone who has taken part in a Pegida (or other right wing group) protest, as well as prohibiting any sort of demonstrations in front of asylum facilities.

It's funny that so many of these people are trying to convince us that Islamic extremists like ISIS aren't a danger to us, that it's Russia who are the real threat, yet it sounds like they'd love to take a page out of Putin's playbook whenever it suits them.
You do realize that Germany has seen a string of arson attacks on these facilities, right? And you do realize that recently folks gathered in front of such a burning facility and started fucking applauding?

The word Pogromstimmung comes to mind. And if you can't figure out how to translate that properly, think about why we have such a word and English doesn't.

The internet seems to think it translates as 'bloodthirsty mood', so I guess it's the German way of saying bloodlust?
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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #835 on: February 25, 2016, 08:02:49 am »

'stimmung' is atmosphere or mood, and a pogrom is an organized mass killing. Historically of Jews. So 'genocidal atmosphere' would be closer to the general feeling; it's a bit stronger than just 'bloodlust'.
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When i think of toady i think of a toad hopping arround on a keyboard
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xxseuzxx

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #836 on: February 25, 2016, 09:21:19 am »

awake EUloi ,from the goverments that sold your countries and then your national identity away.
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Sheb

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #837 on: February 25, 2016, 11:48:20 am »

Portugal wants more refugees to help revive dwindling population[/ur]

Quote
Costa recently told Brussels that Portugal should “set an example”, adding that he was against “a Europe that closes its borders to block access to refugees”.

His comments echo those he made during a visit to Berlin earlier this month, when he said that it was “unfair” to burden Berlin with a duty which is for “all European leaders”.

But refugees haven’t exactly been knocking on Portugal’s door, with most opting to go to northern European countries such as Sweden and Denmark — which have begun tightening their borders in an effort to stem the flow of migrants.

Portugal has taken just 32 migrants, and the country’s ambassador to Greece, Rui Alberto Tereno, even visited a Greek refugee camp recently in an effort to promote the sunny coastal nation to the migrants making their way across Europe.
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xxseuzxx

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #838 on: February 25, 2016, 11:50:42 am »

Portugal wants more refugees to help revive dwindling population[/ur]

Quote
Costa recently told Brussels that Portugal should “set an example”, adding that he was against “a Europe that closes its borders to block access to refugees”.

His comments echo those he made during a visit to Berlin earlier this month, when he said that it was “unfair” to burden Berlin with a duty which is for “all European leaders”.

But refugees haven’t exactly been knocking on Portugal’s door, with most opting to go to northern European countries such as Sweden and Denmark — which have begun tightening their borders in an effort to stem the flow of migrants.

Portugal has taken just 32 migrants, and the country’s ambassador to Greece, Rui Alberto Tereno, even visited a Greek refugee camp recently in an effort to promote the sunny coastal nation to the migrants making their way across Europe.
dont let them ruin a rather nice country.
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Purple Gorilla

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #839 on: February 25, 2016, 11:54:00 am »

<removed, banned for advocating violence>
« Last Edit: February 25, 2016, 01:04:37 pm by Toady One »
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