I embarked in a terrifying mountainous biome, next to a volcano. I wanted to build a most splendid evil tower, standing ominously above the haunted soot below.
Things were going well. I used the mineshafts below as splendid living quarters while the tower was being built. When suddenly:
- The Dragon Kovest Stettadoltar Ertalkeshan has come! A gigantic reptilian creature. It is magical and can breathe fire. These monsters can live for thousands of years.
I raise the drawbridge and instantly order the metalsmith to pump out steel cages to trap the beast at the entrance. The dragon smells yak blood, and goes straight for my fenced-in pasture. No problem, I think.
Suddenly, I notice I left a weapon trap packed with ☼large, serrated steel discs☼ at the entrance. Oh god. The dragon gets sliced badly and falls unconscious just after entering the pasture. I realize it will probably kill the dragon after it's pillaged here.
I cook up a plan. I send out a mechanic to destroy the weapon trap. Luckily, while the dragon wakes and turns the pasture into ‼yak mangled corpse‼, the mechanic is able to dislodge the trap and get back safely. In the same instant, my cage traps have been installed. I rub my hands and wait for the dragon to visit my little entrance.
Suddenly, a flock of Keas enter the map.
Oh god.
They all fly straight for bins packed with ☼yak bone earrings☼ and other crap just beyond the entrance.
Using up all my cage traps.it gets worseAs Urist McDumbs go to collect the Kea cages Mr. Dragon arrives and turns them into +dwarven kebab+.With no more defenses, the dragon easily busts into the living quarters, breathing fire on everything and causing utter chaos.
I recruit everyone but it's too late. When Urist McWoodcutter delivers a lucky fatal blow with his copper battle axe, only 4 dwarves are alive. One of them is my metalsmith who has... anxiety issues. Suddenly...
- A Kea has stolen a ☼large, serrated steel disc☼!
I watch futilely as a goddamn
parrot somehow flies off with a steel saw blade. It reaches the map edge.
- A masterwork of Stākud Lukadzokzul has been lost!
This proved too much for my poor metalsmith who flies into a tantrum rage and kills her three remaining peasant friends with ease. When she calms down, I can't believe what I have just witnessed.
These goddamn parrots are going down. I recruit my last dwarf as a Marksdwarf and order her to shoot down the remaining Keas outside. She goes to do so. She chases the Keas. What she doesn't know is that this is their plan. The parrots are plotting. Suddenly...
- A cloud of haunted soot has drifted by!
Right where Stākud is standing. She breathes it in. She contracts its deadly syndrome. Moments later, she is utterly dead. The fortress lies in ruin.
These goddamn parrots are the closest thing to Dwarf Illuminati in the game. Their incredible coordination and plotting ability can easily bring down any fortress. Do not underestimate these bastards.