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Author Topic: Sappho's “Happy” New Year Blowout Giveaway - Videos On Their Way!  (Read 26820 times)

bQt31

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Re: Sappho's “Happy” New Year Blowout Giveaway - WRITE THOSE REVIEWS!
« Reply #120 on: January 07, 2016, 07:33:47 pm »

Rush Delta Z

Total Size:15.3MB

In this game you're a ship and you must destroy all other ships. To do this, you have at your disposal several tricks. You can use the left and right arrow keys on your keyboard to move your ship sideways. You can also use the "Q" key to fire your cannons in a different manner than they normally do. I think the game mentionned other keys but I didn't use them even though I could have since I had enough lightning bolts at some point. Your ship always fires automatically coz why not; that's one less key to worry about. I managed to destroy a lot of ships but then my ship was destroyed and the game was over.

Pros:
-Game was free. (+2points!)

Cons:
-Lack of pros.

!Bonus! Screenshots:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

2/10 - "Pewpewpew"
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ventuswings

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Re: Sappho's “Happy” New Year Blowout Giveaway - WRITE THOSE REVIEWS!
« Reply #121 on: January 07, 2016, 07:38:37 pm »

Superfrog HD


Superfrog HD is 2D platformer where you play drugged-up formerly-prince super frog hunting down the Witch that had hexed you. Unlike the recent trend in this genre, the plot is completely irrelevant so let us move on. This is actually a reboot of 16-bit Amiga game in 1993 by Team17 (noted for Worms series), and involve complete re-work of all the stages instead of being simple graphical port. I've never played the original, so I'll judge the game solely on its own merits.





The gameplay is pretty basic - you just have to reach end of the stage. Along the way you'll find power-ups (upper left: wings that keep you afloat after jumping and green thing that you can toss like boomerang when on the ground) that you only lose upon losing all health, and items with more temporary effects such as movement speed altercation and invincibility-against-monsters. You can step on some enemies to kill them but you'd be better off using green thing instead, as hitbox can be unreliable.


What immediately stood out to me is the expansive stage design. There's lots of secret pathways which reveal themselves only when you stand adjacent to them, and World 1 had multiple ways to reach the goal although World 2 was significantly less "open-ended". Regardless, secret pathways are clearly one of the major tenets in Superfrog HD stage design as the score screen at end of the stage actually counts how many had been found.

It is therefore disappointing that through exploration generally do not lead to tangible rewards. Sometimes you can bypass difficult segment, but usually they exist only for power-ups that no longer matters once collected (in fact, since power-ups are lost upon death, I wish you did not "eat" already collected power-ups so that I can pick them up later if needed) and score.

Actually, score is presented in two forms: coin and fruit. At end of every stage, you roll a slot machine that can unlock additional stages. The game claims that amount of fruits you collect decide how many times you can roll this aptly titled "Fruit machine"; I'd explored one stage pretty throughly and simply focused on beating the level in another, yet I always ended up with 3 coins only so either the game is lying or these fruits are not significant enough.


Graphic and sound is not impressive, but workable. However I'd say there are some visibility issues. See those two puny blue things on my screenshot above? That's an enemy. While most enemies are large enough to be clearly visible, there seem to be few that are deliberately designed to be less noticeable size- and/or colour-wise. Your character can actually move around pretty fast so they can be quite irritating. Perhaps I can accept the viability of having small annoying enemies, but take a loot at this:



It took me a bit to understand there were actually stone platforms present. No, they are not secrets. Did I also mention somewhere that hitbox can be unreliable by the way?


Actually enemies are not big threat in this game, small or not. You can take several hits, and special items such as full health are fairly common. I don't think I ever died from a monster. All generosity ends when it comes to spikes and their cousins however - they're one hit kill, and is what jacks up Superfrog HD's difficulty. I breezed through World 1 and was fairly confident entering the Castle, only to be confronted by sudden increase in number of spikes present. Up to 2-3 it was all fine and looked like appropriate increase in difficulty, but then 2-4 suddenly increased the stakes by introducing leaps of faith: you need to land on aforementioned small stone platform (that you cannot see) otherwise you'll be spiked. I'm no hardcore platformer nor could I find anything noteworthy in this game to keep persisting, so I quit after having several deaths at that location.


Verdict: mediocre


P.S. I looked up the boss fights as the first one was quite uninspiring, and they all involve The Witch twirling around in same way like dumb-dumb.
« Last Edit: January 07, 2016, 07:42:29 pm by ventuswings »
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Bouchart

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Re: Sappho's “Happy” New Year Blowout Giveaway - WRITE THOSE REVIEWS!
« Reply #122 on: January 08, 2016, 11:13:20 am »

I played through h Superfrog in its entirety...you're spot on when you say there's nothing noteworthy about it.  It's a glorified flash game.
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MetalSlimeHunt

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Re: Sappho's “Happy” New Year Blowout Giveaway - WRITE THOSE REVIEWS!
« Reply #123 on: January 08, 2016, 12:38:05 pm »

Ship Simulator EXTREMES

Ship Simulator EXTREMES is a boating simulator which allows play in watercraft all the way from speedboats to LNG supercarriers. In these craft, you are allowed a number of missions, from murdering filthy polluting bourgeoisie swine to being a Dutch customs officer.

I load up the game after it finishes installing the malware and am confronted by this.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

While Steam gave me the key, no Steam game should have this extra level of verification, especially when the game doesn't allow copy/paste and each of those sections are separated from one another. By the way, this game was produced by Paradox Interactive, thanks a fucking lot Johan.

Anyway, I painstakingly fill that out and am taken to a profile creation screen. It has a number of...unusual country inclusions.

So, after that, I like a good postgamer consumer in 2015 dutifully check to see if I need to pay any DLC taxes before getting into thi-
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
-oh.

Alright, time to play!
Except I can't....I can't seem to, I can't really...make...anything happen.

After trying every key on my keyboard I cannot make anything progress here. I'm stuck on this screen and can't go back either. After killing process I come back again and try freeroam.

Spoiler: This seems reasonable. (click to show/hide)

Alright, let's...let's...I...I can't....uh.

Achievement Unlocked: Richest Man In All Latvia
Receive only potato games in Sappho's "Happy" New Years Blowout Giveaway

And you know what? It is only now, as I write these very words, that I see it. I see that continue button, and now I realize the truth, that this game has massively oversized its window, cutting off the progression option. Thank you, Steam Screenshots.

So, this is Part 1 of my review, now that I have some inkling of how this might be made playable. Part 2, with actual gameplay, is pending so long as the option to change the resolution can be accessed.
« Last Edit: January 08, 2016, 03:08:22 pm by MetalSlimeHunt »
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Darkmere

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Re: Sappho's “Happy” New Year Blowout Giveaway - WRITE THOSE REVIEWS!
« Reply #124 on: January 08, 2016, 03:00:22 pm »

For reference if anyone's interested, there's added tags to re-size images if you link them and they're absurdly oversized.

Code: [Select]
[img height=X]<URL goes here>[/img]

I usually use 400 for smaller stuff, 800 shouldn't be an issue for ... most people... I think. width= is also valid.
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And then, they will be weaponized. Like everything in this game, from kittens to babies, everything is a potential device of murder.
So if baseless speculation is all we have, we might as well treat it like fact.

highzealot

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Re: Sappho's “Happy” New Year Blowout Giveaway - WRITE THOSE REVIEWS!
« Reply #125 on: January 08, 2016, 04:37:14 pm »

Time for my reviews of the 2 mystery games I received.


One Night

As far as I can tell, this game can no longer be bought as I can't find it on the Steam store.

So One Night is a first person horror game where you play as a night guard and weird things start happening during the shift.

I am absolutely horrible at horror and got scared by the atmosphere of the starting room which is pretty much your office where nothing spooky happens except for a call to the head office ending with deep breathing on the other side. Calling the head office is done by the player so I guess it's part of the night guard duty or something?

First complaint I have is entering numeric codes does not accept input from the num pad.

Second complaint, no option menu. The menu has new game, load game and quit. There is no options. Cannot go windowed, cannot change volume inside the game. Had to use the volume mixer to make things quieter.

Now honestly, I didn't get far into the game. I can't play horror games at all no matter how shit they are. The atmosphere alone just spooked me away before anything actually scary happened.

On the upside, I found a video of the game: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jT3vGXMCaEg


Steel & Steam: Episode 1

This is a RPG Maker game. I've played a number of games made in RPG Maker, most of them cannot be mentioned because of reasons you can guess for yourself.

Now this game is supposed to be Steampunk but it doesn't really feel like it. There is an options menu which can only be accessed after you start a game. It seems to be mostly using stock RPG Maker graphics for NPCs. The main characters and some enemies seem to be custom but generic enemies seem to be stock.

The game does not seem really balanced. The enemies outside of the starting town already hit pretty hard and can sorta dodge. The inn is expensive and levels does not refill health. The attack animations are custom for the main characters but I don't like them and stock attack animations would have been better in my opinion. Also I set animations to skip in the options and the animations do not appear to skip.

This is by far the worst RPG Maker game I've played so far. At least the other bad RPG Maker games I've played in the past had some decent.....artwork.
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First things first.  You're all soulless husks of what might have once been decent human beings, drafted into a sort of moral apartheid from your better natures in the pursuit of things made out of cute animals.  I love it.

Bouchart

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Re: Sappho's “Happy” New Year Blowout Giveaway - WRITE THOSE REVIEWS!
« Reply #126 on: January 08, 2016, 04:50:05 pm »

Steel & Steam: Episode 1
This is by far the worst RPG Maker game I've played so far.

I wrote a lengthy review of Steel & Steam and it's posted over on GameFAQs for anyone who really cares to read it.  You are right on the money.  The game starts awful and doesn't get any better, ever.
« Last Edit: January 08, 2016, 07:16:36 pm by Bouchart »
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BFEL

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Re: Sappho's “Happy” New Year Blowout Giveaway - WRITE THOSE REVIEWS!
« Reply #127 on: January 08, 2016, 04:56:32 pm »

Now honestly, I didn't get far into the game. I can't play horror games at all no matter how shit they are. The atmosphere alone just spooked me away before anything actually scary happened.
YOU GET BACK IN THERE AND GIVE US A REVIEW SOLDIER!
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Sappho

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Re: Sappho's “Happy” New Year Blowout Giveaway - WRITE THOSE REVIEWS!
« Reply #128 on: January 08, 2016, 05:02:30 pm »

He promised to play five minutes, and I'm guessing he did so. Points for getting both games reviewed, and kudos for lasting as long as you did with those two awful, awful games! I am marking down on your PERMANENT RECORD that you have fulfilled your obligations in this "giveaway". On the other hand, minus points for linking to a video with poorly balanced sound!

EDIT: By the way, I am now disclosing that all your reviews are going to be logged in your permanent records, which I will be sending to your high school principals immediately. No matter how old you are or how far removed from high school you are. Did you think those permanent records were a joke? They are called PERMANENT, guys. That means FOREVER.

Ukrainian Ranger

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Re: Sappho's “Happy” New Year Blowout Giveaway - WRITE THOSE REVIEWS!
« Reply #129 on: January 09, 2016, 12:37:43 am »

One more first person review

Seven Kingdoms 2 HD
I think I am the worst person to review it because I hate clickfests called Real time strategy games.

Tutorial is not the usual way I start games but I spent few minutes to get a feel of it. So I need to play as a race of some fantasy creatures called Fryhtans. Here are comes typical conquer human villages to get resource flaw build more units conquer more villages and so on (did I say that I consider RTS strategy genre to be a boring  micromanaging hell?")

Units have an XP bar. Not something I expected to see in a late 90s\early 00s era game. RTSes were rather simple back then.

Units can be promoted to generals and lead their armies. Hm... loyalty attribute for generals? Does this mean they can switch sides? Game looks surprisingly deep. Too lazy to finish the tutorial time to start a campaign.

And here we go.... Developers, do you make player to play as Fryhtans in the tutorial but your campaign has choices between human twelve human kingdoms? It is a weird decision. BTW, can I get some info about the difference between Romans and Chinese or Mongol and Celts? One sentence will be enough. No? OK. Lets go for Normans.

Now I get global map painted in different colours. Must be all those other kingdoms. And the first mission. I am attacked by this fantasy race. All I have to do is beat the first easy mission... I got 4 units producing buildings and 7(I think) resource gathering related buildings to defend. No thanks. I will not micromanage this. *closes the game with alt+f4*

Verdict: It looks like a very good deep game for an RTS genre fan but I am on the different side of the spectre and can't appreciate this classic game.

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Persus13

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Re: Sappho's “Happy” New Year Blowout Giveaway - WRITE THOSE REVIEWS!
« Reply #130 on: January 09, 2016, 11:28:29 am »

Ninja Guy.

You know a game is bad when you want to kill your player character before the opening cutscene ends. This because you play as a ninja who has the worst Japanese accent I've ever heard and talks about himself in the third person with bad dialogue ("Ninja have no time for girlfriend"). What's worse, despite him saying "Ninja have no time for talking, only action" in the intro, during the time you play as him, he won't shut up. All the side characters are just as bad as he is. There's your teacher, Cow Sensei, who has the most stereotypical Indian accent I've ever heard, and his nephew Billy, whose the only one of these three who I think is designed to be annoying.

In the first non-tutorial level, the plot is that you have to escort Billy to McJangles to get a Wheatgrass burger. Yeah, its stupid. Furthermore, you have to protect him from the random enemies that are attacking him for no apparent reason. The game lampshades the stupidity of Billy taking cover in the middle of an open space by having Ninja mock him for it, but that just made me hate the characters even more.

The game itself is a third person combat game? There's no camera control and the controls are terrible. To use your regular attack you have to be standing completely still, because moving and attacking activates some sort of superspeed mode that makes it harder to kill anyone, much less protect the guy you're supposed to be escorting. I'm fine with escort missions, but giving me one where I can't actually protect the guy because the controls are so terrible is stupid. The one attack that you can actually kill people with is tied to shift, which means when I need to spam that attack I get asked if I want to turn on sticky keys.

This game seems like they tried to be funny, but they just failed completely spectacularly. I think the top rated review for this game on steam summed it up best, "This game is like a drunk slob in a bar: He's ugly, he smells, he got bugs and he's telling racist jokes while thinking he's hilarious. You just want to slap him in the face, really, really hard!"

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to uninstall this from my computer and play three much better games to get this off my steam profile page.
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Krevsin

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Re: Sappho's “Happy” New Year Blowout Giveaway - WRITE THOSE REVIEWS!
« Reply #131 on: January 09, 2016, 12:20:40 pm »

Tidalis

Since the dawn of video games, humankind has had a single unified goal, a cause noble enough to validate our collective existence as a species. Making block-based puzzle games.

From the venerable Tetris to the legendary Puzzle Quest, we have strived to create the ultimate block-based puzzle game, one to ascend us to what can only be described as godhood.

Tidalis is not that game. It's boring and uninteresting and it lost me after about 30 minutes of gameplay.

It is a block-based puzzle game about rotating little multicoloured blocks with arrows on them and then clicking them so they shoot out a beam of light which bounces off similarily-coloured blocks. When three or more blocks have been hit, a colour-specific will play. Over the background music. It's really jarring, even when you ignore the fact that the background music has a very audible “skip beat” to it when it restarts.

So the gameplay is really boring, but there is a story campaign that is about something involving exploring a missing continent and a shipwreck and meeting OH GOD WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT THING.
Spoiler: thing (click to show/hide)

Okay that was weird, so as I was saying you get items for finishing story missions that do not give you any noticeable bonuses and HOLY WHAT
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

OH MY GOD WHAT IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

DEAR GOD THE REAPER OF SOULS HAS COME TO CLAIM MY SOUL
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

...

Eh.

Anyways, the game has failed to enthrall me. It's a mediocre block puzzle game, give it a shot if you're into that sort of thing.
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choppy

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Re: Sappho's “Happy” New Year Blowout Giveaway - WRITE THOSE REVIEWS!
« Reply #132 on: January 10, 2016, 03:10:41 am »

video on second game. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZgqiQoOQ6s

I would recommend Alien Swarm or Helldivers over this. but if you go this on a bundle I could see it being a bit of fun with friends.

Sappho

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Re: Sappho's “Happy” New Year Blowout Giveaway - WRITE THOSE REVIEWS!
« Reply #133 on: January 10, 2016, 03:30:33 am »

video on second game. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZgqiQoOQ6s

I would recommend Alien Swarm or Helldivers over this. but if you go this on a bundle I could see it being a bit of fun with friends.

Couldn't understand a single word you said, but it was fun to watch you playing the game!

Progress Report

The following proper dorfs have written both their reviews already:
MetalSlimeHunt
stabbymcstabstab
Darkmere
Ukrainian Ranger
JimboM12
choppy
sjm9876
Persus13
Redking
highzealot

The following are half done:
Tiruin
penguinofhonor
RickRollYou2
BFEL
ventuswings
bQt31
TheDarkStar
krevsin

And the following shameful people have not even started yet:
a1s
GentlemanRaptor
10ebbor10
woosholay

One week to go, folks!

Also, MonkeyHead has contacted me and asked to withdraw from the giveaway for personal reasons. He has not yet used his keys, so, is anyone interested in taking on his reviews? Anyone who missed the giveaway and wants to try it out, or anyone who is really interested in reviewing two absolutely terrible games in a fun and amusing manner? If so, let me know. If not, I'll just have to save the keys for next time...

Sheb

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Re: Sappho's “Happy” New Year Blowout Giveaway - WRITE THOSE REVIEWS!
« Reply #134 on: January 10, 2016, 04:34:21 am »

I'll take up one of his game.
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