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Author Topic: Our Salvation: It Is Written  (Read 262231 times)

Harry Baldman

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Re: Our Salvation: You All Meet Naked In A Basement
« Reply #45 on: November 22, 2015, 01:20:01 pm »

Open the grate then. Other people here may prove essential for the task, so using them as a tool may not be too conservative.

You notice a handy little pile of inscribed bricks set up next to you, and stand atop it to get some good reach. You still need to rise on the tips of your toes to get a good handle on the grate, but you just about manage it.

You pull, but the grate refuses to budge. So you push - the grate rises a bit, but only a slight amount, then moves no more. You pull it back, then push it up, but neither configuration appears to provide you with a handily escapable opening. Quite the dilemma, you find. A true test of your might and intellect.

As you think, however, Mr. Codeburn comes along and lifts you up to a slightly better position, then rotates you around roughly two and a half times, at which point the ceiling grate comes loose. Mr. Codeburn then puts you down next to the pile of bricks and proceeds to effortlessly climb up the chain, his gold-laden, sack-covered form disappearing from sight within moments, leaving you standing there with ceiling grate in hand.

Stick weird water brick in sack. Leave, damnit.

You grab the inscribed brick and place it in your sack tunic, then turn your gaze upon the shenanigans in the center of the room, where Mr. Erikson is trying and failing to open the ceiling grate. From the thoughtful look in his eye you quickly decipher that if you leave the matter to him, you can expect to leave this room next week at the earliest. So you step over and place your arms around his hips, producing a light squelch as the skirt conforms to his body. You then lift him off the pile of bricks as he hangs on to the grate and start to ponderously step around him in a circle.

The grate, currently pushed upward, twists readily along with the rotation of Mr. Erikson, and comes free after two and a half full revolutions. At this point you put down Mr. Erikson and give him an unimpressed look before standing up on the pile of bricks yourself and jumping to grab the chain, ascending through the power of your hands alone as the rest of the room looks on in confusion.The climb concludes uneventfully as you reach the surface, where you see that the chain seems to have been tied around a stone pillar. This being established, you take in the rest of the surroundings.

You now appear to be standing in a dusty courtyard, not a blade of grass to be seen in the thoroughly stomped dirt all about. There is a lot of clearance between you and the unmarked wooden buildings hugging the tall, forbidding stone walls as well as the large, intimidating stone structure at one end of the yard you would presume to be the keep. Quite a few people are walking about, and in their faces you can see many different shades of utmost displeasure. Well, except the ones that glance in your direction - those simply look a bit confused at who this man wearing a sack might possibly be.

"And just who the hell are you supposed to be?" a small man mostly hidden from examination by an unfavorable combination of sandy-colored hat, unkempt black beard and at least two different, mismatched cloaks asks from behind you. "You're not one of the minders," he adds, but more in a tone of idle curiosity than outright suspicion.

Find an empty sack, put a few handfuls of gold in it, then tie off the end. It should look like a crude flail now, with the gold retained in the end of it.

You search among the sacks of gold, but find none that are empty - the improbability of such a thing strikes you as overwhelming. How are there no empty sacks here?

Clearly they must be somewhere nearby, you reason soundly as you root through the webbed-up pots lining the walls. Surely they could not have left no sacks empty at all. Perhaps among the drapes, you start to intellectually reach as your hands go through the moth-eaten fabrics piled up in another corner. You regard the inscribed door, but figure that sacks are of insufficient importance to bother telling anyone to be staying in away of them.

In the end you stand there completely mystified. There is something you are missing here. Of this you are absolutely certain.

Get up and try again to fasion some sort of garment out of a sack. Stay as far away from the big violent shouty guy as possible.

Now that you have taken a breather, you let the big violent shouty man have his field day with the ceiling grate and try once more to build yourself a sack garment, keeping in mind the lessons you learned in observing Mr. Codeburn. You sit down next to the other sack he had and begin to nibble on its rough burlap, producing a small tear within a minute or so. You carefully insert your hands into it, then begin to rip open a hole... has to be large enough to fit you. You carefully rip, then tear for a bit longer, then for just a little bit more... and then a little more, then you let the ends meet, just like your mother taught you, and voila! You now have two more useless halves of a burlap sack!

Hmm... it's like sugar? I take a bite of the broken stick.

You wouldn't go so far as to say it's like sugar. There are similarities, of course, like the way it seems to be some form of crystalline substance forced into a familiar geometric shape by unknown sorcery, and the way aggregates of both tend to crumble if subject to minute amounts of physical stress. Flavor-wise, though, this stick tastes like spreading numbness in your mouth combined with possibly temporary loss of the ability to taste. Combination with saliva appears to produce considerable thickening. Complete loss of any sensation in mouth shortly follows, leaving a completely dark spot in your overall perception.

With all this in mind, you thoughtfully elect not to swallow.

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Dermonster

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Re: Our Salvation: You All Meet Naked In A Basement
« Reply #46 on: November 22, 2015, 01:43:16 pm »

"Name's Eric Codeburn, I'm from the future except sideways. Everybody else down there is either dead, naked or an idiot, pick two. Can you tell me where the ever living hell I am?"
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NAV

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Re: Our Salvation: You All Meet Naked In A Basement
« Reply #47 on: November 22, 2015, 02:19:45 pm »

Maybe I could tie those 4 half-sacks together into some sort of loincloth or tunic. Try imagining the burlap as extremely poorly kept hair that I am attempting to style, that might help.
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The face on the toaster does not look like one of mercy.

AkumaKasai

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Re: Our Salvation: You All Meet Naked In A Basement
« Reply #48 on: November 22, 2015, 02:48:44 pm »

Partially empty a sack of gold, leaving a few handfuls of gold in it. Tie off the end with the gold in it, making the sack into a crude flail.
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AoshimaMichio

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Re: Our Salvation: You All Meet Naked In A Basement
« Reply #49 on: November 22, 2015, 03:09:31 pm »

"Hmph."

Climb up. Point at the most authorative figure around and say: "I demand immediate access to local bathing facility and you will provide it to me! Also I demand clothes."

Should access be granted, proceed to the bathing facility and clean up.
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penguinofhonor

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Re: Our Salvation: You All Meet Naked In A Basement
« Reply #50 on: November 22, 2015, 03:56:39 pm »

"Seems like potent stuff. It might come in handy." I dump out a bag of gold, stuff as many sticks as I can in it, and climb out.
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SaberToothTiger

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Re: Our Salvation: You All Meet Naked In A Basement
« Reply #51 on: November 22, 2015, 06:05:23 pm »

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crazyabe

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Re: Our Salvation: You All Meet Naked In A Basement
« Reply #52 on: November 22, 2015, 06:24:05 pm »

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Harry Baldman

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Re: Our Salvation: You All Meet Naked In A Basement
« Reply #53 on: November 22, 2015, 07:52:51 pm »

"Name's Eric Codeburn, I'm from the future except sideways. Everybody else down there is either dead, naked or an idiot, pick two. Can you tell me where the ever living hell I am?"

He looks around, his cloaked form shuffling this way and that.

"Anglefork Castle. Less specifically, the High Realm of Benzerwald," he says, then raises his arm to point over the castle walls. "Out there's stoats. In here's hunger and waiting."

He regards you for a moment, clearly formulating a thought. As it crystallizes, he offers some polite inquiries.

"You'd be one of them demons the minders were summoning? Asking 'cause you look a mite weird."

A moment later Mr. Erikson comes out of the hole and starts making demands of the cloaked individual, which takes up his attention quite thoroughly. A good thing, too, as it lets you be fully aware of an incoming half-full bag flying your way from down the hole - not one to be surprised by a mere sack twice, you catch it easily, and throw it back down with some annoyance before your better nature can dictate otherwise to your finely honed reflexes.

Maybe I could tie those 4 half-sacks together into some sort of loincloth or tunic. Try imagining the burlap as extremely poorly kept hair that I am attempting to style, that might help.

Considering carefully the geometries and intricacies involved, you are sorely tempted to try and fashion a loincloth that would tempt with its improbability out of the four halves - however, your fingers fail you, and immediately afterward so does your confidence. You remain seated, staring dejectedly at the pile of burlap and failure in front of you. Here you are, still naked and largely worthless in the face of all these other people making something of themselves. It is all too reminiscent of barber college.

Partially empty a sack of gold, leaving a few handfuls of gold in it. Tie off the end with the gold in it, making the sack into a crude flail.

You set about the laborious business of scooping out the generous bounty of gold from a nearby sack, and eventually manage to nearly empty one. All that gold sure is heavy. With all that done, you tie off the end and give the resulting mostly empty potato sack a good swing, and it feels about as elegant and combat-effective as you'd expect a mostly empty sack to be, which is to say little to not at all. You are going to need some serious savagery to kill anyone with this, that's for sure.

"Hmph."

Climb up. Point at the most authorative figure around and say: "I demand immediate access to local bathing facility and you will provide it to me! Also I demand clothes."

Should access be granted, proceed to the bathing facility and clean up.

You climb out of the hole in no time at all, and find yourself in a dusty courtyard of a highly fortified, if perhaps not very vibrant castle occupied by a variety of people in varying states of dissatisfaction. Next to you stands Mr. Codeburn and also a very wrapped-up sort of man whose features are difficult to make out beneath an array of cloaks, hat and beard. He seems to exude the most authority and also happens to be pretty close by, so you make a demand of bathing facilities and clothes of him. You figure he has to have plenty of the latter at least if his appearance is any indication.

"Sure," he shrugs, looking around for a moment, his cloaks tangling a little. "Go find some, yeah. You could use a bath, looks like."

"Seems like potent stuff. It might come in handy." I dump out a bag of gold, stuff as many sticks as I can in it, and climb out.

You dump one of the bags of gold right out, eliciting a sigh of terrible proportions from the nearby Mr. Calverly, then steal as many of the black sticks as you can in it - which, as it happens, are all of the ones still in the pots. The bag turns out to be only half-filled after all this, though, which is quite a fine thing indeed, as it allows a very elegant solution to the issue of getting it out of this hole. Namely, you just hurl it up along the tunnel, feeling mighty pleased with yourself as it flies flawlessly out of this dank dungeon. Hot on its heels, you start ascending the chain.

You are understandably quite disappointed when the bag comes plummeting back down when you are only halfway up, landing on the dungeon floor with a hundred tiny cracks as the sticks within break into uncountable pieces.

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penguinofhonor

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Re: Our Salvation: You All Meet Naked In A Basement
« Reply #54 on: November 22, 2015, 09:18:48 pm »

"Well, most of a stick will have to do."

I climb out and look for some clothes.
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Dermonster

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Re: Our Salvation: You All Meet Naked In A Basement
« Reply #55 on: November 22, 2015, 09:58:25 pm »

"Okay so first things first, what's with the bricks? They did some weird stuff I'm not quite sure I fully comprehended."
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I can do anything I want, as long as I accept the consequences.
"Y'know, my favorite thing about being a hero is that it gives you all kinds of narrative justification to just slay any ol' jerk who gets in the way - Black Mage.
"The bulk of [Derm]'s atrocities seem to stem from him doing things that [Magic] doesn't actually do." - TvTropes
"Dammit Derm!" - You, if I'm doing it right.
Moved to SufficientVelocity / Spacebattles.

crazyabe

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Re: Our Salvation: You All Meet Naked In A Basement
« Reply #56 on: November 22, 2015, 10:00:09 pm »

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Quote from: MonkeyMarkMario, 2023
“Don’t quote me.”
nothing here.

NAV

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Re: Our Salvation: You All Meet Naked In A Basement
« Reply #57 on: November 22, 2015, 10:32:01 pm »

Give up on clothing and ascend through the hatch.
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Highmax…dead, flesh torn from him, though his skill with the sword was unmatched…military…Nearly destroyed .. Rhunorah... dead... Mastahcheese returns...dead. Gaul...alive, still locked in combat. NAV...Alive, drinking booze....
The face on the toaster does not look like one of mercy.

AoshimaMichio

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Re: Our Salvation: You All Meet Naked In A Basement
« Reply #58 on: November 22, 2015, 11:52:42 pm »

"Effing terrorists... You! Guide me to the local bathing facility and prepare me some clothes!"

Make demands again, pointing random person who's not the person I made demands first time. Make him/her guide me to the baths. If he/she is not willing, then give her/him few encouraging slaps. Hopefully I can get to bathing this time.
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AkumaKasai

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Re: Our Salvation: You All Meet Naked In A Basement
« Reply #59 on: November 23, 2015, 12:44:54 am »

Exit the tunnel and request directions to the nearest weapon shop.
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