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[Tovical]

I'm still a beginner at DF, learning new stuff and whatnot. Parts of my story will probably not be new to anyone else, but they gave me a slight surprise and lots of laughs. Beware that this post may contain spoilers.

I'm not very savvy with engineering, so as I'm finishing an aqueduct and lightly flooding various parts of my map due to construction ... "oversights" ... it occurs to me that I haven't seen an Elven caravan in two years. At this point I don't care because I have other things to worry about and since I haven't been tracking time very well (I tend to play DF in a fairly sloppy way) maybe I'm wrong and it hasn't been time for them to show up (that's right - I often have no idea whether six months or eighteen have passed).

A siege occurs. Yay, I think to myself, my dwarves need more of "bla bla horrified at death" ... x34. This is the first game of DF I've seen that message, so either it's something new (since I haven't played DF in about a year) or I just never noticed that either (probably the latter). I go look at the invaders and they're elves. This is cool; I've never dealt with invading elves before. I know why this might've happened (a couple of ideas) but I'm not worried about it. I order everyone inside and get ready to check out the invaders.

This is where things got truly interesting for me and is also where I began to understand that elves are sicker than goblins.

First, I go to check their gear. I figure, if all they ever sell is wooden armor, then of course they must be wearing such stuff. Then my ironclad dwarves can just put lots of holes in them (I favor spear dwarves). But no - the same elves who sell only wooden gear are outfitted in iron, making me realize they probably only sell wood so they can lol behind your back about how ill-equipped you'll be when they come for you.

Second, I have some wardogs, and they are posted at the front gate. I leave them, along with their puppies, outside because for reasons I won't explain here, I just don't care. This leads to the following combat log, which I discover while getting some laughs from reading other combat logs about launching elves into the air with a drawbridge:

   The flying ({silver arrow}) strikes The Stray Puppy in the head and the severed part sails off in an arc!
   The Stray Puppy has been knocked unconscious!
   Stāsost Toslugngerxung, Elf Bowman: The battle rages... I laugh in the face of death!
   The Stray Puppy has been found dead.

I take a moment to absorb what this means: the elf killed the puppy, treating it not only as a trivial obstacle, but actually part of the 'battle.' And then he laughed. After killing a puppy. Elves kill puppies, and then laugh about it. Oh, and beheading puppies merely knocks them unconscious.

And that's how I came to understand that these are not run-of-the-mill fantasy-setting elves. They are cold-hearted deceivers with no morals.

[Timeless Bob]

there is some speculation that elves are actually plant-based creatures and that the mobile parts are just a handy way of dispersing seed pods far and wide.  This is why they have such a good relationship with most animals:  The carnivores aren't interested and the herbivores are easily trained.  That only leaves the sentient races as checks to their overwhelming population and handily alsoexplains their weirdness about anything made out of wood or plant fiber.

For elves, a nice lumbering axe is all that's needed because one way or another dwarves will cut them down and use them to build things.  Dwarves are very conscientious about those kinds of thing.

[De]

Elves will wear metal if they've been conquered or otherwise merged with the goblin civ. As the dwarves of Rainfountains are discovering to their infinite sorrow. Current population standing at 52 dwarves, 28 uncaged invaders (down from 75 at least) led by a spear elf in full iron armor with a silver spear.

[sirvente]

Stāsost Toslugngerxung, Elf Bowman

That's a gobbo name, this is a goblish raiding party that happens to be composed of elves