Turn 2: Unsanitary Eating Conditions"!!!ME SMASH!!!"
I Grab A Mace, and start beating at others with it
[4] Krunk looks nice and bashable! [2] vs [2] Unfortunately looks can be deceiving, as a javelin interrupts your attack.
Disarm Krunk and forcefeed him.
[3] vs [4] You twist your arm, trying to pry his weapon out of his hand, but he keeps a firm grip and blocks your followup meal.
+1 WrestlingKrunk: +1 WrestlingKrunk smash!
[5] vs [4] You saw your sword down, trying to cut his arm the other half of the way off. He reacts well, but not well enough; he keeps his arm only as a technicality, and your sword comes free.
+2 SwordsGazbert Kal: +1 WrestlingAssault Mugash Ur with javelins from afar.
I think this speaks volumes for our own life expectancy as officers of the Dark Lord. I was about to say that Frodo wouldn't have any trouble sneaking past us, but then I remembered that half the reason he got into Mordor in the first place was because the orcs that captured him killed each other...
[5] vs [2] It's a beautiful shot, made all the more beautiful by your target's complete lack of reaction to it. No dodging, no blocking, just a meaty thunk as your javelin lodges itself through his ugly neck.
+2 Javelins Slice Reckum's crotch region off.
[3] vs [1] Your swing isn't terribly good, but Reckum attempts to do a flipping splits to avoid you, which doesn't pan out very well. You nail him right in the groin, nice and deep.
+1 Swords Slice Reckum's crotch region off.
Stab the leader orc, then vault over her (using my spear that should be in its chest) to get away from this guy. Ensure that my Acrobatics make me look really cool.
[3] vs [2] You shiv him a little in the side. It doesn't go in very deep, your noodly arms unable to pierce the captain's ironlike hide. That's enough to try vaulting over him, though, which you immediately and deeply regret.
+1 Spears-1 Groin Throw both cleavers at Asbrut, then rush forward in an attempt to gouge his eyes with my claws and slash his face to shreds. All while wailing like a banshee
[1] vs [3] You hurl away your weapons and then rush at him like a giant waddling target dummy. He takes a few cautious steps backwards and to the left in case you're up to something.
Asbrut: +1 DodgingStab someone who isn't Gur and see what happens.
[8] Mugash Ur is someone! [5] vs [4] What happens is that you expertly jam your spear in his side, as he slightly less expertly twists to the side.
+2 SpearsMugash Ur: +1 DodgingThat walrus-like she-orc is way too loud. Apply mace to the back of her head.
[5] vs [1] You walk up behind the waddling noise machine and crack her head open like an obnoxious fruit. The noise ceases immediately, and is replaced by generic gurgling sounds and the thump of her blubbery corpse collapsing.
+2 MacesThis is the way of orcs! Kill, stab officers into faces - and die to be eaten five minutes afterwards.
"I cleared, dim gib!"
He WON'T go unscathed! More arrows.
[4] vs [4] You aim true and let fly, but he doesn't seem to care, batting your shot away without a second thought.
+1 BowsGur: +1 Swords"!!!ME SMASH!!!"
I Grab A Mace, and start beating at others with it
[9] You decide Asbrut is looking pretty soft and bleedable. [6] vs [1] And right you are! You get blood
everywhere bashing him into a fine paste.
+2 MacesTo be fair, I wouldn't have attacked if the boss didn't tell us to.
Throw a javelin at her face.
[2] vs [1] You throw a javelin poorly, she bashes her knees into a nearby bench trying to dodge it. Everyone wins!
WRETCHED PEASANT!
[2] vs [1] Gur's swing goes wide as he charges a dumbstruck Mugash Ur. Well, dumbstruck or dying from a javelin to the neck, either way. The point is, Gur doesn't let that stop him, slamming into Mugash Ur with enough force to flip him over a nearby table.
He then beats his chest with one fist, much to Somug Omurdub's disgust.
"Right then," he states, looking around the room.
"If you've got blood on your blade, you're with me. We're marching to a new outpost, and there'll be plenty of hunting along the way. Move out!"You likely have time to do one final thing before moving out; orcish leadership is notoriously loose, so as long as you're able to catch up he's not likely to care if you're right on his heels at all times.
Gur the Butcher
Rank 3 Ambitious Slicer Captain
Deep gash across face
Slight stab wound in side
[Charging Mugash Ur]
-
Swords 5 (3/5 xp)
Wrestling -1 (0/1 xp)
Acrobatics -1 (0/1 xp)
Dodging -2 (1/2 xp)
-
Blackmetal Cleaver Sword
Rash Reckum (ATHATH)
Rank 0 Domineering Binder
Table slammed
Deeply savaged bleeding crotch
-
Blackmetal Spear
-
Spears 0 (0/1 xp)
Acrobatics -1 (0/1 xp)
Bastard Kov (Baldman)
Rank 0 Filthy Coward
-
Blackmetal Spear
-
Spears -1 (0/1 xp)
Thun'Horach (crazyabe)
Rank 0 Brutish Brute
-
Blackmetal Mace
-
Maces -1 (0/1 xp)
Vorgak (Hawk)
Rank 0 Simple Marauder
-
Blackmetal Mace
-
Maces 0 (0/1 xp)
Krunk (Nidilap)
Rank 0 Hulking Pigsticker
Lightly sliced arms
-
Blackmetal Cleaver Sword
-
Swords 1 (0/1 xp)
Wrestling -1 (0/1 xp)
Somug Omurdub (Ruludos)
Rank 0 Cowardly Scout
-
Blackmetal Javelins
-
Javelins -1 (0/1 xp)
Madargosh (Sabertooth)
Rank 0 Bearded Thug
-
Blackmetal Cleaver Sword
-
Swords -1 (0/1 xp)
Fatty Nora (Salsacookies)
Rank 0 Spiteful Walrus
Deep shoulder stab wound
[SLAIN: Splattered head]
-
Harsh Language
-
Cleavers -1 (0/1 xp)
Mugash Ur (Sarrak)
Rank 0 Nibbling Archer
Stabbed waist
Bruised body
[SLAIN: Javelin through neck]
-
Ashwood Bow
-
Bows 0 (0/1 xp)
Dodging -2 (1/2 xp)
Asbrut (Yourmaster)
Rank 0 Reveling Warrior
[SLAIN: Beaten to pulp]
-
Blackmetal Javelins
-
Javelins -1 (0/1 xp)
Dodging -2 (1/2 xp)
Gazbert Kal (Zormod)
Rank 0 Hungry Shiv
Glancing head blow
Hand nearly severed
-
Blackmetal Dagger
-
Daggers -2 (1/2 xp)
Wrestling 0 (0/1 xp)
The slain will get their death rolls next turn; if anyone's feeling especially generous, they can attempt some manner of medical attention in order to give them a second roll. The slain are out for now, however, as the recovery process takes longer than most missions can sit around for.
Author
Topic: Rise of the Dark Tower RTD [Turn 4: Puppy Ride] (Read 7957 times)