(So, TheBiggerFish and Dustan Hache are in the game now! If you're on the waitlist, you can join in too. It's just that, since I can't have the same level of detail for all players, you'll be a Temp until one of the other suckers ends up dead an employee position becomes available.)
edit: Oh, didn't mean to post this. Oh well, it's good information.
(( it's your own fault for having joe already pressing the "dispatch corporate Assasin assistance button" on his specialized office phone, expecially since my character fit like a glove!)
(I did say it was 'hovering' over it, but I could imagine him accidentally pressing it whilst turning into electricity.)
Employees!mcclayI.T. Department, Level +4Jacob then by pure instinct hits reply and types out "Restart it and call me if it doesn't work. Jesus Christ, we've gone over this."
You multitask efficiently for a blind person, yelling at no-one on the teamspeak while writing out a formulaic email. [5] Five seconds after it's sent off, you hear your computer and the lights buzz. Was that a power surge?
The phone rings. You pick it up.
"Jacob, IT," you say. "If you didn't try turning it off and on again, I'll stuff forks down your throat."
"Uh, hi, this is Technician Greg," he says. "That actually worked, thanks a lot, dude. Who knows what could have happened if you didn't do that?"
"Yes, I'm amazing, tell me something I don't know," you say.
"Uh, yeah," says Greg. "Well, thanks a bunch, brah. The containment field is up and going and I'm totally safe. I mean, there's still hundreds of escapees heading up, but really that's Level -3's problem, right?"
You try to roll your eyes, but they don't exist anymore. Speaking of, you hear someone walk into your cubicle.
"Hey asshole," says Karen. "I got your email, and all I have to saaaAAGGGH WHAT THE FUCK!?"
Ah, she just noticed your eyes or lack thereof. She is currently vomiting into something by the sound of it. This is awkward.
Job: IT
Talent: Fixing computers
Failing: Not being an arrogant jackass.
Quote: "My god, just reroute the system to the 9th quartile and reanalyze the RAM, idiot."
Mutations: No Eyes
[6] You mop the blood up quickly and efficiently, when a scientist comes running full-pelt down the hallway, covered in blood and green goo. Behind him, you can hear gunfire and screaming. Holy crap, you're actually witnessing a problem instead of being the guy who cleans it up.
"Science has gone too far!" he yells. "Run for your liiiiiiives!"
He then slips on the wet spot and inconsiderately breaks his skull open on the floor that
you just cleaned![673: Psychic Empathy (Activated by Touch)] You kneel down and shake him to see if he's still alive so you can rant at him for ignoring clearly visible 'WARNING: SLIPPERY FLOOR' signs. Then, you get a full experience of what it's like to slowly bleed to death. When you come to, you've puked your guts up and added your personal touch to the horrible smell this patch of hallway is developing.
Job: Viscera Cleanup Detail
Talent: Surviving
Failing: Respect towards Superiors
Quote: Good Heavens are these Human Cadavers?
Mutations: Direction Sense, Psychic Empathy (Activated by Touch)
Diana sighs "I suppose I can pull some strings and call in some favours, maybe convince the higher-ups to try a group testing scheme like that on a temporary basis, if it'll shut you up about it. It's on you if it doesn't work, though!" Diana hangs up, aiming to take all the credit for the scheme's success.
As soon as you finish up the conversation, the door opens and Derek points dual fingerguns at you. You carefully shove your now useless lower body under the desk and look like you're working hard. Cos you are, in a way.
"Hey, how's my favorite co-worker?" he asks. "How did Bob's redundancy go?"
"Let's just say he won't be seeing his kids again!" you say, and you share a laugh. "Hey, I wanna float this idea past you, I think you'd love it."
"I'm listening!" he says in a wacky voice, and you both laugh again. Personally, you're not sure why. "Seriously, seriously, go on."
[3+1=4] He nods. He asks obvious questions and concurs with your rhetorical questions. When you're done, he gives a big smile.
"Diana, I love it," he says. "Why didn't I think of it? Just ask people if they want to be part of focus testing! It's just simple yet I bet it'll work. Tell you what, my lunchbreak's coming up in five. How about we chat over a martini lunch?"
Shit. Considering your...
issue, you better think fast.
Job: Middle-Management
Talent: Office Politics
Failing: Actually Managing People
Quote: "I want a report on my desk about [insert ridiculously-underthought-and-ambitious-corporate-planning-idea] on my desk in 20 minutes!"
Mutations: Merperson
Get out of this awful room and get on the phone to Diana. Tell her I need bigger focus testing rooms and a fresh shipment of coerced, but preferably not kidnapped, valued "volunteers."
On one hand, you're out of that awful room and Diana was considering getting bigger rooms.
[3] On the other hand, you're still in a confined space. This corridor is roomier, but it's still too tight!
"Please let me out of here!" you say to faceless deathtrooper (Who you think is Jenna or Gemma or something). "I have urgent business! Urgbusi!"
"Sorry, we're locking down the elevators," she says. "Yet another goddamn containment breach. You can try going through vents, lord knows those are big enough."
She points to a vent cover. The idea makes you prickle with fear, but that might be your only option...
Job: Focus-group testing
Talent: Sugar coating awful realities
Failing: Being truthful
Quote: "The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and you all have the opportunity to take a pill that will increase your attractiveness by 300%. What an amazing day!"
Mutations: Phobia (Enclosed Spaces)
Run away from the scary person and their jam filled halls.
[6+1=OVERSHOOT] You run around screaming your head off, jumping through a window in your efforts to escape. You run around a backyard for a few seconds until the busybody comes out.
"What are you doing?" she asks.
You continue screaming and run into the shed, where a teenager is smoking marijuana. She drops the blunt in surprise, which was a terrible idea since the floor is covered in gasoline for some reason. Was she trying to commit suicide in a really weird way, or just insanely stupid?
[745: Charred Body] Oh. Huh. It seems you're on fire.
...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
You break through the shed's flimsy walls and run down the street, getting the reactions you'd expect from a man on fire running down the street.
Oh yeah.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJob: Public Relations Guy
Talent: Running Away
Failing: Being Brave
Quote: "Oh God, not again."
Mutations: Electrical Travel, Charred Body
have my pocket phone ring in the lobby with the number of the person who just called Joe. Get in the company van(which holds all my work stuff short of my pistol and assault rifle for guard duty) and start driving using the GPS function on my phone to track the number's address then navigate to it with the GPS in the van itself. clear the phone's search and Drive in unsuspiciously.
You arrive at a semi-detached house. Inside, someone is screaming very loudly and several other people are following suit, creating a symphony of pain. A gardener in a jumper knocks on the driver-side window.
"Do you know what's going on in there?" he asks. (343: Reflective Skin) He then squints and rubs his eyes. Huh, your skin seems to have turned into a mirror.
Job:Private Security/Corporate Assasin
Talent:Hand-to-hand Combat.
Failing:Attention span, especially on paperwork.
Quote: "Wanna see a magic trick? Presto, you're dead!"
Mutations: Reflective Skin
Open the email and read it, or at least the bits that aren't [REDACTED].
Forward it to the right person.
greg here
containment field is busted
what do you guys
see you later alligatosr
- greg
[3] This is incredibly bad. A broken containment field... It's really hard to keep track of the amount of apocalyptic scenarios you could spin off from there. You're not sure who you could send this to without you taking the heat for it. The company's unofficial motto is 'shoot the messenger', after all.
(373: Structural Weakness) You crack your fingers and scream, because they are now bending in the wrong directions. You bend them back with incredible pain. It's not like you were particularly strong in the first place, but this is going to be a struggle.
Job:3rd-level support tech (the guy you call after you've allegedly tried rebooting and the troubleshooters.)
Talent:Extremely good technical skills.
Failure:Extremely introverted. Rarely seen anywhere. Appears to communicate solely by email and text. Even when you're in the same room, sometimes.
Quote:"...Uh...Hi...Uh...Hello...Hi...Uh...You...Uh...Wanted to...Uh...Talk to me...Uh...Right?"
Author
Topic: Grotesquerie (Office Roleplay) (Read 4460 times)