I'm the kind who find desires for "spirituality" to be kind of a black box. Could you describe what you're looking for in other words so that I can better answer you?
Do you know that feeling when you're on a beach, and for whatever reason the beach is empty? You don't hear anything but the waves. You don't see any people for miles in any direction, or even any animals for that matter. You don't hear any cars, or screaming children, and you don't have any electronics on you. All you hear is the roar of the tides, and the sand shifting under your feet, and you feel utterly alone... but you're okay with it.
Or when you're standing alone, waiting for the bus stop. You're in an urban setting, with not a lot of wildlife... but then you see a deer gallop across the highway and vanish. You know there's probably a good, logical reason for it, but it's so unusual and momentous that you feel like there has to be a capital-m
Meaning to it.
Or when you're at work early, maybe you're opening the store and it's a quiet morning. Everybody's busily cleaning, stocking, getting ready for the day before the first customers come in. It's the beginning of life breathing into the community. Everywhere, people all around the country are doing exactly the same thing as you. They're getting ready for the day, lighting up the fires of society and business so that everything just clicks in to place, and for a little bit, you feel oneness with other human beings.
Those are all experiences that I've had, the things that kicked off this search for "spirituality". I consider them spiritual experiences. I know, if you look at the big picture, they're not anywhere near as romantic as I make them sound. It's not what actually happened; it's how they made me feel. They put me in an unusual state of mind. I wasn't just idly happy or content; I felt
expanded, in a metaphorical sense. I felt like some inaccessible part of me was enriched, and it felt
good, like a missing part of the puzzle of my life was being filled in.
I want words to describe what I felt during those moments. I want to know how I can experience those feelings again, maybe even all the time, call them up at will. I want those experiences to make some kind of sense in some cosmic framework greater than myself.
I know I'm being very vague, but I'm using the best words I know.