Not as much a 'Today' but rather a lifelong problem I've had, since childhood, kudos to being hit with far too many pranks and intentional vagueness by peers across the ages.
Ever get deathly afraid to ask of/for almost anything? Mostly because you "know" what the answer will be? I only say "know" in quotations because it's not always an established fact of knowing, but rather a conditioned 'Always First Option' that comes to mind (toss in the fact I am also a hardcore pessimist, for some additional fun). Kinda like always being told "No." from an adult as a kid, and being conditioned to always being forbidden from anything due to self-consciousness taking over like auto-pilot.
Now, imagine other people, mostly jackasses (or other kids/employees/etc.) who think they're funny, making perfectly legal and rather innocent things feel like I'm smuggling drugs past border patrol. How?
Mostly by having myself do something that is within our legal rights, that I've even been permitted by asking, let's say my boss, or as a kid, my parents first, and etc. (by however many degrees of separation is necessary, to make it absolutely clear I am permitted to do so to the most legalese level), and as I'm doing said activity, I'm almost immediately, without fail, hounded by other kids or siblings that I am NOT allowed to do said thing (let's say I'm building something, or having a snack or something), and am usually addressed in a way that makes it sound like an executive order by the highest available authority (said person I asked in the first place), as if they made a mistake of permitting me to do so, and retract their permission. Something akin to "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!! YOU SHOULDN'T BE DOING THAT!!!!!" in a definitely aggressive tone, like being reprimanded for being human. As a reflex, I immediately stop whatever I was doing, and remove all evidence of said activity, as if my life were put on the line, and survival is guaranteed if I stop ASAP.
Naturally, the response, whether or not said authority addresses the issue, or I am having a mental breakdown/meltdown/BSOD/near-seizure, or begrudgingly packing things up, is a jovial "I was just kidding. You can carry on..." (immediately after packing everything up/throwing my food out), "It was just a goof." or some other sociopathic response like that, not long after I'm done for. Bullshit like that makes me await the day that I am left with a critical responsibility, and they do that trick one more time, and we're all guaranteed to die as an end result; then I'll pin the blame on them with a demonic smile on my face as my final farewell into the afterlife.
Or, rather, as I grow up, I learn to not bother asking anymore, and just assume whether or not I am permitted, I am the authority of my life, and I'll do what I want. Consequences be damned. Or more realistically, have a crippling fear to ask for anything, even if it's legal, and I have every right to it as every other person. So either become a sociopath, or a coward. By this point in my life, I've decided splitting my personalities into those two isolated categories would be the wiser option. I could use the company of another darker self; if at least to preserve my good nature.
To this day, I still have a nervous fear of asking for anything, no matter how innocuous.
Can't help but to ask, has anyone else been hit with this bullcrap? (And be honest please; both personalities hate dishonesty.)
EDIT:
Seeing as I can't find an official phobia for what I have, I'm labeling it as Quaererephobia "The Fear of Asking Questions" (based on the etymology of question (
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/question))
n.
early 13c., "philosophical or theological problem;" early 14c. as "utterance meant to elicit an answer or discussion," also as "a difficulty, a doubt," from Anglo-French questiun, Old French question "question, difficulty, problem; legal inquest, interrogation, torture," from Latin quaestionem (nominative quaestio) "a seeking, a questioning, inquiry, examining, judicial investigation," noun of action from past participle stem of quaerere "ask, seek" (see query (v.)).
No question "undoubtedly" is from mid-15c; no questions asked "accountability not required" is from 1879 (especially in newspaper advertisements seeking the return of something lost or stolen). Question mark is from 1849, sometimes also question stop (1862); figurative use is from 1869. To be out of the question (c.1700) is to be not pertinent to the subject, hence "not to be considered."
EDIT EDIT:
Oh yeah, and those pranks, they're usually more guaranteed to happen the longer it takes to setup said original activity (or the food ends up disposed of/wasted); and sometimes, these things can only be setup only once, so after said "goof" has been made, I cannot return to my original activity, even if I wanted to again (which cuts a previous psychological scar back open again, and again, and again...). I am tempted to make so many counters to these things, like buying mace to teach them a lesson for opening their mouths like that ever again; for starters/just to warm up (step 1: mace those assholes). I need more malevolent ideas/counters. If they own a computer, I can always 'force admin' and change their passwords. You know, forbid them from their own device. Got important work to do on it? It was "Just a goof" after all. I'm a karma houdini too (Okay, maybe not after a relatively disproportionate retaliation like that). But still, an eye for an eye, (pent-up) jackassery for jackassery.
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Topic: Things That Made You Nervous Today (Read 19596 times)