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Author Topic: Advisers to an Incompetent King RTD  (Read 30609 times)

ATHATH

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Re: Advisers to an Incompetent King RTD
« Reply #105 on: October 23, 2015, 03:58:23 pm »

"What is your name, friend?"
"Classified, sir."
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Seriously, ATHATH, we need to have an intervention about your death mug problem.
Quote
*slow clap* Well ATHATH congratulations. You managed to give the MC a mental breakdown before we even finished the first arc.
I didn't even read it first, I just saw it was ATHATH and noped it. Now that I read it x3 to noping

Nunzillor

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Re: Advisers to an Incompetent King RTD
« Reply #106 on: October 23, 2015, 07:53:41 pm »

"What is your name, friend?"
"Classified, sir."
"Then let's cut to the chase, Mr. Classified.  You don't believe in the transformative power of mannafruit, and I can respect healthy skepticism.  If I arranged for an official visit from the Szechenian government, to discuss the topic with you at length, would that help to alleviate your concerns?"
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crazyabe

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Re: Advisers to an Incompetent King RTD
« Reply #107 on: October 23, 2015, 09:37:39 pm »

wait, Szechenian Goverment? The last time I had Checked, The Szechenians were a Elven race...
... and Elves are an Immortal race of  masochists, meaning they get off on the pain caused by the "mana fruit" and dont age.
« Last Edit: October 23, 2015, 09:39:56 pm by crazyabe »
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Nunzillor

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Re: Advisers to an Incompetent King RTD
« Reply #108 on: October 24, 2015, 02:10:10 am »

"That's preposterous!  Have you been drinking too many potions again, Zech?  Too much virgin's blood is bad for your health, you know."
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crazyabe

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Re: Advisers to an Incompetent King RTD
« Reply #109 on: October 24, 2015, 11:18:48 am »

No, I know it because I spent fifty years locked in a tower for using magic without a license near them.
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Nirur Torir

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Re: Advisers to an Incompetent King RTD
« Reply #110 on: October 24, 2015, 01:41:00 pm »

Chapter title: Killing fun with fire.

It is now winter.

Darius recruits more peasants, armed with equipment 'taxed' from local merchants.
{2} - Darius recruits a few men, and tries to strong-arm a blacksmith into giving swords to the crown. Said blacksmith breaks out a sob story about barely being able to feed his children as-is. Darius orders his men to force the issue, but they refuse and chase him out of town.

<Classified> gets an assortment of things and asks the necromancer about magic.
{1} - The necromancer doesn't know how to cast a True Revive, and refuses to teach him magic while on the king poisoner's payroll.
The 'cool things' he brought back are useless novelty knick-knacks (mostly broken during his travels), and a few exotic weapons nobody knows how to use. He can't find his stock of poisons anywhere.

Zechtenmarkus casts spells of incendiary emasculation at bandits.
{5} - Although the mages are working under the orders of their employer and refuse to help, some local forces are free to protect him. The harassment of the bandits goes well. Most of them either die by fire castration spells or surrender outright. The remaining 20% have sworn a blood oath of revenge.

Word of your methods of bandit disposal have spread amongst the troops.

Sage Holtze gives orders to his mages.
{2}-1 - A rabble of untrained and incompetent magic users interested in agricultural magic are given temporary control of every winery and brewery in the kingdom and told to create wine from painfruit. The surprisingly combustive juice ends up burning down every alcoholery in the kingdom.
{4}-1 - The necromancer leads a small group interested in learning death magic. They prove to be as-yet incapable with the basics, but she animates a few dozen human skeletons. Holtze tries (and fails) to contract them around the kingdom, much to the disgust of the landed nobility.
{6}-1 - The pyromancer leads some highly illegal raids against neighboring lands and succeeds in destroying every field near and outside of Justdale's border, somehow not drawing the ire of ruling rival nobles.
...In winter, when nothing is growing. Yay you.
{6}-1 - The magic users interested in transmuting manage to organize themselves admirably, and even begin pooling their knowledge of the subject. It's not much, and they have nothing to show regarding dirt-to-steel-weapons magic.

Locke writes a friendship shipfic between himself and the king.
{1} - The story has very unfortunate phrases throughout which could easily be taken as perverse euphemisms. The king is not at all amused, and makes it strongly known that he does not feel for his jester in that way.

Sir Biscuits takes some palace guards and recruits bandits from the kingdom outskirts.
{4} - There aren't any decent horses at the palace, but there are plenty of would-be infantry. Bandit recruitment is quite successful. The kingdom outskirts are now a bit safer, and overall discipline in the ranks actually increases.

Sir Mangrove tries to contact the druid.
{5} - After several unsuccessful contact attempts, he finds someone that witnessed the battle. As it turns out, the adventurers managed to slay the druid and find the vial. According to pub-based sources, the scoundrels had plans to retire in Scavenger's Den, a coastal city in the small republic of Jackal's Reach.

Priestess Imeremifava calls for action to reclaim the 'holy' vial of wealth creation, and orders local forces to guard the necromancer.
{2} - People begin to pay lip service to the idea of recovering the vial. The necromancer is guarded.


King Roland is deeply upset by the loss of the alcohol.

Tax season! The treasury is decently stocked.
Taxes remain moderate.
The kingdom economy is greatly weakened by the loss of domestic alcohol production.
The military grows.
A small group of girly bandits is operating near the capital.

The local economy is abysmal.
The kingdom economy is abysmal.

The local levies are moderate and of poor quality.
The kingdom levies are moderate and of poor quality.

The king is falling into depression. He just wants to be alone right now.


John Locke (nosaneinme), the palace fool, is shamed.

Sir "Biscuits" McGee (NJW2000), knight of the crown and head of military finance, is watching the new troops spar.

Sir Mangrove (Harry Baldman), the Secretary of Love, Worldliness and Quests, has no booze.

Sage Holtze Pzchun (Nunzillor), Import/Export Economic Adviser, is the hero of prohibitionists.

Asha Imeremifava (penguinofhonor), Priestess and Religious Adviser, is frustrated by apathy.

Darius Welthon (Coolrune206), Economic Adviser, has an acceptably-sized stock of booze.

Classified (ATHATH), assassin, has no booze

Zechtenmarkus (crazyabe), Royal Mage and Adviser of magical Affairs, is quite feared.
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crazyabe

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Re: Advisers to an Incompetent King RTD
« Reply #111 on: October 24, 2015, 01:49:20 pm »

I shall start working on some magical research on Dwarven plants, Perhaps the Dwarf Darius Welthon could help me with importing Dwarven plump-helmets for growth in the dungeon, plump-helmets do make good beer, and are 75% alcohol to begin with.
Soon we will have beer returned to the kingdome.
« Last Edit: October 24, 2015, 04:19:15 pm by crazyabe »
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NJW2000

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Re: Advisers to an Incompetent King RTD
« Reply #112 on: October 24, 2015, 01:52:02 pm »

"See! Simple, safe methods, like the recruiting of hardworking, effective men are far superior to this "volunteering" nonsense! Now, if you'll excuse me, my loyal troops, I have to go sort out the booze issue... singlehandedly, of course. And I'll probably slay a bear or two or a dragon along the way. You may come along and watch, if you wish."

Go directly to the King, and advise him to declare that henceforth, "water" shall be named "alcohol", and "alcohol", "water". This will create lasting stocks of booze, making everyone happier, and, if drought becomes an issue, people can eat the winter snows instead.

If he refuses to do so out of despondency, so much the better; I can do so myself. Also tacitly suggest that he might like to appoint an heir, in case anything were to happen to him, if this goes down well.



((ALSO, Nirur Torir, do you mind if I faux-post these actions for the next ever-so-many turns? As in, next turn, this action is what I do regardless? This is tons of fun, but I have to go away without a CPU for a working week.))


« Last Edit: October 25, 2015, 06:20:51 pm by NJW2000 »
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Nunzillor

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Re: Advisers to an Incompetent King RTD
« Reply #113 on: October 24, 2015, 02:06:24 pm »

"How strange.  Who will ever truly know the cause of this calamitous state of affairs?  It will be an event enshrouded in mystery for all time, I fear."

Pyromancers: Oops!  Well, do it again!
Necromancers: Train the skeletons to be personable and alluring to investors.  We're trying to create an industry here, the least the undead can do is be a little friendly.  If there's time, try to contract them out again after their sensitivity training.
Transmuters: Great!  Now that you're organized, start turning water into painfruit wine.  After all, both magic and booze are the cause of, and solution to, all problems.
Agricultural mages: Start training yourselves and doing research.  You're awful at your jobs, by the way.


((Any benefit to giving 3 actions instead of 4?))
« Last Edit: October 24, 2015, 03:07:47 pm by Nunzillor »
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crazyabe

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Re: Advisers to an Incompetent King RTD
« Reply #114 on: October 24, 2015, 02:19:19 pm »

Holtze, Could I "borrow" some of your mages, They do fall within my sphere of advice. I will pay from my own pocket if necessary.
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Nunzillor

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Re: Advisers to an Incompetent King RTD
« Reply #115 on: October 24, 2015, 02:23:40 pm »

"If you cease this ridiculous line of inquiry into the glory that is mannafruit, then yes, for a modest fee.  This is all coming out of my own pocket, you know, and it is quite expensive."
« Last Edit: October 24, 2015, 03:10:16 pm by Nunzillor »
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Nosaneinme

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Re: Advisers to an Incompetent King RTD
« Reply #116 on: October 24, 2015, 02:26:09 pm »

Chapter title: Killing fun with fire.



Locke writes a friendship shipfic between himself and the king.
{1} - The story has very unfortunate phrases throughout which could easily be taken as perverse euphemisms. The king is not at all amused, and makes it strongly known that he does not feel for his jester in that way.


King Roland is deeply upset by the loss of the alcohol.


The king is falling into depression. He just wants to be alone right now.


John Locke (nosaneinme), the palace fool, is shamed.


Explain to the King, and allow him to help to write his book for him. This should him not make anger at me
« Last Edit: October 24, 2015, 02:29:38 pm by Nosaneinme »
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crazyabe

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Re: Advisers to an Incompetent King RTD
« Reply #117 on: October 24, 2015, 02:26:16 pm »

I pull out a bag of holding, And pile three bars of gold in front of me
Would this be enough?
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Nirur Torir

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Re: Advisers to an Incompetent King RTD
« Reply #118 on: October 24, 2015, 02:27:47 pm »

((Any benefit to giving 3 actions instead of 4?))
((No.))

[snip - quoted large piece of update post]
((Do Not Do This))
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Nosaneinme

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Re: Advisers to an Incompetent King RTD
« Reply #119 on: October 24, 2015, 02:30:22 pm »


((Do Not Do This))

((Okay, better now))
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