Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[StrawBarrel]

Is my character's backstory too outlandish? Do I need to add more details, negative traits, or something?

[WillowLuman]

The mutations could use some adjustments, is all. Gliding isn't really a thing in microgravity.

[StrawBarrel]

Would echolocation work?

Spoiler: Revised Character Sheet (click to show/hide)

Name: Carla Leona Plata
Type: Mutant- A human other than the fact she posses two skin like wings between her roughly normal human arms, torso, and legs.

Positive trait: Echolocation-The ability to use echoes to determine the location of objects.
Negative trait: More frail than natural humans.
Other Mutations: Long elfish ears, can extend tongue out six inches, canine-like sharp teeth, naturally pointed finger and toe nails, but not claws. Also she can glide with cartilage webbing that extents from her wrist to her ankle. (She is more akin to a flying squirrel rather than an actual bat).


Description: Carla is of short height and average portions for a human-bat mutant. Her skin is dark brown. Her eyes are hazel. Her straight shoulder length is black. She is 19 years of age. When Carla smiles, many will see a wide toothy doggish grin. As a result of her long elflike ears and ability to make high pitched shrieks, Carla, like her former fellow cultist, can use echolocation. She usually wears a poncho and a straw sombrero, clothes she adopted from her rodeo days. Because of her short stature and recent entrance into young adulthood, Carla is sometimes nicknamed "Kid", "Niña", "Chiquito", or some other variations. Likewise her personality reflects such names as she is often naïve, fearless, lacking inhibitions, optimistic, and a dreamer. She dreams of a future without needlessly cruel and vindictive people. When not working, this woman enjoys singing.

Background: Carla was born into a genetically engineered human-bat mutated Mesoamerican bat god cult. The fairly large Mesoamerican bat god cult is theocracy ruled by a council of high priests. As a member of the farming caste, Carla learned to farm and raise livestock. Although not part of the warrior caste, Carla was drilled in the hand to hand combat, archaic weaponry, and a military formation as part of the cult militia.
Carla could have lived a fairly subservient and highly religious life, except for one thing. One day, she proclaimed was a female rather than male; she was a transgender woman. She changed her name from Carlos Plata to Carla Leona Plata. She quickly became ostracized by the community as the council proclaimed this was against cult doctrine. When the hatred escalated to a boiling point, an 18 year old Carla fled from her home to escape the threat of execution via sacrifice to the bat god. Once safe, Carla worked as a rodeo worker for a year before joining the prospective hippie commune.

Skill recap:
-Farming and animal husbandry in a not high tech way.
-Some formal militia training.
-Knows the basics of how to fight unarmed, with clubs, swords, slings, and shields.
-Laborer (farming and working as a low paid employee at a rodeo.)
-Can sing very well.

[WillowLuman]

Perhaps. I was thinking that, if she flapped her "wings," they'd let her move around faster in microgravity, provided there was air.

[armach]

Spoiler: Updated Char. Sheet (click to show/hide)

Name: Jason Flores
Type: Natural
Description: A 30 year old man with light brown skin and has an average height and build. Usually wears black and gold jumpsuit and a black work cap and a tool belt. He seems friendly and socially laid-back, however he is usually obsessive about his work. He tends to forget to eat or sleep until he has finished a task.
Background: Before joining the commune, he worked as a freelance engineer on many different projects, both civil and military. When he first heard about the commune heading off into space he was dismissive about the idea. As time progressed he realized that for most of his life he had worked on building things for others, he would pour time and sweat into a project and then hand it off. He felt that for once he could help build something for himself. After some initial communication with some of the prospective colonists and a few months of internal deliberation he decided to join the commune. He helped the colonists by devising efficient and reliable plans for the initial, and future, structures and will stay to help construct and maintain them onsite.

[StrawBarrel]

Ok, I removed echolocation and rewrote the wings part.

Spoiler:  Character Sheet (click to show/hide)

Name: Carla Leona Plata
Type: Mutant- A human other than the fact she posses two skin like wings between her roughly normal human arms, torso, and legs.

Positive trait: On Earth, she could glide with cartilage webbing that extents from her wrist to her ankle. (She is more akin to a flying squirrel rather than an actual bat). When in a place with both microgravity and air, she can move around faster as she flaps her wings.
Negative trait: More frail than natural humans.
Other Mutations: Long elfish ears, can extend tongue out six inches, canine-like sharp teeth, naturally pointed finger and toe nails, but not claws.


Description: Carla is of short height and average portions for a human-bat mutant. Her skin is dark brown. Her eyes are hazel. Her straight shoulder length is black. She is 19 years of age. When Carla smiles, many will see a wide toothy doggish grin. Despite her long elflike ears and ability to make high pitched shrieks, Carla, like her former fellow cultist, can not use echolocation. She usually wears a poncho and a straw sombrero, clothes she adopted from her rodeo days. Because of her short stature and recent entrance into young adulthood, Carla is sometimes nicknamed "Kid", "Niña", "Chiquito", or some other variations. Likewise her personality reflects such names as she is often naïve, fearless, lacking inhibitions, optimistic, and a dreamer. She dreams of a future without needlessly cruel and vindictive people. When not working, this woman enjoys singing.

Background: Carla was born into a genetically engineered human-bat mutated Mesoamerican bat god cult. The fairly large Mesoamerican bat god cult is theocracy ruled by a council of high priests. As a member of the farming caste, Carla learned to farm and raise livestock. Although not part of the warrior caste, Carla was drilled in the hand to hand combat, archaic weaponry, and a military formation as part of the cult militia.
Carla could have lived a fairly subservient and highly religious life, except for one thing. One day, she proclaimed was a female rather than male; she was a transgender woman. She changed her name from Carlos Plata to Carla Leona Plata. She quickly became ostracized by the community as the council proclaimed this was against cult doctrine. When the hatred escalated to a boiling point, an 18 year old Carla fled from her home to escape the threat of execution via sacrifice to the bat god. Once safe, Carla worked as a rodeo worker for a year before joining the prospective hippie commune.

Skill recap:
-Farming and animal husbandry in a not high tech way.
-Some formal militia training.
-Knows the basics of how to fight unarmed, with clubs, swords, slings, and shields.
-Laborer (farming and working as a low paid employee at a rodeo.)
-Can sing very well.

[WillowLuman]

Alright, looks good. Now we just need tweaks to Vishnu. Zero can still make it in if tweaked right but otherwise we'll be going with 7.

[crazyabe]

Name: Zero
Type: Natural
Gender: Male
Age:84
Personality: a Professional under most circumstances, he can be described as hard and cruel to those that harm his friends, But his friends see the real, kind, over worked person he is.
Desc: A old man with white skin and is bald he has a bar code tattooed to the back of his head.
Background: Zero worked as a high quality assassin for most of his life, at the age of 72 he joined a hippy commune for his retirement, but he wasnt made to live on earth...

Severe Changes

[WillowLuman]

Could work, especially if you focus on a "turn over a new leaf" angle. Could use some further tweaks, but much more workable then before. Though bear in mind that now he's someone who has been a murderer for a long time. Does he have qualms about it? Or is he just looking for something new after doing the same thing for so long?

[crazyabe]

Could work, especially if you focus on a "turn over a new leaf" angle. Could use some further tweaks, but much more workable then before. Though bear in mind that now he's someone who has been a murderer for a long time. Does he have qualms about it? Or is he just looking for something new after doing the same thing for so long?

both, He is suppose to be retired from murder, and this is his way of starting a new life, however short that life may end up being do to old age.

[WillowLuman]

Could work, though I'm still wondering why he stuck with the job to such an old age if he had qualms about it. Perhaps consider making him 60 (though with future medicine, 80 could be the new 60.)

[crazyabe]

Name: Zero
Type: Natural
Gender: Male
Age:64
Personality: a Professional under most circumstances, he can be described as hard and cruel to those that harm his friends, But his friends see the real, kind, over worked person he is.
Desc: A old man with white skin and is bald he has a bar code tattooed to the back of his head.
Background: Zero worked as a high quality assassin for most of his life, at the age of 52 he joined a hippy commune for his retirement, but he wasnt made to live on earth

Modded

[WillowLuman]

How does this sound:

Name: Zero
Type: Natural
Description: An old, bald man with light skin and a barcode tattooed to the back of his head. A Professional under most circumstances, he can be described as cold, perhaps even cruel, but those who have befriended him see the kinder side of him, a person looking for a way out.
Background: Zero worked as a skilled and discreet assassin for nearly his entire life, but never enjoyed his work. It was all he knew how to do, and he had various expenses to meet, but eventually he saved up enough that he could think about retirement. However, no matter where he went on Earth, he could not escape reminders of his past, and so he was drawn to murmurings of a way to start anew away from global society.

Also, just realized his description sounds like Agent 47 from Hitman. What's the barcode for?

[crazyabe]

How does this sound:

Name: Zero
Type: Natural
Description: An old, bald man with light skin and a barcode tattooed to the back of his head. A Professional under most circumstances, he can be described as cold, perhaps even cruel, but those who have befriended him see the kinder side of him, a person looking for a way out.
Background: Zero worked as a skilled and discreet assassin for nearly his entire life, but never enjoyed his work. It was all he knew how to do, and he had various expenses to meet, but eventually he saved up enough that he could think about retirement. However, no matter where he went on Earth, he could not escape reminders of his past, and so he was drawn to murmurings of a way to start anew away from global society.

Also, just realized his description sounds like Agent 47 from Hitman. What's the barcode for?

It just states his Code name, from his days as an assassin Agent 194257-3, Its also there so people can ID his corpse months after he has died, because the "Barcode" is tattooed all the way onto his skull.

[WillowLuman]

Put all the characters together, calculated upkeeps (Not much deviation from standard). With nanobones withdrawn, we still only have 7/7 applicants. Still need to revise Vishnu and Zero. Look over these and make sure they're okay.

Name: Valerie Kain
Type: Cyborg, Bio-electric power source
Augmentation: Robotic prosthetic on the left arm, from the elbow down. Robotic right eye.
Gender: Female
Age: 30
Previous Occupation: Marine Corps
Appearance: Val has regulation length brown hair, bright green eyes, and skin the color of milk chocolate.
Personality: Val is a very fiery person. If she's not angry, yelling, and cursing up a storm, she's either having a good day(unlikely), or something is very, very wrong.
Background: Val served in the Corps for most of her life, participating in a number of different campaigns. She lost her arm to an artillery strike that hit way too close for comfort, and her eye to an insurgent who got a lucky shot off with his pistol. She found herself honorably discharged, and then unable to find employment anywhere. So, she decided shed try her luck with the commune after hearing about the scheme.

Upkeep: 200 food/day

Name: Terry "Mech" Waterson
Type: Cyborg
-Bio-electricity
-Carapace
-Neural Interface

Gender: Male
Age: 37

Appearance/Description: A short man with gray-silver skin, a large, broken nose, thin mouth and a weak jaw line.  He is bald thanks to the augmentation, although he often wears wigs, he has brought a single one with short black hair.  His eyes are brown but covered in a reddish cover while in space.

He is generally optimistic and seeks to create a better world for everyone, he believes that scientific advancements will do that and should not be fettered by fear and superstition.

Background: Terry saw the newest advances in human augmentation first hand as a son of biotech and cybernetics engineers.  He was looking to get into that field as the first laws were passed restricting such technology to medical and military use.  He has been involved in politics around transhuman rights and science advancement for over a decade, getting small changes to the laws bit by bit.  His political party was recently outlawed as a terrorist organization and forced to disband.

Upkeep: 225 food/day

Type: Mutant. Specifically skewed towards feline. Along with physiological abnormalities (feline ears, tail, fangs, enhanced hearing/small, eyeshine, primarily carnivorous dietary requirements, and retractable claws) Fee has an extremely abnormal neurological makeup. To put it in simple terms. She thinks like a cat. An intelligent cat with a grasp of Sol Common/applicable English related language for setting, but still a cat. Nearly entirely technologically illiterate and difficulties grasping abstract concepts, it would take a great effort on her part to learn how to operate anything more then basic technology. An effort that odds are is she doesn't want to bother with. Often preferring to nap near something warm.

Description: Fee is 5'7, age unknown but likely between 17 and 23, rather lean, vivid green eyes (slightly more oval then one would expect), cat ears, a cat tail, finger and toenails seem somewhat off, and she definitely has fangs.,  probably a bit underweight, although that is to be expected when one's diet requires a large amount of meat. Meat is after all quite expensive. Her hair is reminiscent of a tortoiseshell cat. This coloration includes her tail and ears. Fee tends to be difficult to get close to, clearly operating on entirely different social rules then normal people. Although anyone who has spent time around cats can generally get enough to get at least semiclose. She tends to have clipped speech, often not using any more words then necessary to convey a concept. If she doesn't need to speak to convey a concept then she will point or use gestures. She gets along quite well with cats of any sort, her physiology altered enough for her to both emit and hear the extreme high and low frequency sounds most species of felines use to communicate. This was evidenced during her teenage years when she broke into a local zoo's tiger exhibit no fewer then four times before being banned from the premises. Generally, any nuzzling means she likes you. If she doesn't go near you, she probably does not like you and attempts to approach will likely end with clawmarks

Background: Fee was abandoned as a child, parents likely not wanting to take care of what appeared to be a monstrosity. (Think of a baby. Now add hairless cat ears, remove the normal ears, add a hairless tail, and add more catlike traits. Yes fur on the ears and tail grew later, but it appeared monsterous on birth.) She ended up in an orphanage, where she befriended the rather eccentric owner and their fifteen cats. Grew up. Didn't get adopted due to antisocial tendencies. Ended up running off at one point or another. Spent the next several years on the streets. Developed a number of street skills, including but not limited to: Pickpocketing, nonelectronic lockpicking, basic cooking, salvaging valuable shiny bits from broken machines, breaking and entering, and unarmed, dirty, hand to hand fighting. Eventually she attached to a semi tolerable person. Same way cats adopt dwarves. Said person happened to decide to go to space. She followed.

Upkeep: 200 food/day

Name: Carla Leona Plata
Type: Mutant- A human other than the fact she posses two skin like wings between her roughly normal human arms, torso, and legs.

Positive trait: On Earth, she could glide with cartilage webbing that extents from her wrist to her ankle. (She is more akin to a flying squirrel rather than an actual bat). When in a place with both microgravity and air, she can move around faster as she flaps her wings.
Negative trait: More frail than natural humans.
Other Mutations: Long elfish ears, can extend tongue out six inches, canine-like sharp teeth, naturally pointed finger and toe nails, but not claws.


Description: Carla is of short height and average portions for a human-bat mutant. Her skin is dark brown. Her eyes are hazel. Her straight shoulder length is black. She is 19 years of age. When Carla smiles, many will see a wide toothy doggish grin. Despite her long elflike ears and ability to make high pitched shrieks, Carla, like her former fellow cultist, can not use echolocation. She usually wears a poncho and a straw sombrero, clothes she adopted from her rodeo days. Because of her short stature and recent entrance into young adulthood, Carla is sometimes nicknamed "Kid", "Niña", "Chiquito", or some other variations. Likewise her personality reflects such names as she is often naïve, fearless, lacking inhibitions, optimistic, and a dreamer. She dreams of a future without needlessly cruel and vindictive people. When not working, this woman enjoys singing.

Background: Carla was born into a genetically engineered human-bat mutated Mesoamerican bat god cult. The fairly large Mesoamerican bat god cult is theocracy ruled by a council of high priests. As a member of the farming caste, Carla learned to farm and raise livestock. Although not part of the warrior caste, Carla was drilled in the hand to hand combat, archaic weaponry, and a military formation as part of the cult militia.
Carla could have lived a fairly subservient and highly religious life, except for one thing. One day, she proclaimed was a female rather than male; she was a transgender woman. She changed her name from Carlos Plata to Carla Leona Plata. She quickly became ostracized by the community as the council proclaimed this was against cult doctrine. When the hatred escalated to a boiling point, an 18 year old Carla fled from her home to escape the threat of execution via sacrifice to the bat god. Once safe, Carla worked as a rodeo worker for a year before joining the prospective hippie commune.

Skill recap:
-Farming and animal husbandry in a not high tech way.
-Some formal militia training.
-Knows the basics of how to fight unarmed, with clubs, swords, slings, and shields.
-Laborer (farming and working as a low paid employee at a rodeo.)
-Can sing very well.

Upkeep: 190 food/day

Name: Jason Flores
Type: Natural
Description: A 30 year old man with light brown skin and has an average height and build. Usually wears black and gold jumpsuit and a black work cap and a tool belt. He seems friendly and socially laid-back, however he is usually obsessive about his work. He tends to forget to eat or sleep until he has finished a task.
Background: Before joining the commune, he worked as a freelance engineer on many different projects, both civil and military. When he first heard about the commune heading off into space he was dismissive about the idea. As time progressed he realized that for most of his life he had worked on building things for others, he would pour time and sweat into a project and then hand it off. He felt that for once he could help build something for himself. After some initial communication with some of the prospective colonists and a few months of internal deliberation he decided to join the commune. He helped the colonists by devising efficient and reliable plans for the initial, and future, structures and will stay to help construct and maintain them onsite.

Upkeep 200 food/day

How does this sound:

Name: Zero
Type: Natural
Description: An old, bald man with light skin and a barcode tattooed to the back of his head. A Professional under most circumstances, he can be described as cold, perhaps even cruel, but those who have befriended him see the kinder side of him, a person looking for a way out.
Background: Zero worked as a skilled and discreet assassin for nearly his entire life, but never enjoyed his work. It was all he knew how to do, and he had various expenses to meet, but eventually he saved up enough that he could think about retirement. However, no matter where he went on Earth, he could not escape reminders of his past, and so he was drawn to murmurings of a way to start anew away from global society.

Also, just realized his description sounds like Agent 47 from Hitman. What's the barcode for?

It just states his Code name, from his days as an assassin Agent 194257-3, Its also there so people can ID his corpse months after he has died, because the "Barcode" is tattooed all the way onto his skull.

Having irremovable ID like that seems quite counterintuitive for a criminal.

Name: Vishnu III
Type: Android
Augmentation: Six arms
Gender Male
Age:27
Appearance: Blue Skin, red eyes, bald head.
Background: A servant android trained in most human languages and gardening skills. He once saved Zeros life, which has caused him to rethink his life. Zero freed Vishnu III from his opressive overlords in return, and thus a free Android was made.

Again, may want to think who you're attaching Vishnu to. He could probably use a bit more detail in general.