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Voting closed: October 11, 2015, 03:00:40 am

[Execute/Dumbo.exe]

Inhoipzo... Execute nods, seemingly rapt by the other spirit's retelling of his history, and when he finishes, starts to speak.
"Oh, are you a fighter, then? I must say, I have quite a possibility for you, there lies a land, found through a magic portal, containing artefacts of immense power, those false spirits that came here who wielded weapons that could level buildings in seconds meerly had but a taste of the strength I assure you, if we went there together with our combined forces we would be able to crush that land and tacke their power for ourselves." He pauses then, finger to his chin in thought, before returning his gaze to the other spirit, "Or yourself, to be perfectly honest, I have no want of them, I just want to see the banner I stand behind to conquer.
I must ask, however, what were you doing so close to a volcano?"
It takes an actor to know an actor, roll for figuring out if he's lying about that whole spirit thing and a roll for trying to get him interested in invading where I want him to.

[High tyrol]

park my car in airport parking lot then take off head for conquistadors to kill them with planes guns

[TCM]

I probably should have asked this before, but how feasible would it be to hit enemies with my sword whilst driving the spudmobile, or at least while aboard it. I don't find either very likely, but the latter might be nice if I have to have my soldier take the wheel.

Compared to a lot of the other antics in this game, jousting with the Spudmobile is completely practical and counts as a normal roll if you have your companion drive it.

[Hawk132]

Follow after UR, shoot the conquistadors with my AR.

[TCM]

Complain about the lack of rest and move to the sound of gunfire to kill those bastards who interrupted such a nice dream

(BTW, can I use the Katana one handed without penalties?)

Normally yes, but I'll give you some wiggle room sine you are a trained martial artist so that cancels out the penalties. Just remember it is quite difficult to wield the Katana with one hand and it can easily be knocked out of your grasp.

[MidnightJaguar]

Can I get wait listed?

[TCM]

Can I get wait listed?

Yes.

[TCM]

Round 36: Conquistador Calamity
Location: Denmark, Wisconsin
Weather Conditions: Snow (12.5 inches)
Time: Morning

High Tyrol parks her car in the parking lot of the airport and then detaches her biplane from her ground vehicle. She steps into her plane and takes off, steadily gaining in altitude in the direction of Denmark...

Hawk and Ukrainian Ranger make their way out from the eventful grocery store and walk the street until they find the source of the gunfire. While the Conquistadors are focused on trying to shoot at the two men riding around on what appears to be a gigantic potato, Hawk turns the corner and opens fire with his newly acquired AR15. (6 vs. 3) A quick burst-shot into the dozen soldiers hits one in the back, piercing right through his armor; he convulses and drops his weapons before falling to the ground, still alive however.

"Focus fire on my target! Keep firing, but make 'em count! Don't give 'em a chance to reload!" Person gives orders to the Buffalo Soldier as he pilots the mobile potato, making wide circular turns around the Conquistadors, effectively strafing them as bullets fly all around them. One of the Conquistadors manages to predict the movement of the potato and runs at a perpendicular angle to intercept and strike at its riders from the side with his blade. (10+2 vs. 1) Person reacts reflexively, almost in a trance-like state, as he pulls his pistol on the Conquistador without even looking in his direction, keeping his eyes ahead on the path of his vehicle. Person pulls the trigger and a single bullet enters the Conquistador's nose and exits out of his skull, ricochets off the back of his helmet and embeds itself in a different portion of his head. His body flops to the ground and two of his comrades adjacent to him freeze in place, making it effortless on Person's part to shoot them both in the neck with his remaining bullets, felling them instantly before making an equally smooth one-handed reload. [+3 Conquistador Points] The Buffalo Soldier, witnessing all of this, almost forgets to shoot with his rifle. [9 vs. 6] The WWI infantryman fires into the lower torso of a fleeing Conquistador who clutches his stomach and falls to the ground, bleeding out rapidly.

A few minutes earlier, Greatness had filled Hawk and Ukrainian in on the situation outside: "I just saw, like, 6 Spanish Conquistadors run down the street scared out of their wits...UR, you wanna go after 'em? I'll follow you." He now found himself behind a building while his two team members ran into battle. It's not that he wasn't in the mood for fighting, rather, he was using his newly acquired radio advice to get in contact with the same forces that had ambushed them earlier. Trying all of the available frequencies, Greatness receives no response, meaning that the Resistance must have abandoned their radios or completely fallen apart...until he gets a loud human response, "Assault Team! This is Sniper Team, we've engaged the enemy at the highway! The revolution is still alive!" The militia's yells are somewhat dampened by the sounds of gunshots.

Abstract reacts quickly, scanning his surroundings and trying to figure out just what's going on. [9] He doesn't see anything until he catches the glimmer of something in the hills next to the highway, the glimmer of a rifle! [7+2] Abstract drives around the ensuing chaos as cars are taken down around him, police officers leaving their vehicles to return fire and then being subsequently struck down. A splatter of blood hits the side of the car and elicits screams from all of his passengers. Abstract drives until the shooting is just a distant noise behind him and the lights of Green Bay are in the distance. The children are crying. The mother is sobbing. Autumn is silent but looks incredibly distressed.

At the meeting with Ihiyo-Conlati, Execute leans forward and makes something of an offer: "Oh, are you a fighter, then? I must say, I have quite a possibility for you, there lies a land, found through a magic portal, containing artefacts of immense power, those false spirits that came here who wielded weapons that could level buildings in seconds meerly had but a taste of the strength I assure you, if we went there together with our combined forces we would be able to crush that land and take their power for ourselves." He pauses then, finger to his chin in thought, before returning his gaze to the other spirit, "Or yourself, to be perfectly honest, I have no want of them, I just want to see the banner I stand behind to conquer.
I must ask, however, what were you doing so close to a volcano?"
Ihiyo laughs with either dismissal or nervousness (perhaps both?) when Execute speaks of this other world. "What need would I have of such a bizarre land? I have everything I need here: glory, wealth, women. I have no wish to waste my time with such absurdity."
In response to Execute's inquiry, "What was I doing next to a volcano? I was searching for obsidian of the highest quality obviously, to take back to the capital to be forged into a mighty sword for me. I had to leap over streams of boiling lava and avoid giant flaming rocks, but I easily got what I had come there for."
(Acting: 10+2) Ihiyo spontaneously decides to impress Execute with his ability to breathe fire and performs his unique technique of placing his open hand up to his lips and breathing fire through the hole. Execute begins putting two and two together; whenever Ihiyo breathed fire, it was always after consuming alcohol, a highly flammable substance. And upon closer inspection, in his right palm, wasn't that a match?

Ukrainian, groggy from her lack of sleep, takes out his frustration on the Conquistadors. She watches as Hawk shoots one down with his AR15, and makes him her first target. (2 vs. 9-2) U.R. dashes forward and jumps at the wounded soldier who reacts by flipping onto his back and pointing the tip of his sword right at Ukrainian directly above him. (6 vs. Ukrainian changes her direction at the last second and falls to the side of the soldier to avoid being skewered, missing her opportunity to attack.


The Conquistadors continue to fire upon Person and his companion. (7 vs. 10) Fortunately, the potato is much too mobile for the slow-firing weaponry that the Spanish are equipped with. (3 vs. 5+1) Person fires at one of them and manages to knock a feather out of his helmet.
One of the Conquistadors, rather than fire at Person, turns his attention to Hawk. (2 vs. He fires his Musket off and hits a car quite a far distance away from the politician. (5 vs. 7) Hawk responds with a single shot, a miss as well but much too close for the Conquistador's comfort.
The wounded Conquistador next to Ukrainian jabs his blade at her. (10 vs. 4) Ukrainian reacts too slowly and is punished by having his shortsword stab into her side, jamming through her liver and several arteries. He pulls it out and leaves her with a gaping bloody wound, her clothing turning bright crimson.
About four able-bodied Conquistadors are running now, hitting the road and making a beeline for the end boundaries of the city. Suddenly, a biplane appears! (5 vs. 5) High tyrol fires into the street, bullets further destroying the surrounding wreckage, but failing to hit any of the Conquistadors, who try to run even faster now.

Spoiler: Execute/Dumbo.exe (click to show/hide)

Name: Execute/Dumbo.exe "Amihiyotzinuatmotlapal"
Gender: Male
Nationality: Iranian/Russian
Karaindash: +2 Administration, +2 Diplomacy
Rufa Mae Quinto: +2 Acting, +2 Singing
The Other Face of Janus: +Ability: Trans-dimensional Painting Transportation
Arman Sedghi: +2 Engineering
Sviatopolk I of Kiev: +2 Military Strategy, +2 Assassination, +Loyal Boyar Subject

Status: Fine
Kills: 0
Assets: Loyal Boyar Subject (Dagger, High Priest Robes), Shortsword
Abilities:
Trans-dimensional Painting Transportation - Can open up portals in paintings to travel in and out of them. A strange and enigmatic power, use it carefully.
Wings of Quetzalcoatl - Can fly.
Vessel: The Aztec Empire (Aztec Emperor)
Army:
87 Generals
309,000 Aztec Soldiers

Standard War Party Equipment - Bows, Obsidian Spears, Cloth Armor, Hardwood Helmets
Looted European Equipment: Muskets, Crossbows, Rapiers, Steel Armor, Steel Helmets

Spoiler: Twinwolf (click to show/hide)

Name: Twinwolf
Gender: Male
Nationality: English/Yugoslavian

Johnny Strange: +2 Juggling, +2 Marksmanship, +Abilities: Black Hole Swallow Technique + Fire-breath Manipulator
Sluggish schizophrenia: +2 Psychological Torture
Dimitrije Ljotić: +2 Nationalistic Leadership, +2 Law, +Judge's Suit
Black Thunder: +Black Thunder Chocolate Bar (When a bite of the bar is taken, lightning will randomly strike in the nearby area)
Kartouwe: +Kartouwe Cannon

Status: Normal
Assets: Judge's Suit, Black Thunder Chocolate Bar (When a bite of the bar is taken, lightning will randomly strike in the nearby area), Kartouwe Cannon, Lighter
Abilities:
Black Hole Swallow Technique - Swallows any dangerous weapon or object that can fit inside his stomach with no negative effects.
Fire-breath Manipulator - Inhales a nearby source of fire and then can breathe it out of his mouth.

Spoiler: Hawk132 (click to show/hide)

Name: Hawk132
Gender: Male
Nationality: Chilean

Lucho Gatica: +2 Bolero Dancing, +2 Acting
Vegetable juice: +Ability: Juice Up!
Jim Webb: +2 Naval Ability, +2 Politics, +Politican's Suit, +Ability: I want my 10 Minutes!
Bongolo: +2 Medic, +2 Romance
North American cuisine: +2 Cooking American Cuisine, +Grill

Status: Fine
Assets: Politician's Suit, Grill, Police Pistol [9/9], 2 Plastic Bags of Vegetables, AR15 Assault Rifle [19/30]
Abilities:
Juice Up - Can instantly turn any vegetable he comes in contact to into juice. Also, metabolizes vegetable juice very quickly to the point it can actually heal him. E.g., 10 Juiced carrots = 1 Medkit.
I want my 10 Minutes! (Passive) - Constantly demands to have a full, uninterrupted ten minutes so that he can say what he wants. Super effective against Anderson Cooper.

Spoiler: AbstractTraitorHero (click to show/hide)

Name: AbstractTraitorHero
Gender: Male
Nationality: English/American

Aston Martin DP212: +Aston Martin DP212 Sports Car
Joel Halliwell: +2 Horseback Riding, +2 Inspiration, +English WWI Uniform
Dzhamal Otarsultanov: +2 Wrestling
Ira Shafer: +2 Law, +2 Politics
Jon Denning: +2 Driving

Status: Normal
Assets: Aston Martin DP212 Sports Car, English WWI Uniform, Green Bay Amateur Wrestling Champion Belt

Love Interest - Autumn [Smitten]

Spoiler: Ukrainian Ranger (click to show/hide)

Name: Ukrainian Ranger
Gender: Female
Nationality: American

Gerri Elliot: +2 Business, +Business Suit
Alwyn Bramley-Moore: +2 Politics, +2 Writing, +2 WWI Combat
Henri Bouillard: +2 Theology
J.C. Penny: +2 Business (+4 Total), +1 J.C. Penny Store in the Green Bay Area
Chad Power: +2 Martial Arts
Joseph Solvinto: +2 Boxing (+3 Punching Total)
+Article: Joseph Mössmer: +2 Neoclassical Painting & Instruction

Status: Left Forearm Fractured [-2 to Two-handed Actions], Bruised Nose, Side Stabbed [Very Heavy Bleeding]
Kills: 2
Assets: Business Suit, 1 J.C. Penny Store in the Green Bay Area, Katana, Portable Radio, Skiing Mask

Spoiler: Greatness942 (click to show/hide)

Name: Greatness942
Gender: Male
Nationality: Japanese/French

Regenerative Medicine: +Ability: Enhanced Regeneration
2005 Asian Athletics Championships – Men's javelin throw: +2 Javelin-Throwing, +2 Javelins
Tōdō Heisuke: +2 Swords, +Katana, +Wakizashi, +Samurai Armor
The Misadventures of Merlin Jones: +Mindwarper Helmet
Michel Boivin: +2 History & Anthropology (+3 Muslim History & Anthropology)
Magdalena Piekarska: +2 Fencing (+3 Swords Total), +Rapier

Status: Normal
Kills: 1
Assets: 2 Javelins, Katana, Wakizashi, Rapier, Portable Radio, AR15 Assault Rifle [26/30]
Abilities:
Enhanced Regeneration - Body heals from wounds and recovers from diseases much faster than normal human beings.

Spoiler: High tyrol (click to show/hide)

Name: High tyrol
Gender: Female
Nationality: American

Dorothy Parker: +2 Poetry, +2 Short Story Writing, +2 Wit, +Flapper's Dress
2001 Australian Grand Prix: +2 Racecar Driving, + Racecar
Michael Goodwin: +2 Architecture, +1 Political Persuasion
Vulsellum: +Hooked Forceps
Armstrong Whitworth Siskin: +Armstrong Whitworth Siskin WWI Biplane

Status: Normal
Assets: Racercar, Hooked Forceps, Armstrong Whitworth Siskin WWI Biplane

Spoiler: Elephant Parade (click to show/hide)

Name: Elephant Parade
Gender: Male
Nationality: Azerbaijani

Azerbaijani Art: +2 Art
Sean Buckley: +2 Entrepreneurship, +Thoroughbred Racehorse, +Business Suit
Thomas Wentworth: +2 Muskets, +1 Swords, +Musket, +British Empire Officer's Saber
LaVern Gibson Championship Cross Country Course: +2 Agility & Speed in Natural Environments
Jake Deitchler: +2 Wrestling
Dmitri Tymoczko: +2 Music Composition, +2 Music Theory

Status: Fined
Assets: Thoroughbred Racehorse (Lower Torso Shot, Bleeding), Musket [1/1], British Empire Officer's Saber, Untitled Song with Musket Fire

Spoiler: Salsacookies (click to show/hide)

Name: Salsacookies
Gender: Male
Nationality: Italian/Greek

Marco Bortolami: +2 Tackling
Songo River Queen II: +Songo River Queen II Riverboat
David J. Rudolph: +2 Scholarly Writing (+3 Scholarly Writing on Judaism)
Revolving Door: +Ability: Revolving Door Revolution
Perikles Kakousis: +2 Strength, +Barbell, +Olympian Weightlifter's Garb

Status: Fine
Assets: Songo River Queen II Riverboat, Barbell Hammer (Requires exceptional Strength to wield), Olympian Weightlifter's Garb, Snowmobile, Grenade Launcher [6/6]
Abilities:
Revolving Door Revolution - Once per turn, can turn a normal door into a revolving door.

Spoiler: Person (click to show/hide)

Name: "Dad" Person
Gender: Male
Nationality: American

Borscht Film Festival: +2 Directing, +2 Film Knowledge
William H. Hay: +2 Large Scale Infantry Tactics, +2 Trench Warfare, +2 WWI-Era Firearms, +1 Swords, +2 Horseback Riding, +M1911 Pistol, +WWI Officer's Sword, +WWI General's Uniform, +Ally: Buffalo Soldier, +Nickname: "Dad"
Blackfoot Idaho: +Gargantuan Mobile Potato
Sérvulo Gutiérrez: +2 Painting
Laki Pingvini: +2 New Wave/Synthpop/Pop Rock Music

Status: Fine
Assets: M1911 Pistol [6/7], WWI Officer's Sword, WWI General's Uniform, Gargantuan Mobile Potato (Giant Saddle, Steering Wheel, 6 Wheels, Motor)
Allies: Buffalo Soldier (M1903 Springfield Rifle [2/5], Trench Knife, WWI Infantry Uniform, WWI Helmet)

Spoiler: Quests (click to show/hide)

Conquistador Catastrophe
A dozen New World Conquistadors have found themselves in an even Newer World. Even if their technology is old-school, their cohesion and fighting ability is not. Can any of our Wiki-Warriors take them down?

Conditions:
*Kill the Conquistadors before they get out of Denmark! If left totally unimpeded, they could exit the town's borders in 3-4 turns. If a single Conquistador escapes, the Quest immediately ends with no winner.
*The winner of this Quest is the player with the most Conquistador Points after they have all been killed; One Conquistador = One Conquistador Point. Converting a Conquistador to your side counts as a "Kill". In the case of a tie, whoever gets the final kill is considered the winner.

Target:
Conquistadors Squad
Attributes: +1 Muskets, +1 Shortswords
Equipment: Muskets, Spanish Shortswords, Metal Armor
Status: 10/12 [1 Seriously Shot in Back, 1 Mortally Wounded w/ Stomach Shot]

Point Leaderboard:
Person - 3

[AbstractTraitorHero]

Abstract breathes deeply gripping the steering wheel.
T-That....was....unpleasant.
try to calm everyone down and keep driving to greenbay also try to calm my rapidly beating heart as well.

[Salsacookies]

Drive my snowmobile at full speed, and drive by grenade all the conquistadors

[Ukrainian Ranger]

(Oh, looks like my luck ran away...)

Draw the katana and enter pain induced !!fury!!, giving katana strikes and kicks left and right starting from the wounded conquistador and moving to Person and his sidekick or Salsacookies depending on who is closer

[Hawk132]

Get to cover, keep firing upon the Spaniards.

[Greatness942]

Speaking English, I relay our location to the Snipers, before saying: "We're being attacked by Conquistadors, sooner rather than later, please!" Looking out from behind the building, I see UR's current state, and, switching to Japanese, say: "Nē! Dajji kore!"
Translation: "Hey! Dodge this!" To finish off, I then fire my AR-15 at the Conquistador attacking UR.

EDIT: If I can have it so my action changes then if UR kills the Conquistador attacking them, then I would like to change it to firing on Person.

[Person]

(Geez, rolling a 12 against 1 sure is effective. It even let me reload? RNG liked me today. And execute too I suppose.)

(On an unrelated note, I decided to read through the posts of the first game in this thread just for fun's sake. There was apparently a mention of all warriors getting a universal translator chip in their brain or something in the next game because of reasons. Is that still the case? It hasn't really come up much, but hey. I guess it would have mattered more if we were in one of those 100 villager towns in Russia or something.)

"Nice shot. Onward! Keep them off our backs!"

Follow the fleeing conquistadors. Shoot anyone that gets close to the spud mobile, unless they promise cooperation or seem peaceful. Prioritize fellow warriors if they seem hostile, as they're probably the most dangerous.

Also I've decided to go back and label these now.

Spoiler: AAR:35-36 (click to show/hide)

Graham: Welcome back to Wikipedia Warfare Report.
Van: Yes, welcome back. Are you ready to see the results the the quest system?
Graham: I know I was. Sorry about the wait, but without any further ado, let's begin.

Van: Almost all of our warriors have found themselves in combat with the conquistadors. Dad and his soldier have already downed a quarter of their number and crippled another. Our other combatants had better start trying to catch up, or eliminate their competitors by force.
Graham: A very strong start in this battle for Dad. However, they're lacking in heavy firepower, which could cause them to be overwhelmed with so many assault rifles and the like among our warriors. They might be best off quitting while they're ahead and lying low for a bit.
Van: However, if most of our warriors are still fixated on the conquistadors, they might also be served well staying around a while longer.
Graham: One thing is certain however, that first shot made for one heck of an instant replay. Got any favorites to talk about Van?

Van: Well, Salsacookies continues to be an enigma. With such a heavy weapon in their hands though, they could do a lot of damage to any target they choose. Woe betide anyone that makes an enemy of him while he still has ammunition.
Graham: A grenade launcher is a fairly powerful weapon. The fact that his has more than one shot per load is exceptional. Still, it is not without disadvantages.
Van: Right. Firing an explosive weapon at close range is ill advised, so any of said enemies should try to stay close or in deep cover. A snowmobile is a fairly fast vehicle though, which should remove most of that disadvantage in any event.
Graham: I can't help but wonder if they'll do anything with that river boat they've got docked somewhere. Perhaps some sort of mobile base?
Van: Not a bad idea. Anyway, I think we need to talk about the Grocery Gang.

Graham: That we do. Fate just has it out for Ranger as of late. They really need a doctor. Being this close to a combat zone with so many sides makes things highly dangerous for them in this condition.
Van: Yes, they're probably best off making a quick retreat once they finish their business. However, our resident samurai Greatness might be able to rack up quite the kill count here. Out of all our combatants, they're the least likely to need to make a retreat for any reason. If they make good use of their armor and regeneration here, they could tip the scales heavily in their favor. Hawk is doing well, but at least one member of team GG should probably devote some attention to protecting Ukranian Ranger, and Hawk might be the best candidate to do so.
Graham: As it turns out, the rebellion is still going strong. Greatness may be able to call for backup here, but they're rather busy over with ATH. Perhaps the rebellion could become a quest target in the future?

Van: That may be the case. Speaking of ATH, this continued evacuation of the city will probably make things difficult for newer warriors. Without anyone to recruit or buy things from, this place may rapidly become a ghost town. ATH has had almost nothing but misfortune since they arrived in Denmark. Still, once they make it out of the town, they should be able to make a clean slate.
Graham: Twinwolf, who has finally made their return might not even be able to find enough people left to move the Kartouwe, should they desire to.
Van: A lighter can be quite the effective tool. It may not be the best use of their time, but I eagerly await their plans.
Graham: What would you do in their situation?
Van: Well improvised weapons may be fairly useful. Molotov cocktails, for instance.
Graham: That's not a bad idea. It may take them awhile, but if they find enough time, they could simply craft some new equipment.
Van: High tyrol has finally made their entrance.
Graham: Excellent. They should be difficult to attack at such speed and height. Still, there's a fair few assault rifles, as previously mentioned.
Van: They are certainly well suited for taking down any stragglers. So, how about that revelation about Execute's recent acquaintance?

Graham: It came as quite the shock. However, given more thought, them being a fraud is actually not as surprising. Other than the results of Execute's power, the world they live in is largely mundane. Perhaps he should paint a room containing a laser sword, or a rocket launcher, and see what he finds inside.
Van: Technically, they may even be able to create life in this way. I wonder what would happen if he were to have a portrait created of himself by one of his many devoted followers?
Graham: That's a question I'd rather see unanswered. Anyway, with this revelation, continued alliance with this false god probably gives them no advantage. If they were to expose him, they could well earn the loyalty of another tribe. Still, it is all up to Execute. There are many courses of action they could take here.
Van: Perhaps they could convince him that wealth and women worth seeking lie beyond their portal. They might need solid proof to convince him of such a thing though.
Graham: Indeed. That ends this edition of WWR. You know where to find us. You'll always know. Won't you, you who watch. Watch from above, from below, from-
Van: Graham! Graham! Stop it!
Graham: Hm? What is it? Show's over right?
Van: You were doing that thing again.
Graham: What thing? Oh, that thing? Hold on, is this still airing?
Van: Yeah. Uh, just. Hold on a sec. Right. *click*

(I feel rather silly putting an ongoing plot into this. But boy do I have a terrible ongoing plot for you all. And by terrible I mean it'll take like 1 or 2 parts and result in very little. Wee)

[TCM]

(On an unrelated note, I decided to read through the posts of the first game in this thread just for fun's sake. There was apparently a mention of all warriors getting a universal translator chip in their brain or something in the next game because of reasons. Is that still the case? It hasn't really come up much, but hey. I guess it would have mattered more if we were in one of those 100 villager towns in Russia or something.)

That's still Canon, which is why Execute was able to easily communicate both with Native Aztecs and Spanish Conquistadors.