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[helmacon]

A few days ago in one of my classes we briefly talked about goals, and even though it was only for a few minuets i haven't been able to stop thinking about it because it made me realize something. I don't have any goals in life. Its not that i cant think of anything to do, but that i don't really want to do it. I mean sure, i should graduate college, but to what end? A better paying job? I don't care about having money though, or about what i do. Its not that i don't want to graduate, i'm just kinda apathetic to it. I do it because that's what im supposed to do. I don't really have any goals in life, i'm just riding along, just to see where it takes me.

It goes deeper than that though. The more i looked at it, the more i realized that i don't even want basic things. I literally don't eat until there is a physical pain from hunger, and even then i just eat so that it goes away. I have basically no sex drive ( which is odd for an 18yr old guy in college ) I try to distract myself by watching TV and playing video-games, but it feels like a chore. All I really want to do is sleep, but even then its not like I want to sleep, its just the default state of not doing anything else.

I can normally keep myself busy enough with school i don't really notice, but starting college actually seems slower than the classes i took in high school. A lot of times i find myself just sitting there with nothing i have to do, and realizing that there's nothing i want to do either. So i just sit there, and do nothing. Even on this post i probably spent half an hour just staring at the screen, not even typing.

This is really starting to get to me so i guess i'm just posting to ask, is this normal? whats going on? Does everyone experience something like this, and i just have to wait for it to pass? In general, why am I so apathetic?

[Levi]

Sounds like depression to me.

[Araph]

Sounds like depression to me.

Seconded. How long has it been going on? Have you spoken with your parents about the possibility of antidepressants? If you're opposed to the idea of drugs, one thing that helped me with my (admittedly fairly mild in the grand scheme of things) depression was working on projects. It's easier to function with goals, but I'm intimately familiar with how difficult it is to find anything that feels worthwhile to work on when depressed.

This is really starting to get to me so i guess i'm just posting to ask, is this normal? whats going on? Does everyone experience something like this, and i just have to wait for it to pass? In general, why am I so apathetic?

I mean, it's not all that uncommon, but it's not 'normal' in the sense that it's the default for people's brains most of the time. Depending on how bad it is, waiting it out sometimes works, but it's different person-by-person.

[ChairmanPoo]

 

I don't want anything

Maybe you're the buddha


Jokes aside, I think it's normal, particularily if you're in your teen years, to be unsure about the future. The contrary is uncommon. No matter what some people might say.


True, there are always windbags that claim that they want so-and-so since they were six years old, but the truth of the matter is that you wont really know what you're going about until years after starting it. Follow whatever feels instinctively interesting to you

[helmacon]

Sounds like depression to me.

I guess that would explain a lot. I looked up symptoms and it actually fits rather well.

Seconded. How long has it been going on? Have you spoken with your parents about the possibility of antidepressants?

Since about my junior year of high school, but i was really busy back then so i didn't really have time to think about it. I guess since i started college and and im living on my own i have to notice it more.

I don't think my parents ever even realized i had problems; they don't actually "believe" in mental disorders like ADD OCD Depression ect...
Even if i did tell them and they did believe me i don't think they would do anything. They always taught me and my sisters that you don't talk about private problems publicly (i feel guilty just talking about it over a forum) and we don't have health insurance so they would probably just ignore it.

If you're opposed to the idea of drugs, one thing that helped me with my (admittedly fairly mild in the grand scheme of things) depression was working on projects. It's easier to function with goals, but I'm intimately familiar with how difficult it is to find anything that feels worthwhile to work on when depressed.

That's more or less what i mean when i say keeping busy. School is nice because other people give you goals and you can just accept their authority so you don't have to look for why you are doing something, its just something you have to do. I guess i kinda borrow their motivation.

True, there are always windbags that claim that they want so-and-so since they were six years old, but the truth of the matter is that you wont really know what you're going about until years after starting it. Follow whatever feels instinctively interesting to you

That's the problem though, nothing feels instinctively interesting to me. whenever i have free time, there's nothing i want to go do, i'm just sort of "there" and i honestly don't care if i'm there or not.

[LordBucket]

I don't want... anything.

Then why are you making this post?

If you really want nothing, stop doing. Sit. Wait.

If after 100 hours of sitting doing nothing, you still want nothing, I'll believe you. Don't think of this as a challenge. Wanting to "prove something" would be wanting something. If you truly want nothing, then stop doing. Be.

[Urist McScoopbeard]

Sounds like depression to me.

As someone who battles depression, it sounds more like an existential crisis. That can cause depression, but the problems he's describing can't really be solved by a therapist.

Sure, people can give you goals to fulfill, but I guarantee you won't care about them. My advice to you is ask around your university and see what the best study abroad opportunity is and take it. Even if it's not in your major, go and experience something new and outside your comfort zone. I've seen lots of advice, but really the only cure is forcing extreme emotion on yourself. Go be stressed, and excited, and afraid, and delighted. Seriously, If this is something that scares you logically (even if you FEEL like you don't care) you need to go have yourself an adventure. If something like that is outside your grasp, consider an internship somewhere far away/foreign/strange.

Also, if that's too much: Join some organizations. Research the frats at your school, contrary to popular belief there ARE good frats out there who aren't out to make you do blow every day and throw keggers every night. Join clubs, what interests you? Join a sports club and a hobby club. Join student government. Etc. Even just take classes you wouldn't normally take.

Finally consider the other factors in this situation. Video Games are a lot like drugs and the more you play them the more you want to, for a couple of years I did nothing but play video games and it scarred me for life socially-developmentally. DO NOT WAIT FOR IT TO "PASS", it never does. This is some shit you have to take care of. Speaking of drugs, go do some. Drink alcohol too, sounds like you need to experience life more man.

The apathy, boredom, and general sleepiness are most likely caused by depression, I'll say that, but the depression is caused by lack of direction. you really need to take some time and explore yourself. Even if you take drugs and feel better, you'll still suffer from a lack of direction, and I doubt they'll help your sex drive or desire for things in general. So in short, do things, meet people, explore life.

[Araph]

I don't want... anything.

Then why are you making this post?

If you really want nothing, stop doing. Sit. Wait.

If after 100 hours of sitting doing nothing, you still want nothing, I'll believe you. Don't think of this as a challenge. Wanting to "prove something" would be wanting something. If you truly want nothing, then stop doing. Be.

Presumably he's making this post because he doesn't like the feeling of apathy and isn't sure what to do about it.

As someone who has felt in the past like Helmacon does now, sitting around is... not a good idea. You're recommending 100 hours of feeling like shit, sitting there and thinking you should be doing something productive, or fun, or somehow worthwhile, but instead you're doing nothing. The 'doing nothing' isn't a goal: it's an unfortunate side-effect of the feeling that creates a positive-feedback loop of listlessness. It doesn't matter whether you believe him or not (although I have no idea why you'd feel the need to list a ridiculous objective he would need to complete before you grant him the courtesy of taking what he's saying at face value) because your belief has no relevance to the situation at hand.

Dude feels bad. He's asking for advice. This is literally the reason the 'Life Advice' board exists. Taking exact words and twisting them into counterproductive challenges is almost intentionally unhelpful.

[snip]

Even if you take drugs and feel better, you'll still suffer from a lack of direction, and I doubt they'll help your sex drive or desire for things in general. So in short, do things, meet people, explore life.

Doing things has got to be one of the most positive possible ways out of depression. It sucks to be depressed and have to force yourself to be active, but it's a much better alternative to sitting around waiting for thing to change.

[Trapezohedron]

I don't want... anything.

Then why are you making this post?

If you really want nothing, stop doing. Sit. Wait.

If after 100 hours of sitting doing nothing, you still want nothing, I'll believe you. Don't think of this as a challenge. Wanting to "prove something" would be wanting something. If you truly want nothing, then stop doing. Be.

I'd usually agree with you but right now, you're just being needlessly obtuse. The subtext here, I can deduce is that, Helmacon hasn't figured out what he really wants at all, while others have, and he wants to figure out at least the "why" of not being able to feel strong desires for anything.

More on the topic,

It's hard to say if I used to be that person, because I still have not figured out what I really want. I have base objectives: get rich, get a "good" life, help others, etc. but is that what I really want? Those goals were merely put into my psyche because everyone else is chasing for that dream.

I once had dreams of wanting to pursue a meaningful relationship, but with my mindset right now, is that what I really want? Or do I merely want to use said meaningful relationship as a crutch; to discover myself so on and so forth as to what I really want to do.

I liked listening to music, and I still consider myself a musician. But I have since stopped doing anything, such as playing my instrument of choice: the piano; or trying to learn more about FL Studio. Despite that aforementioned thing, I feel no real need to pursue said hobby, and put it in the backburner. I then ask myself, is this what I really want?

And so I am left with a lot of blank questions, to which I do not know the real answer.

I did, however, discover that if you keep digging into things long enough, you might discover a small spark of passion, which may be enough to give you a real, meaningful goal. I look at a lot of things, and discover that goals, or at least the ones most meaningful, are never forced out or given by other people. It's what people decide for themselves.

You need to discover what it means to be alive, on your own, with your own mind defining its thesaurus description itself.

For me, even with the above lack of true goals issue I mentioned, finding new goals to keep is more than enough for me to keep pushing onwards. And you will have to decide on your own if it's a goal worth keeping or not.

[LordBucket]

you're just being needlessly obtuse

It was a serious suggestion. Doing nothing is a standard, classic traditional meditation technique.

This is rare opportunity to gain personal insight. If he doesn't want anything, then feeding him arbitrary things to fill his time, things that he doesn't have any desire to do, is not going to give him a sense of accomplishment. There's presumably no shortage of "things to do." The thing that's lacking here is desire.

If you're hungry, does listening to music to "give you something to do" help?

If you're thirsty, does joining a hobby club to "give you something to do" help?

No.  But doing these things might distract you from the fact that you're hungry or thirsty. And in so being distracted, you might tend to neglect to eat or drink. That's not healthy. Distracting yourself with arbitrary goals is generally unproductive. But in the course of living our lives we often tend to get caught up in this need to "keep busy." Keeping busy is not a desirable goal. When you're not driving your car, do you keep it running so that it "stays busy?" No, you let it do nothing.

Let yourself do nothing.

And in so doing, you may come to be aware of desires you've had, being neglected, because you've been so busy distracting yourself.

he wants to figure out at least the "why" of not being able to feel strong desires for anything.

If that's true, then throwing things at him to do to keep him busy, like I see others in this thread doing, is not going to help him identify those desires. They'll only further distract him from them. And it's entirely possible that the only reason he doesn't already know what he wants, is because all his life he's had people telling him do things to "keep busy."

Doing things you don't want is not a solution for lacking desire.

Try doing nothing.

[mifki]

I'm afraid I know quite a few people who don't have any interests let alone life-long goals. It's not good/normal, but I'd not call it a depression either. So it all comes to finding things/projects to do that you would be really interested in (as opposed to doing just because you're supposed to). Sometimes this requires of others just to show you different stuff (and sometimes even force to try), sometimes it suddenly changes by itself because of some life events (moving, different school, relationship/breakup, etc.).

On the other hand, don't think too much about goals and all that. Even I, if start thinking about ultimate life goal and why to do anything, will become depressed because there's no any. Just focus on [finding] things interesting for you here and now.

[Araph]

No.  But doing these things might distract you from the fact that you're hungry or thirsty.

Sitting down and meditating on what you want might be something to explore, but it's been distinctly less-than-helpful in my experience, which is only one data point. I don't mean that to imply that it's bunk, and it's definitely an avenue to explore, but I'm going to advocate what helped me with similar problems rather than advise him to pursue a path that was fruitless for me.

Most of the things that I enjoy pursuing and are sources of happiness for me aren't things I thought I would like, but I'm really, really glad I stumbled upon them. The more things you try, the better your odds of discovering something you hadn't considered an option are. That doesn't mean that it's a good idea to stuff as many things as possible into your daily schedule: it just means that it's healthy to make sure you do something. But when you're in a mood that's not conducive to trying things, you have to rely on your brain to force yourself into action and bank on the possibility that you might be better off doing so.

[Generally me]

On the other hand, don't think too much about goals and all that. Even I, if start thinking about ultimate life goal and why to do anything, will become depressed because there's no any. Just focus on [finding] things interesting for you here and now.

+1

Gotta agree with this. Better to focus on the present and the short term future. Unless it's stuff that will damage you in the long term. But yeah just try a few new things, even if you REALLY don't want to go. Also don't give up after one go, try at least one more time before giving up and moving on.

 I like to think of everything as a potential story. Say I might have no way back home. I'll think even if I have to walk at least it will be a funny story to tell my friends. Don't know if that will help you, but it did help me to do stuff.

Also I wouldn't recommend doing nothing. You might end up in hospital if you just sit around for a while thinking about things. Not only will you get weaker in muscles, but also I've found the more I think about things in the very long term, the more I start to get anxious about the future.

[i2amroy]

While depression might also be playing some part of wanting nothing, I'd also like to note some other things might also be contributing.

Tons of studies out there have found that your brain actively keeps developing until your mid to late twenties. In particular the parts of your brain that are related to deep insight, judgement, and self-shaping don't actually finish the majority of their development until the early twenties. Assuming the age that you list in your profile is correct, this means that in essence it's really impossible for you to know "what you want in your life" for another 3-5 years. There's a reason why ~80% of college students change major at least once, it isn't until you are already part of the way into your college years that you can actually ask yourself what you want to do with your life and get any sort of a solid solid answer back.

And honestly from what I've heard talking to my friends a lot of people a lot of people tend to go through a bit of an apathetic stage as they move through those stages of development, often because your brain has reached the point where you can ask the question of "why?", but still hasn't quite reached the point where it can give any sort of answer to that question yet. I myself spent about a couple of years in that sort of fugue state, and have only recently reached the state where I feel confident in saying that I've managed to get past it in the majority of things.

So here's my advice for the next handful of years:

• Don't stress out about a lack of defined goals. You've got at least another 2-4 years before you are going to even start to be able to make any true sense of what you want to do with your life, simply due to the physical developments still going on in your brain.
• As others have said, focus on little things now that you enjoy. Find something that looks interesting and go do it, or if nothing looks particularly interesting, pick something at random and go do that. While I was in my apathetic stage I found that a lot of the times once I got past the simple acts of actually starting to do something the hours would just fly by as I got lost in what I was doing.
• If you do decide to go to college (Which personally I endorse because it's been proven that, on average, doing so raises your overall "success" in life, be that in money made, mental health, and so forth. Though of course there is nothing wrong with going to a community college first or with vocational schools or on-the-job training [though you should always avoid for-profit schools, because they are often many times more expensive than a simple in-state college and they often give a worse education]), than I highly suggest you take the first year or even two simply taking as many classes in as many different fields as you can. With the exception of a few of the harder number-focused majors like engineering (for which a significant portion of students don't finish in 4 years anyways ), that's pretty much what your first couple of years of college will look like due to liberal studies requirements, and the exposure to a variety of different fields will be very helpful in deciding if/when you want switch majors (remember, 80% of students switch majors at least once).
• While thinking about yourself is good, make sure to recognize self-destructive spirals and snap yourself out of them. Personally here's the way that I thought to help with that: In these next couple of years your brain is finally handing you the last tools you need to truely be able to change yourself. No more is your personality limited to your interactions with the world around you, you can finally ask yourself what you want. In a way the training wheels are finally off, and here's the good part about that. Because you can do that, that means that you finally will have the power to be able to change anything you don't like about yourself. Don't like your laziness? Ask yourself why you don't like it, and estimate yourself some costs of what it would take to change it vs. staying the same. If it seems worthwhile, then change it, and if you fail than ask yourself why you failed and go from there. Once you can do that you are no longer locked with whatever "bad" traits you may have, you are now a work in progress, and while you might not be perfect yet, you can at least know that you are working on getting there.

[Inarius]

I highly support what i2amroy told you just before.

I am now 31, and  I didn't have any clue of what I wanted to do, nor had any specific projects (any others than just continuing what I did before), before at least 25.
And around 15-20 years, I just basically lived day after day.
Don't be fooled : a LOT of people around your age experienced this kind of state around your age.

However, if you really feel it's a problem, just think about it, or speak to someone. The lack of sex drive , well... I'm not a specialist in men...
BTW, try to avoid taking medication to fix it, unless you don't have the choice or if your condition worsens. This could bring more harm than good.