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Total Members Voted: 0

Voting closed: October 08, 2015, 10:25:56 pm

[QuQuasar]

Two rear-scouts for the goblin party watched the strange dwarf leave the bosses tent from the safety of the tree line.
         
"I dun geddit," said the larger of the two. "De dwarf was right 'ere. Why didn't de boss just shoot 'im?"
         
The smaller goblin smacked him in the back of the head.
         
"Idiot! 'e came right out 'ere to talk to us, pretty as ye please! Dunt ye know what that means?"
         
"Um... no? Dats why I be askin'."
         
"It means e's mad! Mad as a kobold in a gnome hat! Ye dun't just shoot the mad ones. No tellin' what 'e might do! 'e might go inta one o' dem "martial trances" an kill us all wit a big sword!"
         
"But.... he dint 'ave a swod. 'e 'ad a crossbow. An I dunt tink 'e had any bolts, eidder."
         
"e'd have stolen one of ours. And e'd have killed us all widdit. They're all like that, dwarves. Crazy mad. Every one of them. Why ya think we gotta kill 'em, eh? Self defence it is! Protecting our wimmin an' children it is!"
         
"But half de squad is wimmin."
         
"Well obviously theys protecting the men and childrens. We's all protecting each other. From the mad dwarves."
         
"Okay but... if deys all mad like you said, aren't dey going to be hard to kill? 'cause there's a lot more of dem than dere is of us."
         
"Well... yeah but..."
         
The large goblin's face scrunched up with the unaccostommed effort of thought. "I just tink, I tink... I tink dey've got a big settlement an' lots of dwarves..."
         
"Oh ye think, do ye?" said the smaller one, but his voice betrayed a sudden nervousness.
         
"... and... and dey've probably been training for fightin' since deys not deep dwarfs and dey dun't have a mountain to hide in..." the larger one continued stoically.
         
"Well yeh but..."
         
By now, the large goblin was checking each item off on the fingers of his hand as he went on, "... and dey're dwarves so dey've probably got really sharp metal an tough armour and stuff..."
         
"Are ye questioning the boss? Is that what yer doin'?" shouted the smaller one, trying to keep the rising panic off of his face.
         
"... and dere's only 12 of us," finished the large one. "So I tink we's probably all going to have our heads chopped off. An' probably odder tings too."
         
There was a few seconds of silence, during which the smaller goblin's face stayed carefully blank and a strong smell of urine permeated the air. Then...
         
"Can the others see us?"
         
"I dunt tink so. Dis jungle is really dark."
         
"Good. Stay close to me and stay quiet. We're gettin' the hell out of here."
         
         
Meanwhile...
         
"For example...?"
         
"It's not a serious raiding party, more like a scouting group. No more than 10 goblins including their leader, Mato Āsmato. No trolls, ogres, or any beasts for that matter."
         
The dining hall had been vacated except for those dwarfs with some authority, mostly founders, who had formed a makeshift war council: Quasar, Neblime, Bearskie, Taupe, Baron Gwolfski, Hiddenleafguy and May. They stared at the overseer. It was Quasar who broke the silence.
         
"I'm not entirely certain whether that was an inventive and highly effective reconnaissance tactic, or simply the stupidest thing I've ever seen any dwarf do."
         
SQMan looked confused. "I don't think I know what you mean by that, mayor."
         
"They're goblins! They don't negotiate! There's no such thing as a goblin diplomat! They... urgh, nevermind. Ten goblins. What about us?"
         
"We have more training, better equipment, numbers, a squad of crossbows for support, and..." Taupe smiled "... and it's barely a been season since The Silver Mace was granted to us by the fey spirits. I think you can judge our chances for yourself."
         
(OOC: "The Silver Maces" would be a great name for a mace-and-hammer squad)
         
Quasar nodded with a grim smile. "In that case... Taupe?"
         
The commander grinned savagely and stood to attention. "Mayor?"
         
"Kill."
         
         
Later that season...
         
"Hey Quaaasssaaarrr..." SQMan's voice, raised in a singsong tone, came through the door to the kitchen ahead of him.
         
Quasar put down the small potato peeler and picked up her largest carving knife, a habit she had developed as the first overseer. For some reason, people treated you with more respect when you were holding a knife as long as their forearm.
         
"Yes, Overseer?"
         
"Remember when you said there was no such thing as a goblin diplomat?" asked SQMan, grinning far too widely. Quasar raised an eyebrow suspiciously.
         
"Yes?"
         
"I've got someone I'd like you to meeeeeeetttt..."
         
A figure entered the kitchen, looking about themself with a mix of interest and trepidation. With a chorus of gasps, the ever-present chorus of cooking, brewing and threshing went silent. Only the millstones, powered by the wind, continued to grind.
         
"No."
         
"Yes."
         
"Nooooo..."
         
"Yeeessssss..."

[QuQuasar]

So, I looked up our goblin friend in legends mode. His name is Anig Sheneeko, "Anig Spicypolish".

He is 123 years old, and has been a mercenary for 89 years. He's married with 5 kids, 4 living. He only became law-giver of The Kingdoms of Color (our humans) 2 years ago. Nothing particularly interesting: he was born and raised in the human civ, hence his eligibility for diplomat.

Despite being a mercenary, no kills, and he's only ever been attacked once, by a Bellowing Freak. He was 1 year old at the time, and escaped unscathed.

[Bearskie]

Aww, he's adorable. Can we cage him? Please, pretty please? We could be like that other fortress who has a goblin minister, except that ours is alot more, well, human-ish. Sorta.

[SQman]

-Can't you build faster? - Baron Gwolfski asked the builders building a pathway to his house - All of my letters are stuck there! If I don't send them by the end of the year, someone's getting hammered, and there's high possibility it will be me.
-Well, you should have asked the overseer not to tell the miners to flood this place in the first place. Why did he want this jet so bad anyway?
-I... I don't know. Maybe he did want to destroy nobles' houses? That man is not exactly well adjusted.


The journal of SQman, the overseer of Breadbowl

Entry 3: summer



Argh! The jet block section of the path clashes with the boardwalk so much! Damn miners and their carelessness.



At least the noble quarters are accessible again. One thing less to worry.



One more thing to worry: The Hill of Death is showing its real face. A family of ogres! And they're trying to get to the bait dogs! I sent someone to take care of them.



Seems like there was nothing to worry about. Ogres may be huge, but there's nothing protecting them from being stabbed in the head with a spear.



Right after that a dwarf started talking in tongues. I expect to see some amazing panties.



Two blocks of magnetite, a whole draltha skeleton, a log, and some silk. Come on, I wanna see those panties.



This isn't what I expected, but sure, why not.



It's a fine bag, after all. It depicts His Majesty becoming our supreme ruler, and dwarves who have founded Gildfright.



On top of everything, we'll be able to mine stone again. No more wooden and copper barrels, just stone pots.



Hopefully this will be enough to store all those elk bird eggs we're about to have.



Autumn has come. We're getting a lot of pots, but let's not forget about blocks. I might have a good use for them, but this project may be too big for me to finish. Either way, I'm glad I've fixed the stone industry. Well, miners, carpenters and masons helped too, I guess.


Noble houses reclaimed, mines rebuilt, a crapton of elk birds captured, and a major part of the road done. Not the most eventful summer, but as long as the fort is not burned down, I call it a good season

[Bearskie]

It might not be a bad idea to cage trap the bait dog areas. Could snag us some more exotic wildlife... (ogre breeding program anyone?)

[QuQuasar]

Seems like there was nothing to worry about. Ogres may be huge, but there's nothing protecting them from being stabbed in the head with a spear.

This is why I gave Taupe a spear. In my fortresses, it always seems like my sword and macedwarves will fight the enormous horrifying beasts to a standstill, taking wounds and casualties, slashing it all over it's body in a battle of epic proportions... and then some smug speardwarf will walk up and finish it with a headstab. They're a bunch of kill-stealing jackasses, the lot of them. But effective.

Two blocks of magnetite, a whole draltha skeleton, a log, and some silk.... It's a fine bag, after all. It depicts His Majesty becoming our supreme ruler, and dwarves who have founded Gildfright.

I choose to believe this artifact is a walk-through sculpture made out of the entire Draltha skeleton, where as you walk down the length of the creature's elongated ribcage the King's coronation scene is carved from coconut palm wood on the right hand side and 7 travelling dwarves are engraved on the rib bones on your left. The silk bag itself sits just below the King's throne on a small magnetite pillar, presumably as a place to put offerings to the gods.

Hopefully this will be enough to store all those elk bird eggs we're about to have.

Trapping the caverns has begun in earnest? Yay! May your efforts be fruitful and filled with enormous spiders.

I might have a good use for them, but this project may be too big for me to finish.

Ooh, megaproject. I think I know where this is heading, although I could be completely wrong and you might just be planning on making a giant vanity statue.

It might not be a bad idea to cage trap the bait dog areas. Could snag us some more exotic wildlife... (ogre breeding program anyone?)

Unfortunately these are the first we've seen in four years, so it might take a bit of luck to get a breeding pair of ogres, and we'd have to mod the raws in order to make them trainable and get the dwarves to butcher them.

But once that's done, I can't think of any problems with breeding sapient creatures for consumption.

[Bearskie]

Have you been reading the mermaid thread again Quasar? People tend to get funny ideas once they visit the mermaid thread. I was actually advocating breeding ogres just for the heck of it; maybe to sic them on our enemies, or for arena fights. Had no intention to err, actually eat them and all (honest).

[QuQuasar]

Well I'm a cook. I only know of one thing you capture and breed wildlife for, and it's not arena fights.
         
Speaking of which... you'd have sapient creature's fight to the death for naught but the sadistic amusment of onlookers? You sicken me sir! Truly, I am disgusted beyond words!
         
Do you have any idea, any idea at all, what that would do to the tenderness of the meat?

[Vortex]

As a lurker/watcher, I'd like to propose that a Quotable Quotes section be created on the main page and the conversation between Bearskie and QuQuasar be enshrined there.  I'm trying very hard not to crack up at work and attract the attention of my employees.

[Urist McVoyager]

I highly approve of this fort farm. I am a surface dweller on frequent occasions myself and it's always fun reading about someone else's experiences there.

[QuQuasar]

As a lurker/watcher, I'd like to propose that a Quotable Quotes section be created on the main page and the conversation between Bearskie and QuQuasar be enshrined there.  I'm trying very hard not to crack up at work and attract the attention of my employees.

Sure. I added a few other quotes from the thread while I was there, since it wouldn't do for the only quote there to be from me. I need to at least attempt to maintain the facade of humility.

[QuQuasar]

Hey SQMan, how fares yonder fort?

[Bearskie]

Those masterwork engravings take time. Otherwise something really bad awesome must have happened.

[SQman]

Ooh, megaproject. I think I know where this is heading, although I could be completely wrong and you might just be planning on making a giant vanity statue.

You're completely wrong then. I'm no mega-architect, and definitely not someone who'd make statues when there's so much to do. That's just something to ensure that dwarves and traders (especially traders) are safer.

Hey SQMan, how fares yonder fort?

Is my turn ending today? There were some real life stuff happening. I'm happy to announce that I'm done.


One more thing: everyone on the dwarf list was dwarfed during Bearskie's turn. Could you update it, QuQuasar? It's somewhat confusing right now.


The journal of SQman, the overseer of Breadbowl

Entry 4: Autumn and winter



The moat is all good and dandy, but it isn't a foolproof solution. A wall is what we need. Not really to keep goblins at bay, but to show those damn humans not to go into water.



We've also put some cage traps near the bait dogs. I've always wanted to have my own hunting beak dog or an ogre servant. I mean, I shouldn't even think about it after what happened to my friend Tekkud in the mountainhome 20 years ago, but I refuse to believe that beasts can be too evil to tame.



Speaking of beasts, our herd of exotic creatures is growing steadily. I don't think we'll ever have fully tame giant olms, though.  Even the adult ones are larvae, and they're not capable of remembering commands or even the face of their master. Fortunately we can just remind them until we get bored and decide to roast them.
We also have cought a female monitor lizard back in late summer, which means we have a new source of eggs and maybe more lizards.
There's also a male giant hornbill waiting to be tamed.



Dwarven caravan incoming! This one is so much more important than the human one. Complaints from dwarves will be taken more seriously than humans' whining. After all they're His Majesty's subjects. If they lose their goods to this damn moat, we can expect some kind of punishment.



Those damn fools! They're fording the moat! If any god, if they even exist, hears me, let those damn idiots cross safely! If that's too much, just hit me with a lightning and spare me the hammering!



Oh, maybe there are gods in The Deep after all. All wagons are on our side, and there's only a couple of camels to get through. Baron Gwolfski was just as relieved as me. As soon as the last wagon crossed the moat, he ran to his (now completely submerged) office and soon came back with a colossal pile of papers. If everything goes well, they'll be taken to the mountainhome, from where couriers will distribute them to colonies and fortresses. Maybe I'll finally be able to write some official document.

Prepared meals sold: 2108
Drinks sold: 406

We've bought some animals we were missing, a lot of barrels, many logs, some leather, metal bars, stone blocks and some boulders. Now, I know all of these things were ordered, and we could afford to buy all of those things along with wagons and caravaneers, but I don't understand why we'd need 50 bins full of leather, TONS of gems and other stuff we'll never use. We're making roasts and beer, not shoes and necklaces.



We do make statues, though. I wanted something to put in my room, but this is the special case. Straight to Quasar's room it goes.



Seriously now. It seems like the miners don't mine. I've ordered making some more picks, but they all disappeared. I blame Bearskie and his total armament project, especially after I've found out that some miners carry weapons instead of picks.
Finally after I threatened to organize a long, boring meeting, some of the miners got their arses to the forge to get new picks and went down to the mine. I swear, if it happens again, I'll file a complaint regarding myself, and this time I have more paper than I'll ever need.



Congratulations to mayor Quasar and baron, or rather duke Gwolfski. Now I'll have to order some chest, statues and whatever else dukes need.



Congratulations to me! Animals are now segregated. That was a tedious job, I tell you what.


Congratulations to this kid! He'll probably create amazing, if useless, artifact.

(and some draltha bones)

Now I'm curious...



A figurine of an elf killing another elf. With a picture of our duke surrounded by hippos. That's something you don't see everyday.



They told me I was insane! They said you can't breed elk birds in captivity! Look who's laughing now! Yes, it's me! Hahaha!



We've been securing the caverns when suddenly an uninvited guest showed up. The military dealt with ogres, so a troll shouldn't pose a threat.



It was running away scared, or so I've been told. I feel kind of sorry, but I don't want anyone to be eaten.



The things are going worse on the surface. Thrips people keep scaring our livestock! They're doing it just to spite us, I bet! They soon flew away without making any harm.



Well, it's been a long year. I may not be a great architect, politician, or manager, but this outpost needed someone like me. Someone who would take their time herding animals into their pens, someone to ensure that traders can enter safely, someone who's not afraid of caverns.
I've spent my last days in the office to oversee the construction of the walls. Hopefully the next overseer will complete them.


-So, Bearskie, who were you actually talking about with the duke last year? - SQman asked - If it wasn't me...
-Hiddenleafguy, the manager. Why are you asking?
-I'm retiring. I just can't stand this responsibility anymore. What if goblins come back? What if the dragon from the Hill of Death is not just a legend? I just think there are people more... competent than me.
-Ask him then. Hiddenleafguy, I mean. He'd make a great overseer. Well, at least he wouldn't flood a good portion of the fortress.


And here we are. Animals sorted, walls mostly built, mistakes fixed, goblins repelled, human caravan drowned. It's been my first time taking care of a succession fort, and I think it went rather well. Hiddenleafguy is next.

Here's the save if anyone else is interested: http://dffd.bay12games.com/file.php?id=11151

[Bearskie]

WHY IS THERE A NAKED GORLAK CHAINED TO YOUR COFFIN