Bay 12 Games Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  
Pages: [1] 2

Author Topic: Am I to be alone forever?  (Read 4483 times)

SquatchHammer

  • Bay Watcher
  • A bit drafty
    • View Profile
Am I to be alone forever?
« on: August 02, 2015, 09:43:50 pm »

I just realized that I am 25 about to be 26 soon, 7 years just blew by. I barely know anyone where I live, especially when it comes to the female persuasion. At this point, I feel like I'll never find anyone, let alone someone that will wanna deal with me in a relationship. I am pretty much at the point of giving up ever finding anyone.
Logged
That's technically an action, not a speech... Well it was only a matter of time before I had to write another scene of utter and horrifying perversion.

King of Candy Island.

Xantalos

  • Bay Watcher
  • Your Friendly Salvation
    • View Profile
Re: Am I to be alone forever?
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2015, 09:46:39 pm »

Do you get out much? By that I mean not necessarily go out and do things with people, but do you leave your house on occasion and go to places there are other people? Just determining first before I get my questionable advice on.
Logged
Sig! Onol
Quote from: BFEL
XANTALOS, THE KARATEBOMINATION
Quote from: Toaster
((The Xantalos Die: [1, 1, 1, 6, 6, 6]))

SquatchHammer

  • Bay Watcher
  • A bit drafty
    • View Profile
Re: Am I to be alone forever?
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2015, 09:50:32 pm »

I do try to go out but I am very shy and it's hard for me to talk to people.
Logged
That's technically an action, not a speech... Well it was only a matter of time before I had to write another scene of utter and horrifying perversion.

King of Candy Island.

Trapezohedron

  • Bay Watcher
  • No longer exists here.
    • View Profile
Re: Am I to be alone forever?
« Reply #3 on: August 02, 2015, 09:53:25 pm »

One thing: You're never going to find people until you get involved in one tighter circle of people.

Do one or more of the following: Join hobby groups (Model making, Cycling, Gardening, etc.), get a job, improve social skills somewhat by taking classes or online games (srsly, but don't be too weird or anything. That won't help in real life.), gain new friends from bars, etc.
Logged
Thank you for all the fish. It was a good run.

SquatchHammer

  • Bay Watcher
  • A bit drafty
    • View Profile
Re: Am I to be alone forever?
« Reply #4 on: August 02, 2015, 09:59:28 pm »

I like my job I have but the only problem is its almost all guys. I dont drink and I dont know how people will take that at bars.
Logged
That's technically an action, not a speech... Well it was only a matter of time before I had to write another scene of utter and horrifying perversion.

King of Candy Island.

Trapezohedron

  • Bay Watcher
  • No longer exists here.
    • View Profile
Re: Am I to be alone forever?
« Reply #5 on: August 02, 2015, 10:04:39 pm »

If you try drinking now and assuming your job has chill guys, you'd probably be the neophyte being taught how bar etiquette works. If you have a sleazy guy on a nightclub, maybe he'll ask you to wingman for him, I don't know.

I'd say though, booze is a really effective social enhancer, provided you're open to telling secrets.
Logged
Thank you for all the fish. It was a good run.

~Neri

  • Bay Watcher
  • Now back to our regularly scheduled bark.
    • View Profile
Re: Am I to be alone forever?
« Reply #6 on: August 02, 2015, 10:06:15 pm »

I do not recommend alcohol. Drunk people are not themselves.
Logged

Xantalos

  • Bay Watcher
  • Your Friendly Salvation
    • View Profile
Re: Am I to be alone forever?
« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2015, 10:18:50 pm »

I do not recommend alcohol. Drunk people are not themselves.
This.

Anyhow, my advice is practice. It sounds stupid as hell, but it's the only way I managed to be able to talk to people. Basically start by assembling a makeshift sheet of conversation topics in your head - weather (yes this actually works), stuff about yourself, etc, and maybe some ones depending on where you are - and just look for conversation opportunities. I've found a good opener that can be used a lot of places is to fake ignorance of something so you have both an escape route and legit reason to come over and talk to people. For instance if ... I dunno if you have buses where you are, but asking what time one of those comes opens up a whole new array of possible topics - say you ask and get the time, you can then lead on with something like 'thanks, I can't wait to get home and [do activity X that you might or might not actually be doing]. Basically just feel it out from there - but use those openers as practice, essentially, for having conversations. Who knows, you might make a friend by doing that.
The more you do it the better you get at it. Fake it till you forget you're faking it because at that point you're not faking it anymore. Etcetera.


Hopefully this theoretically helps.
Logged
Sig! Onol
Quote from: BFEL
XANTALOS, THE KARATEBOMINATION
Quote from: Toaster
((The Xantalos Die: [1, 1, 1, 6, 6, 6]))

Trapezohedron

  • Bay Watcher
  • No longer exists here.
    • View Profile
Re: Am I to be alone forever?
« Reply #8 on: August 02, 2015, 10:26:56 pm »

Going to another country helps with the social things, because you typically know nothing. The same thing can be simulated with Xantalos' suggestion; just ask a lot of questions about things even if you already know.

Personally, I rehab'd my shyness with a mixture of that, booze (never going beyond tipsy or when the world starts getting woozy), and somehow online gaming/forums. When gaming, make sure you're actually talking to someone sane, someone who could talk about life when prompted to, which leads to serious discussions about country, etc.

But yeah, to get actual people you need to join areas with actual people. Cycling, model making, tabletop gaming, etc. Grab a hobby that you can talk about with other people. All it needs is a little icebreaker and the conversations start flowing.
Logged
Thank you for all the fish. It was a good run.

Rolan7

  • Bay Watcher
  • [GUE'VESA][BONECARN]
    • View Profile
Re: Am I to be alone forever?
« Reply #9 on: August 02, 2015, 10:36:13 pm »

I do not recommend alcohol. Drunk people are not themselves.
As someone who drinks a lot, this is pretty much true.  I like being drunk, but I'm practically a different person.  Tipsy is different from drunk though. 
I think New Guy has it right, find people who are into your interests.  If you don't bond deeply with them, they can still introduce you to people.  Supposedly we're all six contacts away from Kevin Bacon or something.  More importantly, we're almost certainly two degrees of separation away from a good friend.
Logged
She/they
No justice: no peace.
Quote from: Fallen London, one Unthinkable Hope
This one didn't want to be who they was. On the Surface – it was a dull, unconsidered sadness. But everything changed. Which implied everything could change.

Bohandas

  • Bay Watcher
  • Discordia Vobis Com Et Cum Spiritum
    • View Profile
Re: Am I to be alone forever?
« Reply #10 on: August 02, 2015, 10:37:45 pm »

I just realized that I am 25 about to be 26 soon, 7 years just blew by. I barely know anyone where I live, especially when it comes to the female persuasion. At this point, I feel like I'll never find anyone, let alone someone that will wanna deal with me in a relationship. I am pretty much at the point of giving up ever finding anyone.

If it helps, it sounds like you're at least doing better than me.
Logged
NEW Petition to stop the anti-consumer, anti-worker, Trans-Pacific Partnership agreement
What is TPP
----------------------
Remember, no one can tell you who you are except an emotionally unattached outside observer making quantifiable measurements.
----------------------
Έπαινος Ερις

Biowraith

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Am I to be alone forever?
« Reply #11 on: August 03, 2015, 12:52:20 am »

I don't really have advice on what steps to take that haven't already been said, but as someone that was in the same situation at your age and still is over a decade later I will say you should definitely work to resolve this now as it gets harder and harder the older you get and the longer you're alone.
Logged

SquatchHammer

  • Bay Watcher
  • A bit drafty
    • View Profile
Re: Am I to be alone forever?
« Reply #12 on: August 03, 2015, 04:06:59 pm »

As for hobbies, I do Pen and paper rpg's and table top games but all the female participants are taken up. I dont know if I could just hang out at a bar I heard is pretty good for singles without drinking since I hate the taste of alcohol and I don't want to find something I dont taste the alcohol in it because I dont want to be a drunkard.

I am also afraid if I become drunk, I would be the angry drunk or the fighting drunk. So I am kinda out of options there.
Logged
That's technically an action, not a speech... Well it was only a matter of time before I had to write another scene of utter and horrifying perversion.

King of Candy Island.

Urist McScoopbeard

  • Bay Watcher
  • Damnit Scoopz!
    • View Profile
Re: Am I to be alone forever?
« Reply #13 on: August 03, 2015, 09:44:43 pm »

As for hobbies, I do Pen and paper rpg's and table top games but all the female participants are taken up. I dont know if I could just hang out at a bar I heard is pretty good for singles without drinking since I hate the taste of alcohol and I don't want to find something I dont taste the alcohol in it because I dont want to be a drunkard.

I am also afraid if I become drunk, I would be the angry drunk or the fighting drunk. So I am kinda out of options there.

Sounds like you have more self-exploring to do. The trick to meeting the significant other that you want to meet is to be doing what you love.
Logged
This conversation is getting disturbing fast, disturbingly erotic.

Generally me

  • Bay Watcher
  • I look like this IRL
    • View Profile
Re: Am I to be alone forever?
« Reply #14 on: August 12, 2015, 04:51:01 pm »

I do not recommend alcohol. Drunk people are not themselves.
This true but being drunk definitely helps with just general confidence. And since most people make up their minds of someone with the first few seconds of meeting them(I saw this somewhere) it can be helpful in just getting past awkward introductions.
Logged
Pages: [1] 2