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[gigaraptor487]

Hello, I have already asked this in a couple of places on the internet. Reddit basically just said to talk to her and /adv/ on 4chan was really passive aggressive about it and I am not sure if thats a reliable source. This place hasn't failed me in the past, so it would be nice to get a consensus from you lot.

So I have known this girl for about a year and I have no idea what to do. I talk to her quite a lot and I know we are good friends, and many of my friends have admitted crushes on her (I wouldn't say I am one of them, but there is potential).

She talks to me quite a lot, and does some things that she doesn't seem to do around the other guys (in fact, she laughed in one of my friend's faces when he called her beautiful and ignored him). She constantly laughs at my jokes (I even put a bunch of unfunny ones in there to see what would happen), and constantly calls me cute. In fact, she often calls me the cutest guy she knows, and then says that her sister (about 3 years older) thinks I am the cutest of the friends group. She has asked me to hug her on a couple of occasions, although I have refused because I don't like touching. I also notice her cleavage a lot when sitting opposite her although that may just be me being a guy. She also talks to me a lot about how she feels and asks a reasonable amount of questions, a couple that make me feel uncomfortable. She said she wasn't like the other girls and thought they were sluts and she asked me once if I was planning on having children (that was one hell of an awkward moment). She says these things both around other guys and when we are alone. I don't really respond much other than "shut up " and will often have banter with her.

However, we don't have each other's phone numbers (Mind I have never asked), and I have talked to her twice on facebook (once she was asking for help with maths work). Also, she is really social, and gets utterly wasted at parties with some of my friends but I never go to the parties at all (although again I have never really made much of an effort to go).

I have no idea what to think about her, whether she is just flirting because she likes me or whether its just who she is, or whether she is trying to make another guy jealous.

Help me.

[nenjin]

Reddit would be right in this case.

You could always try flirting back, you know. There's no harm in it. It's basically an arms race, who will try to get serious first? If she's just a tease, if she's just trying to make some guy jealous, no big whoop. Have some fun with it but don't get overly emotionally committed since you don't really know what's going on.

Also, seriously, if she wants a hug, give her a hug. *thwap* If she indeed is after you, your actions are probably coming across as "hard to get." Let that go on long enough, and she will get bored and move on.

[gigaraptor487]

Reddit would be right in this case.

You could always try flirting back, you know. There's no harm in it. It's basically an arms race, who will try to get serious first? If she's just a tease, if she's just trying to make some guy jealous, no big whoop. Have some fun with it but don't get overly emotionally committed since you don't really know what's going on.

Also, seriously, if she wants a hug, give her a hug. *thwap* If she indeed is after you, your actions are probably coming across as "hard to get." Let that go on long enough, and she will get bored and move on.

I think I will flirt back next time I see her, but thats not for six weeks D:

[xpi0t0s]

Like as in friendship, clearly yes.  Like as in boyfriend, not necessarily, and "cute" isn't necessarily a compliment.

>>She has asked me to hug her on a couple of occasions, although I have refused because I don't like touching.

Makes me wonder where you think this might go.  Maybe just stay friends if you don't want any of that intimate stuff.

>>I also notice her cleavage a lot

Yeah, you're a guy.  And probably not gay.  I'm 47 and I still notice lots of cleavages.  I think I'm getting better at disguising/minimising it, although if there's no/little chance of being spotted it might be more than a fleeting glance.  They somehow seem designed to pull us in, particularly if their owners like to put them on show.  Try to maintain eye contact though, or pick something else (e.g. nose) if you find that uncomfortable.  Tricky though if you're sitting directly opposite her.  Try to sit at right angles to her, that gives you lots of other stuff to look at, or if you're at a table for 4, opposite but not immediately opposite.  Avoid sitting next to her, because you still want to be able to look at her, and next to implies more closeness than exists.


If you are interested in dating her, maybe just ask her casually, almost as an afterthought, if she might be interested in taking the friendship up a level (if she asks what you mean, follow it up with something like "you know, dating, that sort of stuff").  If you keep it light then it could be something you could both easily handle without any fear of rejection, and even if she laughs and says no, that's easier for you, and isn't necessarily a final answer; she might just be surprised and taking a "safe" option.  Don't make it the first or last thing and plan to follow the question&discussion up with something on a completely different subject (make sure you have it safely in mind; write a hint on your hand if necessary).

[Trapezohedron]

This sounds like me, except I was never romantically enamored by said girl, and neither was she.

It's a normal friendship. Cute can have non-romantic connotations, and the girl maybe just finds you reliable, which is why she talks to you about her feelings.

If you want to take the romantic plunge, I suggest starting by asking for her number; it should be easy, given you already know her quite well. ("Hey, I realize we talk a lot and we don't have each other's numbers, why don't we exchange?" etc.)

If you are interested in dating her, maybe just ask her casually, almost as an afterthought, if she might be interested in taking the friendship up a level (if she asks what you mean, follow it up with something like "you know, dating, that sort of stuff").  If you keep it light then it could be something you could both easily handle without any fear of rejection, and even if she laughs and says no, that's easier for you, and isn't necessarily a final answer; she might just be surprised and taking a "safe" option.  Don't make it the first or last thing and plan to follow the question&discussion up with something on a completely different subject (make sure you have it safely in mind; write a hint on your hand if necessary).

Pretty much the next step.

[AdmiralGeezer]

If you like her then just make a move towards something more than friendship, be cool about it if she isn't feeling the same. I liked the advice of casually asking if she would be interested in something more. You can also do it gradually by changing you behavior around her. As friends you don't touch and play around too much physically, if you start taking things that way you will soon see how she responds. Even if you ask her first you still have to show her and lead yourself to something physical. You know, even kiss at one point

What I mean by being more physical is pushing her playfully, towards a tree or something. Hug her if she wants to, hug her anyway. Surprise her. But since you have been friends for a longer time I do like the "just talk about it" way of doing it. Mention it casually and see how she reacts, if she is reacting positively suggest that you go on a proper date, a coffee. A good movie or something of the like!

It's best to just be open about your own feelings, if you are feeling something for her just go for it and don't be afraid to show it to her. Combine this with being totally cool if she rejects you and you will have no worries. As men we just have to learn how to deal with the possibility of rejection, since women do not make the first move often... But it isn't the end of the world! 

[Tiruin]

I...really think the title is incomplete. Or not specific anyway. o_O

Basic idea is right: Talk to her and ask her directly.

although that may just be me being a guy. [...]

...Not necessarily. :v

She said she wasn't like the other girls and thought they were [...]

That's not what other girls are. Most likely one's understanding, maybe.

[gigaraptor487]

I...really think the title is incomplete. Or not specific anyway. o_O

Basic idea is right: Talk to her and ask her directly.

although that may just be me being a guy. [...]

...Not necessarily. :v

She said she wasn't like the other girls and thought they were [...]

That's not what other girls are. Most likely one's understanding, maybe.

I know other girls aren't sluts (at least the ones I have met), but I find it interesting that she would tell me that.

[AdmiralGeezer]

I...really think the title is incomplete. Or not specific anyway. o_O

Basic idea is right: Talk to her and ask her directly.

although that may just be me being a guy. [...]

...Not necessarily. :v

She said she wasn't like the other girls and thought they were [...]

That's not what other girls are. Most likely one's understanding, maybe.

I know other girls aren't sluts (at least the ones I have met), but I find it interesting that she would tell me that.

Probably because she likes to think she is better than them...