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[Detoxicated]

Hey dude, you got married, you can't be such a bad asshole.
Try to clean dirty language out of your system. Why?

Watch your thoughts. They become words. Watch your words. They become deeds. Watch your deeds. They become habits. Watch your habits. They become character. Character is everything.

[NullForceOmega]

Well, thank you for the kind words, and that is a very interesting quote, where/who is it from?

I am an asshole though, that can't really be denied (even my wife agrees.)

[Tiruin]

I'm being very brief here due to lack of time [sorry x_x] but...

[...]it is just the way I am,

Isn't the root cause
You're seeing the cause--but how its interpreted may be incomplete.

[...] there are a fair number of things (not all of which I am actually aware of) that just make me lose it.

How've you been acting towards these things? Were you taught or did you try otherwise many times before inasmuch times as you're acting like you say here? :O [ie Not reacting hastily or being aware of your composure instead of reacting as if . . .]
The idea behind it is like Isaac Newton's laws when transferred to the psyche--there's an action, and a reaction. The reactionary part tends to be mostly a learned note (generally; depending on the situation).

'If' I can spot myself doing that (and that is definitely an 'if'), what do I do about it?  I mean aside from stopping myself from doing stupid shit (when and if I catch myself before doing something), how do I use that to help me?

Awareness and acknowledgement are among the first steps to dealing with things Connecting it with you and choosing to focus your energies towards that goal are among the following others--Tis awesome its all shown in between your words here
Once you're aware of something, given it being out of context and general here, you may begin...err, questioning(?) [wording may not be exact] the idea, like doing your research about how the process goes. Then deconstruct the idea from there into specifics--because those processes are like buildings; built up by many points.

ie If I can spot myself being nitpicky towards a certain topic and in my past experiences, I've known what others told me and gave constructive critique about it--what's a better way of doing this?

But poking at them beliefs here

You are responsible for everything you do, and you can stop yourself from doing things you don't want. You won't be able to change your behavior until you stop saying things like "my brain just does X".

This is generally correct, but its reasonable that mistakes are made believing 'this is how I am' because of how the myriad nature of experience influences our lives. Repetition, memory, recall...and all those other things.
Just keep in mind that beliefs play a big role in how interaction goes. (ie Scenario: How do you treat assertivity when its used against you? The answer to the 'how' part may reflect a belief).
It's a thing I noticed--most people don't intend at all to...uh, 'be bad'. It's just them acting on what they know.
...To be extremely blunt.


Sorry for brevity and lacking conciseness x_x
PPE:

Well, thank you for the kind words, and that is a very interesting quote, where/who is it from?

I am an asshole though, that can't really be denied (even my wife agrees.)

It's the manner of how things are described, actually
To broach specifics--you say 'asshole'. I say 'quirky'.
It's maybe how you describe the negative attitude...because I see that nice 7 letter word being thrown out to describe negative attitudes like a label when...to be very silly on the matter, being an asshole helps because it removes the excrement from your system. [Disclaimer: Don't take this literally or literally figuratively.] o_O
...To add humor to the idea.

[NullForceOmega]

Tiruin, that's a little... messy, and very hard to parse.  could you clean it up a bit?  I'm not sure I can follow.

As for the 'asshole', I use it because I tend to 'shit' verbally on things that bother me, like commercials, stupid plotlines, people who make me angry, etc.

[Detoxicated]

Its difficult to say, some put it to Buddha, some to Lao Tsu, some to Ralph Waldo Emerson...

[NullForceOmega]

I like it, thanks for sharing it.

[Jo]

Ah. Coping strategies. Kettlebells at home. I do all my lifting at home. Wind sprints up the lane on leg day. Kettle circuit on upper body day. Nothing super long. Maybe 20-30 mins a day. It worked miracles for my mental state. No kettles? Calisthenics. Pick 3. 1 set each, repeat as many times as condition allows. Add a 4th and 5th exercise as you improve.

You can also shadow box at home if martial arts is your thing.

There are tons of ways to work out in front of the TV with your kids.

[Detoxicated]

Glad I could help. Another example why the internet is great. Random people being nice to one another, helping each other on their way.

If I may give another advise:
Sometimes it helps to take your personality out of situations. Since you probably know the people in front of you well, you know a great deal of their history, and therefore you can easily try to feel them. From there, they have formed their opinions, just as you have formed yours based on your life. A political or religious opinion becomes an interesting opportunity to gaze into another mindset, and things that would make you angry amuse you and make you think of the reasons why they chose to think in such a way that it battles your way of living.

What kind of music do you listen to by the way?

[Trapezohedron]

All I know is, that when you think about cussing, you usually become more gung-ho and perhaps even more confrontational.

One of the things I do, irrelevant to the above point, is that, before I start saying something, I would assume myself in that other person's shoes; how they would live their lives given their points, so on and so forth. This leads to a few problems, mainly of thinking ahead and being judgmental, but in turn, I've discovered that when I think of people like this, I can give reason to their actions and stop myself from confronting them in a manner that's hostile.

I tend to empathize with a lot of things, and wonder why stuff are made and how they affect people, and given they would disappear, how their disappearance would affect people still. Stuff like One-Direction, Twilight et al. are annoying with me, but they in turn make some people happy with their mere existence, and that gives me a grudging respect for the writers/composers, not because of how a ****ty book/music album enthralled people but how said people managed to acquire a lot of beneficial resources with them, and thus I plan with the trend that's set as to how to exploit it.

Simply put really, I would assume a different viewpoint for a given situation, to see if my actions are worth something or if I should just simply eschew trying to confront other people or situations, given that they might not involve me as much.

[NullForceOmega]

Jo: I have weights at home, but my other exercise options are a bit limited due to injuries, I'm hoping to get a membership at a local gym or the Y so I can swim without risking aggravating my knees.

Detoxicated: I listen to a very diverse assortment of music, from heavy metal to jazz and classical (But I don't do hip-hop or rap.)  I'm not sure what you mean by 'take my personality out of situations', could you please elaborate?

New Guy:  This is one of my major problems I think, I have a great deal of difficulty getting into people's heads, I'm very, very, bad at interpersonal communication.  For most of my earlier adult life and teenage years my first and typically only response to an argument was to end it with physical force (yes, I know exactly how bad that is, on every level.)

[Detoxicated]

When somebody says something that angers you normally, you try to leave your anger at the side, and try to listen closely to what is said without jumping to conclusions. If it still angers you very much ponder about their situation and take into account that they might be having a bad day or that they aren't fully responsible for what they know.

Its important that you find a way how to express your emotions and your feelings on matters. As this seems to be part of your problem you should probably start talking to your wife what it really is that makes you so angry and assholish. This is probably a for you safe space, and you learn to express these things in a healthy way. It is important to make your personal restrictions known too, if somebody just goes to far it is fair to get angry, but only if you told them beforehand in a friendly and neutral manner that their particular behaviour is angering you.

Sometimes the mind produces voices within your thinkng that confuse you in times of stress, like in heated fights or discussions, try to just not listen. Try to breathe in and think what you would do if you were thinking rationally now.

[NullForceOmega]

That is very sound advice.

A lot of my difficulty does stem from an inability to just put things aside, once I 'step up' and decide to get involved, I don't really know how to get out of it when it goes bad.

Like I said above, I used to be a violent person (and to be honest I still am, I just keep it locked down and don't let that part of myself dictate my life), and there are just a vast number of issues tied up in that that I'm trying to cope with, so I have lots of problems sorting through my own head and figuring out what is bugging me.

[Detoxicated]

YOu should start Kung-Fu, if you have these violent urges you should not hold them under pressure, instead you should use these energies and convert them and learn how to wield them.
Kung Fu is especially nice for this since it has a meditative philosophical side as well as the physical combat side.

[Tiruin]

As an aside--HI New Guy! Long time no see!

Tiruin, that's a little... messy, and very hard to parse.  could you clean it up a bit?  I'm not sure I can follow.

Hahah~
Yeah. Sorry in advance. Given all the info at my hands here, I usually trip over them at times to give a concise idea.
It's like using a shotgun to hit a target at 50m with all the pellets on-mark (which can be done but...I'm doing it again! x_x).

Alrighty!
My point back there was that a person's beliefs also play a large role in how they interact. Pulling in the analogy of Newton's laws in Psychology--if there is action, there is generally a reaction. So what I was talking about is self-assessment; if you can ask yourself 'what do I think about [the thing that makes me cuss or get angry]', that's a nice first step in checking why you do so.

And PPE:
I'll be poking at the analogy of the tree here--roots and development and all. In one main idea, attitude (how we act currently) is based on:
> What we know
> What we've learned
> Memories
> Experiences
> Influences

Jo: I have weights at home, but my other exercise options are a bit limited due to injuries, I'm hoping to get a membership at a local gym or the Y so I can swim without risking aggravating my knees.

Detoxicated: I listen to a very diverse assortment of music, from heavy metal to jazz and classical (But I don't do hip-hop or rap.)  I'm not sure what you mean by 'take my personality out of situations', could you please elaborate?

New Guy:  This is one of my major problems I think, I have a great deal of difficulty getting into people's heads, I'm very, very, bad at interpersonal communication.  For most of my earlier adult life and teenage years my first and typically only response to an argument was to end it with physical force (yes, I know exactly how bad that is, on every level.)

Outlined in orange is one primary thing of note here. My messy words encompass the idea but they're messy, so I'll polish them up here.
> You can easily learn something new, when you begin believing that what you've known is not everything.
SO what that means is that you can branch out on how you interact or respond.
Maybe that's why "you're an ass": because your responses connect with something mainly negative (that's why its being described as an ass; YOU as a person are not an asshole--your attitude may be the culprit instead).
*Just note this: People usually throw these adjectives at each other because of how close attitude and a person seem to be--that at times, they seem unseparable--because this describes interaction.

*Noted: I'll pull theoretical knowledge in application here. One method of how we begin to 'know' our environment (which means other people and other things) is by observation. However, knowing is not necessarily understanding. In your context, I believe, when people describe you--they're not describing your limits or your everything, but just how you show yourself. Your attitude.
So if you can branch out with that attitude--modify or replace how you sometimes interact when you know you're going to be an asshole, then that'll work out the best for you.

Like for example, instead of responding in a very toxic and crude way--you can respond in a nice and diplomatic yet firm way.
Understanding that communication is a myriad tool, with not just one way of usage is one boon in life to know. :3

Instead of swearing, you can make something comical from it, for example. (like saying something mundane instead of something  A funny example is from a friend of mind. Instead of saying SHIIIIIT or BITCH. She says SHIII-ba inu. That's a nice dog. Yeah.). Quickly disassociating the idea by replacing it with a more subtle one.
Doesn't make sense why it'd be there in the first place, but at least it doesn't make it that bad, as a start.


Also if I could poke--why many people suggest martial arts is not just because you get to hit things, but because when one is introduced to something, they're implied to begin learning it as a whole. So the teachings and values of the our lands and many other lands within those arts are also learned (ie Why we use it for self-defense and not for attacking people, despite the idea being a 'form of hurting others' in its crudest mention).

A lot of my difficulty does stem from an inability to just put things aside, once I 'step up' and decide to get involved, I don't really know how to get out of it when it goes bad.

Ask thyself: Why :O
An open-ended why.
Then begin creating logical answers on why you think this is reasonable. They can either be the real answer why you're such, or steps leading to the truth on why this is so.
I think its a good thing--dedication and perseverance; but there's a need to develop critical thinking (in facing 'worst case scenarios' of bad). Sometimes, without knowing the context, you don't need to 'get out of it'. You could handle it, instead.

Glad I could help. Another example why the internet is great. Random people being nice to one another, helping each other on their way.

Love how it is used to span distance for people to communicate. c:
Makes me sad a bit when people use the 'internet' to...just be immature at times, because of how vast it is, but  . It's one way of seeing the internet.

Totally as an aside here
In my experience I've faced a lot of statements trying to expound on human nature (ie It is human nature to hate), so I'd poke on its clarification: its not -really- human nature to hate and fear or get angry straight out--it is human nature to be open enough to feel hate and fear, but it is also human nature to prompt action in order to coordinate or work with these feelings; Communication is one vital asset in handling such things. It's human nature to communicate--and thus interact.

[Trapezohedron]

One may take Wing Chun classes if they seek to master a martial art while learning self control, because... it's explained here quite well.

Or in other words, Wing Chun is the art of self-control to protect those who you value and avoid unnecessary confrontations, and end them as soon as they begin (speed-style philosophy of Wing Chun), in a manner practical, akin to its own combat style.