Don't worry, the problem here is almost certainly that when I try to be helpful on this sort of thing I tend to ramble. A lot. And not make a ton of sense. Part of it is that I am very bad at hammering my ideas into words - this is something I need to work on. Which I will try to do, here. Point being, unclearness here is almost certainly my fault, so let me know if it persists.
You've mostly got the idea of what I tried to say.
First - Listen to what people have to say. When you do make assumptions, reconsider them when they are challenged. Challenges can come explicitly, from people directly objecting, or implicitly, from things that just don't make sense given your assumptions. Assumptions are kind of necessary a lot of the time, for reasons I'll get into in the next chunk, so don't worry too much about them in the abstract.
Second - It is often not the case that you and someone else are talking about the same things, in the same way. Often people have subtly different ideas about what words mean. Usually, people tell themselves stories about what they know or think, and that means they fill in details. This is why thought experiments can get weird sometimes. So when you talk about the fat man who knows where the bomb is, some people are picturing
Newman, while others are picturing Santa Claus. Instead of trying to make sure everyone else has the same idea of "fat man" as you, try to find out what their idea is so that you can use it to communicate the idea you actually wanted to talk about in the first place.
Third - That's the idea, if I'm parsing you correctly. Many people judge themselves by their intent, and everyone else by the effect everyone else's actions have on them. If you cut someone off on the interstate, it's because you almost missed your exit and that was more important than worrying about some random stranger's opinion of you. If someone cuts you off, it's because they're an inconsiderate asshole. I often have to force myself to think, "Okay, wait, they probably weren't actually thinking about how it would impact me at all".
Fourth - Absolutely. So is everyone else, too, so try not to judge them any more harshly than you judge yourself.
Last - Yes. That's exactly it. I've realized that "not being an asshole", at least for me, mandates that I be willing to make myself vulnerable like that. You need to be content to move on, without blaming them if they aren't.
In this case, I think dismantling is fine - if it helps you understand what I'm trying to say, it's something I'll try to work with, since that's kind of the point. Of course, once understanding is achieved, you're also free to decide my advice isn't that useful. I'm not pretentious enough to think I've got all the answers, so... yeah. I'm also an asshole sometimes, especially when I'm frustrated, as you might have noticed depending on how many of my posts you see. So I've obviously got a lot of learning to do, myself.
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Topic: So, I'm an asshole, but I'd like to be less of one (Read 12790 times)