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[NullForceOmega]

Okay, a lot of stuff coming in very fast here, I'm going to respond to one of the above points brought up by several people.

I do in fact have training in not one but three martial arts (I have practiced Karate, Judo, and Shin Ken Do), as well as my military training.  This is not a problem that is going to be resolved as easily as developing baseline discipline, nor devoting myself to a philosophy.

Tiruin:  I know exactly why it isn't okay for me to back down, I understand on a intellectual level that the response is not needed, however I am not able on an emotional level to stop myself, this is the area I need help with, I am very good at analyzing things, but I don't have the necessary coping mechanisms to actually deal with them.

Also, as an aside, (no offense is intended), please refrain from trying to bolster my emotional state.  I need to maintain a neutral emotional state and analyze things from a non-positive mindset.  I have seriously compromised positive states, I will lose control if I deviate too far from neutral.  This will sound horrible and I cannot do anything about it, but I am an adrenaline junkie and I enjoy being violent far more than anyone with a normal psychological makeup would.  If I find myself operating in a positive state I will push myself into a full depressive spiral because I absolutely hate the above component of my personality.

All of this comes off as very self-defeating as I read it, and sounds like I'm trying to weasel my way out of something.  Please understand that I do want help, but I need to do this in manageable stages, and there is a bit too much coming at me at once.

[Detoxicated]

Well if you practiced imense Discipline before, you already have a few tools to help you. If you went into a war situtation, it is highly likely that you suffer a post-traumatic problem. Maybe it would be better then to get professional help, but I wouldn't know what you want.

I see you WANT to change, this is already a very good ground base, as you have the will and from this will your change will come.

[Tiruin]

Tiruin:  I know exactly why it isn't okay for me to back down, I understand on a intellectual level that the response is not needed, however I am not able on an emotional level to stop myself, this is the area I need help with, I am very good at analyzing things, but I don't have the necessary coping mechanisms to actually deal with them.

Also, as an aside, (no offense is intended), please refrain from trying to bolster my emotional state. [...]

Hum...ever tried playing out the bothering situations in an analytical environment then? Like ask your wife or friends to help you with those things?
...Ah wait, the how is what I think is the question here.

Well...hmm. Poking at the orange part, have you heard of or tried other ways of interacting when the whatever-makes-you- occurs? Done research on how other people do it and received support yourself? Analyzed how you act like a third-party scientist?

Maybe it would be better then to get professional help, but I wouldn't know what you want.

This is highly recommended as we can only give advice--depending on what you're OK with posting here, too--given that being able to speak to professionals about this physically would cover quite a lot about you, past history and all, including interviews, counseling and specifying the problem outright (beneath the possibly seen problem).

All of this comes off as very self-defeating as I read it, and sounds like I'm trying to weasel my way out of something.  Please understand that I do want help, but I need to do this in manageable stages, and there is a bit too much coming at me at once.

Ooooh, that only comes when cynical thoughts cross us x3 I doubt anyone here has reason to believe such given how apparent your efforts are.

What I can generally advise is to know people who cope with anger or other issues in an inspirational way--basically your ideal attitude, and try practicing it out (ie with friends/loved ones). That's an influence to how attitudes are supported and reinforced--constant practice along with the mindset for such.

On the emotional part--maybe note that backing down doesn't require high or intense emotions. Just calming of the self, and not reacting to whatever heightened emotions the other party is giving. Mentally step back and give a gesture or speak an idea that will directly give the idea that you're not challenging the situation. Usually following this up with 'I don't want to fight' or an idea moving for compromise would help.

Though this is general advice. :O I seriously do wish you well there! It's awesome that you've taken initiative here

[NullForceOmega]

Detoxicated: Yes, but the tools I am in possession of are not sufficient to cover the problem areas.  I was not actually deployed overseas at any point, the possible PTSD relates to events in my early teen years.  I am going to re-state this, I may have to do so again, I have tried to use professional sources, but I have a great deal of difficulty actually opening up to such people.

Tiruin:

First: No, I don't have a solid footing on 'good' interpersonal interaction, this may contribute to my not being able to deal with things.  I have not attempted to research the ways other people deal with similar stresses, how would I go about doing so?  I do attempt to analyze my actions, but I often find that I am unable to isolate the specific problems until much later.

Second: See the above statement to Detoxicated, I don't interact well with counselors, etc.  So I have doubts as to my own ability to engage in productive discourse with one.

Third:  Emotional component of 'backing down'; in my early teen years I was a member of a Midwestern gang, where I functioned as an 'enforcer', my job was to go where the local supplier told me to and beat people into submission.  If I 'stepped up', then I absolutely could not 'back down' without placing myself at serious risk of reprisal.

Also, my thanks to all of you who are contributing ideas and support here, I feel that some of this advice is useful and advantageous, and I am now trying to apply it to myself.

[Urist McScoopbeard]

Okay, a lot of stuff coming in very fast here, I'm going to respond to one of the above points brought up by several people.

I do in fact have training in not one but three martial arts (I have practiced Karate, Judo, and Shin Ken Do), as well as my military training.  This is not a problem that is going to be resolved as easily as developing baseline discipline, nor devoting myself to a philosophy.

Tiruin:  I know exactly why it isn't okay for me to back down, I understand on a intellectual level that the response is not needed, however I am not able on an emotional level to stop myself, this is the area I need help with, I am very good at analyzing things, but I don't have the necessary coping mechanisms to actually deal with them.

Also, as an aside, (no offense is intended), please refrain from trying to bolster my emotional state.  I need to maintain a neutral emotional state and analyze things from a non-positive mindset.  I have seriously compromised positive states, I will lose control if I deviate too far from neutral.  This will sound horrible and I cannot do anything about it, but I am an adrenaline junkie and I enjoy being violent far more than anyone with a normal psychological makeup would.  If I find myself operating in a positive state I will push myself into a full depressive spiral because I absolutely hate the above component of my personality.

All of this comes off as very self-defeating as I read it, and sounds like I'm trying to weasel my way out of something.  Please understand that I do want help, but I need to do this in manageable stages, and there is a bit too much coming at me at once.

It sounds like you are intentionally causing problems for yourself because you're constantly repressing your desire for an adrenaline rush. Instead of constantly disciplining yourself, why don't you find an outlet for your emotions? Martial arts is all well and good, but it's very controlled and you know exactly what you can and can't do, how you have to do it, and when. Why not try some extreme sports? Base jumping, wingsuits, that kind of thing. The way you describe it, the only time you ever lose control of yourself is when you're in a situation that you KNOW might end in you beating the shit out of someone or someone beating the shit out of you, so if you can blow off some steam elsewhere, maybe you can better control yourself in "confrontational" situations.

[NullForceOmega]

My physical injuries make that very difficult (this part almost makes me angry, when I've got an adrenaline high I can barely feel the pain that comes with them), I like and am capable of whitewater rafting, and would definitely do that to let off steam, but I just do not have the necessary money to get into it (two kids on my wife's grad student income.)

Don't misunderstand please, the above is really good advice, but without some cash I don't see how I can really get into anything like this.

[Urist McScoopbeard]

My physical injuries make that very difficult (this part almost makes me angry, when I've got an adrenaline high I can barely feel the pain that comes with them), I like and am capable of whitewater rafting, and would definitely do that to let off steam, but I just do not have the necessary money to get into it (two kids on my wife's grad student income.)

Don't misunderstand please, the above is really good advice, but without some cash I don't see how I can really get into anything like this.

That's fair. Though nowadays you can come by a kayak for pretty cheap. An inflatable kayak for only $100. In all, I think you could probably get a lot of stuff for $500-$1000 including kayak, oars, and extra bags, safety gear, etc.

Injuries are a big obstacle, especially for a self-described adrenaline junkie, so that's tough. As someone who isn't a medical professional, I can hardly tell you you're own limits or even what to do with yourself, but finding an alternative method of venting is a viable option too. If you live near a scrapyard, maybe you can finding something to take a sledgehammer to? A couple of bucks for some breakable stuff (wear safety glasses you bastard) and just go to town with said hammer... pickaxes are fun too.

[Tylui]

I mostly skimmed all the thread but the OP but I've got one thing you can try which helped me get out of the habit of swearing. It sounds p stupid, but wear a rubber band on your wrist. If you do something you think you need to change, stretch it out and give yourself a snap. It doesn't have to hurt, but just reinforce the thought that whatever you're doing you want it to change. Mostly it just makes your thought into a physical feeling. The more you snap, the more you will remember to snap, and eventually you'll stop doing it without really "working" too hard to change it. YMMV. For me, even a small basically painless snap is enough to make it a "feeling" instead of just another passing thought.

EDIT: 'kay read the rest of the thread. Clearly the rubber band thing sounds stupid now, but it could still be a nice tool for you to make yourself recognize when you're having inappropriate reactions.

I do like two of the things Detoxicated said, about the Kung Fu and learning how to harness the emotions, and the quote-from-the-unknown-source. Both the quote and the emotional redirection reminded me of the book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. It's mostly about how to make money using ideas, but it has a lot of other areas of application than just how to make money.

You seem like a really rational and nice person online though.

[NullForceOmega]

It isn't that I am irrational by default, it's just that when something trips any of my dozens of triggers I lose it, and when pushed any further go completely berserk.

The rubber band thing is not stupid at all, I'm just well beyond the point where small-scale stimulus like that is going to have an effect, I will probably do something similar once I can get to a place where it will be useful.

[Detoxicated]

Describe to me a situation where you have been an asshole and why, unless you don't want to.

[NullForceOmega]

Detoxicated:  I just spent the last twelve hours trying to find a good way to respond to your request, but I can't narrow it down enough to give a good response.  After this (rather long) internal review, I would have to say the 'asshole' part of my behavior is just that, certain mannerisms, speech patterns, attitudes etc., that when taken as a whole are what make me an asshole.  It can range from something as simple as the wording of a statement, to as complex as body language towards a person or situation.  So I guess I can't really answer effectively

[Detoxicated]

Seems like your character ain't an asshole at all, but for some reason it has taken some parts of asshole on the way.. Real assholes don't notice.

[Tiruin]

Detox has the theme out well. And you're being awesome, NFO.

Though..I have been wondering about your situation :O It's just my studies poking me. Well, generally.
To try to detail it here:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Well, rather because I found this poem early in life and can't help but find it applying everywhere. As in, I'm reflecting on Memory.

Memory comprises one cornerstone of the human experience. To a large degree, our sense of who we {and how we interact} are depends upon what we know, and what we know depends upon our ability to remember what we have learned {including what we're taught and what we observe}

Totally out of context but that's the best snippet I've found in that paper. >_<

Meaning that what you've constantly learned and did in the past affects what or how you're acting now--to a degree.
So my guess is branch out in interaction
Like, say, If one's life was mostly only being stuck with criticism and the lack of knowing how to handle criticism (essentially being judged to others' high standards which don't apply to the younger person), then how they'll react will most be how they only learned/knew how to [ie Hurt or lowered self esteem or such]. Unless other ways of acting are taught or practiced. :O

So it's like, you are the best analyst you've got in knowing the intricate details to your actions; and others will know by either you telling them, or them noticing it. :O You being on the list of best analysts mean that you can re-make the situation in your mind, thinking 'What did I do when {action} happened.'
Then following it up with 'What else can I do to respond to that?'

So I guess those tiny mannerisms--now that you're aware of it, you may begin knowing the difficulties ahead on what hinders overcoming them. ie Working on interpersonal skills--having a nice buddy with you to practice or go out into the city to socialize as an adventure helps too.

I..hope I don't sound anything negative here ._. My wording is messy at times.

[xpi0t0s]

"I'm an asshole" -- could be part of the problem; how you identify yourself to some extent determines what you are.  Try disowning it instead.  Actually the fact that you don't want to be one effectively proves you aren't one, because true assholes don't care if they are.

Swearing: what helped me deprogram myself from swearing was to stop when I heard myself swear, apologise to anyone round me who might have been listening and explain I'm trying to stop myself swearing, then backup and repeat what you were going to say without the swearing.  e.g. I'm going down to the fscking shop...sorry, I mean I'm going down to the shop.  Your brain is pretty good at optimising and this way it will learn that swearing is a non-optimal path.  If you get some pleasure out of swearing then going "I'm going down to the fscking shop, oh bollox I swore again" is just reinforcing it.

Backup and retry might also help other assholey behaviours.  No idea what to suggest regarding adrenaline though, not a problem I've had to solve.

Hope this helps.

[Tiruin]

"I'm an asshole" -- could be part of the problem; how you identify yourself to some extent determines what you are.  Try disowning it instead.  Actually the fact that you don't want to be one effectively proves you aren't one, because true assholes don't care if they are.

I...uhh, think this was used in the reverse He's telling us how he was described..and is describing them quirks because they lead to him being described as that.