The Diary of Mr Frog Thusestdeler, Stoneworker
5 Felsite 207
Oh, diary!! I did something amazing today! All my practice, hard work, and that funny book I nicked from the Archivist's collection finally paid off today! I, Mr Frog Thusestdeler, have constructed... DRUM ROLL... the perfect pillar!!! The pillarest pillar there ever was! It holds the ceiling up at least TWICE as hard as your average non-heroic pillar! I worked super-duper hard on the base molding, too -- I even drew little pictures of His Gaudiness on it in crayon, so it's all symbolic and patriotic and stuff! I've been not-so-discreetly hanging around it all day, and it's been getting lots of comments on it, like "outrageous!" and "if the King sees this he'll have a stroke!"! Do you think His Gaudiness would really like it that much, diary!? Oh, I haven't been this happy since old Rakust was found safe! I'm going to throw a party to celebrate!
[...]
The turnout for the party was okay. It's nice to just keep things amongst friends! Just me, Mr. Chair, Mr. Dust Bunny, and the rest! I was a bit upset that Ms. Serving Platter turned up uninvited after our little spat last time but we managed to make things up. Overall, it was super nice! Pity that dear Logem couldn't come. I haven't seen her around lately at all! She must be getting really good at hiding from me, hahaha! I guess I need to sing louder to prove the depth of my feelings!
7 Felsite 207
I... I just felt a great disturbance in the stone... as though the most faburiffic pillar ever constructed screamed out in terror, and was suddenly silenced...
Eh, probably nothing! That was a lot of rumbling, though! Maybe one of the mutants farted. Yeah, that's probably it. These funny jungle fruits clean you right out!
12 Felsite 207
DIARY!!!! I... I went to look at the pillar again, because I'm so proud of it, and... and.. AND...
IT WAS MISSING!!! Some awful untalented person must have so jealous of my heroic pillarsdwarfship that they kidnapped it, along with most of the surrounding stone, for some reason! That's such sloppy kidnapping! Who accidentally kidnaps a cavern ceiling!? A THIEF, THAT'S WHO!! I tried reporting this horrible crime against pillarcraft to the captain of the guard, but she just rolled her eyes at me and told me to go back to my room, even though this is clearly a heinous crime that has been committed! Suspicious! I bet she's in cahoots, diary! Just how far does this gremlin-hole go? Who can I trust!?
...I know! I can trust His Gaudiness!! Except I don't want to bother him, so I'll just bother his guards instead. This is a national crisis, after all! Our capital's guard force has been COMPROMISED!!! And only I, the heroic Mr Frog, know about the evil... it is a heavy burden, but it is one that I bear with pride... oh, diary, I hope I can root out the foul ones before any other innocent pillars get hurt! WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE PILLARS!?!?