((Huh. Well that was longer than I expected. I also may have mixed a lot of Douglas Adams into the setting.))
Name: Sweejezus (Swee, for short)
Species: Non-humanoid Aberration. See Attached File.
Job: Mechanist, Bio-Sculptor
Backstory: Sweejezus, named for the sound made by the would-be space marine who initially encountered him, is... eccentric. He was created on a black market clone tissue farm bootstrapped to a backwater asteroid. The farm was designed to supply replacement limbs to blood mages, a lucrative business when one considers the prodigious rate that blood mages use up limbs. The owners of the farm attempted to further increase their profits by dodging the flesh tariff and passing off the cryo-frozen crates of transplant ready appendages as class A meat popsicles. Unfortunately, a random inspection found that the limbs were 16% too low in sugar to be packaged as class A meat popsicles, and would have to be resold as class B product. The ensuing audit revealed the lack of tariff markings on the official ledgers, and the space federales subsequently raided the smuggler's main base of operations with high-powered weapons and a squadron of fairies with exo-suits and breaching charges.
Unfortunately, while several other clone farms were seized and repurposed as government assets*, the location of the farm that Sweejezus would be born on was lost in a tragic filing accident which claimed the lives of three bagels, half a jar of lox, and a law-enforcement mug full of extremely hot coffee. This left the cloning vats to languish without additional commands for several years. Most of the cloning vats generated hypergrowth tumors which destabilized their micro-biomes and subsequently died horribly. Swee's tank, however, became something unique. The clone tissue grew inside of the cloning vat itself, forcing itself inside microscopic fissures and bonding to the innards of the tank system. The cloning vat's suite of self-repair nanites were unable to remove the fleshy growths, and eventually grew so fed up with the thankless work that they began to integrate with the tissue instead of destroying it. Thus, Swee was born. Swee was not a hybrid of mechanical and organic, rather he was composed of system of growable organic components and a system of growable mechanical components, a symbiosis.
Archibald Drevinthraxx the God-Blooded** was the one to accidentally find, name, and release Swee. Archibald was (and perhaps still is) a gnome with severe delusions of grandeur, a tenuous link to reality, a love of action movies described as 'clinically obsessed' by his psychiatrist, and a trust fund capable of buying a small moon and painting it with orange polka-dots without batting an eyelash. Archibald, flying the closest thing to a space fighter the authorities would allow someone with his mental stability to purchase, and wearing the closest thing to military grade power armor that black market contacts would sell, stumbled upon the secluded bootstrap facility and promptly attempted to claim it as his own fortress. Unfortunately, Archibald found the quivering mess of infantile flesh and circuitry that would eventually become Swee and promptly proceeded to simultaneously swear and become quite sick inside his power armor. The sound, the only voice that Sweejezus had ever heard, was enough of an attraction that Swee enveloped the convulsing Archibald.
Had Archibald not purchased a black market suit of power armor complete with a neural interlock to a black box, things might have gone very differently. As it was, the nanotech in Swee ate into Archibald's armor, and the biological components began constructing an interface between the exposed electronics and Swee's central nervous cluster. The result was that Swee tapped into the terrified and very, very regretful Archibald. The result was the beginnings of sentience. Swee was not Archibald, but it felt the same things he did. Swee felt sickened, Swee felt scared, Swee felt alone, and most of all Swee wanted to get out of this place and go back to its shuttle, snuggle its sheets up to its chin, and watch episodes of Antagorean SiegeBreaker until he fell asleep. This was, in essence, what Swee did. Archibald, having had several hundred small nervous breakdowns at this point, and at least two or three large ones, hardly objected. This set the pattern for the next three decades.
Archibald gibbered insanely within Swee. Swee sat in Archibald's spaceship and watched hundreds upon hundreds of hours of action films filled with enormous explosions, hideous alien entities, screaming maidens in perilous situations and equally perilous clothing, and literally millions of commercials for every product imaginable. This was how Swee learned of the world. Action movies had been pivotally to Archibald life, but they were the
only thing Swee knew about life besides the vague flashes of insane feelings and emotions that still floated across the neural link. Archibald's 'fighter' was eventually found by the Pernicious Elk*** a group of devoted paramilitary eco-groupies who believed that all life was sacred, and that anyone who believed otherwise should be killed and raised as a grotesque example of their hubris.**** The rest, as Swee is fond of saying in various heroic accents, is history.
Special talents: Biological Interface: Can devour and redesign biological/mechnical objects, creating symbiotic systems of flesh and metal that serve the same function as they did before, but are much more susceptible to Swee's influence. Particularly good with ship systems.
Other things: Impossibly bad at combat, driving, romance, or anything commonly depicted in action movies. When given weapons, Swee will attempt to grow enough appendages to operate them all at once, and will insist upon firing them all simultaneously from the hip. He will often do so while jumping through the air, standing on top of perfectly good cover, or in an effort to destroy some explosive terrain object. Swee is also sexually attracted to engines.
*In an interesting twist, the captured facilities now produce actual Class B meat popsicles as part of a space-gov sponsored 'Lunches for Learning!' program for underprivileged children.
**Name Officially changed. Original name: Sewpie S. Denlly. 87th in line to the Denlly fortune.
***The Pernicious Elk attempted to register under several other names, notable the Red Tree, the Brotherhood of Preservers, and the Guardians of Life. Unfortunately, all of those names were under copyright. The Pernicious Elk is the result of several thousand attempts to stake an independent title, and they still share the copyright with a goblin punk band in the Betajax system.
****Devoted, not particularly internally consistent or given to introspection.
New member is grayish pink in appearance, roughly humanoid in typical resting position. This appears to be due in large part to the suit of gnome sized power armor that appears to have been incorporated into its structure in lieu of skeleton. Status of the power armor's occupant is unknown, but the new member does occasionally mention what it refers to as 'a little voice in its mind'. Fuck, but this thing is creepy. I feel like showering just looking at it. [Redaction by High-Elk McMarna] Subject speaks in a variety of voices, and it rarely speaks in anything other than direct quotes from action films.
New member possesses several abilities. When given material, it can grow mechanical or biological objects at will. More incredibly, it can convert existing mechanical or biological objects into hybrid objects. Dear lord, whose goddamn idea was it bring it on board?! It could eat into any part of this spaceship and spread! Fucking hell, it could spread into the electrical system and asphyxiate us all, bore into the reactor and drown us in radiation! [Redaction by High-Elk McMarna] These hybrid objects appear to function as normal when the new member leaves them alone, and can often be 'killed' by disabling their organic component, thank God. [Redaction by High-Elk McMarna] However, the member evidences unnaturally high levels of control when in direct contact with a hybrid object.
I know all life is supposed to be sacred... But this shit shouldn't exist. Recommending immediate termination before it kills us all. [Redaction by High-Elk McMarna]
Beginning playback...
A grainy, black and white hologram blurs into focus. Swee is in the background, seemingly hard at work on an engine core that's covered in the same symbiotic bio-mechanical material as his own body. The focus blurs into the near picture, revealing a man and woman in clean, trendy clothes in front of a status display that shows all dials in the optimal position. The woman taps the display with a smile and turns towards the viewer."Look and see what space-gov has done! This poor creatures was found on an isolated asteroid, left to die without food, water, shelter, education, voting privileges, social security, guaranteed healthcare, food stamps, or worker's compensation! It is one of the innumerable billions left behind by space-gov's selfish ways, cast as valueless because it doesn't have the right combinations genes as the species that are deemed to be civilized! Yet, look at it, and can you truly say that it's different from any other form of hard working intelligent life?"
The receiver pans down, refocusing on Swee and the engine. Swee has both hands on the engine's surface, and appears to extending tendrils of bio-mechanical tissue to work on the engine. The camera zooms in to the process, showing Swee bring his body unusually close to the engine. The next time a voice cuts in, it belongs to the man."Yes, truly this creature deserves the same rights as any of us, rights it has been long denied. Observe as it... as it... What is he doing?"
The camera zooms in on Swee again, blurring out and jerking away just before he comes into focus. A split second later the woman's voice comes back on, irritation oozing despite the distortion."Damn it, Swee! On your own time! We can't show... THAT! If can't show it, we can't use this for, for... ANYTHING! Fuck it, shut that thing down, shut everything down! I said stop the goddamn rec-"
End of playback.