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[JBramhall]

I recently told one of my best mates, whom I have a crush on, that I like her. Thats a big step for me. Im a shy 18 year old with no experience in this sort of thing.

Her response was: "Wait, You have "Feelings"? I can't believe that you have them, let alone for me"
Then she turned to our other best mate that was with us at the time (he also has a crush on her) and asked him if he knew that I liked her. He responded that he did. His exact wording was "its fuckin obvious that he seriously likes you... how didnt you notice?"

A couple of days later when I asked her what she ment by that, she said she thought it was "cute"
This is the 3rd time I have told a friend I like them and 2nd to be told "that's cute" (1st time it was "okay").

Her and I still chat on messenger almost every day for several hours and she still invites me around to hers with our other best mate (to play pool and drink and play playstation, watch movies, chat. That sort of thing) so I know that I havent screwed up this friendship. Soon she will be returning to university down south about 400 kms away. I am planning to go and hang out with her and our other best mate for a weekend and drink in a couple of weeks

According to my workmates, "thats cute" is the female way of saying "I dont feel anything towards you"

I guess I just need to vent and I can't exactly go and ramble all of this to her or else id probably screw it all up. Part of my issue is that im extremely shy and work night shifts in a small workplace in a small town with almost no socialization opportunities (then theres the fact im a social reject and don't fit in with other humans outside my small group of friends withour consuming a semi-decent amount of booze).

[Grakelin]

Her response was: "Wait, You have "Feelings"? I can't believe that you have them?"

Forget what your buddies say about "cute" being a code for lack of interest. This line up here is the evidence you need that not only does she not feel this way about you, she's also a jerk. Going solely on the information you provided, I have to question why you like this chick.

She's not a good person, and you should set your sights elsewhere.

[JBramhall]

Part of my issue I think is that I have difficulty showing emotions and trusting others. She has always been there for me even when I am being an absolute prick to all my mates.

For instance, yesterday while going to take my sister home after her shift, I left her place, I took a back road and got my Diff grounded. When I told her, she and my other 2 best mates got in her car and drove out in rain down a boggy road to check I was ok. That is the sort of person she is.

[Tiruin]

According to my workmates, "thats cute" is the female way of saying "I dont feel anything towards you"

Err...personally, I'd just ask you to ask her what she really meant; you could guide the idea by telling how it came off to you and detailing the confusion.

But...don't build your understanding on 'just what my workmates say' then applying to...a whole gender. (Also... not really. When we say 'that's cute', that could also be a really deep compliment. It could mean a ton of many things based on what assumption you give it. Depends on the people you speak with and other such social factors. What matters is what they thought when they said it. Ask the person directly = best solution...if I get that's what's bothering ya :O)

Meaning: What was said can have a ton of many meanings given the very vast nature of socializing that you're really better off just asking what she meant. And then correcting yourself or her when asking that. But I sincerely guess what she meant isn't malevolent (broaching confusion at least. I'm lacking the exact word for this).

If shy, inquire with a good friend to guide you onwards. That's how I developed my shyness into something holistically constructive.

Her response was: "Wait, You have "Feelings"? I can't believe that you have them?"

Forget what your buddies say about "cute" being a code for lack of interest. This line up here is the evidence you need that not only does she not feel this way about you, she's also a jerk. Going solely on the information you provided, I have to question why you like this chick.

She's not a good person, and you should set your sights elsewhere.

I...err, have to really warn providing sure advice out of context :/ Firstly: We don't know the person, so we can't judge if they're really a jerk or not. Said 'out of context' being 'one experience out of the many days OP has been with them'. Belaying judgement is better at this point along with giving guidance.

But personally: I see nothing wrong here. Just requires more direct communication, less judging on assumption or previous experiences. Trust and all that, the only time trust weathers is either due to direct observation (best ask if it could also be an innocuous situation and you don't know all the details), or because of past trauma.
Maybe develop discernment in communication? This always comes from seeing and experience, but also being open to how broad the vastness of all experiences can be, but given that she's your best mate (mate = friend?), I...pretty much believe its going to be straightforward and honest.
You could tell them about how you are too, like 'I'm shy and nervous and I sometimes misinterpret things if they're not direct or straightforward'. No harm there, from personal experience with my friends, and I feel certain that it may be the same case with you.

[WillowLuman]

I'd agree that it sounds more like surprise than malevolence. Being told about feelings is usually rather a big surprise. However, it sounds like she's the kind of person that you could ask for clarification directly, and without damaging the friendship even if she's not interested in taking it to that level.

[acetech09]

I'm waayy too tired to follow OP's he-said she-said storyline, but I can say that "That's cute" can definitely be not malevolent, depending on how it's said... just like about any other phrase in the english language.

[LordBucket]

she thought it was "cute"

Her and I still chat on messenger almost every day for several hours and she still invites me around to hers

How else are you supposed to interpret this? Because to me what you've said so far sounds like a recipe for her to call you up in tears in 20 years,with divorce papers in hand after a messy divorce, so she can cry on your shoulder and yell at you for never making a move when she gave you all the signals that ALL IS CLEAR, PROCEED!!!!

I suppose this could be one of those generational things where social cues change, but in my experience, when a girl isn't interested she doesn't spend hours talking to you every day and invite you over to her house so you can hang out.

According to my workmates, "thats cute" is the female way of saying "I dont feel anything towards you"

Are the friends who say that all single?

Think about it.

[nenjin]

^

If she invites you to her house often, you are miles beyond casual flirtation and ambiguous social cues. Maybe her reaction had more to do with the fact you two weren't alone than anything else. Declaring your crush to someone with other people around tends to attenuate the response.

[Neonivek]

Usually this is where I go "I dunno she could just think of him as a good friend"

but I am rather socially inept.

[Jo]

Oh man. You are in that late teen phase where people haven't figured out what's obvious and what isn't.

I could see you guys together for about 30 seconds and tell you if she's into you, but from what you've said she could be into you or just want you as a hang out buddy. Or she could be into the best mate, or not, very hard to know.

If she wants to hang out with you alone that's a good clue. If you try to make out with her and she stops you, that's another good clue.

Her chatting with you for hours on end is not a clue, girls will do this sometimes because they like the attention. It sucks, but you might be in that category. You make her feel wanted but she is by no means thinking of fucking you. That's a sure possibility.

I'm so glad I'm past the 'ambiguous' stage. By the time you are 22 or so the girls that call to hang out are into you. At your age, hell, who knows. Sorry. :-(

[JBramhall]

So I guess ill just get shit faced with liquid courage (cheep beers) when I next hang out with her (3 weeks away at her uni where im staying the weekend) and ask her if she likes me back or if she just wants to be mates. Thanks for the advice everyone. 

P.s. the guys at work I get advice from are all single. Ill just start asking you all on the forums for advice as it seems to have motivated me and you all know what its like to be a nerd with no experience. The guys told me that there is no way so I should just move on and forget about her

[Jo]

Fuck it J-Bra. Go fully monty friend. Get shit faced and then just go for it. Full make out while taking her pants off. Honestly it sounds like she ain't that into it, but hell if you go for it she might just fuck you anyway. And fucking can turn into dating if she lives close. She might bang you if you live far away too, so she can bang and not have to worry about seeing you every day.

So many possibilities. Your friends at work might be right, but that doesn't mean you should go for it. At the end your state of torture will be over. If she's down, then it's awesome boner time. If she's not, well then you know and it's over and you can move on. And there's the drunk bonus, if she rebuffs you then you have the "yeah I was pretty drunk, lol" excuse. Win/Win!  :-)

Good luck! That's a very hard age for everyone. Not just nerdy dudes.

[Tiruin]

Ill just start asking you all on the forums for advice as it seems to have motivated me and you all know what its like to be a nerd with no experience. The guys told me that there is no way so I should just move on and forget about her

Oh you

So I guess ill just get shit faced with liquid courage (cheep beers) when I next hang out with her (3 weeks away at her uni where im staying the weekend) and ask her if she likes me back or if she just wants to be mates. Thanks for the advice everyone.   

...Err, I really advise not to be drinking. If you're going to handle this, learn to do it without any influences to your conscious state along with totally being aware of the situation.
Drunkenness isn't and shouldn't be used as an excuse though (it's not really nice either if the intent is to make it an excuse). People would notice--and the better path in my knowledge is letting them know how you feel about these things too (ie confused and uncertain, somewhat shy, willing to date?).

Honestly just talk about it. It's not like there's one linear way to get to know if a person is 'into you' or stuff >_> and its pretty hard to be definite on the details on forums for the exacts. The best way I've known is being straight up and direct. Knowing their side to this is very important too.
Its all in personal discernment and knowing & understanding who she is.

And pertaining to age--I think you've made your intent known and she knows it; develop the relationship over the years. Depends on you if you'd like to be very straightforward about it, though.

[acetech09]

So I guess ill just get shit faced with liquid courage (cheep beers) when I next hang out with her

No offense, but this is a truly awful idea. Would you want to go out with a male friend somewhere if he was shitfaced and you are sober?


My 2c on this whole situation: Lots of people seem to think there's a boundary between 'just friends' and 'relationship', when there really just isn't one. News flash! You are allowed to hang out with the opposite sex even if you aren't immediately ~a thing!~. You obviously are friends and get along. It's somewhat of a 'If you have to ask, the answer is no' type of scenario. Except it really should be 'If you have to ask, the answer doesn't matter.'

[nenjin]

At the very least, make sure you're getting drunk together. Then you can both feel stupid if you regret it later, instead of just one of you feeling stupid.