The city in darkCheck my phone, and then my laptop, to see if there is any reception, or internet.
Your phone doesn't have any reception, but your laptop finds a wireless network named "सुपर शुद्ध". It doesn't give you connection to internet, though.
"Would you like a burger?" cashier asks. "Please?"
declare myself leader, kill anyone who disagrees
"Okay losers! I'm the boss now, and you better do what I say!"
[2] "Go fuck your mother!"
Eh, they don't seem to like having you as a boss, so you prep for murder.
[Martial arts: 6] Brutal and very effective stabs into sternum drops three men onto floor where you proceed to stomp their skulls into fine paste, getting some gray matter between your toes and slipping on your ass. It's not a problem, it's not like you can't kill a man while sitting.
Remaining men hesitate to attack. So far you have presented an excellent ability to murder people, so it's understandable.
Futuristic city"King Fitzgerald, are these some of your peasants? Everyone stay behind me, let's slowly approach them..."
First put on my Giant Panda fur attire, then walk up to the people slowly and say:
"Greetings! I present to you King Fitzgerald, The Great King of the Universe, Conqueror of Foes, and Ravisher of female Canines!" he bows to the ground towards the german shepard. "...Wilson, Great Sage of the Nether Realms!" he holds up the glowing crystal in his hands. "...and Sonny, Spymaster of The Great King!" he points to the red haired child at his side.
((This is assuming they don't do something odd before I can finish talking.))
"They are not ours. Yet."Closer the group you get, more details you see. They are gathered around a device that appears to be a futuristic car. The group consists of three type of people. First type is oridinary humans, wearing relaxed, but expensive looking clothes, embroidered with golden patterns. Second type is short, but very barreled humanoid. You could say they are very stereotypical dwarfs, long beards and all. Third type is those people wearing black helmet. That black helmet is actually very well made magpie head. You can see each individual feather placed in very realistic pattern, eyelids moving over black eye balls, big thick tongue inside its bill as it croacks greetings to you. It looks almost real!
You do your introductions. And their reaction is pretty much this:
"I was going to say that is batshit insane, but considering recent events it's not unrealistic for dog to be a king. Or a glowing rock to be a sage. Either way, you are all welcome to our messed up city! Your majesty. Mighty sage. Spymaster." they say bowing politely. "Considering your natural appearance you probably didn't start in this cave? Nice coat, by the way."
Follow the crazy man, and hide behind him as he speaks. If the people are friendly, immediately run over to one of them and ask what's going on and why we are here.
They seem friendly enough, although the magpie-headed people look little weird, so you run over to normal looking woman.
"Oh, hi there little spymaster." She greets you with smile. "We think something powerful transported us deep underground, gathering people randomly, transforming some and shoving them into caves. As for why, we don't have any solid ideas."
HavingPhunMegggasUrist McCoderwipeout1024