*SUDDENLY, DOOR TO SMURFINGTON'S GM ROOM IS KICKED OPEN BY A STRANGELY INDESCRIBABLE FIGURE*
OH YEAH!!!!!!!!YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING THE FUDGE THE ROLLS UP AND TURN ME INTO POTATO!!!!! SORRY KID, BUT I HAVE THE ABILITY TO REROLL!!!!
*KICKS SMURFINGTON OUT FROM SUDDENLY APPEARED WINDOW AND NICKS GM KIT AND SITS ON
GM CHAIR OF MALICIOUS PLANNING*
NOW I'M THE BOSS OF THIS RTD, AND NO ONE'S GOING TO STOP ME!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, now i have a silly fancy avatar, but i'm still a spooky lump of cheese, so
Spook the demons away with my ultimate cheese forum
ROLL:2
NO, FIN THE HUNAM DOES NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO TURN INTO CHEESE. IT SAYS SO RIGHT IN THE WIKIA PAGE ON HEROPEDIA!
Wonder what the fuck is happening.
ROLL:2
YOU CANNOT PRECISE THIS RTD'S PLOT, ROLL 5D6 FOR SAN LOSS FROM ATTACK.
Eat. Must... feel. better.
ROLL:2
YOU GO TO 4CHAN TO GET HUGBOXED, AS IT IS NOW TUMBLR SAFESPACE. IT TURNS OUT THAT ALIENS KIDNAPPED MOOT DURING 2014 AND REPLACED HIM WITH COMMUNIST REPLICA. HE ESCAPED AND NOW 4CHAN IS BACK ONCE AGAIN AS THE DEN OF SCUM AND VILLAINY IT ONCE WAS.
YOU ALSO GOT CALLED A FAGGOT TOO.
Locate some other fucker to provide scratches of the head!
Scratches of the head.
ROLL: 2(BUT ITS NOT 2'SDAY)
YOU TRY TO GET OTHER GUY TO SCRATCH YOU, BUT HE HAS GUN. WOUND RIGHT IN THE HEART, ALSO THE EAR .SENTIENT LEMON TRIES TO HELP, BUT CANNOT MOVE DUE TO LACK OF NERVE CELLS.
Of course not, we create magical circles of nature and stuff! Create a Circle of Life, use it to fill the area with trees!
ROLL:3
YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THOSE DAMN DRUIDS, YOU ARE SUPOSED TO BE EAR DECORATOR.
MAKE THE DEMON EXPLODE
ROLL:4
YOU START TO PREPARE THE
RITUAL OF FLAMMABLE DEMON EXPLOSION. IT NEED DWARF PEASANT NOW.
Burrow out of the potato dimension.
ROLL:4
YOU START TO DIG THROUGH ALL THE POTATOES IN SMURFINGTON'S DIMENSION. ALTHOUGH THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE INFINITE, IT SEEMS YOU TELEPORTED CLOSE TO THE BACK DOOR EXIT. IT SEEMS SMURFINGTON USES IT TO FUNNEL ALL OF THE POTATOES HE NEEDS FOR PLAYER SMITING.
Oh gawd! Flail about until it falls off.
ROLL:6
YOU FLAIL AROUND AND GET BRAIN SLUG OFF. BUT IT SEEMS IT WAS A LITTLE TOO ATTRACTED TO YOU, AS A PIECE OF YOUR ROCK HEAD WAS TORN OFF!!!!!!!! NOW ROCK BLOOD IS EVERYWHERE, AND WE ALL KNOW WHO CREATED DEMONS.
Temporarily become gnome.
Drink ALL the booze.
ROLL:6
YOU BECOME GNOME! BUT SOME PARTS OF YOUR OLD BODY DID NOT SHRINK IN PROPORTION TO YOUR NEW SIZE. LIKE YOUR FEET AND THE *CENSORED DUE TO CHILDREN POSSIBLY WATCHING, FRIEND COMPUTER IS A FRIEND TO ALL
*. YOU THEN GO TO BOOZE DEMON HIVE AND DRINK ALL BOOZE THERE, JUST WHEN ONE REALLY TOUGH ONE COMES BACK WITH MANY SCREAMING HUMANS IN ARMS. AFTER SEEING HORRIFIC SIGHT, HE BENDS TO KNEES AND PROMISES ARMOK THAT HE WILL SPILL THE BLOOD OF THE ONE WHO DID THIS. THEN EYES LOOK UPON YOU AS THE BIG DEMON APPROACHES. IT SEEMS YOU JUST MADE BIG MISTAKE, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME SUICIDE CREAM?
GM I SUMMON YOU, COME PARTAKE IN THE ULTIMATE LIQUOR.
ROLL: NOPE
SORRY, MAYBE I CAN SEND OLD GM BACK TO YOU, BUT I ONLY DRINK UNHEALTHY
CARBONATED DRINKS. NOT ALCOHOL.
Good thing my sunglasses are enchanted with +5 badass, or I might not even consider blowing a nuclear reactor up!
Blow up any guards, and then place a magical c4-like object on the reactor. Abscond immediately.
ROLL:2
NO, YOU DO NOT HAVE +5 TERRORIST TURBAN. IT ALSO SEEMS THAT THERE ARE NO GUARDS AROUND, SO YOU PLACE Y-9 ONTO REATOR AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. MINUTES LATER OUTSIDE OF BUILDING, YOU SEE NUCLEAR REACTOR EXPLODE. YOU HOLD YOUR ARMS UP FOR DEATH! BUT YOU ARE STILL ALIVE, AND THE BUILDING IS STILL STANDING. OH NO!!!!!!!! NEW-GM ACTUALY KNOWS ALITLE BIT ON HOW NUCLEAR POWER WORKS!!!!!!!! NOW YOU CAN'T GET CITY DESTRUCTION UNLESS YOU GET DEPLEATED URANIUM TRUCK GOING TO
GOBLIN RESERVATION AND NUCLEAR "WAIST" DUMP!!!!!!
Show the T-Rex who's boss, FORCED BRAIN CYBERNETICS!
ROLL:1
YOU ARE A FUCKING ORDINARY KOWOLA, TRYING TO PUT CYBERNETICS ON GIANT T-REX. THE FUCKING EXPECTED HAPPEBS, AS GM ALLOWS REALITY TO HAPPEN. RESPAWN?
...
Perfect.
FIND TREASURE USING MY DILDO BAT!
ROLL:3
NO, YOU DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING BUT A SWORD AND ARMOR. NOT ONLY THAT, BUT BEFORE TREASURE FEAUTURE DLC IS BOUGHT, YOU CAN'T FIND TREASURE. THE PRICE FOR IT? JOIN ME BACK ON THAT GM WHIMSY GAME FALLACY IS RUNNING AND ACTUALLY PLAY YOUR CHARACTER FOR MORE THAN 1 TURN THIS TIME!!!!
Go on a useless treasure hunt instead.
ROLL: 6
ON THE OTHER HAND, YOUR PRICE FOR TREASURE DLC IS SIMPLE, HELP ME RETAIN MY OLD MULTIVERSE BODY IN TAW'S CLAIMING COUNTRIES RTD AND YOU'LL HAVE THE DLC!!!!!
Destroy
ROLL:2
YOU GOT TO BE MORE SPECIFIC HERE, OR ELSE YOU MIGHT DESTROY YOURSELF OR DO NOTHING!!!! LUCKILY, I'M LITTLE MERCIFUL AND WILL ONLY DO THAT TO YOU IF YOU GET 1
or defy me K?
?
TAKE THAT SMURF!!!!! I'M IN CONTROL NOW!!!!!!! NOW YOU WILL SUFFER MY PAIN!