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[IronyOwl]

Intro: That's Cold

"Is that directed me? I'm pretty sure that's directed at me. You should learn respect for your betters."

One of the heads almost apathetically shoots another singular ball of acid at the advisers of the 'Empress'.

"So to protect our assets, we should give them up?"

The heads chuckle slightly.

"No, I don't believe this arrangement is in our best interests."

One of the guards predictably blocks the shot. They don't look very happy.

"I mean no disrespect, but if you continue to damage your own property, you will be the poorer for it."

Another two heads fall into slumber, leaving only three awake.

One of the heads asks our sycophant the size and composition of the armies sieging Miraga. And learn his name we suppose.

He smiles apologetically.

"It's... it's complicated, your majesty. There are four armies, four foul armies of darkness seeking to bring down our mighty city. Each is more terrible than the last, and I fear I couldn't describe their proper features. Surely, ah, you could... deal with them shortly? Even without knowing all the tawdry details?"

You are familiar enough with your combat prowess to know you could defeat a very small army on your own. A large one is right out, and once you start throwing in champions or other exceptional individuals, all bets are off. As demonstrated by the fact that four goons are sufficient to pose an obstacle.

"I am Carcio Kanava, your grace! Ah... unless you'd rather call me something different, of course...!"

Maelocht turned and faced the Empress, his carved tongue slipping out of his mouth as if tasting the air. He smiled even wider. 'Come now, little empress. You know as well as we do that our 'humoring' your whims would be just that - nothing binding, nothing real. We could end such an agreement in a heartbeat. This empty spectacle serves only one purpose! You seek to impress these people to retain your throne. My sweet, worry not about such things. Illusions of power and authority are for a mortal age. An age that is now at an end.'

He stepped closer, staring into the Empress' eyes. 'I can protect you, from my less reasonable kin. I offer you a choice that will let you keep your wealth and your place. That will make history remember you as a wise and prudent ruler, an empress who sacrificed a little pride to save her city. Forget the poisonous words of those around you, words of the petty and short-sighted. Accept my protection, step aside, and let us be done with this foolishness. Let us save your city.'

((EDIT: Empress, not queen. *cough*))

You're not really a people person, not in that way anyway, but you still see her sort of... sway, a little bit. More noticeably, her advisors panic. Given that virtually every word out of your fellows' mouth has elicited a more animated response than the last, this is rather noteworthy, with one even going so far as to violently shake her shoulder while whisper-screaming at her. It's a curious sight.

After a very long pause, she finally speaks.

"I thank you for your kindness..."

More whisper-screaming and another long pause.

"...but I cannot give up my throne."

You somewhat expect her to continue, but she doesn't. Her advisors continue seething at each other.

"Hrmpf" Phor Yevell expresses at no one in particular, then motions towards one of the guards. "You there. Come closer. What is your combat training and your unit's normal task? Where is your gear from, and do you have access to better materials or craftsmen?"

The guard simply grimaces at you, but the Empress offers a quiet "Please do as he says."

The guard approaches, still glowering at you.

"Mivak Tar, Holy Shield of the Empress. We protect her majesty and those she holds dear with our lives. We have trained in the Caverns of Woe, drunk the Waters of Memory, and scaled the Steps of Heaven. Our arms are of no concern, but blessed by the Tongues of Fire nonetheless."

Analysing the situation, Tlanextli grabbed a prostrating noble and quietly asked a question. "Which of the Empress' advisors put her up to this foolish idea of making us swear servitude?"

The noblewoman pales slightly, glancing back at someone she was kneeling next to. That one doesn't seem to have any answers either, just staring at the situation wide-eyed.

"It's... not really... th-the traitors...?"

You get the feeling she wasn't ready for this.

One our the heads gestures vaguely in the direction of the Empress while another just smiles innocently back at Maelocht as if to say 'who, me?'. The third focuses on the flunky we've snagged, questioning him.

"Does she have a name by the way?"

"Empress Calia the River, your majesty!"

Considering Sammacle's repeated musing on whether to either kill most of the people in the room, or have them fight in deathmatches, Markosl thinks it prudent to check whether any of them are trying to escape the chamber yet.

Between Sammacle's and Tlanextli's suggestions, several people do break into a run. Most of the rest make a point of explaining how they have nothing to do with those ones, until Sammacle's other decree shuts them up.

Sammacle for the first time in a while turns to the other people in the room with an appeal.

"Now, it may seem that my repeated suggestions to brutally murder you all in the name of some form of greater plot imply an otherwise unresolvable level of contempt. That's really the wrong impression. I just hate sycophantic appeals to one's better nature, and you lot haven't really brought anything else to the table. Nothing personal, really. In fact, now's your chance to shine and prove my assessment of you wrong! Anybody who can add something to our discussion, raise your hands and we'll go through your suggestions one by one. Don't say a word before you are called, or you will be immediately brutally murdered. Let's get some orderly mortal opinions and facts in here. Oh, and each of you (who has something to actually say, I'll remind you) gets fifty words to express yourselves. Try to make them good, hold the flattery, toadying, begging and pleasantries, and try not to go over the limit. And hey, if you are very informative and useful, you might have a nice place in the new regime, whatever we decide that to be. We accept critiques, advice and relevant acts. With how long and loudly I've been speaking, you've surely had enough time to ruminate on my ideas."

Set down some procedure for these mortals and begin the questioning, picking people who've raised their hands (if there's several) at random. Make good on promises of brutal murder of offenders if the procedure is violated. Disrespect, naturally, is completely tolerated, as well as all other forms of free speech.

Very nearly every remaining hand in the room shoots up immediately. Of those that remain, the rest- mostly guards, you think- raise their hands a moment later at the behest of whoever you assume they're guarding.

You begin to point at very specific individuals at random.

"THE CACI WILL MURDER US ALL! They're hateful, vile creatures, they'll flay us alive if you don't stop them! The wall's holding, but how long, HOW LONG?! Uh... that's... that's all..."

"The city is riven by greed and corruption, nobody agrees with anybody else, we have eight months food and agreed not to tell you about the other thing, and each of the four armies sieging us contains differing skillsets and goals."

"The situation is quite dire, your lordship. We need food and clothing and what have you just as well as military aid; the city's not been truly prosperous in quite some time."

They seem to be conservative about the fifty-word thing, which is good. Though it's probably harder to count them while suddenly being given a chance to be useful by one of the demon lords wavering between murdering the entire room or granting you power for your performance.

[Knight Otu]

((Do those names mean anything to me? Cause right now I'm inclined to call hogwash on them.))

[IronyOwl]

((Do those names mean anything to me? Cause right now I'm inclined to call hogwash on them.))

If you thought they were connected to Bloom in some fashion you could make a few guesses. Otherwise not a thing.

[Demonic Spoon]

He smiles apologetically.

"It's... it's complicated, your majesty. There are four armies, four foul armies of darkness seeking to bring down our mighty city. Each is more terrible than the last, and I fear I couldn't describe their proper features. Surely, ah, you could... deal with them shortly? Even without knowing all the tawdry details?"

You are familiar enough with your combat prowess to know you could defeat a very small army on your own. A large one is right out, and once you start throwing in champions or other exceptional individuals, all bets are off. As demonstrated by the fact that four goons are sufficient to pose an obstacle.

"I am Carcio Kanava, your grace! Ah... unless you'd rather call me something different, of course...!"

A slight haze covers my mind, exhaustion slightly muffling irritation like a blanket. My head sways slightly as I force myself to stay awake. Verbosity does not suit me, and the strain of having to be at least minimally diplomatic was even worse. But these discussions are vital to my future in the city, as boring as talking with these simpleminded plebeians and rubes might be. Honestly they all barely even counted as people. They had never experienced true wonder. I could tell by their depthless eyes, their simpleminded content with bickering over power and status, that which I found a near unbearable chore that had to be carried out due to the position forced upon me.

I could see Sammacle already trying to increase my workload by piling direct responsibility on me with his 'Ministers' thing. No, collective responsibility was much better, much more ability to slack off without the other kings constantly hounding me because the sewers were backing up or some such nonsense.

And then this Carcio gave me his infuriatingly vague non-answer. Anger flares up briefly and the tip of my tail smashes against the floor with a loud whip crack, leaving a fissure in the tiles.

"Incompetence! I asked you how many! Are you so unaware of events happening around you that you cannot even give me an estimate of the numbers of the besiegers?! Hundreds? Thousands? Tens of Thousands? Hundreds of Thousands? The four armies, are they allied? Or do we have the advantage of our enemies also fighting each other? Why have they attacked? Simple opportunism or did some offence spark the conflict?

Even I do not have the power to easily deal with a million strong army of elite warriors if such was somehow mustered against you. If I was such a omnipotent being do you think I'd be wasting my time ruling this ramshackle excuse for a city?! I need to know the relative strength of the enemy so I can start planning to correct method of dealing with them. There are several ways to take down besiegers after all. Plague if they're a large enough force, and don't take appropriate precautions against it, for example. Or brute force, as tedious as that might get. But I don't know what would be appropriate without sufficient information!"

"The city is riven by greed and corruption, nobody agrees with anybody else, we have eight months food and agreed not to tell you about the other thing, and each of the four armies sieging us contains differing skillsets and goals."

Deceptively slowly I have our tail slither out from underneath me, circling it in around Cacio.

"And what pray tell, might this other thing be that you all agreed not to tell us about be?"

If he tries to run or not answer the question, the tail will quickly tighten into a constricting hold, loose enough that he can breathe and speak, but tight enough to prevent any other action.

After this exchange, however it plays out, I then slither towards whatever entrance this chamber might have, Cacio in tow, blocking off the doors with my immense bulk to prevent any further escapees until we've decided what we're going to do with this lot.

[Harry Baldman]

This seems to be working! Splendid! Sammacle almost begins to verge on being generally satisfied. His expression, generally somewhere between mercilessly grave and petulantly sour, seems to be softening!

"See, that was very good, you first three. I will bear your faces in mind," Sammacle says, blatantly lying about that second part.

Keep hearing these people out according to the procedure established.

[Knight Otu]

"You're wielding fancy words and weapons that cause no concern to anybody in defense of your empress?! You're speaking empty words with misplaced pride, and expect anyone to care? If you cannot answer my questions sensibly, get us someone who can. If they also happen to be whatever may pass for a general around here, all the better." Phor Yevell barely contains his urge to spit.

[Demonic Spoon]

"You're wielding fancy words and weapons that cause no concern to anybody in defense of your empress?! You're speaking empty words with misplaced pride, and expect anyone to care? If you cannot answer my questions sensibly, get us someone who can. If they also happen to be whatever may pass for a general around here, all the better." Phor Yevell barely contains his urge to spit.

((...what? I'm having a hard time understanding what you're saying here. Also, vis a vis their armaments being of no concern, I believe he meant their skill was good enough that they do not need to rely on mere tools to complete their duties, or something of that nature. Now I can understand if that offends your sensibilities, since you're a craftsman, but I can't make sense of what you're actually saying here.))

[Knight Otu]

((I'm deliberately twisting the guard's words, here - he uses phrases that sound impressive, but which may just as well be simple tasks, as far as we know - for example, we don't know whether the Steps of Heaven are a vast mountain, a staircase with five steps, or a metaphysical stairway that ranks the warriors undergoing the training. Without that knowledge, we can't really understand their battle-worthiness, and the idea that the weapons are of no concern is very much reason for Phor to be contemptful - if you can do the job, do it with the best tool available. To him, there is no reason to limit oneself to inferior tools.))

[Demonic Spoon]

((Ah, got it.  ))

[Digital Hellhound]

((Irony, is this too early to start slinging around demonic power and dark miracles like, say, relocating a bunch of annoying schemers away from here? Continuing with demonic diplomacy works for me too.))

---

'I fear, gracious Empress, Maelocht said, his smile wavering, 'that you do not speak from your own heart. Who whispers into your ears, highness? Who tells a sovereign what they are to do? Perhaps their honeyed words do not sound like lies, but I see their hearts. They wish to use you like a puppet! Ah, but they are afraid, sweet one. Afraid of you and what you could become. Surely you do not wish to be a puppet? Would you not rather speak without voices to distract you? These are matters too important to be left to others; matters that should be discussed between a King and an Empress.'

He turned his attention to the gaggle of people around the Empress, drawing from the Word of Presence to give his words weight. 'Leave us, vultures. Step back, and let your Empress speak for herself. I will not deal with cowards who must cling to power from the shadows. Be silent - or shall I make you?'

Maelocht offered a slender hand to the empress. 'A throne is a heavy burden to bear, is it not? I would ease that burden, dear empress, nothing more. Cast away these whisperers and let me hear from your heart! We have been called to help you. I will not let anything stand in its way.'

[Demonic Spoon]

((Vacio had already sort of casted at least one spell so demonic magic is probably acceptable, coin flips willing.))

[IronyOwl]

A slight haze covers my mind, exhaustion slightly muffling irritation like a blanket. My head sways slightly as I force myself to stay awake. Verbosity does not suit me, and the strain of having to be at least minimally diplomatic was even worse. But these discussions are vital to my future in the city, as boring as talking with these simpleminded plebeians and rubes might be. Honestly they all barely even counted as people. They had never experienced true wonder. I could tell by their depthless eyes, their simpleminded content with bickering over power and status, that which I found a near unbearable chore that had to be carried out due to the position forced upon me.

I could see Sammacle already trying to increase my workload by piling direct responsibility on me with his 'Ministers' thing. No, collective responsibility was much better, much more ability to slack off without the other kings constantly hounding me because the sewers were backing up or some such nonsense.

And then this Carcio gave me his infuriatingly vague non-answer. Anger flares up briefly and the tip of my tail smashes against the floor with a loud whip crack, leaving a fissure in the tiles.

"Incompetence! I asked you how many! Are you so unaware of events happening around you that you cannot even give me an estimate of the numbers of the besiegers?! Hundreds? Thousands? Tens of Thousands? Hundreds of Thousands? The four armies, are they allied? Or do we have the advantage of our enemies also fighting each other? Why have they attacked? Simple opportunism or did some offence spark the conflict?

Even I do not have the power to easily deal with a million strong army of elite warriors if such was somehow mustered against you. If I was such a omnipotent being do you think I'd be wasting my time ruling this ramshackle excuse for a city?! I need to know the relative strength of the enemy so I can start planning to correct method of dealing with them. There are several ways to take down besiegers after all. Plague if they're a large enough force, and don't take appropriate precautions against it, for example. Or brute force, as tedious as that might get. But I don't know what would be appropriate without sufficient information!"

He jumps visibly at your tail crack.

"Wah! I-I don't know! There-there's a lot of them, I'm not a general, that's the generals' jobs! I, they're, they're bitter and jealous of our wealth and power! Of course they're, I mean, I assume they're working together but maybe they can be made to fight, I don't know!"

"The city is riven by greed and corruption, nobody agrees with anybody else, we have eight months food and agreed not to tell you about the other thing, and each of the four armies sieging us contains differing skillsets and goals."

Deceptively slowly I have our tail slither out from underneath me, circling it in around Cacio.

"And what pray tell, might this other thing be that you all agreed not to tell us about be?"

If he tries to run or not answer the question, the tail will quickly tighten into a constricting hold, loose enough that he can breathe and speak, but tight enough to prevent any other action.

After this exchange, however it plays out, I then slither towards whatever entrance this chamber might have, Cacio in tow, blocking off the doors with my immense bulk to prevent any further escapees until we've decided what we're going to do with this lot.

"Uhhhhhh... W-Well, that is, we agreed not tooooo IT'S OUR GODS! We summoned them and they ate everyone and now they're going to wake up! We think! W-we have time yet, and there's more pressing concerns! B-But we summoned them and they demanded more sacrifices and now they're sleeping and the enemies can't get in because they're guarding the way but when they get hungry again they'll come for us! We didn't have a choice, our enemies were everywhere!"

Your attempts to block off the chamber are somewhat stifled by the fact that this massive hall has four very wide exits. You could menace one of them, but can't seal them all without assistance.

This seems to be working! Splendid! Sammacle almost begins to verge on being generally satisfied. His expression, generally somewhere between mercilessly grave and petulantly sour, seems to be softening!

"See, that was very good, you first three. I will bear your faces in mind," Sammacle says, blatantly lying about that second part.

Keep hearing these people out according to the procedure established.

"U-uh, the Caci are slugs! They're vicious, bitter foes, a-and, um, they're pinned by General Vail!"

"Th-the coalition is the greatest threat we face! From without, I mean! They're absolutely massive, and uh... they, uh... that is, they're here over various... trade and... what they would call provocation disputes. You see... uh... that is, some of the old rulers, they may have had a few misunderstandings and, a few lawless bandits, you see, which they blame all of us for!"

"There's fertile mines to the west, but they're infested with Slag! Now we have our own war golems turned against us by the mangy beasts. They're clever for animals, but General Nock can only hold them by paying them off!"

"You're wielding fancy words and weapons that cause no concern to anybody in defense of your empress?! You're speaking empty words with misplaced pride, and expect anyone to care? If you cannot answer my questions sensibly, get us someone who can. If they also happen to be whatever may pass for a general around here, all the better." Phor Yevell barely contains his urge to spit.

One of the Empress' retinue calls out.

"They're some of our finest! They undergo rigorous training, and are sworn to defend the Empress and her closest aides with their lives! Their equipment was forged by Mok, a professional priestess and smith! We don't have access to much metal anymore, and... they're not supposed to see combat anyway, so we didn't need to use our absolute finest!"

((Irony, is this too early to start slinging around demonic power and dark miracles like, say, relocating a bunch of annoying schemers away from here? Continuing with demonic diplomacy works for me too.))

---

'I fear, gracious Empress, Maelocht said, his smile wavering, 'that you do not speak from your own heart. Who whispers into your ears, highness? Who tells a sovereign what they are to do? Perhaps their honeyed words do not sound like lies, but I see their hearts. They wish to use you like a puppet! Ah, but they are afraid, sweet one. Afraid of you and what you could become. Surely you do not wish to be a puppet? Would you not rather speak without voices to distract you? These are matters too important to be left to others; matters that should be discussed between a King and an Empress.'

He turned his attention to the gaggle of people around the Empress, drawing from the Word of Presence to give his words weight. 'Leave us, vultures. Step back, and let your Empress speak for herself. I will not deal with cowards who must cling to power from the shadows. Be silent - or shall I make you?'

Maelocht offered a slender hand to the empress. 'A throne is a heavy burden to bear, is it not? I would ease that burden, dear empress, nothing more. Cast away these whisperers and let me hear from your heart! We have been called to help you. I will not let anything stand in its way.'

((It is not, though teleportation might be outside your formal knowledge enough to require one of your monthly actions or an expenditure of Power.

As a note, I may be trying out 2 Interations and 2 Miracles, rather than 1 of each and 1 of your choosing.))

Most of them recoil in horror, but one frantically grabs the Empress and begins bolting with her, screaming about a vile tempter. The rest of the retinue loses its mind in response, glancing around frantically, wavering between running and not running, screaming incoherently, and generally not doing one thing or the other.

The guards seem similarly confused but considerably less chaotic about it, tentatively keeping pace but not seeming too sure about it.

[Knight Otu]

Block whatever exit the empress and retinue are going for. Maybe even with magically raised walls?

[Demonic Spoon]

"Uhhhhhh... W-Well, that is, we agreed not tooooo IT'S OUR GODS! We summoned them and they ate everyone and now they're going to wake up! We think! W-we have time yet, and there's more pressing concerns! B-But we summoned them and they demanded more sacrifices and now they're sleeping and the enemies can't get in because they're guarding the way but when they get hungry again they'll come for us! We didn't have a choice, our enemies were everywhere!"

I let Cacio go.

"Very good. I will take you on as a retainer Cacio. Continue providing satisfactory service and you may receive further rewards."

Most of them recoil in horror, but one frantically grabs the Empress and begins bolting with her, screaming about a vile tempter. The rest of the retinue loses its mind in response, glancing around frantically, wavering between running and not running, screaming incoherently, and generally not doing one thing or the other.

The guards seem similarly confused but considerably less chaotic about it, tentatively keeping pace but not seeming too sure about it.

...the Empress seems to be the actual official ruler with at least some authority, and without her the armies might not obey us. None of the rest of this mess of incompetents seem to have much knowledge or involvement in military matters. I lunge into sudden motion, attempting to intercept her escape, hoping to physically capture the Empress myself, entangling her in my coils. If necessary, use her as a hostage to prevent her guards from attacking me.

If possible, use two power on each category for this action (focus, strength, cost)

I then move to block one of the exits not blocked by the other kings, if I was successful, if not, continue the chase.

"My fellow kings! Until we have a clearer understanding of the situation, it is imperative that we don't allow this mess of incompetents to wander around freely causing more problems! Please help to block off all the exits from the chamber!"

I then call Cacio over to me again. "Are there any generals in here or are they all outside actually making themselves useful and holding off the invaders? Are the Caci literal or metaphorical slugs?"

[Digital Hellhound]

'Wretches! Snakes!' Maelocht spat. The writing on his body flared with red light, giving his entire form an otherworldy glow. He rushed forward, screaming Words of command and paralysis. 'You will not have her!'

Prevent escape physically and with spoken Words of power. Seize the empress for myself; if needed, fight any of the other Kings for her.