Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[endlessblaze]

Become God using calculus

Fixed that for you.

[Demonic Spoon]

Create Calculus using God.
Create God using God.
Become God using God.
Become Calculus using Calculus.
Become Calculus using God.

[FArgHalfnr]

Exist simultaneously in two different locations at the same time with the help of calculus.

[Jack A T]

Thank the Maintenance worker with a nod.
Fire Elemental Bolt at the Barista. Run Surf away on the tides of paperwork before she can skewer us again. Seek refuge in an organic juice shop.

The worker calmly leaves the building after your nod.

You fling a bolt of fire at the barista and watch it get absorbed by her sword.  As she starts moving towards you and an agent guesses your password on his second try (boatpassword1murdereddrowssap is one of the top 20 passwords) beside you, you grab a folding chair and generate a wave of paperwork to surf away on.  Paperwork rises across the street to the nearby organic juice shop, which you slide straight in to.  You step into the long line.

Search Archives for the weaknesses of the barista.

Organic juice bars don't have much in the way of records on killer sword-wielding baristas, but you do at least find records indicating she occasionally buys fresh-squeezed orange juice here.

She's now a couple spots behind you in line.

Dance Salsa and order a cappucino.

You spend your time in line dancing away.  Eventually, you get to the front and order a cappuccino, which the shop happens to provide.  A few seconds later, you have your drink and you head to a table.

The barista orders orange juice.

Spoiler: CALCULUS (click to show/hide)

Create Calculus using God.
Create God using God.
Become God using God.
Become Calculus using Calculus.
Become Calculus using God.

Create God using calculus

Create Gold using calchemy.

FTFY

Become God using calculus

Fixed that for you.

Exist simultaneously in two different locations at the same time with the help of calculus.

You begin to mutter excitedly about god, gold, and calculus.  "If god is gold then gold is god then calculus can make gold which is god which can be created with calculus so I can become calculus with my calculus until I calculus god gold and be everywhere..."

The barista stares at you, baffled.

Create an engagement ring and ask her to marry you. That'll put her off guard.

At least the thoughts about god, gold, and calculus led you to figure out the equation of creating jewelry.  You generate a mid-range engagement ring, put the coffee on the table, get on your knee in front of the barista, and ask her to marry you.

She blushes a bit, and seems taken aback.  "W-what?"

Spoiler: Mathemagic (click to show/hide)

Mathemagician in Training
Mathemagic: Extend/Retract Staff, Repair Coffee Maker, Light, Elemental Bolt, Justify Policy, Do Paperwork, Create Paperwork, Search Archives, Force High Five, Set Timer, Timed Explosion, Build Paper Mech, Harden Paperwork, Create Jewelry

[FArgHalfnr]

Say "HA! I bet you didn't expect this! But seriously pls marry me."

[FallacyofUrist]

Say "HA! I bet you didn't expect this! But seriously pls marry me."

...or I'll blow you to smithereens with mathmagic."

[Ozarck]

Say "HA! I bet you didn't expect this! But seriously pls marry me."

...or I'll blow you to smithereens with mathmagic."

Say it in a totally jesting way. Leave her to make of it what she will. Compliment her hair.

((now the agent will know we have the plans to the HQ. Shoulda destroyed the computer on the way out. Or at least disabled the power.))

[Andres]

Work out the number seed of the universe.

[Jack A T]

Say "HA! I bet you didn't expect this! But seriously pls marry me."

...or I'll blow you to smithereens with mathmagic."

Say it in a totally jesting way. Leave her to make of it what she will. Compliment her hair.

"HA!  I bet you didn't expect this!  ... but seriously, please marry me... or I'll blow you to smithereens with my mathemagic!"  You fling a tiny, slow-moving bolt of ice at her.  Her sword absorbs it.

The crowd in the shop is cheering, and the barista responds, "Um...er...uh..."

Time to compliment her hair.  "Your hair looks great today, by the way."

"...er...uh...I-I just stabbed you half to death!  Why are you-what-um..."

Work out the number seed of the universe.

Not even the best mathemagicians have figured that out.  You give it a shot, and see...things.  Things you do not want to see.  Things best forgotten.

You smell smoke.  Just across the street, your office is on fire.

Spoiler: Mathemagic (click to show/hide)

Mathemagician in Training
Mathemagic: Extend/Retract Staff, Repair Coffee Maker, Light, Elemental Bolt, Justify Policy, Do Paperwork, Create Paperwork, Search Archives, Force High Five, Set Timer, Timed Explosion, Build Paper Mech, Harden Paperwork, Create Jewelry

[Worldmaster27]

Ask her if she needs time to think about it, and remind her that we will respect whatever decision she makes. This is a major choice for her future, you know!

[Generally me]

Water under the bridge. LETS GET MARRIED.

[FArgHalfnr]

Drown the fire under a pile of paperwork! There's no way it could go wrong!

[Ozarck]

Drown the fire under a pile of paperwork! There's no way it could go wrong!

My sigtext insists I agree with this course of action. But be graceful about leaving the conversation. Look deep into her eyes. Say " Thoughts of you pierce me like a red hot sword. My heart is aflame for you. But my office is aflame with fire. And office hours are, as you know, between the hours of nine a.m. and five p.m. Monday through Friday, except for lunch between noon and one. It is now one thirty. I must go."

[FallacyofUrist]

Drown the fire under a pile of paperwork! There's no way it could go wrong!

Yes, then run.

[Pearofclubs]

Drown the fire under a pile of paperwork! There's no way it could go wrong!

My sigtext insists I agree with this course of action. But be graceful about leaving the conversation. Look deep into her eyes. Say " Thoughts of you pierce me like a red hot sword. My heart is aflame for you. But my office is aflame with fire. And office hours are, as you know, between the hours of nine a.m. and five p.m. Monday through Friday, except for lunch between noon and one. It is now one thirty. I must go."

Then create a stallion out of paperwork, get on its back, have it rear and whinny, and ride across the street to your office.
If you're going to charge heroically off into the distance after talking to a lady, you should do it proper