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[FallacyofUrist]

Go around high fiving the coolest people in the office to show how cool we are.

That would be us. We are now going around the office high fiving ourself.
Requisition forms. Delegate menial tasks. Fill out a requisition for replacement Cafipens. Send an angry e-mail to the coffee shop asking why we haven't received our Blanket and Pillows yet.

+1 only because I want the blanket and pillow

Oui. +1.

[Worldmaster27]

this is lovely

ptw

[Jack A T]

Requisition forms. Delegate menial tasks. Fill out a requisition for replacement Cafipens. Send an angry e-mail to the coffee shop asking why we haven't received our Blanket and Pillows yet.

You fill out the form to order more forms, and hand it in to the proper authority.  More forms should come within a week.  For now, though, you do order a few more CafiPens.  With no menial tasks to delegate, you delegate no menial tasks.

Moving to your computer, you open your email program and immediately send an angry email to CoffeeCafe management.  An automated response tells you that you will be contacted shortly.

Sing a sea shanty.

"Oh, the Diamond is a ship, my lads, for the Davis Strait she's bound,
And the quay it is all garnished with bonnie lasses 'round,
Captain Thompson gives the order to sail the ocean wide,
Where the sun it never sets, my lads, nor darkness dims the sky.
And it's cheer up my lads!  Let your hearts never fail!
For the bonnie ship the Diamond goes a-fishing for the whale..."

You keep singing as you do Very Important Work.  The whole office seems to be listening intently (except Ted, but Ted's a jerk).

Read email.

Make our screensave password protected. (That is to say, when you deactivate the screensaver you have to enter a password)

While singing, you start reading your emails.  They're mostly a mix of spam, death threats, and complaints about your absence.  Some casino owner wanted to speak to you, though, apparently.  Also, an anonymous emailer using a temporary address sent what's labeled as a detailed map of a CoffeeCafe Inc. office downtown.

You set up the finest password you can think of: password.

Read emails, study calculus.

The calculus tutorials you find online are far below your level, unfortunately.  You are a mathemagician now, not just a policy analyst.  You pass by a few interesting-looking probability tutorials, and find nothing quite right for you in the way of calculus.

Go around high fiving the coolest people in the office to show how cool we are.

You decide to celebrate your return by high fiving the coolest people in the office.  After clapping a few times (you're so cool, you know), you charge right into the Deputy Minister's office, run up to her, and force her to high five you.  She looks mildly irritated, and sternly asks "What are you doing in my office?"

This is largely drowned out by your singing, of course.  When you finish, you hear applause behind you.  The Deputy Minister does not applaud.

Spoiler: Mathemagic (click to show/hide)

Mathemagician in Training
Mathemagic: Extend/Retract Staff, Repair Coffee Maker, Light, Elemental Bolt, Justify Policy, Do Paperwork, Create Paperwork, Search Archives, Force High Five, Set Timer, Timed Explosion, Build Paper Mech, Harden Paperwork

[FArgHalfnr]

Summon a paperwork fort in your office and hide in it!

[Andres]

Summon a paperwork fort in your office and hide in it!

-1

Draft a policy that would greatly help most of the people the deputy-whatever rules over. Cast Justify Policy.

[FallacyofUrist]

You fool! Password is the number one used password and the cheapest. Change password to "boatmurdered".

[Generally me]

Seduce every single person within seducing distance with our cool charm.

[Ozarck]

Immediately change our screensaver password back to password. that password is a think of primal elegance. Print out and retain the map of CoffeeCafe's headquarters. Hand the Deputy Director a large stack of paperwork requiring her signature. Wait expectantly.

[FallacyofUrist]

Immediately change our screensaver password back to password. that password is a think of primal elegance. Print out and retain the map of CoffeeCafe's headquarters. Hand the Deputy Director a large stack of paperwork requiring her signature. Wait expectantly.

+1, but -1 to password being password.

[Ozarck]

Immediately change our screensaver password back to password. that password is a think of primal elegance. Print out and retain the map of CoffeeCafe's headquarters. Hand the Deputy Director a large stack of paperwork requiring her signature. Wait expectantly.

+1, but -1 to password being password.

Can't handle the glorious beauty that is password? I'll compromise: change it to password1. I'll stoop as low even a to change it to drowssap, but .... such waste.

[FallacyofUrist]

password disgusts me. It's too normal.

[Jack A T]

You're pretty sure you hear choppers overhead as you begin trying to seduce the Deputy Minister.  "Hey, babe...want to come over to my fortress and have sex?"  You're not the most seductive person, even with your coolness and the paperwork fortress you build around you and the Deputy Minister.

Your attempts to seduce her are also hampered by your decision to dump masses of paperwork over her for her to sign and your decision to then then shove some sort of criminal law reform idea at her.  After a few seconds of watching her dig her way out of the paperwork, you charge through one fortress wall to change your password.  As the whole fort collapses on the Deputy Minister, you rewrite your password.  Now it's "boatpassword1murdereddrowssap," which you might remember.  Then you print the CoffeeCafe office map (which probably isn't the sort of thing that you want the Access To Information requester to see).

There's a loud explosion at the top of the building, and alarms start blaring.

Spoiler: Mathemagic (click to show/hide)

Mathemagician in Training
Mathemagic: Extend/Retract Staff, Repair Coffee Maker, Light, Elemental Bolt, Justify Policy, Do Paperwork, Create Paperwork, Search Archives, Force High Five, Set Timer, Timed Explosion, Build Paper Mech, Harden Paperwork

[Aseaheru]

Harden paperwork into components necessary to create a mech, then make the mech. A mini-mech.

[Jack A T]

Harden paperwork into components necessary to create a mech, then make the mech. A mini-mech.

You quickly build a miniature mech with paper arrow missile racks.  This paperwork is just obtuse and frustrating enough for the mech to not break down quickly.  Great timing: every window on the floor shatters inwards, hordes of CoffeeCafe security agents leaping in.  The front door is also smashed down, and the barista calmly walks in, sword at hand.

Meanwhile, the Deputy Minister is still digging her way out of the heap of paper, and your coworkers are preparing for a fight, grabbing anything they can use as weapons (hole punchers, paperweights, knives, chairs, etc.).

Spoiler: Mathemagic (click to show/hide)

Mathemagician in Training
Mathemagic: Extend/Retract Staff, Repair Coffee Maker, Light, Elemental Bolt, Justify Policy, Do Paperwork, Create Paperwork, Search Archives, Force High Five, Set Timer, Timed Explosion, Build Paper Mech, Harden Paperwork

[endlessblaze]

im tempted to just make a sword of hardened slowburning paper, then set it on fire.....

but we don't have time soooo....... GET IN DA MECH AND FIRE ALL DA MISSLES