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[Cheesecake]

Use our newly acquired intellect to repair the coffee machine, making everyone at the office see us as a hero. If we can't, find a video that teach us how to do it instead.

+1

[Andres]

Use our newly acquired intellect to repair the coffee machine, making everyone at the office see us as a hero. If we can't, find a video that teach us how to do it instead.

-1.

Just find a vending machine, buy a coke, and continue with our job.

[Jack A T]

Just find a vending machine, buy a coke, and continue with our job.

Already well-caffeinated, you go to the nearest vending machine and buy the last can of cola.  You continue to find the prices astoundingly high.

You chug the cola and get back to writing the report...

Use our newly acquired intellect to repair the coffee machine, making everyone at the office see us as a hero. If we can't, find a video that teach us how to do it instead.

...when suddenly, you have an idea.  Guided by the power of introductory calculus, you set off to repair the coffee maker.  It's quite the job.  Wiring's screwed up, heating element's broken, and the pot itself seems to have melted a bit.  With enough paper clips, staples, and duct tape, though, you mathematize the problem and find and implement a solution to the problem in a few minutes (you would have been faster had your hands not been shaking from the caffeine).  You announce that the coffee maker should work now, which elicits much applause around the office.

A shame there's no coffee for the machine.

[FallacyofUrist]

Study calculus, discover reality manipulation equations, use magic equations to make coffee powder or whatever is used for the machine.

[FArgHalfnr]

Study calculus, discover reality manipulation equations, use magic equations to make coffee powder or whatever is used for the machine.

+1

[Andres]

Study calculus, discover reality manipulation equations, use magic equations to make coffee powder or whatever is used for the machine.

-1

Just work. We are not having a good day and we don't want to be taking any risks.

[Jack A T]

Study calculus, discover reality manipulation equations, use magic equations to make coffee powder or whatever is used for the machine.

You start watching little-known videos by calculus experts, trying to learn their powers, when suddenly you hear the office doors crash down and hear several heavy footsteps in that area.

"This is CoffeeCafe Security!  Surrender Adam Baker now!"

Huh.

Just work. We are not having a good day and we don't want to be taking any risks.

You grumble a bit, close the video you were watching, and get back to writing the report.  Three sets of footsteps, moving all over the office.  One set's coming closer to your cubicle.

[FallacyofUrist]

Aren't we Adam Baker? Well. Load some calculus so complex that it causes insanity onto our mobile smartphone. If anybody enters our cubicle, show them the phone screen.

[FArgHalfnr]

Quick! Find a sharp tool and begin excavating the floor! We must escape!

[Demonic Spoon]

Aren't we Adam Baker? Well. Load some calculus so complex that it causes insanity onto our mobile smartphone. If anybody enters our cubicle, show them the phone screen.

+1

Quick! Find a sharp tool and begin excavating the floor! We must escape!

-1

[Andres]

Aren't we Adam Baker? Well. Load some calculus so complex that it causes insanity onto our mobile smartphone. If anybody enters our cubicle, show them the phone screen.

-1

Quick! Find a sharp tool and begin excavating the floor! We must escape!

-1

Call the police.

[Jack A T]

Call the police.

Cell phone's getting no reception.  Jammed?

Aren't we Adam Baker? Well. Load some calculus so complex that it causes insanity onto our mobile smartphone. If anybody enters our cubicle, show them the phone screen.

Recognizing that you're Adam Baker, you hastily start searching for more advanced calculus to learn and use.  Deeper and deeper you go into the internet, until finally you reach an odd site that you can find no records on.  All it contains is a set of calculus questions.  Tough ones, but you answer them.  A message comes up: "Adam Baker, you have passed the test.  You shall be contacted shortly."

Strange.  How does the site know your name?  Still, sadly, no calculus you can use against the security team, who all sound like they're coming closer.

Quick! Find a sharp tool and begin excavating the floor! We must escape!

You find it hard to convince yourself to dig the floor.  There seems to be a strong push against the idea in your mind.  Still, you do search around a bit and find a hefty and oddly pointy paperweight you forgot you had.

[Andres]

Leave the building, get in our car, and drive home.

[FArgHalfnr]

We need to win some time until the secret genius team comes to rescue! Go to the bathroom unnoticed and lock the door.

[Jack A T]

Leave the building, get in our car, and drive home.

You stand up and see the three CoffeeCafe security agents.  Each is in a dark suit with a CoffeeCafe logo pinned to the chest, and each is armed with a silenced handgun.  You charge out, shoving one down on the way, and are barely missed by a couple shots.  Quickly, you get into your car and start driving home...

We need to win some time until the secret genius team comes to rescue! Go to the bathroom unnoticed and lock the door.

...only to change your mind and drive around to the back door of the building.  You get out of your car, reenter the office, and duck into the nearby bathroom.  The door locks with a loud CLACK, and you hear footsteps coming your way.