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Author Topic: You Are Bureaucrat [SG]  (Read 17929 times)

Aseaheru

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Re: You Are Bureaucrat [SG]
« Reply #90 on: June 01, 2015, 12:13:19 pm »

 +1 to both of the above.
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Warning, nearly incapable of expressing tone in text

Jack A T

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Re: You Are Bureaucrat [SG]
« Reply #91 on: June 01, 2015, 12:27:03 pm »

Build a paperwork mech with the powers of calculus! We don't want to walk the entire way to work, considering we left our car there!
Go to work.
You come up with a brilliant idea: make a mathematical mech to move you to work.  You decide to make a paperwork Angry Cat (from your favourite moderately popular mech gaming franchise), mathematize the problem of designing and building it, and solve the equation.  Through several minutes of calculator-tapping, you eventually build a towering, unarmed, clockwork, paper version of the mech to ride to work.  You even have all the required approval forms done.

It's an intimidating sight, at first.  After a few minutes of walking down roads, though, you start to see the problem with paper vehicles.  It's falling apart.  The gears inside are bending over time, the feet are losing layers with every step, and sheets are constantly coming off.  Eventually, the mech collapses and you eject.  The paper parachute at least works just long enough to get you to the roof of your office building.  You're on the roof of a 20 story building, your cubicle is on the first floor, and the roof door is locked.

You can't even walk to your office from here.


Spoiler: Mathemagic (click to show/hide)
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Quote from: Pandarsenic, BYOR 6.3 deadchat
FUCK YOU JACK
Quote from: Urist Imiknorris, Witches' Coven 2 Elfchat
YOU TRAITOROUS SWINE.
Screw you, Jack.

Demonic Spoon

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Re: You Are Bureaucrat [SG]
« Reply #92 on: June 01, 2015, 12:29:01 pm »

Use elemental bolt to break open the door. If that doesn't work use timed explosion to break open the door.

Make another paper parachute and jump down to the entrance of the building. EDIT: After having equipped the parachute first.
« Last Edit: June 01, 2015, 12:46:41 pm by Demonic Spoon »
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Aseaheru

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Re: You Are Bureaucrat [SG]
« Reply #93 on: June 01, 2015, 12:38:37 pm »

 Use Mathmagic to work out how to compress paper into material hard and durable enough for use in a new mech.
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Generally me

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Re: You Are Bureaucrat [SG]
« Reply #94 on: June 01, 2015, 01:15:30 pm »

Use elemental bolt to break open the door. If that doesn't work use timed explosion to break open the door.

Make another paper parachute and jump down to the entrance of the building. EDIT: After having equipped the parachute first.
+1
Use Mathmagic to work out how to compress paper into material hard and durable enough for use in a new mech.

+1
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FArgHalfnr

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Re: You Are Bureaucrat [SG]
« Reply #95 on: June 01, 2015, 01:23:04 pm »

Use elemental bolt to break open the door. If that doesn't work use timed explosion to break open the door.

Make another paper parachute and jump down to the entrance of the building. EDIT: After having equipped the parachute first.
+1
Use Mathmagic to work out how to compress paper into material hard and durable enough for use in a new mech.

+1
+1. Detonating the lock might have been more practical but coming down in parachute is just awesome.
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FArgHalfnr for the #1 eldrich monstrocity.

endlessblaze

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Re: You Are Bureaucrat [SG]
« Reply #96 on: June 01, 2015, 01:24:53 pm »

Use elemental bolt to break open the door. If that doesn't work use timed explosion to break open the door.

Make another paper parachute and jump down to the entrance of the building. EDIT: After having equipped the parachute first.
+1
Use Mathmagic to work out how to compress paper into material hard and durable enough for use in a new mech.

+1
+1. Detonating the lock might have been more practical but coming down in parachute is just awesome.

i am also infavor.
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Kids make great meat shields.
I nominate endlessblaze as our chief military executive!

Ozarck

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Re: You Are Bureaucrat [SG]
« Reply #97 on: June 01, 2015, 01:54:24 pm »

Once on ground, call for Chinese carry-out. Fill out a form to get authorization to look for car keys.

Jack A T

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Re: You Are Bureaucrat [SG]
« Reply #98 on: June 01, 2015, 02:14:44 pm »

Use Mathmagic to work out how to compress paper into material hard and durable enough for use in a new mech.
Make another paper parachute and jump down to the entrance of the building. EDIT: After having equipped the parachute first.
Once on ground, call for Chinese carry-out. Fill out a form to get authorization to look for car keys.
Well, that was a waste of paper.  Surely there's something harder you could use...that's it!  Harder.  Harder paperwork.  The most difficult, confusing, and overly long paperwork out there is surely harder than easy paperwork, right?  The equation is easy when you figure that out.

However, hard paperwork isn't going to help parachute you down.  The easy stuff will be better.  You build a new paperwork parachute and jump.  The fall is long, and the parachute starts falling apart over time.  As you reach the ground in front of the front door, the parachute breaks down completely, dramatically blowing away behind you.  You call for some Chinese carry-out, walk into the office, and hand in one of the hardest forms you know of: the request for authorization for a car key search.  Might be approved within a few days.

You walk over to your cubicle and take your seat.  Most seems to be as you left it, though one of your CafiPens is missing and someone's replaced the draft of the now-finished gambling regulation report with "buttz" copied and pasted over and over again for a few pages.  You have several new emails to go through, too.

Spoiler: Mathemagic (click to show/hide)
Logged
Quote from: Pandarsenic, BYOR 6.3 deadchat
FUCK YOU JACK
Quote from: Urist Imiknorris, Witches' Coven 2 Elfchat
YOU TRAITOROUS SWINE.
Screw you, Jack.

Demonic Spoon

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Re: You Are Bureaucrat [SG]
« Reply #99 on: June 01, 2015, 02:20:32 pm »

Read email.

Make our screensave password protected. (That is to say, when you deactivate the screensaver you have to enter a password)
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FallacyofUrist

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Re: You Are Bureaucrat [SG]
« Reply #100 on: June 01, 2015, 03:07:10 pm »

Read emails, study calculus.
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Would you like to play a game of Mafia? The subforum is always open to new players.

SaberToothTiger

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Re: You Are Bureaucrat [SG]
« Reply #101 on: June 01, 2015, 03:54:35 pm »

Sing a sea shanty.
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I gaze into its milky depths, searching the wheat and sugar for the meanings I can never find.
It's like tea leaf divination, but with cartoon leprechauns.
There are only two sure things in life: death and taxes and lists and poor arithmetic and overlong jokes and poor memory and probably a few more things.

Generally me

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Re: You Are Bureaucrat [SG]
« Reply #102 on: June 01, 2015, 04:05:57 pm »

Go around high fiving the coolest people in the office to show how cool we are.
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Ozarck

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Re: You Are Bureaucrat [SG]
« Reply #103 on: June 01, 2015, 07:05:15 pm »

Go around high fiving the coolest people in the office to show how cool we are.
That would be us. We are now going around the office high fiving ourself.
Requisition forms. Delegate menial tasks. Fill out a requisition for replacement Cafipens. Send an angry e-mail to the coffee shop asking why we haven't received our Blanket and Pillows yet.

FArgHalfnr

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Re: You Are Bureaucrat [SG]
« Reply #104 on: June 01, 2015, 08:05:52 pm »

Go around high fiving the coolest people in the office to show how cool we are.
That would be us. We are now going around the office high fiving ourself.
Requisition forms. Delegate menial tasks. Fill out a requisition for replacement Cafipens. Send an angry e-mail to the coffee shop asking why we haven't received our Blanket and Pillows yet.
+1 only because I want the blanket and pillow :P
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FArgHalfnr for the #1 eldrich monstrocity.
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