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[Jack A T]

You babble at the man in black, slap him around with your own underwear, and force him to quadruple-high-five you (something he does remarkably well, somehow staying stable).  His expression does not change.  Eventually, he nods, and tells you that he will contact the barista, noted as the person you proposed to.  He also says, "We are aware of your situation, Adam.  We know what is going on."  He leaves, taking a cell phone out.

Tragic Transvestite Transformation!
Become Alice Beaker, Planetary Protector.
Lament that as soon as each attack is thwarted, you teleport to a seemingly-random bureaucracy-related location and a time just as a new attack begins.
Sense where the latest Droge attack is occurring and teleport to it. only you can stop them from destroying Earth!

The Droge are coming back.  You know it.  You need to prepare.

The last time they came, they were fought off by a mysterious group of magical girls, all somehow tied to bureaucracy.  You get an idea.

You work on developing a magical girl transformation spell and a teleportation spell.  Work on the latter goes well, at least.  You can now do very short ranged self-teleportation.

The man in black returns.  "Top secret clearance has been granted.  Welcome to ONAMSIS, Policy and Intelligence Analyst Adam Baker."  He hands you a new ID card and leads you to your new cubicle.  It's just like your old one.  The coffee maker here is broken too.  The election is still coming, with the latest major news being outrage at some new gambling regulation scheme widely seen as unworkable and overly harsh.

You are bureaucrat.

Spoiler: Mathemagic (click to show/hide)

Handler of the Arcane Papers
Mathemagic: Extend/Retract Staff, Repair Coffee Maker, Light, Elemental Bolt, Justify Policy, Do Paperwork, Create Paperwork, Search Archives, Force High Five, Set Timer, Timed Explosion, Build Paper Mech, Harden Paperwork, Create Jewelry, Create Paperwork Animal, Short Range Self-Teleport

[FallacyofUrist]

Keep working on the magic girl transformation spell, use incredibly complex calculus. Well... fix the coffee maker first.

[Aseaheru]

Note that becoming a little girl will probably have some significant side effects, focus instead on searching the archives with our new security clearance, and designing a giant paperwork mech in the shape of a little girl. With built-in coffee maker.

[FallacyofUrist]

Note that becoming a little girl will probably have some significant side effects, focus instead on searching the archives with our new security clearance, and designing a giant paperwork mech in the shape of a little girl. With built-in coffee maker.

Has it occurred to you that paper isn't a good material? -1, instead work on creating an alloy made from paper and tungsten that's stronger than steel.

[RAM]

Produce mathematical model of mathemagic staff.
Produce mathematical model of self.
Become their sum.

[Aseaheru]

Spoiler: OOC (click to show/hide)

Then we have to get tungsten. We already have hardened paper, which has worked well in mechs in the past. If we can get a spell to produce tungsten on command, then, well, then Im behind it. However, Tungsten also has a fair amount of mass.
Aluminum, perhaps? Coffee in some form or another?

[Ozarck]

Spoiler: OOC (click to show/hide)

Then we have to get tungsten. We already have hardened paper, which has worked well in mechs in the past. If we can get a spell to produce tungsten on command, then, well, then Im behind it. However, Tungsten also has a fair amount of mass.
Aluminum, perhaps? Coffee in some form or another?

  This is not a serious game.

we're an intelligence analyst now as well as a bureaucrat. Analyze our intelligence. File a report on the state of our underwear.

[Aseaheru]

Not saying it is. I am saying that logic seems to still apply, slightly.

[FallacyofUrist]

Not saying it is. I am saying that logic seems to still apply, slightly.

Someone should sig that.

[FArgHalfnr]

Use calculus to make the walls of every cubicles on this floor turn to ashes. Repeat "Great!" over and over again for as long as humanly possible, and then more with the help of calculus.

[Ozarck]

Not saying it is. I am saying that logic seems to still apply, slightly.

It really doesn't.

[Generally me]

Make a paper and jewellery mech. Then fix the coffee machine.

[FallacyofUrist]

... listen to the voices in your head argue.

[Aseaheru]

Ask the voices if they have the proper permits for a debate, like the one they are currently holding.

[FArgHalfnr]

Of course they have, don't be silly! We are a bureaucrat, that means we always have the paperwork.