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[Jack A T]

In an alternate universe somewhat like our own, Adam Baker has had a reasonably good life.  He has a well-paying, though somewhat dull, job as a policy analyst, helping analyze and design policies for the government of an obscure North American monarchy.  A few cats have decided to live in his mid-sized house.  Adam's even almost saved enough money to take the European vacation he's always wanted.

Today, though, is going to be stressful.  The Deputy Minister expects to see a report on online gambling regulation by the end of the day, some citizen's made an access to information request for all of Adam's emails from the past month, an election's coming up soon, and (most importantly) the coffee maker is broken.

Adam sits at his desk, half-finished report open on his computer, preparing to write.

This is a terrible time for the people of the Bay 12 forum to take control of Adam's mind.  Well, a terrible time for Adam.
Adam Baker will attempt all suggested actions, even if seemingly impossible.  Each update's suggestions will be done in a random order whatever order I want.  This is not a serious game.

[Andres]

Continue working normally.

[Demonic Spoon]

Continue working normally.

+1
Also, follow proper procedures to get someone to fix the coffeemaker.

[Jack A T]

Also, follow proper procedures to get someone to fix the coffeemaker.

You're pretty sure everyone in the office but you has submitted their own maintenance request form.  Just in case, though, you fill one out online yourself and submit it.

Continue working normally.

You try to write the gambling regulation report.  Sometimes it feels amazing to have this much influence over policy.  You could suggest whatever you want, back it up well, and perhaps even see your suggestions implemented.  For now, though, you try your best to suggest policy good for the country as a whole.  That is to say, you groggily type a few stat-filled paragraphs about how the current regulatory scheme isn't working.  You need caffeine soon.

[FArgHalfnr]

Lick your own elbow.

[Demonic Spoon]

Collapse into caffeine withdrawal induced coma

[Andres]

Go on a lunch break. Use it to eat something and drink some coffee.

[Jack A T]

Collapse into caffeine withdrawal induced coma

Someone screams behind you as you collapse.  A few minutes later, you wake up, still at your desk, with a bad headache and a stinging leg.  Someone's injected your emergency caffeine into you.  Good on them.  You remove the CafiPen and breathe, feeling a bit more awake already.

Go on a lunch break. Use it to eat something and drink some coffee.

Still dazed, but now well-caffeinated, you stagger off and outside in search of more caffeine (and some food too).  Luckily, there's a coffee shop right beside the office.  Unfortunately, the line is long, full of tired public servants in desperate need of coffee.  You join the line.

Lick your own elbow.

You quickly learn that you are not among those lucky few who can lick their own elbows.  The person behind you in line snickers a bit.

[FArgHalfnr]

Daydream, making you completely unaware of your surroundings.

[Andres]

Daydream, making you completely unaware of your surroundings.

-1

Wait patiently in line.

[Jack A T]

Daydream, making you completely unaware of your surroundings.

-1

Wait patiently in line.

As signals clash, with one controller trying to keep you awake and aware and the other trying to make you daydream unaware, you try to stay in line.  Eventually, you reach the front, and the barista says something about samples or simple or something.  You're not quite sure, having a hard time not just standing there, thinking about how cool it would be to be an MP or something.  Still, this is probably a good time to order.

[FArgHalfnr]

Order a pillow and a mattress. It's unhealthy to stay up when you are tired like that.

[FallacyofUrist]

Study calculus.

[Jack A T]

Order a pillow and a mattress. It's unhealthy to stay up when you are tired like that.

"Hi, I'd like a pillow and a mattress, please."

The barista looks shocked.  "H-how did you know about the experimental drink?  Th-that's supposed to be secret until next month!"

Study calculus.

Wide awake from the caffeine injected a few minutes ago, you run off.  In your peripheral vision, you see the barista pulling out a smartphone.

You return to the office, sit at your desk, and open your favourite browser.  A search for video guides to calculus reveals one very popular introduction, which you watch.  You feel smarter already.
 
The coffee maker is still broken.

[FArgHalfnr]

Use our newly acquired intellect to repair the coffee machine, making everyone at the office see us as a hero. If we can't, find a video that teach us how to do it instead.