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Author Topic: Funniest Fortress Moments  (Read 14125 times)

Tyrving

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #15 on: December 05, 2007, 07:27:00 am »

I've had a couple of entertaining moments in my current fort, the first being when the first dwarven traders showed up. There was a little herd of mountain goats loitering near the depot, around the same time that the merchants were approaching, any my dwarves were starting to get stuff to take to the depot. The three parties meet, and chaos breaks out. The goats scare my dwarves, who drop their items and run off. The merchants guards start chasing the goats around and butchering the few they can catch, and then a kobold thief comes out of nowhere, carrying MY TRADITIONAL GIANT OLM BONE IDOL, and promptly gets torn to pieces by a couple of dogs.

Things settled down pretty quickly, but I found it highly amusing.

Also, in winter, while digging an ice-shaft to the bottom of the lake to access the sand, my mason trapped himself by boarding up one of the stairways with a floor tile. Though I suppose that was my fault. I managed to dig him out before the thaw, thankfully.

termitehead

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #16 on: December 05, 2007, 10:02:00 am »

Not funny, but definitely interesting:

It seems to me that as I randomly draft people into my military I always somehow pick pregnant dwarf women.  Now I usually don't mind, so what if two baby-carrying mothers are sparring in platemail with hammers?  Well as it happened a bronze-colossus showed up and killed 2 or 3 hammerdwarves thus making an orphan.  The BABY proceeded to crawl to the nearest ledge and throw itself off.  It fell only 2 z-levels and was simply hurt a little and knocked unconscious.  For the next few months it did nothing but crawl back to the top of the ledge and throw itself off over and over again.  In fact, any crazed dwarves would also throw themselves off the same ledge.  At one point I had 3 dwarves lining up and throwing themselves off repeatedly.  I pretty much neglected my fortress watching them do this.

Alfador

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #17 on: December 05, 2007, 01:26:00 pm »

quote:
Originally posted by THLawrence:
<STRONG>The frozen goblin/boiling leather was from a bug. The properties of the leather are unknown so when the game starts it sets the temperature of the leather to 0. Room temperature is about 10000 and absolute zero in 9000 something. As well since the properties are unknown it sets the boiling and melting points of the leather to be 0. So it will instantly boil off while freezing whoever is wearing it. This bug is caused by making a mistake when editing raws.

Now then back on topic:
My funniest moment has to be when I had a moody orc(Teldin's Mod) demanding crystal glass. Obviously I didn't have any. So I put cage traps all around the workshop, which was outside. A little while later a hydra shows up. I have no military to speak of so I quickly call everyone in and lock the doors trying to think of something. The hydra comes to the front of the fortress notices the moody orc in the workshop and heads straight for him. The cage is quickly replaced before the orc goes insane. Suddenly I had a hydra and an insane orc in cages.
Note:
If you try to send a hostile creature (such as my moody orc) to the trade depot to be sold off they will be released from the cage and scare the hauler.</STRONG>


Seems a good way to prevent that bug from causing problems would be for the game engine to default temperature to 10000 and set melting/boiling points to be...say, roughly the same as wood... as a default for badly formed materials from edited raws.

Of course, maybe it should just be left the way it is so you instantly know what's wrong--just put a caveat in: "If things are simultaneously boiling themselves and freezing other things, something's wrong with your material tags!"

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Sofaspud

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #18 on: December 05, 2007, 01:47:00 pm »

Heh.  I have but one word:

KAbOOM!

A dragon appeared on my map, and promptly made a beeline for the trade depot.  The elven traders screamed in agony as he roasted them alive (heh heh heh); unfortunately, my broker ignored the 'get the hell inside, NOW!' order and got fried too.

He's a lot tougher than those pansy elves, though.  After he and the wardogs and some guards finished beating the dragon to death (yikes?), he swung his pick over his shoulder and casually strolled into the fortress... still burning.  What's a little fire to a dwarf, right?

Then he decided he was thirsty, and headed to the booze stockpile.

What makes matters worse is that, in addition to the lousy temperament of dwarves who have just seen all their booze go up in flames, several of the barrels (of all things) were masterpieces.  My carpenter threw a tantrum, and hurled a cat down the main hallway, where it splattered on the wall.  The cat belonged to my mason, who promptly retreated into melancholy.

And of course, the burning booze didn't stop dwarves from trying to get to the rest of the stockpile (what was left of it), then heading on to other tasks... while on fire!

Soon, my wood stockpile was merrily blazing, my charcoal bins were sending clouds of smoke rolling through the workshop area, and my beds had turned into smoldering piles of ash.

I lost 26 dwarves before I abandoned.  Sheesh.

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Doc_LaKock

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #19 on: January 01, 2011, 06:19:51 pm »

Poor tax collector!
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Urist Imiknorris

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #20 on: January 01, 2011, 06:29:07 pm »

That was the worst post.

Mind your necromancy, young forumite.
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Zrk2

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #21 on: January 01, 2011, 09:15:35 pm »

But this thread is great!
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Demicus

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #22 on: January 01, 2011, 09:43:53 pm »

That it is. Sadly I can't think of anything funny to add. DX
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JacenHanLovesLegos

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #23 on: January 01, 2011, 10:03:46 pm »

My first real fortress. I didn't know about z-levels, and was in a soil layer. I had no stone. I had basic workshoping done, and stockpiling. Then I started farming. I dug into a pond (which due to my z-level handicap, looked like an underground natural water tank) and flooded a 1 tile wide (don't ask) tunnel to a bunch of channels for a pool of water. I built a floodgate, not knowing about the mechanisms needed to operate it, and put it in the pool edge to flood my 'farms'. I locked a dwarf in there and didn't know until didn't care until "Urist Mcsomeone has died of thirst". I later dug to his body. In that same fort I learned about z-levels. My first death was the most funny one due to overseer carelessness.
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As it turns out, the pen was in fact a poor choice for melee combat in comparison to the sword.
So I just started playing this game and I accidentally nuked the moon.

GaxkangtheUnbound

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #24 on: January 01, 2011, 10:43:14 pm »

I once launched a migrant off the bridge. He collided with the cliff.
One year later, my engraver engraves him colliding with an obstacle and exploding.
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rephikul

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #25 on: January 01, 2011, 10:47:41 pm »

I was toying with nerves and increased its fixed temp. When I loaded the game, everyone's ears burned to ashes, their eyes popped out, collasped cause they were unable to control their body as their spines have boiled from inside out and all slowly bled to death in the most painful manner.
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Krelian

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #26 on: January 01, 2011, 11:09:13 pm »

after a short but intensive siege, I was looking the terrain for stuff to reclaim (I just now discovered the d-b menu so I was 'f+' spamming lol) and I see this loooooong trail of blood near one edge of the map (like 2 screens long), and a lot of broken bolts.... like you could tell what happened from the scene: "this dwarf was minding his own business when the goblins spawned and nailed him while he tried to survive". I dont know why, but this made me literaly laught my ass off. This blood of course had a name, let''s say Urist.. this made me a bit curious about him, but I couldnt find an Urist in the graveyard stockpile... he must have survived?? omg.. this dwarf must be recognised for his heroic tale of survival... I will give him the best room in the fort... then I finally find him... a dwarf child??? omg, how the heck this kid survived crawling the way back to the fortress with an orde of goblins shooting at him, I dont know, he was a little pale, but playing as happily as always. This made me laught even more
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rephikul

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #27 on: January 01, 2011, 11:22:40 pm »

after a short but intensive siege, I was looking the terrain for stuff to reclaim (I just now discovered the d-b menu so I was 'f+' spamming lol) and I see this loooooong trail of blood near one edge of the map (like 2 screens long), and a lot of broken bolts.... like you could tell what happened from the scene: "this dwarf was minding his own business when the goblins spawned and nailed him while he tried to survive". I dont know why, but this made me literaly laught my ass off. This blood of course had a name, let''s say Urist.. this made me a bit curious about him, but I couldnt find an Urist in the graveyard stockpile... he must have survived?? omg.. this dwarf must be recognised for his heroic tale of survival... I will give him the best room in the fort... then I finally find him... a dwarf child??? omg, how the heck this kid survived crawling the way back to the fortress with an orde of goblins shooting at him, I dont know, he was a little pale, but playing as happily as always. This made me laught even more
stuff like this are reasons why I want to keep splatter in the game.
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Patchy

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #28 on: January 02, 2011, 02:47:33 am »

The Goblin in the Pantry Incident.... one of my first forts back in 40d, before I had learned how to use the military. A couple ambushes had just fought their way into my fort past the stone fall and cage trap line. 1 of the gobbos managed to follow a thirsty mason into the food and booze storeroom and murder him there. Meanwhile a few more goblins strolled into the trap line and died, and at that point the rest decided it was too dangerous and retreated. All except for the goblin who ended up in my pantry. He just stood in one corner and never moved for some reason. But he'd always scare any thirsty or hungry dwarf who tried to get something to eat or drink. So after a dozen deaths due to dehydration later I had a new pantry built elsewhere and the door to my old one locked with the goblin still inside. Can't blame him for not leaving, it had plenty of food and booze in it.
« Last Edit: January 02, 2011, 03:54:55 am by Patchy »
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Zidane

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #29 on: January 02, 2011, 03:50:29 am »

I recently made a squad of dwarfs and I forgot to give them weapons. on their way to fight a siege I noticed but decided against recalling them.

They promptly decided to shield bash every goblin to death.
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