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Author Topic: Funniest Fortress Moments  (Read 14006 times)

Hypcso

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Funniest Fortress Moments
« on: December 03, 2007, 01:51:00 pm »

I had an engraving accidently get defaced ( Oops ). My legendary engraver goes nuts and starts tantruming. He mauls the tax collector ( Why is it always the tax collector? He's just doing his job.. ) and kills a dog and gets sent to prison.

About a month later he goes insane IN PRISON and remains in his cage. I removed his cage and placed it in my zoo. He gets fed/watered and there's constantly kids throwing parties at this insane, babbling engravers cage. I'm thinking about trading him to the dwarven caravan for some socks.

Another:
I order a wall built in a far away section of the fortress to block off an unused access shaft about 3 levels up a mountain. I forget about it for a while until i'm checking the jobs screen a few months later. I see one of my legendary masons hunting for small creature.

Oops. He's starving/dehydrated and locked behind the wall now. I order it removed and he runs out to look for more vermin. He does this for about a month more and eventually finds one. He turns to walk to the drink stockpile, takes 1 step and drops dead from dehydration. Poor guy, but hilarious anyway.

Feel free to contribute your own hilarious stories!

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Quintin Stone

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2007, 02:57:00 pm »

A farmer, unhappy to be wearing rotting clothes, gets drafted into the army.  This upsets him even more, so he throws a tantrum.  Not only does he start a fight, he also kills a cat.  When he calms down, he is so upset to have killed the cat, he's now miserable.  He's also sentenced to 251 days in jail for murder.  Dwarves will happily butcher a cat for food, but kill one in anger and it's actually listed on your record as murder!

Poor dwarf, still active military, gets thrown in irons.  Goes insane while locked up, and I get this hilarious "Cancels sparring in barracks: too insane" message:

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JoRo

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #2 on: December 03, 2007, 02:58:00 pm »

Once, during a goblin siege, I had a dragon show up.  I thought this would be bad, because the last mega-beast to show up had been a Bronze Colossus that ripped through my fort like a warm chainsaw through butter, stopping only when the game crashed.
But I had nothing to worry about.  The dragon went straight for the goblin siegers, and started setting them on fire.  The goblins were pretty tough--this was like the fifth siege or so, so there were a lot of elites out there.  They killed the dragon rather quickly, but then the goblins proceeded to loiter about in the flames until they eventually burned to death.
When the siege lifted, I had a grand old time melting down their weapons and armor.  Steel for the masses!

[ December 03, 2007: Message edited by: JoRo ]

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Metal Chao

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2007, 03:28:00 pm »

Once, while testing my Playable Goblin Mod, I was told that one of my goblins had instantly frozen to death as soon as I started.

Zooming to him, I found a corpse surrounded by a large cloud of "boiling leather".

To this day I have no idea why.
I blame spontaneous combustion.

Though that does not explain why it said he froze.

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Asehujiko

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2007, 03:29:00 pm »

Maybe you set his body temp so high that he incinerated on the the items he was wearing and froze to death instantly because the air arround him was colder.
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Metal Chao

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2007, 03:30:00 pm »

quote:
Originally posted by Asehujiko:
<STRONG>Maybe you set his body temp so high that he incinerated on the the items he was wearing and froze to death instantly because the air arround him was colder.</STRONG>

I didn't change the default goblin temp at all, and that doesn't explain why the other ones didn't also explode.

Oh well.
It was fun anyway.

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Kagus

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #6 on: December 03, 2007, 03:32:00 pm »

know, I've heard many strange stories of what goes on in Dwarf Fortress.  I've even experienced a few first hand.

But spontaneous goblin combustion/freezing is entirely new to me.  Kudos, my friend.

Hypcso

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #7 on: December 03, 2007, 04:04:00 pm »

Rofl, the exploding goblin and frying clothing definitely takes the cake.
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THLawrence

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #8 on: December 03, 2007, 04:11:00 pm »

The frozen goblin/boiling leather was from a bug. The properties of the leather are unknown so when the game starts it sets the temperature of the leather to 0. Room temperature is about 10000 and absolute zero in 9000 something. As well since the properties are unknown it sets the boiling and melting points of the leather to be 0. So it will instantly boil off while freezing whoever is wearing it. This bug is caused by making a mistake when editing raws.

Now then back on topic:
My funniest moment has to be when I had a moody orc(Teldin's Mod) demanding crystal glass. Obviously I didn't have any. So I put cage traps all around the workshop, which was outside. A little while later a hydra shows up. I have no military to speak of so I quickly call everyone in and lock the doors trying to think of something. The hydra comes to the front of the fortress notices the moody orc in the workshop and heads straight for him. The cage is quickly replaced before the orc goes insane. Suddenly I had a hydra and an insane orc in cages.
Note:
If you try to send a hostile creature (such as my moody orc) to the trade depot to be sold off they will be released from the cage and scare the hauler.

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Slappy Moose

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #9 on: December 03, 2007, 08:45:00 pm »

Oh thats easy.

When a roof collapsed and blasted through a floor and three children (but wait theres more), the children's bodies protected my mayor. He was stunned, and had a hurt leg, but the three children died from mangled or broken limbs, concussions, and blood loss.


I'm a morbid bastard   :D

[ December 03, 2007: Message edited by: Slappy Moose ]

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Markham

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #10 on: December 03, 2007, 09:53:00 pm »

I had a dwarf throw a tantrum while constructing one in a series of safety bridges over a canyon.  In his fit of rage he destroyed one of the bridges.  He fell 16 z-levels and got impaled on a tree.

Daniel Charms

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #11 on: December 04, 2007, 04:27:00 am »

In one of my earlier fortresses, a Ranger died after he "hit an obstacle". Apparently, he collided with a cliff.
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martinuzz

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #12 on: December 04, 2007, 07:09:00 am »

Bladiblubdwarf, baby, has died: hit an obstacle.

THE MINUTE IS WAS BORN.

"Let's give birth above this nice pit now, shall we?"

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Stravitch

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #13 on: December 04, 2007, 10:56:00 am »

Found a nice little area to start up in, work out what I want to bring what skills I want and hit embark.  It starts me in the middle of a river that is frozen and before I can move more than a few feet the season changes and the river thaws and drowns the lot of them.

MyBeardIsOnFire

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Re: Funniest Fortress Moments
« Reply #14 on: December 04, 2007, 03:54:00 pm »

I laughed at the one with the thawing river.

"Thief! Protect the hoard from skulking filth!"
"An ambush! Filthy scum!"
A kobold ambush spotted a kobold thief and briefly dispatched him. Then resumed ambush.

...I got nothin'

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