Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

Any D&D/D20

Shadowrun

World of Darkness

Palladium

Other (feel free to post about it)

[Kagus]

I may have semi-inadvertently gotten myself invited to a new D&D group, with a meetup this Sunday. Supposedly very accommodating for newcomers, but I'm still a wee bit nervous. ...provided they do actually fit me in at all.

If they do, then this'll be my first ever real world D&D tomfoolery. It's 5e, with 7-8 people who have varying degrees of experience with the stuff.


Pretty much all I know about 5e is that it has Kendar, and that I'm not gonna be one. Most of my D&D experience is AD&D/2e, with a smattering of 3.5 thrown in because heya... How horrible of a munchkin should I aim to ruin this happy occasion with?

[scriver]

5e doesn't really have kender, it's just that every race had a paragraph about what said race was called in other systems, and the misguided know-nothings who wrote it insulted halflings everywhere by saying that the most bestest race of all was the same as kender in the dragonlance system.

Which is just plain wrong.

It's a no go.

You just don't.

[Kagus]

5e doesn't really have kender, it's just that every race had a paragraph about what said race was called in other systems, and the misguided know-nothings who wrote it insulted halflings everywhere by saying that the most bestest race of all was the same as kender in the dragonlance system.

Which is just plain wrong.

It's a no go.

You just don't.

This gives me a mightier irritation than just adding "Annoying little fucks" as a new race... I shall now choose to disregard this fact.

[Mephisto]

I had a rant written out. Rather than posting it, let's summarize it a bit.

• Fuck Kender
• Fuck whoever came up with the "everyone loves them despite their rampant theft serial borrowing oh and they're chosen by the gods so don't retaliate" thing

[Sirus]

Spoiler: relevant large-ish image and naughty words (click to show/hide)

[SOLDIER First]

i’m really glad that image was created

[Mephisto]

Thank you, Sirus, for reminding me of that copypasta.

[wierd]

You know...  I can see how these annoying little shits totally misunderstood munchkins could make a fabulous addition as NPCs in a dungeon of doom, where their "(ahem) Incorruptible nature" and "inability to NOT steal things" has caused a perfect storm, where they have stolen a VERY SHINY thing, that also happens to be a conduit of unholy evil, placed there explicitly to "deal with them", by the gods of chaos and evil. (Let's say that the object projects into nearby sentient's minds the raw essence of pain and suffering-- causing vivid hallucinations that are never the same twice, but are always of the most horrific grimdark shit, that is incomprehensibly traumatic, intended to incite mortal races to the greatest feats of unspeakable evil. Kinda the ultimate evil motivational poster, but with added bonuses to goal achievement when carried.)

EG, the balance of the world is indeed maintained by having the munchkins suffer incomprehensibly from their "borrowing" this object, since ONLY THEY can permanently endure its influence without becoming unholy abominations. They need to be insufferably plucky, while languishing in the bowels of the dungeon of doom.

Oh, and the evil sorcerer just happens to be using the "processed" evil that magically fails to corrupt the little shits to sustain his unholy presence in the world (Let's say he draws power from their nightmares after they keep subjecting themselves to this object's influence), and is not actually enslaving them; No no no.. They are totally free and can leave whenever they want, they just dont, because he makes all kinds of neat things that they can pilfer "borrow", and the idea of releasing evil into the world is terrifying to them-- so they have a literal case of stockholm syndrome about the evil castle of terror that was constructed around their horrible munchkin village, and the horrifying arch-lich that built it.  That and the novelty of the object is infinite (because it never shows the same thing twice)

[Trekkin]

Alternatively, one could run a kender travel agency and inflict them on other people while being paid for it. Just unload them, distract them until they forget you ever dropped them off, and watch blood pressures rise and paladins fall.

[NullForceOmega]

*Delivers shiny presents to the needy little kleptos at .99c*

[Kagus]

*Delivers shiny presents to the needy little kleptos at .99c*

*Delivers Kender to village, offers exorbitant Kender removal services*

[scriver]

Kender can't be corrupted because they were spawned in the very deepest pits of hell.

It's annoying that they put the red text on the page text so you can't actually read what it says though. It's a really kender thing to do.

[wierd]

Which is exactly why they would feel perfectly fine, living free, in the bowels of the evil arch-lich's castle, being subjected to literal Lovecraftian mind fuck 24/7.



They would even fight to STAY there!  Because the world needs them! (and every morning, they all share stories about what horrible nightmare vision they experienced the night before)

[Mephisto]

I can't help but imagine the final panels of this now.

All-Despising Baby Skull

[Rowanas]

Aw man. I had forgotten the all-despising baby skull.

Just a flaming baby skull shouting ethnic slurs. Wow, my chest hurts from the laughing.