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Any D&D/D20

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[Bohandas]

It kind of soundsnlike an Axe Cop cartoon

[Sergius]

Indeed. I dont recall ever seeing a "Solid diamond dildo" in ANY DND source book...

Ah, but you see, the genius of D&D 5e is that it does away with all the huge weapons lists and gives you a dozen that you can "reskin" to be anything. So a nunchaku, or a dildo would just be a club

[Gentlefish]

Ah, but a nunchaku would be a double-weapon club, more like a quarterstaff

[Rolan7]

I think double-ended dildos don't have to be quarterstaff sized
But they do need to be enchanted separately for both heads.

[Flying Dice]

Oh, yeah, and for next session I could use some help in a WIFOM loop.

We've got two options in the form of two trees: A bright, leafy tree with shining red apples, and a dead grey tree with vivid blue apples. We have to, as a group, choose which one we will partake of. We've been told outright that one of them will hatch any remaining white dragon eggs among our diamonds, but we don't know which one. We also don't know which is which, just that one is the Tree of Life and the other is the Tree of Knowledge.

We do know where we're headed after that, though. We got our choice of Asgard, Shangri-la, Mount Olympus, or El Dorado. No guesses as to which the party of bank robbers, jewel thieves, and shortsighted petty criminals picked.

Also, last session I lost out on $50k because I wasn't willing to inject that mystery serum into a sleeping platypus.

[highmax28]

Well, in a 5e game I'm in on here with other bay12 guys, I'm now locked in someone's basement after they drugged me and probably did unspeakable things to me. Especially with a vampire in the building

[Twinwolf]

Unfortunately, we don't have any IC reasons to know where to find you...

[SOLDIER First]

Exploring mines you own (after poisoning the inhabitants) is fun. Finding flesh golems is less fun. Being knocked to 0 HP in two attacks is not fun.
_{Forgetting how to do rolls and checks all the time is less than not fun.}

[highmax28]

Unfortunately, we don't have any IC reasons to know where to find you...

Last thing I said to you was I was having dinner with Aurel... Must've been a crazy night then...

[Twinwolf]

Oh, right. Once we figure out you're missing then, I suppose Maya will bring it up.

[highmax28]

To be fully honest, the DM, since I know him in real life, has been trying to mess with me.

You don't want to know the nightmare that proceeded to happen when we kidnapped the kid. It honestly made me want to leave. Fab Deathbringer can be a real handful...

To get back into context, here's a story from my 4e game:

Paladin gained a holy symbol to give him the ability to cast turn undead. Him and the party attacks a big ass wurm I found in Dwarf Fortress and made in there (a feathered worm). Since it was undead, when the paladin got swallowed whole, he used turn undead inside the damn thing. The push damage plus the radiant damage messed it up and decapitated the wurm. Head falls down 35ft and lands on half the party, killing the Rangers brand new pet cave croc and knocked out the swordmage and pinning another guy.

And despite all that, the head of the undead monster gets back up and still fights

[wierd]

Oh, yeah, and for next session I could use some help in a WIFOM loop.

We've got two options in the form of two trees: A bright, leafy tree with shining red apples, and a dead grey tree with vivid blue apples. We have to, as a group, choose which one we will partake of. We've been told outright that one of them will hatch any remaining white dragon eggs among our diamonds, but we don't know which one. We also don't know which is which, just that one is the Tree of Life and the other is the Tree of Knowledge.

We do know where we're headed after that, though. We got our choice of Asgard, Shangri-la, Mount Olympus, or El Dorado. No guesses as to which the party of bank robbers, jewel thieves, and shortsighted petty criminals picked.

Also, last session I lost out on $50k because I wasn't willing to inject that mystery serum into a sleeping platypus.

The obvious solution to this predicament:

Pick the fruit from both trees, but don't eat. Take the fruit to town, and pay to have it identified.

[BlackFlyme]

I had my parrot Awakened. There is a wondrous item called the Collar of the True Companion, so we didn't even need a druid.

He is now stupidly smart and charismatic. And a rogue with ninja tricks. And undead because Dhampir Vampiric Companion.

He is literally a zombie ninja parrot pirate.

And we've hit a part of the adventure path where things slow to a crawl. Few encounters and not much roleplaying. Just tons and tons of exposition and downtime.

[Execute/Dumbo.exe]

I'm just imagining James Bond with a parrot in place of the MC.
"So, the amazing superspy, Mr. Squawk, does the trapped little polly want a cracker?"
"What is it now? Kitten Whiskers? Now that you've trapped me, you gonna wrap me in yarn and throw me to your henchmen?"
"No, Mr. Squawk, I expect you to die."
*Bang*
*Theme Music*

[highmax28]

BEST PARROT EVER. 10/10