You're gonna wanna listen to "Because I Got High" while reading this. That was he theme of my last session. Why? I'm gonna tell you
My party is playing Curse of Strahd and they're in Vallaki (I spelled that wrong I think but I don't care right now, it's irrelevant). They noticed they're being followed by a spy (those who know the campaign know who I'm talking about) and they're trying to find the Saint's bones. They tell the paladin to go distract him. Well, the paladin's player is known to do some ridiculous shit, such as fighting an Orc warchief one on one at level 1 AND WINNING (they were supposed to leave, being they were all mostly dead).
Anyway, someone made a joke saying he should use thunderous smite on something and throw it. No, what this guy does is he goes over behind a house near the spy, starts to remove some of the lower parts of her armor (it's a male playing a female character) and drops her trousers and begins to take a shit in public. Oh no, it doesn't stop here. He specifies that as it's coming out, he casts thundering smite on his feces as it's coming out and, I know as a DM, I shouldn't have allowed it, but if a monkey can throw poop as a method of self defence, why wouldn't it count as a weapon? So he does his thing and it hits the ground. It leaves a small crater and EVERYONE in town hears it as a loud crack of thunder is heard. Just as it hits the ground, someone saw her, went to go report it and then got scared and ran off.
The spy went to go check it out, succeeding in the distraction, and the paladin had to deal with not having anything to wipe with.
Then, the next session comes by (because that was the end of the previous session) and the Druid, who is played by my girlfriend, decided she wanted to have the equivalent of marijuana in my world and I just threw out a random name, and she said she had it (and I don't know when I agreed to it but I'm rolling with it). She gets high and then tries to find the wereravens by turning into a parrot. She fumbles around, and because she isn't high enough level, she just kind of hobbles about trying to fly but she can't, and a wereraven happens to pick her up and start to care for her. She then goes "like... SQWAK man..." In a stoner voice and then the wereraven, knowing she's a Druid, gives her to the paladin.
She turns back into normal form and then the paladin grabs her joint and, being a Phoenix sorcerer, she burns it. I checked the paladin's con score and upon rolling, she fumbled and got high. She then stumbled into the town and blacked out.
The morning comes and the paladin wakes up in the stocks. Why they're still a paladin was because, despite the public intoxication, the paladin did none of that to her own will; it was an accident.
So the Druid and the artificer find him while the wizard chills at the bar knowing this is gonna be a shitshow. the Druid says she'll talk to the baron about releasing him, but the artificer, who's a pirate, just wanders off to go set him free. Well, the artificer is a gnome, and she's short and light for one too, and she's caught trying to free him and thrown on the stocks herself. Unfortunately, they aren't gnome sized and Izek is known to be kind of an idiot, so she can freely move her hands and deal with her situation. She pours alchemist acid on the lock and breaks free, and then a child, like in Projared's video, spots them and says she's trying to Escape. They see the lock and a broken vial of acid, and they go to bring her to th baron's house (I was aiming for the closet that they had in there) and then the paladin, with an 18 to strength and settin himself on fire, forces the lock open and thinks the gnome is gonna die, so he commands the one carrying her to drop her and she high tails it out, and then he compelled duels Izek to get him to stop chasing her and says "I will not fight you".
Izek uses his horn to rally the town Militia and suddenly, he's surrounded. Her player says "I tell them while putting my hands up and say "this was all a complete misunderstanding!" He rolls, and in my head, even if he rolled high, he won't succee- NAT 20.
He goes and does that and the Druid, happening to be right on time, flashes a paper stating the release of the paladin. Izek doesn't like it, but he has to agree, and the paladin goes free. HOWEVER, the artificer broke property, and after the paladin pays for it, gets a day in the stocks for upsetting the populace.
So after that goes on, the paladin, still upset at the Druid, goes up to her while she's trying to work for the inn as a sexy barmaid and uses divine favor (or something like that) and proceeds to smack her ass as revenge for getting him high. While I know it's her own damn fault, I let it happen, she calls for help, and wereravens take the paladin outside, beat the shit out of him, and leave him outside. Oh, and did I mention the ass slapping also made him lose his paladin powers?
Next day happens and it's the festival of the blazing sun, and the whole thing happens and then as the guy is being dragged, the former paladin speaks out and says that's over excessive. Baron calls him out for being a pardoned criminal. She then says they did more good for the village and that he should be grateful... But the only things they did was on their own and no one talked about it, which was the vampires in the coffin maker's shop and returning he bones. He mentioned the bones and the wizard, knowing shit was going to go down, said she's on her own (because the bones are to be kept secret). So for speaking out, the baron orders him to be dragged as well, but he sets the rope on fire with the Phoenix powers, and releases the other man as well AND lighting the baron's rear end on fire.
The baron then says they cannot let someone this dangerous to them live, and they take him to the gallows. The paladin, restrained and doused by fire, prays as she is taken to what may be her final stop.
Lucky her, a second scripted event takes place and the tiger incident happens. The paladin has reduce cast on him by the wizard and told to run while everyone else starts to scatter. The artificer runs to the inn to grab everyone's belongings because she has a bag of holding, Rictavio is dealing with the tiger, and Izek begins chasing the tiny paladin but loses her after the Druid cast entangle on him (which she said was aimed for the tiger, but the tiger is too big (which he was since the wizard, letting the paladin get through t, cast enlarge on the tiger (while I'm not supposed to allow it, it made for an interesting situation, so I allowed it)).
The party then causes more chaos, as the Druid begins casting thunder wave outside of town, making the people think they're under attack, and Izek is still entangled while Rictavio gathers the party on his cart, hides them inside with the tiger, and flees.
It is at this point that you realized most of these events happened
Because she got high
because she got high
because she got high