Dazed as you were, the world about you seemed ever so slightly off kilter as you stumbled along after the balding man - while he had gone out of sight, while he wasn't particularly leading you anywhere, you knew that you could at least get inside the waiting area and ask for someone to take you to meet Joy.
This was something that you were going to have to get used to it seemed, that no matter how you used your powers, that regardless of if something went wrong you'd be off balance afterwards. The sheer punishment that it put your body under, the stress of whatever spark you felt blossoming within you was exausting to deal with and you, you weren't ready for it.
Yet.
You would be one day, you were sure of that, but that day was neither here nor soon.
You stumbled left and right as you tripped over your feet on the way to the front entrance, the hands of the armed police that had only moments prior had the order to stand down catching you as they ensured you didn't fall. All you could do was offer apologetic smiles and half mumbled thanks as you permitted them to assist you back to your feet.
Even now the punishment of pushing your body as you had was but a fading memory as the memory of the roads rushing by as you'd sprinted down the roads, though the sensation of the wind against your face had been dulled when you'd done this.
Was it because you'd already hit a point where your senses where too overwhelmed to register it due to the burning sensation you had felt inside, or was it because you'd managed to diminish it subconsciously with the very same power you were using?
You couldn't tell at this point, or but you were frankly amazed with yourself.
You'd been running as fast as a car, so fast that Tom hadn't been able to stop you from turning and leaving when he'd gone all creepy on you.
You supposed you couldn't blame him for being offput by what you'd revealed in your talk with anxiety, private a talk as that was, but you still didn't appreciate how he had turned on you in the manner he had.
Public Relations, he had failed that obviously.
Not that you were exactly the public, come to think of it.
But still, the thought stood.
With the dull ache in your chest and legs joining the mental fog that clouded your thoughts, you slumped down in one of the chairs in the waiting room - uncaring of how you could feel the cold and clammy material of the skirt, blouse and overcoat pressing against your back and legs.
You didn't care if it was wet with blood, you didn't care if it was your blood.
Here, you had a chance to rest for just a moment before the inevitable meeting with the angry woman who'd be thrilled to see you.
Absolutely thrilled, you'd been given the feeling last time you'd met with her that she had no desire to ever see you again.
Not that you could blame her, it seemed to be a running theme by this point that people didn't want to know about you beyond what you could provide for them. The agency had gotten weird with you, the Queen's agency seemed to only want you for your power, Millicent was out of comission at this time and Anxiety was half crazed.
You couldn't help but feel for her though, she was as much a victim in this situation as anyone else who had been affected by the entire mess you were unwravelling.
Some moments passed in silence - silence punctuated by the horrified expressions of people coming and going as they saw you sat there with somewhat upscale clothing soaked in blood and a thousand yard stare. They must have assumed you were a witness to a horrific murder, that someone had quite literally exploded over you and that you had such a blank expression at this time as you were in shock.
Not because you were fatigued.
Not as fatigued as the prior times, mind, that meant that you were making progress on that front at least.
Hooray, progress.
"Alyssa-" came the familiar voice of officer Joy as she stepped into the waiting area. She was angry, yet the anger gave way to shock the moment she set eyes upon you.
"Hi," you did you best to smile brightly, figuring that it'd reassure her, though you could feel the muscles in your face protest that they simply couldn't hold such a smile at this moment, causing it to unevenly falter and fade.
"Are you hurt?" came her words as she paced towards you, tucking her grey streaked hair back behind her shoulders as she did so.
"Just dizzy and... I wish I had a change of clothes," you mubled as you pushed yourself to your feet.
"What the hell happened to you?" she asked ith clear concern in her voice. Maybe she didn't hate you as much as you'd assumed.
"I hit a car," you mumbled sheepishly as you rubbed at the back of your arm with one hand.
"You were hit by a car!?" she hissed, trying to keep her voice low as she looked at you wide eyed. "Why the fuck did they tell me I have to speak with you as soon as possible instead of sending you to hospital?"
"I hit the car, couldn't see it, I was blacking out," you corrected her. This did wonders for her already evident concern.
"How badly hurt are you?"
"I'm fine, just dizzy, I was laying funny after though, I think I broke my back. I got better though. Can we talk?" you winced as you watched the disbelief on her face grow all then more plain. "It's important, I spoke with Anxiety and then... Then the bodyguard the agency sent with me got threatening with me and..."
"Oh... Oh fuck no. I don't want to do this now," came her words as her expression hardened. "I don't care what she said," came Joy's words as she turned to walk away from you. You weren't letting go of this that easily, you had to talk with her - you had to make it clear that you had found out something that put you at risk.
"Damnit, Joy, she thinks I'm him, she thinks that I am him reborn and-"
"I told you, I don't want to talk about this," Joy hissed as she walked through doors leading deeper into the station.
"This is important, everyone thinks I'm similar enough to him to come after me, I'm sure you know how many enemies that give me for being played a shitty hand by some cosmic joker."
Joy froze for a moment as she brought her hands up to her head, a soft, though somewhat inhuman sounding whine escaping her before she stood up straight, turned to face you and thumbed along the corridor behind her.
"Right. Me, you, my office, you have until I kick you through a window to convince me that listening to you wasn't a mistake."
"What is your problem with me?"
"You offend my senses."
"Why does everyone want to hurt me today?" you continued as you felt tears well up in your eyes, this wasn't the time to get emotional, yet here you were - too tired to keep a grip on yourself. "All I want is for things to make sense, to know I'm safe. I have powers I can't control, people that's immediate reaction to me is to want to hurt me, people that think i'm a threat to be pre-emptively dealt with. I bet even the Queen's making plans to dispose of me after meeting me today."
"Wait... You met..." Joy looked conflicted as she took a step away from you. "I'm sorry, please stop crying, we can talk about..."
"I dreamed before of having the power to make a difference to people, to be able to improve things and now I have it," you continued between sobs as you slumped back against the wall. "Now I have it, and I just want to wake up from this nightmare. When am I going to wake up?"
"Alyssa, please... Lets go to my office to talk, I'm sorry I threatened you," Joy sighed as she moved to place an arm about your shoulders.
You weren't entirely certain where she'd taken you as you spent much of the time walking through the corridors towards her office with your head hung in shame.
Another emotional outburst, your frustration bubbling over and causing you to respond in such a manner - what was it with you these days?
As the door to her office was closed behind you, you finally looked up.
It was dimly illuminated, sparse, with no decoration or pictures family - only of her and what you presumed to be people she worked with.
With the blinds down over the windows looking outside the room was dimly illuminated by the baleful glow of an overhead light tube that seemed to be battling to heat up so that it could bathe you with incadescence.
"You wanted to talk, so lets talk," came Joy's words as she settled behind her desk, her hands clasped before her. "I'll try and keep my temper in check, but please forgive any outbursts. I'm one of the Enlightened, specifically, I'm a Jötunn. This means that part of me is a monster. The rest of me is a sleepy river dwelling giant that occasionally smashes things," she half smiled as she attempted to lighten the mood.
"She... She told me I have his colours, do you see them, too?"
"I don't really see things in the same way as her, my senses are different. She's a vulture based strain, there's a lot of difference between the various types of taint we bear. The older the member of the Enlightened is, the more developed that corruption becomes typically. Your senses change, your way of thinking changes. The thoughts you used to have become increasingly alien to you."
"Is everyone with that kind of taint Enlightened?"
"No, it's more a group of like minded individuals these days than a classification like it used to be. There's people out there that will be lumped in with us, though they're not registered with us, simply because the root of what changed them and empowered them is the same."
"The taint?"
"Yes, but this isn't what you wanted to talk about. I told you, you can talk, you don't have to meander about it."
"Okay..." you breathed as you slumped back against the hard chair you'd been seated in. "She saw his colours in me, thought I was him reborn, told me that it looked like I'd been patched back together wrong, not as smooth as before. I don't know what that means exactly, and I guess you probably don't either, but, you knew him," you paused once again as you rubbed at your face. "I feel familiar enough to him to you to remind you of him, but you ultimately think I'm not him."
"You're not, but, could you elaborate on what she saw?"
"I think by colours, she was implying... A soul?" you paused as you shrugged. "She saw a soul patched back together wrong, not smooth would mean... She could see where all the pieces had been stitched back together and... That'd mean that I'm possibly pieced together from him, with a few replacement pieces and... It's..."
"That's rather morbid."
"Yeah... I don't think I want to think about that any further, really."
"It'd explain why you're so familiar, you're like some... Frankenstein's monster."
You cringed at the mention of that word, the implication once more there that you were a monster - a reminder that people were afraid of you, that they possibly wanted to destroy you pre-emptively.
"Oh... Sorry. I mean you'd be an equivilent to that literary figure, not that you're a monster," Joy added as she saw the discomfort written plainly on your features.
"Are... Are mood swings common amongst immortals?" you asked, attempting to change the subject for a moment while you gathered yourself.
"I couldn't say, I only met a handful of true immortals that I'm aware of. You seem prone to them, is this a new development?"
"Yeah..."
"Eurochkoles was somewhat prone to them too, occasional moments of mania where he was driven, followed by periods of exaustion where he just seemed to shut down. I never thought of it much at the time, but many, many years later it struck me how unstable he was. If I was to make a guess at why, I'd say that it was because of the fluctuating nature of his power. I know it affects me like that too at times, even though mine's different to yours."
"What about... Jack?"
"I don't know," came Joy's words as she tensed up. "Jack's dangerous, and you smell of his work."
"That's why I offend your senses?"
"Yeah... The king of scarecrows, harvester of souls. Mostly vanished after Eurochkoles died, from what I've heard. I bet he just occupied himself with something new, other than harassing Eurochkoles."
"Anxiety says he called Eurochkoles 'boss', you say I smell of his work, I saw what I think was him in a dream and he called me 'boss' too. do you think he's behind me being this way?"
"I... That's a... That's a horrifying thought," this was all Joy said on the subject, though you could see the clear look of discomfort on her face as she looked you over carefully. If this was a dead end you were going to need a change of subject to get things moving again.
At least now you'd highlighted more of what you needed to about what you were.
"What happened to his body, if I may ask?" you started as you drew your arms about yourself. "After you were recovered with him, what happened to him?"
"Queen Victoria arranged for him to be laid to rest, there was a minor fuss about how the remains of a hero from the war were recovered and being laid to rest with honour. She even went as far as getting a bronze statue of him erected at the memorial for the war. Visited it a few times, doesn't feel right. He was a bastard sometimes, he had moments where he thought he was the greatest person in the world, but he would never have agreed to a statue like that, not when nobody'd remember him anyway."
"So, he's buried there?"
"Right beneath that damn statue."
There was a long moments silence before you spoke again, one in what you could see Joy deflated from the vicious beast that sought to intimidate you to prevent you from learning what you wished, to a woman who seemed small, a woman who didn't enjoy facing the reality of the world she was now a part of.
"Alyssa," she started as she brought herself to look you in the eyes once more. "You said you're in danger, you said you were hit by a car-"
"I hit one of your cars, I was running and I was blacking out so I couldn't see where I was going."
"...Just how fast where you running?"
"Uh, maybe... twenty five-thirty meters a second?"
"Uh... One second," Joy grumbled as she reached for a small tablet computer sat on one corner of her desk. A few moments were taken tapping at the screen before she looked up at you with disbelief written over her face. "Are you sure you were moving that fast?"
"Yeah, fairly certain, why?"
"You were moving somewhere between fifty five and seventy miles per hour. I can't believe-"
"Does this window face the front?"
"Yeah, why?"
You clambered to your feet as you reached for the blinds over the window, pausing to fiddle with the tassel that opened them. As the angle of the slats that composed the blinds shiftyed, permitting you sight through, you gestured down into the parking lot where one of the segments of the chain fence had been torn away, where the bonnet of one of the police cars had been smashed inwards, where a pool of blood lay on a scorched set of ground a fair distance behind the car.
This was all it took to have her expression to go from disbelief to shock as she pointed down at the damage that had been caused.
"You did that?"
"Yeah, they said my bones were shattered by it,"
"How the fuck did you recover from that so fast?"
"I don't know, I don't know anything about my powers beyond that they seem to come from the same source as-"
"Okay, okay. Jesus, Alyssa, even I can't recover from my bones being shattered that quickly."
"I... Wait, you've had your bones shattered before?"
"Yeah, it's not fun, takes longer for me to repair broken bones than it does cuts. Why's the ground blackened?"
"I don't know," you responded. "I passed out briefly, then came too with people patting out fires."
"Uh..."
"Yeah, it doesn't make any sense to me, either."
"Yeah, moving on... You spoke with Anxiety, she told you things, then... What happened next?"
"I left the room she's held in after promising her I'd try and get her some help-"
"Why would you do that?"
"She has been imprisoned for over a century, I was showing compassion."
"She murdered Eurochkoles, she went completely off the deep end and killed him in the middle of the war while saying that she had to, that she couldn't help it. He'd known from the start that she could do so, he'd given her a chance to change, he'd told her she didn't have to do that and she still went and did so."
"I saw someone who regretted and wished they could have changed what they did, someone who has been left damaged by their long imprisonment-"
"Good, then she knows that she has reason to be there."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me, she killed the one person that ever accepted either of us without judging us for being tainted monsters."
"She makes one mistake, a mistake that she may not have even had a full choice in and she deserves to spend the rest of her existance going insane in the most drawn out and inhumane way?" you snapped in response. "Yes, it's terrible that she took a life, much, much worse than the time hundreds, maybe even thousands of your kind were tortured and used to make brass war machines," you continued as you raised your voice. You suffered, she's suffering, have you ever fully recovered from the damage that such an experience did to you?"
"...No."
"Do you think she's ever going to recover from this, if she's released?"
"I..."
"Joy, she needs help, she needs a chance. She needs compassion, that nobody else has been willing to give her as there's the stigma of her actions attached to her even now. How much longer do you think she'll last before she's driven completely insane by her isolation?"
"I... I'm sorry, I can't..."
"Do you care for her at all, Joy?"
"I..."
"I saw the shell of a person who craved a chance to simply touch someone, she wanted to escape with me and protect me from everyone, she's no longer grounded in reality, Joy."
The other woman moved unsteadily back towards her desk, slumping down in her chair as her head came to rest in her hands.
She was conflicted and you felt for her, you were dealing with two people here who had been wronged in one way or another.
You simply hoped that Joy would be able to see this too, that she would understand that Anxiety needed compassion - that as you were planning to help her as you could, that you would do your best to ensure that if nothing else, she would be treated like a person once again.
You made your way towards Joy's side as you placed a hand on her shoulder, sighing as you did so.
"I'm sorry Joy, I didn't want to upset you but... She's a wreck, she needs-"
"No, you're... You're right," Joy interrupted as she slumped forward against her desk. "A lot of what happened back then was... Was just wrong, but she doesn't deserve to be subjected to an eternity of slowly losing herself for what she did."
Before you could gather your thoughts, while you were still waiting for the moment to pass so you could bring the subject of how Tom had acted towards you up, the door to Joy's office opened.
"Wonderful, Miss Smith, you've reduced officer Joy to tears again. You have quite the knack at upsetting her, it seems. Regardless, we have had a call from the agency inquiring over why you're here," came the voice of that familiar balding man.
"Fuck off Ego," Joy grumbled as she lifted her head to look the man in the eyes. Ego, that was it. Why had you thought he was Edgar?
"Off is long dead, Joy, it'll be better for you when you can accept that. Now, as I was saying, you were reported missing by your assigned bodyguard after he left to make a report upon the findings of your meeting with a prisoner in the Tower of London. After returning to find you had vanished, they tracked you to here and have sent him to pick you up. If you'll follow me to the front desk, I'll ensure that they can sign papers accepting responsibility for you and that you can be passed off to them with minimal fuss."
You stared in disbelief at the man for a moment as he waited for you to comply, the implications of this were troubling as well as confusing.
What did you make of this?
What were you going to do about it, for that matter?