Chain of events over the past three days but first some basic information:
Dying civilization, rebuilding them, became capital, I drafted the queen and duchess into a squad called "Royal Guard" so they would arm up and learn to fight, worked, but the queen played hookey and refused to train, always "busy" doing something else like drinking and sleeping. Duchess trains like hell, she is a master macedwarf, squad had (now has more) two legendary dwarves, now the story begins.
1. Goblin invasion, turns out the militia refused to use the shields I provided nor the armor, they ran outside and faced the goblins, made some headway then they all got butchered for lack of armor and shields which were rotting in the bins below.
2. Goblin invasion is crushed physically by liberal use of a single atom smasher, couple trolls, goblins and some beak dogs still get inside while others learn to fly some 7+ z-levels up, it rained gore. Down below the last surviving squad: Royal Guard, holds the line. The queen at the last minute decides to go investigate the sounds down the hallway rather than hold her position and is gutted by a... Goblin with a crossbow. The queen was such a pansy she could not defend herself from a flailing goblin holding a crossbow and died quickly. Royal Guard charges down the hall and kills off everything without a single bump or bruise, no one mourns the loss of "the old dumb heifer." She really was too, utterly useless, an old booze hound that weighed a metric ton, no one was willing to haul her carcass for a LONG time.
3. VAMPIRE! Kills three, the last dwarf to give their life for the glorious mountainhome was a bait dwarf in the 60+ packed tavern, all beds were moved there after the previous detection system failed: Located in a crowded hallway, no one saw a thing somehow. Turns out it is a human vampire bard, 26 witnesses come screaming to the Captain of the Guard, 27 if you count the vampire. The Royal Guard is sent into action, this is their main purpose: Cleansing the fortress of filth. The vampire is down in the hospital (more on that later) at the time saying the bed ate the dwarf. Instant conviction while the RG squad now marches into view, vampire runs. Vampire finds out that stairwell was HALF finished, turns the flee... Trapped. Then came Ducim Koganrith, ah Ducim... Ducim arrived with the queen, legendary hammerer, tasked with protecting the queen and failed horribly, never even showed up for the battle. Disgraced. Traitor, Coward... SCUM! Ducim regained his honor this day, he charged the vampire and cornered it in the private tombs hallway while the squad was far behind. He waited. The vampire came back down the hall and as he poked his head out Ducim gave him a haircut. Blood sprayed everywhere and the vampire ran off screaming deeper into the catacombs, Ducim calmly walking after him. The vampire his in the Duchess's mausoleum, Ducim followed him inside and took a few swings, each hit but not a killing blow, the floor was red. The vampire fled again to the queens tomb, Ducim quietly followed. Ducim stepped inside and locked the door behind him, then attacked. It took days for the vampire to die, Ducim very slowly beat the vampire to death, breaking every bone and tearing every muscle. Outside the RG waited, listening to the howls of agony and terror, then one day he door opened and out stepped Ducim, drenched in blood, the duchess nodded her approval to him and made their way back upstairs.
4. The Captain of the Guard is a doctor. She spent the better part of a year wandering the fortress after her appointment beating the living hell out of random dwarves for crimes that happened under the old booze hound queen, she then would pack them up, carry them to the hospital (sometimes) and then patch them up. She beat up so many dwarves within two months that the hospital was almost at 50% capacity and it is no small hospital. She actually quit carrying out "justice" so she could patch up the wounded. I appointed her the position for the sheer sake of irony, the doctor shows up at your home with a baseball bat, breaks both legs then gasps and says "Who could do such a horrible thing!" Then takes you to the hospital and patches you up and cares for you. For the sake of irony she sentenced HERSELF to 276 days in prison but since she is the only "justice bringer," no one can take her up on that YET.
Edit: Despite mass exportation the stock of dwarven MRE's is over 5000 units in a fortress of 169.
Edit Edit: Human bard just tried to steal an instrument, justice is swift! Armor save the soul of anyone trying to steal a library book though... *shudder*