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[Mr Frog]

I have freakishly overpowered killer trees (note to self: please mod responsibly) roving around outside and killing off every single caravan, at least three different ways for me to accidentally cause a catastrophic fortress-wide flooding incident, a military whose skill level can be charitably described as "sufficient for killing cougars" and whose equipment can be charitably described as "masterfully-worked copper", and a countess who so far has a consistent record of mandating objects which I cannot possibly produce; however, my fortress is running completely smoothly -- the only fortress-affiliated death I've had in the past year was a child who was in the wrong place at the wrong time as I was testing my drowning trap (for the record, the trap worked perfectly in every respect), the piles of corpses outside all originally belonging to traders and diplomats. I absolutely cannot explain it.

So now the big questions are "What am I doing wrong?" and "How can I fix it?"

[kisame12794]

I have freakishly overpowered killer trees (note to self: please mod responsibly) roving around outside and killing off every single caravan, at least three different ways for me to accidentally cause a catastrophic fortress-wide flooding incident, a military whose skill level can be charitably described as "sufficient for killing cougars" and whose equipment can be charitably described as "masterfully-worked copper", and a countess who so far has a consistent record of mandating objects which I cannot possibly produce; however, my fortress is running completely smoothly -- the only fortress-affiliated death I've had in the past year was a child who was in the wrong place at the wrong time as I was testing my drowning trap (for the record, the trap worked perfectly in every respect), the piles of corpses outside all originally belonging to traders and diplomats. I absolutely cannot explain it.

So now the big questions are "What am I doing wrong?" and "How can I fix it?"

Nothing. Keep up the good work!

[Spinning Welshman]

Decided to test out my military against a seige, they started off badly, losing alot of dwarves to the beak dogs, then a swarm managed to get past my gates (dwarfs too lazy to pull the lever...) and I thought all was lost.

Then that swarm was held off and slowly decimated by a single military dwarf who'd gone to get equipment instead of charging with the others 

Outside, my best speardorf killed a squad of trolls by herself, and my hammerlord wrecked several squads of beak dog riding gobbos, while the rest of my military died one by one.

That has to be my most dramatic battle so far. I'm left with 6 fighters when I had 20, and I'm in awe of my elite warriors 

[tahujdt]

A FB humanoid made of sterling silver attacked my fort. He had deadly saliva, but was a really bad shot.
Despite having a multi-million DB fort (approx. 3.5 mil.) and breaching all three caverns plus finding 2 candy canes so close together they only triggered one message, he was the first one. I panicked because of the silver part, so I made this complex plan that was totally unneeded. The first guy to get there was a hammerdorf with an exceptional sillver hammer. He bit the FB so hard it left a dent. In the end, he had his head chopped off by a (-steel short sword-). Most of my exceptional dwarves, such as the macedwarf that held off half a dozen crossbowgobs at once, and the FB slayer, are promoted to non-squad leader captains.

[MAurelius]

Just started a new embark on a plateau with a river that turns into a waterfall that splits into two rivers heading in opposite directions. I have dreams of walling the top of the plateau and the bottom so my dwarves can use the entire waterfall, top and bottom (and middle, with scenic bridges that young dwarven lovers can like, neck to or something, if dwarves do that) for their recreation and enjoyment. The only problem is when I start a new embark I'm usually getting like 200fps, and this one started at 100. So considering the last fort I started at 200 ended at like 30 in year 10 or so, this one is pretty much destined to fail by low fps. There has GOT to be a way to make water less processor intensive.

[Vic Romano]

I was ready to embrace the fall of my fortress after the second consecutive werewolf siege (genesis) with an unprepared military.  So I tunneled through the wall of a neighboring volcano to end things with magma.  Moments after piercing the wall of the volcano, a forgotten beast rose from the depths, a six legged quadruped made of crystal glass, and slaughtered the entire siege.  If only he had arrived sooner, my fort would have lived on, but his defense of dwarfdom will live on through engravings hidden deep in a magma-flooded tomb.

[Yoink]

I just had a both literal and metaphorical troll attack my fort... Well, the caverns below my fort.
Bastard came along and smashed up a farm plot down there. I'm like, "That's it! Military, stop whining about how shit this fort is and how terrible your lives are, grab yer stuff and go kill that troll!" So they all hop to it.
I switch back to my browser for a moment, browsing Bay12, then look back and see a kitten has exploded after colliding with an obstacle. Checking the combat logs, the troll ran up to this kitten as my militia were approaching, grabbed its leg and hurled it across the cavern, then high-tailed it out of there, thus ruining my plans of revenge.
Grr. As if things in this fort aren't bad enough, now the kittens are exploding?! Damn you, troll!

[Reudh]

A massive siege has come to Limulunnos. Goblins, and lots of them.
And trolls.
The alert was sounded, and the bridge sealed Limulunnos while the military prepared to fight.

The bridge was lowered, and Revax and his army stormed out.

The fight was long and intense. Revax and his blade Gutidnakath tore through the goblin's ranks. With his team mates, no one would fall.

Eventually after the five squads had been obliterated, I checked through the damage.

Four of the less skilled dwarves were lightly injured. Nothing terribly serious. They were out of the hospital quite quickly.
A fifth had both hands crippled and can never fight again. He's elected to Go Down Like A Dwarf and die sealing the third floor caverns.

...'Revax' Nishrifot the Flickering Fang of Fountains has been struck down.

A lone hammergoblin standing over him had killed him and bled to death a second later.
Revax had simply KILLED himself to death. He fought and fought and fought and fought until he collapsed from exhaustion, even then his armour held up to six strikes before he died.

A rhesus macaque nearly made off with Gutidnakath but was bitten to death by the crippled dwarf.

[ZzarkLinux]

Tragedy has struck Tombrabbits !


We'll take vengence on this thinig:

(though it may be hard to do, since I keep envisioning this sloth in my head  )

[spriksprak]

I set up a pit under my fort entrance covered with a retractable drawbridge and triggered by pressure plates. I've so far coaxed three forgotten beasts out of the caverns to the pit and then used them to dispose of the silly goblins and trolls that find the floor has suddenly disappeared under them!

One in particular was a humanoid lizard that proceeded to beat 15 goblins to death with an iron breastplate that it had grabbed during a scuffle - on the breastplate was engraved plump helmets, the symbol of the goblin's civilisation. Oh the irony!

[Garath]

A minotaur was in the prison room with some goblins for my marksdwarfs to practice on, and killed them all by repeatedly stabbing them with an arrow that had gotten lodged in his leg. It then took a hundred or so bolts to kill the big cow

[Kc_spot]

I just had a both literal and metaphorical troll attack my fort... Well, the caverns below my fort.
Bastard came along and smashed up a farm plot down there. I'm like, "That's it! Military, stop whining about how shit this fort is and how terrible your lives are, grab yer stuff and go kill that troll!" So they all hop to it.
I switch back to my browser for a moment, browsing Bay12, then look back and see a kitten has exploded after colliding with an obstacle. Checking the combat logs, the troll ran up to this kitten as my militia were approaching, grabbed its leg and hurled it across the cavern, then high-tailed it out of there, thus ruining my plans of revenge.
Grr. As if things in this fort aren't bad enough, now the kittens are exploding?! Damn you, troll!

Exploding kittens? Dude don't kill him. Capture him and spare his life forever as thanks.

[Xzalander]

Boltwet, my latest world generation has a wideriver about 30tiles nested in a nice canyon with cliffs of about 10 also and I had just finished digging this out:

http://i.imgur.com/zrTgC.jpg

When as soon as I removed the last construction stair piece (you can see the last three behind the right hand ramp) there was six.. SIX weddings all in a row. 

The two ramps and the VNeck entrance cost the lives of 11 dwarves and 3 Platypusmen.

[pivole]

So, I've found my first Forgotten Beast. But it's tapped, along with ten elk birds, behind a wall. I can;'t decide wether to hit it with my fifty armed dwarves or not.

[Mr Frog]

A vile force of darkness arrived; this was pretty confusing for me, as the last squad they sent all died in the large-scale drowning trap coloquially referred to as "Gravegranite's only entrance" and I absolutely cannot understand how throwing more troops into it is supposed to fix that.
Unfortunately, there was a slight technical difficulty on my end (by which I mean "I forgot which lever started the doompumps") and, while I was ordering what I thought was the watery-death-lever to be pulled and wondering why nothing was happening (which, incidentally, was because the lever, in fact, did not operate the doompumps but rather a set of submerged* spike traps**), the goblins managed to make it to the end of my entrance and let themselves in to my fortress, after which they immediately began to chase after my defenseless civilians while I prepared for a massacre-induced tantrum spiral and ordered my military to get off their copper-plated asses.

After the carnage had ended, I was left with a grand total of 0 killed, 0 injured, 21 iron bars worth of meltable goblinite equipment, 300 zillion rotting gobbo parts to clean up, and a suspicion that my fortress is occupied by some kind of catastrophe-preventing voodoo spirit.

* No, they aren't supposed to be submerged. Fortunately, they are located in a part of my fortress that no being has any earthly reason to enter, so it doesn't really affect their performance either way.

** I *think* that's what that lever did. I honestly don't know and have no way of testing which doesn't risk flooding my whole fortress.