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[Broseph Stalin]

I activated my redesigned doomsday device to break a Centaur siege, it slowly dribbled lava that the Centaurs sidestepped every couple of days until I just sent the archers to open up on them from across the moat.

[Aspgren]

I just got a mood and the bastard used up all the forgotten beast bones.

All 300+ of them. In exchange for a mining pick.

[Suihanki]

Screw Fire Mephits.

To elaborate, I'm year three into my new fort, Bearbothers, and It's been taking me that long to get a nice huge castle wall up. There's a smaller gate in the interior, where I have my rag-tag guards hang out if anyone ambushes me. Some goblins show up, and since I've finished making / grave-robbing weapons and forged a few steel armor pieces, I thought I'd fight instead of waiting the ambush/siege out.

It turns out some bloody fire mephit that some useless cheesemaker brought along lit the entire courtyard ablaze, and I didn't get my guards inside quickly enough, so 7/10 perished, leaving the last three rather upset.

I'm butchering the little shit now.

[Friendstrange]

My first and current fort has been going strong for about 15 or so years. My main problem is dealing with FB with deadly blood. Currently I have about 5 FBs trying to get in from the caverns that have fortunately been sealed off via walling off certain secctions.
Unfortunately a single FB managed to slip through my defenses. Now normally I deal with these lesser FBs in an instant but this bastard is a feathered giant tick that was a dust attack that inflicts have-my-organs-melt-and-bleed-to death syndrome. I discovered this my having a squad kill it but quickly bleeding to death.

Now this could have meant the end of my fort, but Ill never find out because DF decided to crash from the usual k or v viewing of the area around a FB corpse. So I ended up with a second chance, that I used to seal off that part of the caverns entirely.
The dust FB is damaged from its own dust attack but is inmune to the syndrome so I am currently preparing a narrow halway full of every weapon trap my forge can pump out.
Once its filled to the brim with copper, bronze and steel menacing spikes, large serrated discs, and spiked balls I will unseal the caverns and let the monster enter.
Im hoping that should it survive the halway it will be damaged enough for my militia to dispatch before it can use it´s dust attack again.
And once hes dispatched I will return to what I was doing before he showed up: Using my caged GCS to web some traps to catch me the other 5 or so FBs pounding on my fortress walls. (The GCS cage is installed in the area the dust FBis currently roaming).

But dam are dwarves slow at building.

[darthbob88]

Just got my first bad FB; deadly dust that causes dizziness, nausea, rotting and apparently fractures bones; got my top only qualified surgeon debriding everybody, gave two more dwarfs scalpels and told them to get to work, and survived. Honestly the hardest part was making enough splints to set everybody's bones and ignoring the miasma.

Then a siege hit. Three or four squads of goblins on giant olms, plus a gang of trolls. While half my marksdwarves were busy healing, not that it mattered since the fortifications on the upper story weren't put in yet.

All things considered, I think my dwarfs deserve some downtime.

Edit: On a lighter note, one of my militiadwarfs is a Professional Wrestler. I feel an overpowering urge to name him "The Rock". For the record, yes, I have tried to give him a weapon and he claims to be carrying one. He's still listed as a wrestler.

[HorridOwn4ge]

Edit: On a lighter note, one of my militiadwarfs is a Professional Wrestler. I feel an overpowering urge to name him "The Rock". For the record, yes, I have tried to give him a weapon and he claims to be carrying one. He's still listed as a wrestler.

Make him a cook.

"Do you smell what The Rock is cooking?"

[Eoganachta]

I just had a FB that was composed of coal. I had an Eureka moment and tried to drop a square of rock near my cage traps when the FB was on them. Needless to say I had my entire fort on lockdown to keep civies away from the caverns and put a meeting zone besides the lever so that I would have a few dwarves near it when I needed it. It just so happened that there were somechildren and several adult dwarves near the shaft where the square of rock fell through and it sucked them all 7 stories down into the caverns where half of them died on impact. When the dust cleared, I realized that the FB had already left the fallout zone and it decided to finish off the few children that had not died on impact (lighter mass?).
Seven dwarves down.
But I managed to get a GCS near some other cage traps and I got it.
Sadly those seven dwarves were friends with everybody else and I have just lost a few more after a few beatings even through my jail is ready and stocked. It's a shame my captain of the guard squad account for over 75% of my forts kills after 8 years of playing. Also my duke is unhappy so I got him to slaughter the human diplomat during one of their meetings; I'm sure that he's a bit happier afterwards.
It seems everyone's tantruming. Maybe this fort's days are numbered.

[BodyGripper]

Everybody's locked inside the farming area, due to a tiny squad of marksgoblins.  Just when the gobbos were about to leave, a huge migrant wave came, giving them something new to kill.  However, due to their position on the map, I was able to let most of the migrants (lots of "High Masters") in before the goblins came over and I had to lock the door again.

Also, I had two babies born on the same day - a boy and a girl, both named Zaneg.  They both had cool last names too.  I'm going to try and make them become a couple when they grow up.

[Haspen]

Also, I had two babies born on the same day - a boy and a girl, both named Zaneg.  They both had cool last names too.  I'm going to try and make them become a couple when they grow up.

Will be more funny if they are closely related Inceeeeest.

[shadenight123]

MURAKGODEN/Boldropes fell recently, to an odd bug (?) where after a goblin ambush, my army turned on their friends and slaughtered the majority of the population. No tantrums, just ecstatic/content/happy soldiers beating their friends to death with socks. Most of them were about 50% bandage though- danger room training took a while. Anywho, i've just reclaimed Boldropes- it was going really well until the proverbial dung hit the spinning blades.

Now, i've spent an hour setting up stockpiles, assigning beds and watching the Idling counter stay on 0. It's gonna be a long cleanup.

was there perhaps an outpost liaison? if that were the case then maybe, maybe, in the midst of battle one of your civilian/soldier killed him. Making the soldier an enemy of the civ.
and making those who killed the soldiers enemy of the civs.
and so on till they slaughtered the population.

[Madurjafro]

Nothing much.

Just watching all my masons not doing their jobs. Watching how Goblins flood my entrance because SOMEONE Decided not to build a bridge.
Hunter was doing a bro Job Bringing in Giant Pandas and the like.
Got 4 Legendaries which I was happy about, and somehow my Legendary Miner had gotten injured by mining (God knows how) and is thirsty in hi bed, while the broker tries to retrieve water from the frozen pools (Just had to happen at winter).
Have like 4 kids doing nothing.
Poorly outfitting my military with copper items No iron or anything just copper and Gold on my embark, Which was quite nice considering all the crafts where worth like 900 Dwarfbucks a piece. All That Leather, mmmmmm.

So That's about it, Just abandoned since Everything was going to Armoks Fury due to a Goblin siege.

[Eric Blank]

Some idiot legendary soldier just got himself killed.

I had their squad stationed outside you see, to watch for and fight off ambushes while the masons worked. Then a siege arrives and I lock the place down, order him inside to form up with the others. So what does he do? He drops his sword on the ground and runs all the way to his post before realizing he's unarmed and runs all the way back out. He doesn't make it to his weapon of course; he spots one of the enemy's trolls and decides to just start a fight that in any other situation he could win in a gloriously bloody fashion. So the fight begins, he looks fine, taking no hits and only being knocked around by the troll's charges. Then the other half dozen trolls arrive and start wailing on him too. perfectly happy in his masterwork steel everything. Finally, the orc's maceman squad comes along and wacks him around and he still seems alright, until something inevitably gets through and he's down, unconscious I believe. He pretty much takes it in the face right then and dies. Everyone else was still inside forming up in the battle chamber/depot area.
They had no problems whatsoever with the maceman squad (although one miraculously escaped through the dodge-trap hallway.) and the crossbowmen are tied up outside where their leader got caught in a cage trap.
I am now being sieged by two other enemies; cyclopses and trolls. Luckily their preferred tactic is to stand out their and look like idiots for the majority of the season before bum-rushing us.

That magma crab picked a wonderful time to reappear. He's in my food stockpiles somewhere...

One of the marksmen tried to pull the same stunt and fared even worse. Then a militia captain dodged off the dodge-fall bridge and because it's so awesome he died on impact. I should just seal that thing up.
A cyclops ran all the way through my fort before he and his giant cave swallow mount (which is much smaller than him by the way) flew out an opening in the ceiling. That one would end up getting engraved if dwarves could recognize such things.

[Gyvon]

New world, new fortress, Here's what I saw on embark: nice volcano, plenty of trees, flux stone (marble), 100 zlvl tall spire of adamantium, and a dragon.

[LordShotGun]

Two of my dwarves are having a tug of war over a turkey. Apparently I designated the turkey to be killed but it was assigned to a pasture. So now every time my butcher goes to grab the turkey, someone goes and tries to put it back into the pasture area, but that dwarf only gets a few steps before the butcher tries to slaughter the turkey again. After watching this for a few minutes and laughing my ass off, I just removed the turkey from the animals assigned to the pasture and everything went smoothly.

[shadenight123]

New world, new fortress, Here's what I saw on embark: nice volcano, plenty of trees, flux stone (marble), 100 zlvl tall spire of adamantium, and a dragon.

puncture spire. let clowns kill dragon.