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[caknuck]

I made the mistake of designating a jail after 28 years of violated mandates...fortunately I saved beforehand because I wasn't quite ready for a reenactment of the Stalin era in my fort.  I'll wait a few more years before that because it WAS pretty fun seeing dozens of dwarves imprisoned/killed for their crimes.

Funny you should mention that...

Was minding my own business when I get a message that Urist McRandomleatherworker has bled to death. "Oh well, another hauler gets lost to the Danger Room spikes". But no, it turns out that the Captain of the Guard decided to enforce a broken export mandate... by cutting off both of the craftsdwarf's arms.  My legendary metalcrafter has a pending sentence (from a quickly-replaced mayor who wanted trifle pewter goods), so I'm afraid of what's going to happen. On the other hand, I'm about to set him to work forging the chains that will bind him to the wall... Sorry, Cilob.

[Niccolo]

Oh well, time to activate the completely untested magma works.

That, right there, is awesome. I think I might finally have a signature.

My current fortress is... interesting. Sadly, I didn't get the farm plot finished in time - the murky pool I was going to drain and turn into my bitch decided to dry up before I could unstopper it.

However... I received my first migrant wave ever and it contained a freaking grand master woodcrafter. I didn't know this at the time - I was busy setting up, oddly enough, my woodcrafting rooms and just thought "Ooh, now I don't have to train a peasant how to not cut himself with a chisel."

Then I left him alone with a stack of wood and went to dig out some tunnels.

Next thing I know, I'm getting spammed by "Urist McAwesomeCarver has created a masterpiece!". It's not even winter and he's a legendary +1 woodcrafter and churns out on average one masterpiece every thirty seconds.

The next trading caravan is going to go home up to their asses in masterpieces.

[Nasikabatrachus]

Why must dwarves be so idiotic? I station a whole squad (okay, only three showed up) of dwarves armed with ranged weapons at the end of a hallway with a goblin a short way away and what do they do? Mill around, and when I move them in slightly closer two just sort of lean against a wall out of sight and the only one with the profession of "marksdwarf" decides to batter the freaking macegoblin with his iron bow! I know he had ammunition, too. Naturally the goblin is able to kill the other two. Why is there no good way to get dwarves to use their freaking weapons. 

[Knick]

Finally found Magnetite--a big deposit, too.  Time to outfit my military with steel armour, steel hammers, and so on.

Also, the Elf Caravan FINALLY got through.  Let's see if they have anything helpful.

[FrisianDude]

My first ambush this fortress! (Third Goblin contact.) Crossbows with a swordsgoblin leading. They killed a Fishery Worker who had already lost a foot to a grizzly bear and was hobbling on crutches, they slashed his/her crutch-hand, causing the FW to fall. And get shanked some more. They also killed a woodworker who got shot which cost speed, and this one, too, was stabbed by the swordsgoblin.

My militia arrived; first thing to happen was my 'pike'dwarf (with a masterful iron spear) to go in martial trance. Second thing was that the Swordsgoblin fell over because of the spear in her foot.

End-total;
Dwarfs dead: 2.
Goblins dead: 1.  The crossbows escaped, the swordsgob died.  
I lost the first real battle! Vanquished! Woe is me, Vae Victis!

(Though the total total would be 2 +2 because I'd killed the first goblin, a thief, to arrive. And the second thief is in a cage.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Last picture is the pikedwarf who went in a martial trance and stabbed the foot.

[Yoink]

Why must dwarves be so idiotic? I station a whole squad (okay, only three showed up) of dwarves armed with ranged weapons at the end of a hallway with a goblin a short way away and what do they do? Mill around, and when I move them in slightly closer two just sort of lean against a wall out of sight and the only one with the profession of "marksdwarf" decides to batter the freaking macegoblin with his iron bow! I know he had ammunition, too. Naturally the goblin is able to kill the other two. Why is there no good way to get dwarves to use their freaking weapons. 

Hehehe, I HATE my marksdwarves.
One solution I've found, (it doesn't work very well, and only if you can actually get the stubborn bastards to pick up their quivers in the first place) is to activate them all as hunters, too.
Then, when you have somewhere you want 'em to defend, (As in the end of a hallway or whatever) station them there and wait until they inevitably charge whatever's after them, and then de-activate the squad. They'll run away, hopefully firing bolts backwards at their pursuers, thanks to their hunting duty.

[hjd_uk]

Why must dwarves be so idiotic? I station a whole squad (okay, only three showed up) of dwarves armed with ranged weapons at the end of a hallway with a goblin a short way away and what do they do? Mill around, and when I move them in slightly closer two just sort of lean against a wall out of sight and the only one with the profession of "marksdwarf" decides to batter the freaking macegoblin with his iron bow! I know he had ammunition, too. Naturally the goblin is able to kill the other two. Why is there no good way to get dwarves to use their freaking weapons. 

Hehehe, I HATE my marksdwarves.
One solution I've found, (it doesn't work very well, and only if you can actually get the stubborn bastards to pick up their quivers in the first place) is to activate them all as hunters, too.
Then, when you have somewhere you want 'em to defend, (As in the end of a hallway or whatever) station them there and wait until they inevitably charge whatever's after them, and then de-activate the squad. They'll run away, hopefully firing bolts backwards at their pursuers, thanks to their hunting duty.

Putting archers into a melee situation will end badly . Station the archers in the safety of a fortification zone, such as a tower or corridoor with fortifications as walls. My archery towers ( accessible from underground ) are doing rather well against the hordes outside the main gates.

[shalis]

not in my current fort. but one of my most recent "fun" filled failathons had a hilarious start as a minotaur charged across the map, goring a fisherman and a fish hauler with his horns to start with, grabbing the fisherman's pants and proceed to kill my entire marksdwarf squad with the fore mentioned pair of pants before being one shotted to the head by a punch from single wrester dwarf right at the entrance to the fort.

several beautiful engravings of the minotaur and his deadly pants where then found throughout the fortress.

[McDwarf]

A year has past since the untimely death of the dwarven liaison. He seems to have claimed an unused coffin, despite his body being in the ocean, on the other side of the map, so I have yet to experience any ghosts.
His offer to make Bridgegate a barony seems to have fallen through. His replacement, Asob Dorenestil, repeated the offer though, so we have another year of freedom from silly demands.

I am a bit confused by the honey bee hive in the middle of the ocean. Oh well, at least it doesn't contain undead bees.

EDIT: it seems I was mistaken, as soon as the new liaison left my expedition leader became a baron, and his wife is now calling herself the baroness consort. Do consorts have the power to make demands? She likes adamantine and polar bear leather, neither of which I have encountered yet.

[hjd_uk]

My Fort's population explosion continues, Dwarves are a declining Race my ass:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Nine children in nine years (Fort is 9 years old) ... Two of whom are Legendary already.

A quarter (52/201) of my population population are children. Four are legendary crafters.

[ShoesandHats]

My Fort's population explosion continues, Dwarves are a declining Race my ass:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Nine children in nine years (Fort is 9 years old) ... Two of whom are Legendary already.

A quarter (52/201) of my population population are children. Four are legendary crafters.

Huh, I didn't know Dwarf Fortress had catholicism.
*rimshot*

[Lord Shonus]

Hehehe, I HATE my marksdwarves.
One solution I've found, (it doesn't work very well, and only if you can actually get the stubborn bastards to pick up their quivers in the first place) is to activate them all as hunters, too.
Then, when you have somewhere you want 'em to defend, (As in the end of a hallway or whatever) station them there and wait until they inevitably charge whatever's after them, and then de-activate the squad. They'll run away, hopefully firing bolts backwards at their pursuers, thanks to their hunting duty.

That's the WORST thing you can do. The Hunting labor overwrites your uniforms. Hunting+military=dead dwarves.

[Nasikabatrachus]

The magma death chamber is up and running.



Unfortunately it fills up slowly and the magma "evaporates" a tad too slow. On top of this, the fast units like trolls get to the fort end of the chamber before the goblin squads do, meaning I must either close the chamber, preventing the squads from pathing into the fort, or I must have a buttload of traps to catch the fast ones while the slow squads catch up. I didn't realize this until after I had committed to destroying the latest siege, so the first couple runs have been very, very slow. However, two goblin squads have been melted in the chamber, and the siege was broken. Now to work on filling the chamber faster, shrinking the total room size with bridges or something to allow for better drainage, and executing the prisoners of war.

[thatkid]

The magma death chamber is up and running.



Unfortunately it fills up slowly and the magma "evaporates" a tad too slow. On top of this, the fast units like trolls get to the fort end of the chamber before the goblin squads do, meaning I must either close the chamber, preventing the squads from pathing into the fort, or I must have a buttload of traps to catch the fast ones while the slow squads catch up. I didn't realize this until after I had committed to destroying the latest siege, so the first couple runs have been very, very slow. However, two goblin squads have been melted in the chamber, and the siege was broken. Now to work on filling the chamber faster, shrinking the total room size with bridges or something to allow for better drainage, and executing the prisoners of war.

Set a bunch of cage traps and make it so that those who melt are the lucky ones.

[Stoup]

Recently, all of my masons have been hard at work slaving away at a multi-z level magma storage chamber I'm building aboveground. Because of this, my stockpile of pots is dangerously low, and i'm now down to less than 500 booze, for 120 dorfs.

THE TRAGEDYYY.

In other news  I'm throwing five puppies into a magma pipe in the name of Armok. There's not nearly enough bloodshed in this fort of mine...

Watching the puppies march towards their ultimate demise made me realize I ought to deck out the hallway to the magma chamber with constructs of fear, blood and pain.
Also magma