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[Cheese]

Recently came back to DF and picked up my old fort, Nomaldular. Spent half an hour trying to figure out what all my levers do before bringing a water trap to near completion.

[Samuel]

Well, I finally killed the two Goblin Spearmen who had been hanging around my fort since it had been reclaimed. They only rarely caused problems, but I was getting nervous that one of them would go all Rambo on me. Oh, I also discovered the first level of caverns, which my downwards staircase missed completely the first time.

[Mattpoppybros]

YEAR 7 OF THE ENTIRE PLANET
REPORT FROM: CLOISTEREDFIRES THE CRIMSON FORTRESS
OLD TONGUE: Oddomziril Thestargeshud

How do we have an old tongue if the planet is 7 years old?

SHUT UP

Anyway, here's what's been going on, up to the 27th of Galena.

We built some magma forges, but after we smelted a whole bunch my forge-dwarf said he needed 150 steel bars to make a steel bar. He then canceled his job. I laughed.

My broker suddenly decided that it was stupid to use steel forged by that guy, ran downstairs, took some coke and hematite, took over the Metalworking Forge I built for him, and created a battleaxe worth more than the entire fortress. THE. ENTIRE. FORTRESS.
Needless to say, I have a new metalworker. And a new, better broker. 3 kobold thieves came this year. The latest one was called Bogus. My military is going to chase him off. Plump helmet farms are going fine, although the helmets keep rotting because no one puts them anywhere. Same with my strawberry bushes. I met the elves this year. I DIDN'T KILL THEM. I don't see what's so bad about them. I gave them some crowns and scepters and large cut quartz. They gave me some new seeds. I'd say win-win, for both of us!

I'm building a large tower for no reason. I guess I just like heights. I enlisted random dwarves to be engravers and masons. They did pretty good earlier on my main room, so I think they'll do good again. So far no sieges, insane killer dwarves (there was one regular insane dwarf that died of dehydration) or Fun.

Actually there was some Fun in the form of a GCS but I had walls and no one got hurt. I could MAKE there be fun, but my fortress needs to be good enough to start an economy. I'd have my metalsmith mint coins... But I don't want to waste iron...

Oh, and the civ picture is a tree. We chopped down a few trees. No elves whined. I think everything's okay!

[SurfinShroom]

Ahh goody, i'll lie in wait for the goblins then while building an epic army

[JacenHanLovesLegos]

All military dwarves get a few days off in celebration of Trailedmines' first baby girl! Also, two kittens got impaled on spikes. THAT'L TEACH EM TA' QUIT SNOOPING AROUND!!! They actually wandered into my danger room.

[Mattpoppybros]

FORTRESS REPO-
We know.
YEAR 7, LIMESTONE 3
Thanks.

BREAKING NEWS! While channeling some stone for forges, a miner DISCOVERED

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

RAW ADAMANTINE! Why do we put this in spoilers? It's visible under stocks from the start. As is Slade.

I wondered what that stuff was.

It was under magma. I don't know how he did that. But anyway, I have decided... That I will never mine it. Ever. Under any circumstance. I don't want to dig TOO deep yet. I have a three man military who can't pick up their axes to fight a kobold. Speaking of which, 2 more came in 2 months. The Giant Moles are better at theft than them.

[CapnUrist]

One of my metalcrafters went into a possessed mood and produced a lead toy hammer.

Two thoughts immediately popped into my head:
1. Is it safe for dwarven children?
2. I wish I could equip my military with that. Even as a toy that would hurt.

[Mattpoppybros]

Still year 7 of my fort.

THAT IS MY JOB.

You took too long

Nothing interesting. My dwarves are building more rooms, engravers are doing... things... and a forgotten beast made completely out of water has come to kill us all.

Too bad it forgot that I walled off all the cave entrances.

[JacenHanLovesLegos]

The magma forges are ready. Plus I caught 5 or so elephants. Those goblins will be sorry they ever came to this fort.

[That guy]

First siege. Had just finished the moat and installed the drawbridge prior. The plan was to lower the drawbridge and let goblins and their mounts through a few at a time, charge at me through the field of traps, then get finished off by my well-equipped by poorly trained squads. I let half a dozen through, and they either all died in my spare traps or ended up in the dry moat, alive and well. I lowered the drawbridge again but it hit a Rutherer and broke. So aside from the doors leading to the moat I'm walled in with some human merchants who will eventually go insane.

[JacenHanLovesLegos]

I take back my earlier statement. After the first ambush, I doubt any goblins will come at all. I'VE GOT TEN ELEPHANTS!

[Fishbulb]

Gorillas came. So I built a couple million cage traps. Now I have a small army of tame gorillas. I'm thinking of figuring out how to mod them to be trainable, so I can have a small army of war gorillas.

But then goblins came, while my cage traps were still up. So I had a small army of caged goblins.

So I built a tower. Nothing fancy; twelve z-levels high, right above my refuse-and-butchering area.

I used this trick: Pick a squad, and give it a "kill" order. Choose the targets from the list instead of trying to designate them. Pick all the caged goblins.

Now the squad will hang out at the top of the tower (where the cages were built) to wait.

Order the goblins to be pitted off the tower. Any one that doesn't put up a fight will splatter delightfully right into the refuse pile. Any one that does will get hammered … and splatter delightfully right into the refuse pile.

It's win-win.

We're eating masterwork goblin roasts tonight.

[Stoup]

Nomal Fokerezum has engraved a masterpiece!

-Nakuthlir, "The Braided Climax"

On the floor is engraved a masterfully designed image of dwarves and a dwarf by Nomal Fokerezum. The dwarf is surrounded by the dwarves.

I found this ridiculously amusing for some reason.

[Keldane]

Gorillas came. So I built a couple million cage traps. Now I have a small army of tame gorillas. I'm thinking of figuring out how to mod them to be trainable, so I can have a small army of war gorillas.

Pretty sure all you need to do to be able to train them is get yourself a Dungeon Master.

[AngleWyrm]

There are no dungeon masters in Dwarf Fortress. They haven't existed in a long time.