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[Jacob/Lee]

A Kobold thief broke in and promptly found the objections to his presence known via the sharp end of an axe. I knew putting 'this end towards enemy' would work. Thank you Urist McLegendary Armorsmith for all your patient effort in making masterwork steel everything. Now if the butcher can get off his good for nothing butt, and at least make an attempt to keep his work area clean, we would be fantastic.

Sentient creatures can't be butchered.

1000 zombie/skeletal helmet snakes. Dear God. Please say undead don't have venom.

Imagine the lag from all the zombies rotting, god that lag is horrible.

[Urist Imiknorris]

Not really. They can't be selled and they don't work faster than normal mechanisms. They do make weapon traps more deadly, but I don't use weapon traps (I prefer drowning chambers and pits).

noble-killing levers/massive room value enhancers. Kill two dwarves with one stone.

Imagine the lag from all the zombies rotting, god that lag is horrible.

~75 fps with 15 dwarves. I'm going to have to clean it out eventually. I'm thinking crossbows.

[GaxkangtheUnbound]

Not really. They can't be selled and they don't work faster than normal mechanisms. They do make weapon traps more deadly, but I don't use weapon traps (I prefer drowning chambers and pits).

noble-killing levers/massive room value enhancers. Kill two dwarves with one stone.

Imagine the lag from all the zombies rotting, god that lag is horrible.

~75 fps with 15 dwarves. I'm going to have to clean it out eventually. I'm thinking crossbows.

Crossbows? Melt them with magma! After all, the magma sea is pretty close to the curious structure, AFAIK.

[Jacob/Lee]

Yea, just torch em'. They won't get a chance to rot then.

[squeakyReaper]

A friend of mine and I are using TeamViewer to play Dwarf Fortress at the same time.  We settled right on a shoreline of a major ocean.  Why?

We will create Atlantis.

We are gonna mess this up sooooo badly, I can just tell.  It will be fun.

[Urist Imiknorris]

Yea, just torch em'. They won't get a chance to rot then.

The issue with that is that my preventative method of dealing with the lower trial is:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

To obsidian-cast the glowing floor once the demons are unleashed. It should be fairly easy - all I need are a small reservoir of water and magma completely walled off except for a floodgate next to the glowing tile.
Urist Imiknorris: Abusing BUILDINGDESTROYER:2 since April 1, 2010

This won't work if the structure is full of magma because I wouldn't be able to get down there afterwards, and I can't cordon off the water cistern without getting down there.

EDIT: Forgot to mention - the structure is right next to the volcano. Magma access wouldn't be a problem.

Also,

1000 zombie/skeletal helmet snakes. Dear God. Please say undead don't have venom.

They do.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

[fivex]

1000 zombie/skeletal helmet snakes. Dear God. Please say undead don't have venom.

They do.

[Ragingpantsless]

A Kobold thief broke in and promptly found the objections to his presence known via the sharp end of an axe. I knew putting 'this end towards enemy' would work. Thank you Urist McLegendary Armorsmith for all your patient effort in making masterwork steel everything. Now if the butcher can get off his good for nothing butt, and at least make an attempt to keep his work area clean, we would be fantastic.

Sentient creatures can't be butchered.

That would be the groundhogs and Rhesus. I'm turning the kobold head, which flew off, into a totem. Or, if I can put it in the raws, a handpuppet.

[Shrugging Khan]

ZOMBIE WHALES. Everybody dies.

[Dok Enkephalin]

This is a 257x257 world, and my adventurer covered almost every inhabited tile of it. So I know some history of the Prime Strength-Thief, the goblin civilization invading now. I'd passed through, gathered history and locations of caves, but didn't attack them because they didn't have a fiend ruler, so there was no compelling reason.

The Prime Strength-Thief are one of two goblin nations with a majority goblins, even though they're successfully warring and taking territory and breeding stock from four surrounding dwarven nations (the other one is purely goblin because they're isolated, so no challenge and poor loot.) Without a fiend in their leadership, they've taken territory comparable to some of the competing human empires. They have many dwarven converts, so they also have dwarven weapon technology. A few of their ambushes had dwarven leaders, and I suspect that when this siege breaks, they will send more.

[phoenixuk]

Some damn giant skink FB just got destroyed by my ten man melee squad, only for all of them to start vomiting everywhere. Seems he had some kind of disease.
A year later and no one is dead, one hunter occasionally loses consciousness (but wakes up fairly quickly) but ALL of my cats and dogs are leaving trails of CAT PUS and DOG PUS EVERYWHERE!
I thought the blood seas were bad... but this is just gross... PUS! EVERYWHERE! Oh god it's in the food stockpile...

[Pukako]

Still don't get it; perfect fort, just getting the magma forges pumping, when goblin ambush appears INSIDE my walls.  Slaughter and scumsave.  Next they appear between my miners (and the trench they are digging) and the fort.  All five dead, and the rest run outside to grab their stuff.  Scumsave.

Now bridges and traps everywhere.  They appear ON my drawbridge, ignore the traps and slaughter my militia. But they can't get into my fort! Yay. However, despite the entire outside world being forbidden, everyone wanders outside into the hail of goblin fire.  sigh. Now they are running out of the fortress one by one and all dying in the same corner of my courtyard.

I can't win.  Make that not lose.  Dwarves are as dumb as maggots and goblin bowmen are invincible. I want forgotten beast, magma floods, demons.  Not the first poxy ambush overrunning a 50 dwarf fortress just because I can't tell everyone to stay inside where it's safe.  And I've used burrows in the past.  They work, but I refuse to spend half an hour detailing every part of my fort because it is not fun.

[Urist Imiknorris]

Still don't get it; perfect fort, just getting the magma forges pumping, when goblin ambush appears INSIDE my walls.

Ummm... Check for a back entrance.

They appear ON my drawbridge, ignore the traps and slaughter my militia.

Did you give them trapavoid or are your traps just shitty?

However, despite the entire outside world being forbidden, everyone wanders outside into the hail of goblin fire.

What is the task they're trying to complete?

They work, but I refuse to spend half an hour detailing every part of my fort because it is not fun.

What? Just paint a giant rectangle encompassing your whole fort on each z-level.

[YouR_DooM]

First time I embarked in a zombie elephant biome.

All is going semi-smoothly until the first major crisis breaks out. A giant herd of elephants moves right to my front gates, and they are so numerous that only half of them get caught in the cage traps. They literally camp my front gate and don't seem to want to go away.

Now to the "right now part": The elephant siege has gone on for months, and due to plump helments eating all my space and no possibility to make barrels thanks to the elephants, my booze ran out and my dorfs are nearly dead ( one guy already died of thirst, obv a legendary armorer ). I'm ready to abandon everything when an elf caravan decides to approach my depot.

They have just the time to unload, when all of the sudden those pesky elephants massacre them all, and then get caged up on the way back to my entrance.

Results: dead elfs, caged up herd of elephants and I saved my dorf.
Bonus: A full depot with more free stuff than my stockpiles can carry. I have around 20 dorfs carrying the stuff right now, and they are on their third trip to the depot.

I am still fist-pumping right now and have no intention to stop.

[Shrugging Khan]

One dwarf after another is dodging the Zombie/Skeletal Camels' kicks to the brain...into the ocean. At least three bloated corpses litter the oceanfloor already, and I just reached the first winter. Several dead dwarves and animals also lie before the drawbridge, having opted to run in circles rather than towards safety.

Also, I noticed that my plumbing is leaking. This is bad.

Edit: And this is just in - one idiot lye maker managed to fall down the well and drown in the reservoir. Hooray moron.