The year was 1051.
A collection of vagrants and drunks from The Big Gem, the dominant Dwarf civilization, set out to establish a new outpost in the Spine of Nature, an imposing mountain range in the heart of a insect-ridden jungle.
On arrival, the group found themselves in an interesting series of box canyons. One in particular offered natural defenses, so a large hole was bashed in the side of the siltstone wall. To force any attacker to come in from the far end, the upward slopes around the canyon face and the level above it were demolished. Food and other supplies were moved into the, well, big hole. After
a celebratory toast getting hammered, they called it 'Oilboarded'. Much rejoicing was heard, quickly interrupted by raccoons.
Before the raccoon problem could even be considered, one of the woodcutters reported a rhesus monkey had stolen his axe! Clearly the woodland critters could not be trusted - the newly established carpenter's workshop began sharpening the first of many pointy sticks. While the critter defense plan was being put into place, the dwindling food supply became a primary concern. A section was hollowed out below the hole, and a tunnel was drilled out, with several rooms with a sandy floor, conveniently located beneath a pool several levels above the fortress. With some work, the water was forced to drain down into the sand rooms, muddying them. A grate was installed in case any of the kleptomaniac local wildlife could swim.
A problem with this system arose, however - the torrential rains the area is subjected to every season except winter fill the pool quickly, draining it down into the already soaking farms. The area was sealed in with a bauxite door, and a large 'Do Not Enter' sign hung. The flooding stopped, and the dwarves set themselves to the task of mushroom farming. While the farms were being established, noises from outside attracted the attention of some woodcutters. The rhesus monkeys had returned, however, they did not count on the triple rows of wooden weapon traps and cage traps. The group was annihilated; the sole survivor watched from a cage in the place of honor at the new dining hall as his confederates were devoured. Every proper dwarf loves rhesus pieces. And bone bolts. Lots and lots of bone bolts.
The dwarves moved quickly, establishing the still first, of course, then the remainder of the buildings needed for expansion. When the dwarf caravan arrived at the end of the first winter, an anvil was purchased and a metalcrafter erected. The hills were unbelievable rich with ore and iron was quickly smelted and work on building the implements of war began. While building a kennel, a scream was heard - a goblin snatcher was trying to steal a child! Before anyone could react, two more quickly appeared - a rush of snatchers! All of which failed to avoid the cage traps entirely. The goblins were hauled to the animal pile and disarmed. An interrogation revealed they had come from..
We stopped asking them questions at this point, as the nearby
hippie commune elven civilization 'The Berry of Pondering' decided to send a trade caravan.
After they arrived we eagerly brought forth the trinkets we had hacked up and traded for a bag of prickle berry seeds and some other crap. Wanting more of their wares, the goblins were ordered brought up for trade. After all, the elves and the goblins were at war; perhaps they could be of value?
This was a mistake; the goblins grew gigantic testicles as soon as they saw they were to be sold to their hated enemies and burst out of the cages, fleeing out the door - and directly across the traps. The survivor, with a pierced lung from a pointy stick, fell into a cage trap and was hauled back to the stockpile.
As the elves were leaving, one of the pointy-eared freaks made an offhand comment that 'this box canyon is great but if the goblins show up in force they're going to mash you against these rocks like so much monarch butterfly brains'. Considering the expedition's complete failure to convince anyone to even pick up an axe, other than the woodcutter and the single dwarf who apparently had some skill using one (McBeardy), the point was well taken..
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Topic: What's going on in your fort? (Read 6109822 times)